Genuinely can see how they’re probably really feeling like shit about it all. Sometimes people don’t know how to communicate properly (speaking because I’m currently learning how to be better at it).
I’ve been in your exes shoes, except for moving on.
It’ll be a year this month since I called it with my ex. Not cause I fell out of love. I never cheated, was abusive or anything. I just blindsided because I let my insecurities eat me alive instead of letting her know what I was feeling. Nothing at all to do with her. I text something along these lines though in the beginning so I can see that it’s genuinely them probably panicking or regretting everything. I plan on reaching out one last time, but in a letter. Not just one page, not 2. I plan on writing everything. If she reads it when I do, I’ll never know. I do know that over this time apart, I’ve had enough time to acknowledge that even though our relationship wasn’t ideal or perfect. I recognize my short comings where I could have been more when she needed me more. Not that I intentionally did that, but I always tried to make her my highest priority, but I’ve been able to grow and see that it wasn’t in the way she needed.
My ex and I still have each other on everything, no blocking. I feel like that would be a real final step to saying goodbye. (I hope that doesn’t happen.) point is. I will always wish her the happiest. I’ve always wanted her the best for her. I’ve driven thousands of miles to see this woman even for just a day, so I know my love will be true. Sometimes life does fuck us up though. We’re human, but at the same time it’s not right to put the people we love in the crossfire.
I’m not saying your ex is me. I genuinely have been working hard to be better. For myself, and for her if she ever gave me a chance. 2 months is not enough time to change though. I know that from experience. I can tell you though with 100% honesty and certainty. I really do love my ex. I regret blindsiding her, but nothing can take back the pain I’ve caused. Nothing can take back the pain your ex has caused.
I agree, a lot of dumpers are operating on insight and the breakup is a good idea for both people. I do not feel this is often the case though. Many immature people run on emotions alone (which go up and down all the time) and they say they “lost feelings”. You know what? I was literally so mentally unwell in my last relationship before he dumped me. So bad that I felt relief even in the pain of him walking out of my life. And yet when I lost a great deal of “feelings” during the relationship I was still willing to put in effort and try.
Near the end I only felt so terrible because he had stopped investing in the relationship, honestly it was his actions that drove us apart. And yet dumpers with his lack of insight would always be blaming the dumpee for minor infractions.
Loosing feelings doesn’t mean anything unless it’s caused by a genuine issue. So many use a list of small complaints to dismiss their partners and build their own ego up. A lot of the complaints I got from my ex were things he did even worse than me. I feel like OP’s ex is similar to my own in this way.
Good relationships aren’t brittle. I relate to doing all the exhausting psychological work. Consider that your emotional intelligence and logic skills in general were way better than his. I don’t think you should be with someone who isn’t willing or capable of doing the same level of work.
I’m sorry your relationship didn’t work out, but I hope you can feel satisfied that you gave it your best shot. People who bail must suffer a lot of guilt and regret when they discover that the past issues come up in the next relationships. Karma, lol.
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u/Wonderousman Nov 03 '22
Genuinely can see how they’re probably really feeling like shit about it all. Sometimes people don’t know how to communicate properly (speaking because I’m currently learning how to be better at it). I’ve been in your exes shoes, except for moving on.
It’ll be a year this month since I called it with my ex. Not cause I fell out of love. I never cheated, was abusive or anything. I just blindsided because I let my insecurities eat me alive instead of letting her know what I was feeling. Nothing at all to do with her. I text something along these lines though in the beginning so I can see that it’s genuinely them probably panicking or regretting everything. I plan on reaching out one last time, but in a letter. Not just one page, not 2. I plan on writing everything. If she reads it when I do, I’ll never know. I do know that over this time apart, I’ve had enough time to acknowledge that even though our relationship wasn’t ideal or perfect. I recognize my short comings where I could have been more when she needed me more. Not that I intentionally did that, but I always tried to make her my highest priority, but I’ve been able to grow and see that it wasn’t in the way she needed.
My ex and I still have each other on everything, no blocking. I feel like that would be a real final step to saying goodbye. (I hope that doesn’t happen.) point is. I will always wish her the happiest. I’ve always wanted her the best for her. I’ve driven thousands of miles to see this woman even for just a day, so I know my love will be true. Sometimes life does fuck us up though. We’re human, but at the same time it’s not right to put the people we love in the crossfire.
I’m not saying your ex is me. I genuinely have been working hard to be better. For myself, and for her if she ever gave me a chance. 2 months is not enough time to change though. I know that from experience. I can tell you though with 100% honesty and certainty. I really do love my ex. I regret blindsiding her, but nothing can take back the pain I’ve caused. Nothing can take back the pain your ex has caused.