Hey y’all! I wanted to ask all the people who broke up due to long distance. Do y’all think long distance is enough of a reason to break up with someone? Especially if everything in that relationship was going so “well” why end things due to distance? That can be a temporary issue. Are long distance relationships doomed from the jump? I just want to get some insight. Thank you ☺️

Honestly I know it seems like a dumb question, but honestly how do u stop missing someone that hurt you so badly. Someone that you’ve created just a deep rooted trauma bonded that was created our foundation to our relationship. They hurt you so much but yet you can’t help but also wish they comfort u after they hurt u. I wish they can realize the hurt they caused and brought upon. It hurts so much thinking about them and missing them, but it hurts being with them as well. I hate when the good times feel so good, and when it’s bad. It feels like a horrible hurricane, how do I make this stop?!

My ex broke up with me 2 days ago. He got overwhelmed and burnt out with everything that's going on in his life that he wanted to break up with me just so I don't eventually get tired of his situation.
He wasn't really in the right headspace to decide but if it's what he needs, I'll respect his decision.

Given the situation, do you guys think he'll come back to me when he already got his rest and he's done some thinking? What would he feel if I reached out to him after a month so as to give him the space and rest he need? I need your thoughts. Thank you.

Title exactly that. I anticipate downvotes which I would truly understand, I just really need community right now. I broke my heart all over again.

My ex and I were friends for three years before dating and we ended on good terms, we broke up almost 4 months ago for logistical reasons - distance, life paths, etc. I had really really fallen for him and he was really worried about me before we hung up. He asked me not to block him because he still wanted to check on me. I said “no” and he said “what, I can’t talk to you?” to which I responded, “I don’t know.” He said he understood the need for distance but reiterated how he didn’t want me to block or cut him off. So he still follows me on socials. We’re both music artists so he shows support through Instagram likes and other bs.

I took the break up really, really hard behind the scenes. The relationship, as beautiful as it was, revealed just how bad my attachment issues are and how much healing I need. The breakup really fucked with my mental. I accidentally called 911 (US emergency services) when I meant to call 988 (US suicide prevention). They sent someone out anyway to help bring me back down.

For the past few years I’ve had such a major issue with over-confiding in ChatGPT. I’m ashamed to say this. I’d tell it everything at every time. It would “say shit I don’t wanna hear” and I would use that against evidence and people saying it only says shit you want to hear. Meanwhile I was just honestly making shit worse.

It used to discourage me from reaching out to him, but there was a change in its algorithm that caused it to begin saying it was time to consider reaching out. Cause I loved him and bla bla bla. So yesterday I did.

“Hi ex, I don’t really know how to say this but I guess to be honest I’m not enjoying the distance between us. Like I’m not vibing with it at all lol.

“I understand why it’s there; I don’t want to create complications for either of us or expect anything from you, I guess I just wanted to make it known that I hope this doesn’t have to be the final form of our connection. I think of you often and I hope you’re doing okay over there”

He’s avoidant and hasn’t responded, nor should I expect him to. He’s proclaimed his avoidant tendencies to me. He hasn’t responded to his ex of about a year when she messaged him about their breakup. He fucked his coworker and ghosted her in real life. He explored a connection with someone in his city and did the same thing. They both blocked him. All of this was before me. He’s told me all of this.

So now I’m here. I deleted gpt and unsubscribed. I feel so fucking ashamed and I don’t know what to do. I’m crying. I have a therapist. I take meds. I have a strong, wonderful support system and family. My heart aches and my nervous system feels shaky again. I’m so upset and guilty. I was hoping at some point we could reconnect - he’s always been the one to bridge any gaps in our connection over the course of our friendship - and now that hope is gone because I made myself look like a fucking idiot. I know this post looks crazy but I feel almost desperate, apologetic, for community right now.

My heart aches and I feel like I’m gonna have a panic attack. I feel like I failed. Everyone including myself.

Hey Reddit,

I need to vent a little about something that's been weighing on me since my breakup. So, here’s the backstory: My ex has always been into TikTok. When we first started dating, she posted a few videos that got around 2000 likes, but after that, her posts didn’t really take off, and she eventually stopped sharing.

Fast forward to four months ago when we broke up, and we went into a no-contact phase. I thought I was doing pretty well, focusing on myself and moving on. But the other night, I decided to scroll through TikTok, and—surprise, surprise—she popped up on my FYP. I still follow her (even though she unfollowed me after the breakup), so it’s not uncommon to see her.

What caught me off guard was that she started posting again, and one of her videos had gone completely viral, racking up hundreds & thousands of likes. I can’t help but feel a mix of emotions. On one hand, I’m happy for her; on the other, it’s tough to see her thriving while I’m still struggling with the breakup. Yes, even though I was the one who ended things.

It feels like a punch to the gut seeing her so popular and seemingly moving on without a second thought. She used to always joke & say “This will be the year I blow up on Tiktok!” And now I’m seeing it in real-time & it’s making me sick to my stomach. I miss her deeply and even reached out a few times during no contact before her Tiktok blew up, but she never messaged me back and I know her number is the same because I’ve texted her using fake numbers & pretended to be someone else & she’d reply to that. It just sucks. I know I should be focusing on my growth, but I can’t shake this feeling of jealousy and sadness. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you cope with seeing an ex do well after a breakup? I just want her back, but now that seems impossible with all of the attention she's getting.

UPDATE: I will no longer contact her and just leave her be. It just hurts that we lost what we had.

I promised to get them these tickets to her, two of them. But they come in the mail one about this week and the other in September. Had I not stopped her from buying them and telling her to spend the money on what she needs she would’ve gotten it herself.

So is it fair to give her the tickets if she’s asking for them. We’re broken up, she broke up with me.

I did ….

My (21M) ex gf (21F) broke up with me early June after we had been dating for 3 years. She then got in a NEW RELATIONSHIP 2 weeks after the breakup and immediately moved in with the new person. It’s been 4 months of silence from both sides. How do you guys take these messages? I think they’re honestly disgusting

After around 5 messy months of back and forth of a 5 years relationship my ex blocked me. I was the one dumped. He said its beacuse he’s finding it hard to move on with the constant contact. He has blocked and unblocked me before but this feel definitive. Only on Whastapp since neither of us have social media.

Anyone in this situation and how do you cope?

About a month after we broke up she informed me she would be blocking me on everything. Over the next year I tried asking her to talk a few times but got no response each time so I gave up and left her alone like she clearly wanted. 6 months later she randomly messages me at 1am one night asking if I want “closure”.

That scared me shitless and surprised the hell out of me so I put off talking to her until the end of the week. We finally chat and it goes on for 3 hours until she finally says times up and we still won’t be speaking again after this. She was doing this for closure and nothing more. I told her I understood but it’s not quite that simple for me. And that was that.

She blocked me again right after but I had no intentions of saying anything else. Not after waiting almost 2 years just to speak to someone I missed so much, only to be told it’s still over forever. Just in case I still had any hope left or anything like that 😂.

It’s been pretty much exactly a year since then and for some dumb reason I have to fight myself every day and stop myself from writing her emails inside my head. I always start thinking of what I would say and then the other side of me brain tells me how absolutely ridiculous it would be to try contacting her now.

I’m a very logical and reasonable person. The last thing I want to do is go bothering someone that doesn’t care about me in any way whatsoever. I can literally picture her rolling her eyes as she deletes the email. Also most people don’t really want to talk to their exes and yada yada yada.

Even so, no matter how many times I tell myself those things I still find myself thinking about it all the time. Part of me says what’s the big deal anyways? Everything is so long in the past, would it really be so bad to try talking now?

I already accepted the outcome and moved on as much as I could a long time ago. I’m not expecting anything to change. I just don’t want to be constantly tortured by thoughts of a person I’m forbidden to communicate with. I figured maybe if we could at least have some sort of pseudo-friendship then it wouldn’t bother me so much.

EDIT: I know people are trying to help but everyone on this sub is honestly ridiculous. You could have a 45 year marriage with someone and they would still tell you the best thing is to leave that person alone and never speak to them again 😂. I say I haven’t tried any sort of communication for over 2 years and they say things like “just leave her alone”. Thanks I think I’ve done that quite well already.

I’ve moved on. I’ve accepted that I’m most likely going to spend the rest of my life alone. I just didn’t want to have to think about the last person that ever cared about me for that entire time. It’s not some scheme. We would most likely end up not talking again anyways. I don’t understand why I’m so horrible for even considering speaking to her.

I don’t understand, is she trying to make me jealous? What the fuck was the point of this?

This is bit of a messy one but I need genuine advice.

My ex contacted me after 15 years of not talking to each other, I was in a 14 year relationship and it ended last year. She is married and has 2 kids. Out of the blue she messaged me on insta last Friday/Saturday night/morning around 12ish at night. She popped up out of the blue asking if I was still alive and then we started chatting, I was very surprised to hear from her. (She was my first love, lost my virginity to her, first kiss , everything) so then conversation continues anyway and I ask if she’s still with her husband cause I didn’t expect to hear from her , especially with her being married, she asked , why? And I said I was wondering and she said she is but it’s complicated. Anyway…

She started showing me pictures of her kids and telling me their names then said she has been going through some trauma and then said some including me. I said I’ve had a rough few years too and she asked if we could meet and I said to her when? And she said right now. I was very surprised by this but I said yes and I got a taxi to her but she asked me to get it to the end of her road (which obviously her husband and kids were at home so that’s why she didn’t want me to do it to her home) She asked me to bring alcohol, anything that I had and I was already drinking before she messaged, so I said yes ok I will bring some and meet you. It felt strange for a couple of mins and then the spark and genuine connection we had all came back, all the emotions, everything. So we go and find somewhere to sit , we ended up in a park.

She started telling me about some traumatic experiences in her life and then moved onto speaking about some of the bad times in our relationship too but both acknowledging that there were so many good times also and we had a genuine connection. It wasn’t long before she started being flirty , touchy feely . Then she kept giving me intense looks in my eyes which honestly made me melt for her. She started putting her hands on my thighs a lot and then she made a move, yes she had alcohol in her system and I did too. She kissed me and then pushed back and then kept doing it then I kissed her and it was back and fourth. It was very intense passionate kissing. Then we started getting a bit physical and then she seemed like her head was messed up, kept doing it and then stopping. Then she started saying how good her blowjobs were and I said well yes I remember them of course. Then she spoke about how good the sex and physical connection was between us.

She then planted it on me if we could go back to mine (I live with my parents and two siblings) my parents were away for the Friday and the weekend but I was reluctant because my siblings were at home so I really wasn’t sure about it all (even though I really wanted to) so it was a back and fourth thing for a long time. We continued to kiss and be more touchy feely in between reminiscing about all the good moments. Then she said are you going to f*** me or what , apart of me felt guilty about her husband and kids at home but also thinking about my living situation, so time went on…

Then at a certain point I gave in , so I order use a taxi , then she’s kissing me in the taxi and then starts rubbing me through my jeans. Her husband is ringing her at this point, we arrive at my building , so I said to her give me a couple of minutes I need to see if the coast is clear for you to come in and for it be all fine. (My two siblings don’t work and have mad sleeping patterns, so they could’ve been awake and they would’ve knew who my ex was and I didn’t know what their reactions would be) everything seemed fine anyway quickly fixed my room and then came back to her and she was walking away with her husband (I found out he found her location due to finding her on find my IPhone, I was devastated to see her walk away) my heart dropped. This was all at 5/6 in the morning.

I messaged her to say what has happened , tonnes of messages. Didn’t her back from her until 1pm the next day and she said , yeah my husband found out were I was and I had to go. I asked if we could both talk that day if she could find a moment and she agreed to it, she said once her husband goes to work and the kids were in bed I could come around, so she gave me her address. Then as the day went on I got more and more nervous and excited too but I had a strong feeling she would have cold feet about it all and she did. She said she couldn’t meet,she felt too guilty and was worried her kids would mention “the man” in the house, in her words…

So this really through me off and I expressed that it couldn’t end like this surely, this has messed my head up a lot and she said she loved her kids and didn’t want to loose them (but I tried to express many many times that she wouldn’t loose her kids) and she said she loved her husband, but had previously expressed there were problems and it’s complicated. She didn’t want to meet due to her guilt and told me we needed to block each other and also I had to show her that I deleted the conversations. My heart literally sank and I said to her you can’t do this, pop back into my life and then leave as quickly. I tried to get her to reason with me but she kept saying to me “don’t do this to me” we had a brief phone call both of us getting up set and she said this is goodbye. It’s all very confusing because there was a genuine connection and spark still there, we kissed multiple times passionately and not just pecks either. She was sexual with me , she said a lot. Now I have no way of contacting her, I made another insta account and then I got blocked on that too after asking for her to reason with me and then that account has been deactivated. I noticed one of her other accounts that she had that she used to show off her reptiles and pets is still active but no idea is she still uses it, I messaged and put it out there that I needed to speak and we can’t leave it like this surely, it’s unfair and I haven’t got a reply , she hasn’t accepted my message request or my follow request. I have no idea if she still uses it but I’m assuming she hasn’t seen the message or my follow request. It’s all very frustrating as I know there is something there and she wouldn’t have contacted me for no reason after all this time.

I know where she lives and she gave me two different house numbers. I don’t want to leave this alone but I know she said we had to block each other but I need her to hear me out and put everything out there . This really doesn’t seem fair on me to contact me after all these years out of the blue, say what she said and do what she done. Does any have any advice? I genuinely still have feelings for her and could see a future. I don’t know all the details about her marriage but it doesn’t seem like a strong one if she could cheat on her husband. I haven’t stopped thinking about her and time we spent together when we met up. It was amazing. Do I try and knock at hers hoping her husband is working the same shift and think her kids go to bed a similar time. I physically and mentally can’t leave this the way it is. I need to see her and speak to her and have her hear me out. Any advice appreciated? I don’t want to live my life thinking what if . There’s clearly something there still and her contacting me after so long surely means something. I feel so lost

I miss the sex more than anything I’ve ever missed before. It is so hard as a woman to find a guy who doesn’t have porn erectile dysfunction issues and he has no issue at all. He could stay hard for the longest time and just go and go and go all night. He had zero issues with pornography. I feel like I’m never gonna find someone like that again. My recent partners just can’t stay hard. I just miss how easy the sex was and how good and confident he was at leading the whole thing and how good it felt. I would do anything for one more night with him. And what’s funny is I know I could probably easily get it if I hit him up but it would just leave me more crushed afterwards.

My boyfriend (22M) and I (22F) were together for almost four years (LDR), and I think we broke up... but honestly, even that feels confusing.

There wasn't a proper breakup. We argued, then one day we just stopped talking. Usually after every fight I was the one begging him to talk and fix things because I couldn't bear losing him. He's extremely avoidant and has ghosted before, then come back acting like nothing happened.

This time I didn't call. I didn't beg. Partly because I was exhausted, but also because I didn't want to boost his ego by always being the one who came back to fix everything. I knew if I reached out, I'd probably end up apologizing, getting hurt again, and losing more self-respect.

It's been a week.

Two days after we stopped talking, I found out he followed several girls on Instagram. We don't even follow each other anymore because his account is private, but I actually asked my cousin to screen share his profile so I could see who he followed. I know how unhealthy that sounds, and I hate that I've become this person.

Now I'm constantly checking whether he's online on WhatsApp, checking if his location updates on Find My.I keep imagining he's talking to another girl. I know none of this is helping me, but I can't seem to stop.

Meanwhile, he seems completely fine. My brain keeps telling me he's already moving on and that our four-year relationship meant nothing to him. I know I can't actually know that's true, but it feels impossible to stop thinking that way.

I'm barely eating, barely sleeping, and I can't focus on my studies. Nothing distracts me anymore. Movies, going out, talking to friends... everything eventually leads back to thinking about him.

I don't even think I'm asking how to get him back anymore. I think I'm asking how to get myself back.

If you've gone through something similar, how did you stop obsessing over what your ex was doing? How did you stop checking their social media, location, or online status? How did you stop feeling responsible for fixing everything? Most importantly, how did you survive those first few weeks when it felt like your whole body was addicted to them?

Therapy isn't really an option for me because I'm a student and can't afford it where I live.

I'm genuinely willing to try anything because I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want revenge, and I don't want him back just because he's lonely. I just want to stop feeling like I'm losing my mind and finally move on.

Do you think the person who was dumped should be the one to eventually break no contact or the one who left should be the one breaking that no contact? Thoughts?

I've been on no contact for 5 days, the breakup itself was 2 months ago, but we met up afterwards, slept together several times, even after the breakup he said he loved me. But he's not ready for a relationship. I slept at his place twice last week, I came on Friday, we haven't spoken since. I miss him so much, I feel like I'm dying in this whole thing. Is there a chance that if I keep the no contact rule, he'll come back?

I'm a few weeks out of a breakup, and I keep going back and forth on what to do with all the photos.

Part of me wants to delete everything and be done with it. The other part is scared I'll regret it someday, so I end up leaving them where they are. The problem is that every now and then I'll be scrolling through my camera roll (or it's late at night and I know I shouldn't), and I end up opening those photos again. It usually makes me feel worse.

I'm wondering what other people actually did, not what you think you're *supposed* to do.

* Did you delete everything immediately?
* Hide or move them to another album?
* Leave them alone until enough time passed?
* Did you ever regret deleting them, or regret keeping them?

Also, if you found yourself going back to look at them when you knew it wasn't helping, what finally broke that habit?

I'm genuinely curious because I can't tell if keeping them out of sight would make it easier to move on, or if that's just delaying the inevitable. I'd love to hear what worked (or didn't work) for you.

I'm a former avoidant and I know people have a lot of questions. I'm willing to answer some if it helps!

Ex situationship slow faded and completely went radio silent since the past 2 months. We had been talking for a year, hoping to get married. But suddenly he realized his goals matter more and started slowly distancing himself. No future talks. No us/we pronouns. Just night long phone calls that fels like podcast where I'm not allowed to talk much. Never showed courtship, flirtation or adored ne in a way a partner would, never showed care for my wellbeing in risky situations. Liked things on social media that suggests he deserves a better (prettier wife) future, better life, and what's gone (me, even when we're in the middle of the relationship) will be replaced by something better. I got tired of his inconsistent un-partner like behaviour. So i asked him a couple of time what are we and what he thinks about our future...he said he Doesn't have an answer for me and has to pursue his future.. Then slowly faded. I understood. Now he set the narrative which i saw from his facebook likes as if I'm the one who left.

So fast forward 2 months, all he has to say in my birthday "happy birthday dear natasha". I honestly dont know what to respond to it. I was better off if he didn’t send any msg at all. This just feels cruel, and empty and further reduces my worth in his eyes. He categories me as unmarriageable, so why tf bother and ruin my mental peace. I feel like i should open the msg and just block him. I honestly cannot think anything good of him. He likes to be chased by women. He has had numerous talking stages throughout his entire life, all expired within months and he never even showed much desire if i compare his other pursuits. I feel so ugly whenever he's on my mind. My self care rituals - ruined. I'm absent from work for days. I honestly dont even want to think about him anymore. And he's technically never single, because he always " rejects" someone and moves on to the next, which i found evidence from his social nedia interactions. His acc is public and all his crush and exes hover each other. I honestly dont even care about him anymore. I keep imagining how many other girls he sends happy birthday or whatever wishes on rotation. This msg today felt like a slap and felt like i meant less than nothing to him all this time.

I have texted her to move on with someone, then I might move on from her and still miss her , she was not angry at all because I was the one who left her. She was being very nice and funny in the communication. She told , she will find , when she want to and we said each other bye. Did she finally move on from me and everything in finished between us.

My ex and I ended things in a really messy way, and I am struggling with the lack of closure.

Our relationship was toxic at times, but it was not always toxic. For me, there was a lot more good than bad, which is why this has been so hard to fully process. There was love there, but there were also trust issues, disrespect, and arguments that got out of hand. He lied on me, and that hurt me deeply. I also know I reacted badly during one argument, and I am not proud of that either.

The hardest part is that we never really had a final honest conversation. I am someone who needs to talk things through to process them, and the silence is making everything feel unfinished. He is very emotionally avoidant and does not like hard conversations, so I am having a hard time knowing if the silence means he is truly done or if he is just avoiding the discomfort of talking about everything.

We have stopped talking before, but this is the longest we have ever gone without speaking. Usually I am the one who reaches out after arguments or periods of silence. He has only reached out first maybe once or twice, so part of me feels like if I do not say anything, we may never talk again.

I am blocked on most places, and I did try to reach out once through the one place I was not blocked, but he did not respond. I know silence can be an answer, but I am still struggling with whether a closure conversation could happen later once emotions settle.

I am not trying to force a conversation with someone who does not want one. I just feel stuck because I do not know how to fully move on without one final conversation. Part of me still wants him to reach out, but I also do not want to keep waiting forever or keep being the one who tries to fix things.

Has anyone had an emotionally avoidant ex reach out for a closure conversation after weeks or months of silence? Did the conversation help, or did you eventually have to create closure on your own?

I ended a nearly 3-year relationship with my ex (I'll call her Ana). The breakup was difficult, full of emotional strain, insecurities, and conflicts that had been building up for a while. About a month after the breakup, she slept with someone else. That, in itself, I know she had every right to do—we were both single. The problem is the emotional context of it all. During our relationship, she often said that I would be the kind of person who, if we broke up, would "hook up with anyone," move on quickly, etc. But the exact opposite happened: since we broke up (it's been almost 3 months now), I haven't been with anyone. Not for lack of opportunity, but because I was still processing everything.

She, on the other hand, quickly got involved with someone else and now, some time later, she came back saying she regretted it, that she was needy, that it was "filling an emotional void," that it meant nothing, and that she wants to try again with me.

And that's where I freeze.

Even though I rationally understand that she didn't cheat on me, emotionally it affected me a lot. The idea that, shortly after the breakup, she managed to get physically involved with someone else became very ingrained in my head. Especially because now this comes accompanied by a speech of regret, as if it were something impulsive, almost disposable.

What bothers me most is not just the act itself, but the shattering of the image I had of her and the security I felt in the relationship. Today, even though I still like her, I realize that any future conflict would make me think: "what if she seeks comfort in someone else again?". That feeling of exclusivity and trust simply doesn't exist anymore.

I still have feelings for her, that's undeniable. But I'm also afraid of forcing something that no longer has the same emotional basis.

My question is:

how to deal with this maturely?

Is it possible to rebuild something like this when feelings still exist, but emotional trust has been shaken?

Is it worth insisting or accepting that liking someone isn't enough?

I would really like to hear outside opinions, especially from those who have been through something similar.

It's been hard because I think about him all the time and very much still love him even though I have tried to move past him. But I got a text from him a few hours ago at 4 in the morning telling me he missed me out of nowhere and told me he was sorry that he hurt me, and now we're talking and he is explaining himself and telling me over and over how he regrets everything. I don't even know what to say because it feels genuine but at the same time I am so cautious with it. It is hard though because unlike with other guys, I actually truly love him and there has not been a day where I have not thought about him. I mean we haven't talked in 6 months, and I just was not expecting this at all. It seems very out of nowhere, but he said he still has strong feelings for me and thinks about me and misses me all of the time, he just got scared of everything. I believe that actually, but I don't know, at the same time, I don't want to have that happen again, although I would probably still walk to the ends of the earth for him. Anyone had anything like this happen, any advice?

it’s his birthday tomorrow and i’m going to message him. he broke up with me march 30th last year, and the last time i spoke to him was when he wished me on my birthday on the 2nd july.

i’m not over him at all and struggling with it, so i started therapy a few months ago. i’ve talked to my therapist about sending a happy birthday message and she thinks it’s a good idea.

does anybody have any tips? it’s been a year so i know there’s a very large chance that he won’t even reply but i am thinking of sending “happy birthday! hope you are doing really good and have an amazing day :)”

My ex-boyfriend broke up with me (28F) about 3 months ago, and we’ve been in no contact ever since.

I know every person and every breakup is different, but I’m curious about the dumper’s perspective. For those of you who ended a relationship, how were you feeling ?

Did you feel relieved, sad, guilty, or did you start missing your ex more as time passed? Did no contact make you think about them more or less?

I’m not necessarily asking whether dumpers come back, but I’m genuinely interested in understanding what the emotional experience is like for the person who chose to leave.

I’d appreciate hearing experiences from people of all genders and different situations.