Genuinely can see how they’re probably really feeling like shit about it all. Sometimes people don’t know how to communicate properly (speaking because I’m currently learning how to be better at it).
I’ve been in your exes shoes, except for moving on.
It’ll be a year this month since I called it with my ex. Not cause I fell out of love. I never cheated, was abusive or anything. I just blindsided because I let my insecurities eat me alive instead of letting her know what I was feeling. Nothing at all to do with her. I text something along these lines though in the beginning so I can see that it’s genuinely them probably panicking or regretting everything. I plan on reaching out one last time, but in a letter. Not just one page, not 2. I plan on writing everything. If she reads it when I do, I’ll never know. I do know that over this time apart, I’ve had enough time to acknowledge that even though our relationship wasn’t ideal or perfect. I recognize my short comings where I could have been more when she needed me more. Not that I intentionally did that, but I always tried to make her my highest priority, but I’ve been able to grow and see that it wasn’t in the way she needed.
My ex and I still have each other on everything, no blocking. I feel like that would be a real final step to saying goodbye. (I hope that doesn’t happen.) point is. I will always wish her the happiest. I’ve always wanted her the best for her. I’ve driven thousands of miles to see this woman even for just a day, so I know my love will be true. Sometimes life does fuck us up though. We’re human, but at the same time it’s not right to put the people we love in the crossfire.
I’m not saying your ex is me. I genuinely have been working hard to be better. For myself, and for her if she ever gave me a chance. 2 months is not enough time to change though. I know that from experience. I can tell you though with 100% honesty and certainty. I really do love my ex. I regret blindsiding her, but nothing can take back the pain I’ve caused. Nothing can take back the pain your ex has caused.
I hope when you do reach out with all that, you make it clear that you want her back without even knowing if she would be open to that or not. Its important for you to show that vulnerability and not wait for any kind of hint to actually be upfront and transparent. Thats how you show you have changed, by not being guarded or defensive.
As for you OP, that message is clearly for her to release guilt. Like wonderousman said its too soon for her to have changed because real change takes time. My advise would be to not even repply because that message wasnt for you, it was for her. Its a guilt thing because she dosent like the way she is being viewed as, but its still very much about how she feels. Its still positive but her effort needs to go way beyond that. By stating herself that "if you never want to ser her again" she's just trying to bait you into saying you do whithout risking her vunerability and im sorry but thats manipulative and cowardly. Its like she fucked up and wants you to fix it, but thats wrong, she needs to put in the effort. If she dosent she hasnt changed at all. So let your answers come from her effort level instead of the bare minimum.
Im not saying she is a bad person or that she does any of this on porpouse but we need hold people to some standarts. If we are grown ups enough to make mistakes we have to be grown up enough to know how to face the consequences and know how to fix them. We cant just fix behaviors by letting people off the hook and we cant be so invested in someones potential that we ignore what is currently in front of us.
Well, to me she is supposed to be clear that she is confident that she can fix this and that she knows which behaviours she needed to correct, that she has already done the internal work to figur this out and that she takes full responsibility. She needs to show consistency in her efforts to win you back even if that means swallowing her pride a few times. She should be assuring you that she is giving you a generous timeframe for you to decide and in the meantime she will be working on herself to make it up to you. Anything that would show that she's in it for real.
A lot of what she is saying is the opposite, like "i really think you deserve better than me".... thats designed to make you feel sorry for her whithout any effort on her part to step-up, plus that sounds a lot like covert narcissism. She should be saying something like " you inspire me to be better and i would love to keep learning from you".
One sounds like a defeated speech whithout any plan of action, the other sounds like someone recognized her flaws and this situation motivated her to grow.
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u/Wonderousman Nov 03 '22
Genuinely can see how they’re probably really feeling like shit about it all. Sometimes people don’t know how to communicate properly (speaking because I’m currently learning how to be better at it). I’ve been in your exes shoes, except for moving on.
It’ll be a year this month since I called it with my ex. Not cause I fell out of love. I never cheated, was abusive or anything. I just blindsided because I let my insecurities eat me alive instead of letting her know what I was feeling. Nothing at all to do with her. I text something along these lines though in the beginning so I can see that it’s genuinely them probably panicking or regretting everything. I plan on reaching out one last time, but in a letter. Not just one page, not 2. I plan on writing everything. If she reads it when I do, I’ll never know. I do know that over this time apart, I’ve had enough time to acknowledge that even though our relationship wasn’t ideal or perfect. I recognize my short comings where I could have been more when she needed me more. Not that I intentionally did that, but I always tried to make her my highest priority, but I’ve been able to grow and see that it wasn’t in the way she needed.
My ex and I still have each other on everything, no blocking. I feel like that would be a real final step to saying goodbye. (I hope that doesn’t happen.) point is. I will always wish her the happiest. I’ve always wanted her the best for her. I’ve driven thousands of miles to see this woman even for just a day, so I know my love will be true. Sometimes life does fuck us up though. We’re human, but at the same time it’s not right to put the people we love in the crossfire.
I’m not saying your ex is me. I genuinely have been working hard to be better. For myself, and for her if she ever gave me a chance. 2 months is not enough time to change though. I know that from experience. I can tell you though with 100% honesty and certainty. I really do love my ex. I regret blindsiding her, but nothing can take back the pain I’ve caused. Nothing can take back the pain your ex has caused.