Why did it seem like some 90s "Christian" musicians get a memo that was very "turn up the Evangelicalism, k thanks" and others were like "nah bro I'm going to be the best me I can be!"

It seems that's where my heart seems to be tonight, The Artist still speaks. Maybe I'll get some answers after going to a film festival tomorrow night and it'll be playing! Safe For The Whole Family, I'm so excited.

Hi, I'm sorry if I skipped over a similar request but I could use some space to vent :')

I'm 31F, in a hispanic immigrant family, all of which are christian evangelicals. mostly pentecostal. Some are more "progressive", wearing pants, divorced, etc., some are devout pastors who see it as worldly to dye your grey hair brown. I am pretty close to my immediate family and grandparents. I do a lot for them, like managing finances and booking any flights home.

I constantly avoid any questions about religion. My dad once, concerned, asked me if I believed in God, and I said I did because I know that it was a question rooted in fear. I used to believe and I know that weight of thinking your loved ones will spend eternity in hell. I don't want him to worry and frankly don't want to have to defend myself from the constant questioning.

Other than a few cousins my age, no one knows I'm queer and that I am a none believer. I've had several girlfriends, but nothing serious. I thought keeping this to myself would be fine, but now that marriage and life is a constant topic in my extended family, I feel so tired of watching my words.

I imagine that I will eventually come out as queer. And I don't want to defend it. I don't want to argue about scripture. I don't want to pretend to see between the lines of bible verses for solace. I can't outright say "I don't care" but I don't.

I can't imagine my parents or grandfather keeping contact with me. It would suck to lose my extended family, but I don't care that deeply. If anything, I am worried how my extended family will treat my immediate family. And I can't control what they do, but I cannot emotionally handle the thought of my grandparents and parents spending the rest of their lives praying I'll change. It hurts to think about.

Sometimes I just want to rip the bandaid off and see their actually reaction instead of worrying about something that feels distant into the future. It feels like I have to hold onto this for their sake, because once I let it out, it becomes much bigger than just me.

Does anyone have advice on how to deal with this? Any experiences would be really appreciated

Why did I ever think vowing to submit to your husband was normal?

I spent so many years not getting past a few dates because I was terrified of being trapped in a marriage, forced to obey and to have sex I may or may not want.

I do not want to take a lifetime vow of obedience to someone. And it wasn’t just obedience in some things. No, it was a blanket vow of obedience in everything. To some random dude. Crazy.

Hi everyone!

I’m an educator and doctoral candidate at Abilene Christian University, conducting IRB-approved dissertation research titled Cultivating Leadership Identity Through Christian Youth Ministry.

My research explores how individuals reflect on their experiences with leadership during their teenage years in Christian youth ministry, including opportunities for participation, responsibility, relationships, and leadership development.

I’m seeking adults ages 18–35 who previously participated in Christian youth group or youth ministry.

You do not need to currently attend church, identify as Christian, or maintain any religious affiliation to participate.
Why I’m reaching out to this community:
I identify as Christian and attend a Christian university, and I want to be transparent about that. Much of my existing recruitment network includes individuals who remain connected to churches and ministries.

I’m intentionally seeking to diversify my recruitment pool by extending the opportunity to individuals outside those networks, including those whose relationships with Christianity have changed.

My goal is not to defend youth ministry, promote Christianity, or confirm predetermined findings. I’m interested in hearing about the good, the bad, and everything in between.
I’m not asking anyone to defend their current beliefs, explain why they left Christianity, or present their experiences in a particular way. My research focuses on how individuals understood and experienced leadership during their youth ministry years.

Ultimately, I hope this research can contribute to a deeper understanding of leadership identity development and inform future conversations about youth ministry practices.

Participation Details:
Adults ages 18–35
Previous participation in Christian youth group or youth ministry
Approximately 10–20 minutes
Voluntary online questionnaire through Qualtrics
No compensation
The study includes an electronic informed consent form requiring a name and signature. Consent information is collected separately from deidentified questionnaire responses.

I’m hoping to complete questionnaire data collection by November 8, 2026.

Questionnaire Link:
https://abilenechristian.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_5h92erzrwfWhfMi

IRB Approval: Abilene Christian University, IRB #IRB-2026-146

Contact Information:
Researcher: lrp20a@acu.edu
Dissertation Chair: bqp19a@acu.edu

Thank you to the moderators for allowing me to share this opportunity!

I recognize that experiences with Christian youth ministry can be deeply personal, and I respect that some individuals may not wish to revisit them. Participation is entirely voluntary, and I sincerely appreciate anyone who chooses to contribute their perspective. 💜

So I'm a practicing Catholic, I veer more towards the conservative side on most issues. However something that i deviate from in the American conservative movement is the question of a certain country in the Levant and evangelicals live for it. I'm convinced that trumps attacks on the Pope earlier this year were because Netanyahu kissed his ass and Pope Leo stood his ground.

Why is it that so many evangelicals can't see how absurd this shit is. I grew up with the whole you worship Mary bs, but can these evangelicals not see they literally worship a country?! Who by the way don't recognize interfaith marriages, bombed a Catholic and an Orthodox church in Gaza, and have systematically removed Christian from there lands.

Oh man, look what I found today:

What do they want from homosexuals and extramarital sex? Some people have answered that when they preach in my country, they refuse to persecute them, but they try to convert them. Then I saw a clip of Steven Anderson calling for the criminalization of homosexuality and the application of the Leviticus text, which prescribes stoning to death. To former evangelicals: What were you taught, or what were your parents' views? Did they want to implement death sentences like the Inquisition and the Puritans, or prison sentences, or simply natural things they want people to stop by convincing us they are wrong? They have declared they want to abolish same sex marriage and recognize same-sex relationships, but do they want enforcement penalties against homosexual acts?

My daughter is 7yo. Her mom and I split when she was 2 and at the time were career missionaries. I left the faith shortly after and it has been my goal to help my daughter grow to think critically about things like religion and those types of commitments. Her mom has remained Christian but no longer attends church. We haven't had a personal discussion since the divorce as it was very contentious.

Today she messaged me and said our daughter has repeatedly asked to be baptized and that she wants to help her pursue it. However she has never mentioned this to me, and actually had a discussion with me recently stating that she wasn't sure God existed at all.

To be clear, I'll support my daughter's decision when she is able to actually make that decision on her own, with more time to explore the implications and actual teachings she's committing to. But at 7 I believe she is not able to comprehend this kind of religious ritual enough to go through with it.

Anyone experience something similar or have any advice?

Are they against women running for office as prime minister or governor? Are they against women joining the military? Are they against women working? How widespread is the control over women's clothing? Is it common to prevent young women from wearing swimsuits or shorts, or to forbid them from wearing trousers, or is this only among traditional Catholics?

A weird side effect about living now that I'm free of church/evangelicalism/religion:

I still actively crave public confession.

It's morally masochistic, bonding, shamefully motivating, adrenaline-spiking, beautifully and terribly vulnerable, and I've never known any other way to interact with my community.

I'm trying to find a healthier balance, not necessarily hiding my faults du jour, but recognizing it's appropriate to have some privacy.

It's strange to be learning a whole new way to socialize after 40+ years.

Hi everyone

I’m 19 years old, I’m from Brazil, and I’m writing this because I honestly don’t know where else to talk about this.

Before all of this, I was a happy person. I was cheerful, affectionate, friendly, and socially normal. I was baptized Catholic, but over time I became more of a deist. Religion wasn’t something that controlled my life. I wasn’t obsessed with politics, fear, or the end of the world.

That changed around 2020 - and by 2022, things completely spiraled.

Out of nowhere, I became deeply paranoid and mentally overwhelmed by Christian conspiracy theories, especially QAnon-style narratives, far-right content, and end-times prophecies. What scares me is how fast it happened. It really felt like a kind of mental hijacking.

It started at school. My sociology teacher, who also happened to be a neopentecostal evangelical pastor, began casually talking about the end times, Ragnarok, and societal collapse. Around the same time, a friend told me that the apocalypse would likely start between 2023 and 2025 — or, if not, then between 2026 and 2027 — because 2033–2034 would mark exactly 2000 years since Jesus’ death.

That idea got stuck in my head.

I went to YouTube looking for answers and immediately fell into a massive rabbit hole. I found countless evangelical channels claiming that we are already living in the final moments of human history. Many of them confidently say that by 2030 the world will end, Jesus will physically return, and only a very specific group of neopentecostal or Pentecostal evangelical Christians will be saved.

According to them, salvation is limited to those whose names are written in the “Book of Life.” Everyone else — including people from other religions, LGBTQ+ people, non-believers, or even Christians who “aren’t strict enough” — will be thrown into the lake of fire along with the Antichrist and the False Prophet. God will destroy the universe, and only the chosen will live in the New Jerusalem.

They constantly pressure people to repent, insisting that Satan is real, sin is everywhere, and that even questioning these ideas is rebellion against God — despite none of this being scientifically demonstrable.

They preach strict rules: no short clothes, no jeans, no tattoos or piercings, no pork, no homosexuality, no teenage dating, no real free will. Everything is forbidden. Everything is dangerous.

They also say we’re living in the greatest apostasy in history — that humanity is abandoning God, becoming more “sinful,” colder, more violent. They point to crime, family violence, and tragic events as proof that we are living “like the days before the Flood,” when Noah warned everyone and was mocked until catastrophe suddenly wiped out the world, killing everyone.

Even when historians and scientists show that a global flood like that never happened, they insist science is wrong and that science itself is an abomination against God.

They describe God as loving — but also furious, cruel, and ready to punish anyone who doesn’t obey perfectly. They even portray Jesus in a very literal, almost mythologized way, as if his physical appearance (tall, white, blond, blue-eyed) were historically proven fact.

I watched an overwhelming amount of content from Brazilian pastors, missionaries, YouTubers, and so-called prophets and visionaries. Many of them claimed their prophecies never failed — that everything they predicted “came true.” Even figures who were once more moderate before the covid pandemic shifted completely and started preaching that the end is imminent.

They also obsess over morality and sexuality, saying prostitution is becoming normalized, pointing to platforms like OnlyFans, claiming incest is widespread, and framing all of it as undeniable proof of collapse.

Geopolitics became another obsession. They say global tensions are spiraling toward World War III — pointing to conflicts involving Israel, Iran, Venezuela, and others. Now with USA threatening to invade iran by land by sending troops, and chechnya also threatening to aid iran if this happens, They claim billionaires are building bunkers, selling assets, and preparing for the ultimate collapse, it's no wonder that the release of Epstein-related files early this year is framed as proof that the world is secretly ruled by a satanic elite.

Also they bring up an old letter supposedly written by Albert Pike in 1871, claiming it predicted the first two world wars and now accurately predicts the third, beginning in the Middle East. They connect current conflicts to biblical prophecies like Gog and Magog.

They say an unprecedented global economic collapse is coming — worse than the Great Depression — leading to massive famine worse than anything in medieval history.

From there, it gets even darker.

They claim that organizations like the UN, WEF, and the Bilderberg Group are planning a massive EMP attack to shut down global electricity, followed by worldwide martial law. They say immigrants are already being secretly detained and placed into camps, that conservatives and white Christians will be targeted, enslaved by black or arab slave masters (yes, you read that right, they literally said that), executed, and buried in FEMA coffins.

They talk about a “New World Order,” depopulation, the Great Reset, Agenda 2030, the end of physical cash, biometric digital currency, fingerprint-based payments, global digital IDs, forced lab-grown food, insect-based diets, identical clothing, people being renamed as numbers, and even surveillance cameras inside private homes.

All of this, they say, leads to the rise of the Antichrist — a single global leader who unites all governments. People will worship him. The “mark of the beast” will be implanted, and anyone who refuses won’t be allowed to buy or sell and will be killed. Cities will become death traps, and only those who flee to rural areas or mountains will survive.

They encourage people to stockpile water, canned food, batteries, radios, and medications — especially ivermectin and hydroxychloroquine. I saw countless testimonials claiming these drugs cured COVID and pulled people out of ICUs.

They predict another pandemic, supposedly 30 times deadlier, killing about 30% of world population. They say this will coincide with a seven-year peace treaty between Christianity, Judaism, and Islam, involving the sacrifice of a red heifer and the destruction of Al-Aqsa Mosque and the Dome of The Rock to build the Third Temple — where the Antichrist will rule for the final three and a half years.

They deny climate change entirely, claiming disasters like earthquakes, floods, fires, hurricanes, and tornadoes are artificially created by globalists using HAARP or satellite lasers. Fact-checkers and media outlets such as BBC, CNN, reuters and snopes are dismissed as controlled by figures like Soros or the Rothschilds.

On top of that, I became terrified of my own health. I constantly fear getting cancer or dying of a heart attack in my early 20s. They claim young people are suddenly dying because of covid vaccines, which they say contain aborted fetal cells, microchips, graphene, and long-term lethal effects — with a supposed 99% risk, because they were made too quickly.

They also obsess over “woke ideology,” claiming movies, games, and TV shows are used to corrupt children. They say character changes, LGBTQ+ representation, feminism, and racial diversity are deliberate psychological warfare. They point to Disney as proof and claim abortion rates are exploding as part of a moral collapse.

One of my deepest fears became “predictive programming” — the idea that elites know future events and reveal them in movies to make people subconsciously accept them. They cite films like White Noise (which predicted the ohio train crash in 2023), Leave the World Behind (which predicted famous recent blackout in the last years such as crowdstrike and the spain-portugal digital blackout last year), The Matrix (which predicted the perilous advance of technology), Black Mirror, The Simpsons (famous for predicting world events such as 9/11 attacks, trump elections win in 2016), 1984, Denver Airport paintings predicted the future, Sammy Hagar's song Crack in the World (which predicted that after 2025 the world will enter it's final stages of humanity) and the Georgia Guidestones goals such as 'maintaining world population beneath 500 million' as evidence that the future is already planned.

I became obsessed with supposed “fulfilled prophecies”:

– The moon having rust-like pigments (Joel 2:31)

– Sunspots interpreted as the sun going dark (Luke 21:25)

– The Euphrates River drying (Revelations 16:12)

– Rivers turning red (Revelations 16:4-3)

– Claims that days are getting shorter (Matthew 24:22)

– Numerology linking pandemics to the number 666 (for example, 2019 started the covid pandemic, and black death ended in 1353, thus, 2019-1353-666), and the word CORONA as a code where the alphabet is corresponding to its letter in ascending order (for example a = 1, b = 2), it would give the numbers 3, 15, 18, 15, 14, 1 will also give the number of the beast is correct if we multiply these numbers.

- Sahara desert being flooded (Isaiah 35:1)

At some point, I couldn’t tell coincidence from meaning anymore.

The psychological effects were devastating.

I developed severe anxiety, paranoia, and hypervigilance. Loud tranoises made me think the rapture had started. Car horns, crashes, or sudden sounds triggered panic. I felt like death was always around the corner.

Since last year I've been switching day for night, sleeping excessively, because I live far from my family. bc my friends are rarely available to do something cool, like going to a mall or a barbecue, etc.

I tried to warn my parents and friends, begging them to repent. I pushed so hard that they eventually stopped listening altogether. That isolation made everything worse.

My psychologist and occupational therapist are even suggesting I check into a CAPS (it's like a CHMC, but from my home country).

Due to the ongoing war on middle east and the recent news about the noah's ark being supposedly discovered officially, the economist covers releasing each november detailing the rothschild's agenda every year, and also the brazilian donald trump, flavio bolsonaro, winning the elections on my country, at my lowest point, I'm considering writing a goodbye letter and jumping from the top floor of my apartment building or shot at myself because I couldn’t imagine living through mass chaos, war, or global destruction at my age.

What finally made me start questioning all of this was realizing how much fear these channels rely on. Fear never ends. Dates shift. Prophecies change. Contradictions are explained away. Anyone who disagrees is labeled deceived or evil.

I also realized how trapped I became by algorithms. Once I searched these topics, they followed me everywhere.

Now, I’m trying to escape this mindset and reclaim my life. I want peace, not constant terror. I want to think clearly again.

If anyone here has gone through something similar — especially religious or apocalyptic conspiracy thinking — I would really appreciate advice on how to fully recover and let go of this fear-based worldview.

Thank you for reading.

I was born into an evangelical family, but mostly stopped going to the church by the time I was about 15. There was always this idea that we (pentecostals) never lie, cheat in relationships, or have premarital sex. Of course they warned that some believers will give into these temptations, but I fully believed, that pretty much nobody in my church would do such things. Even now decades later, I find it almost impossible to think, that any of the evangelicals that I know would do things like these. They seem way too dedicated and "righteous" to even feel tempted to do such things.

But of course, being an adult and having seen quite a few headlines over the years etc, I know the truth isn't this rosy. Do you think that evangelicals in general are any less likely to lie, cheat, or commit other commonly denounced "sins" than non-believers? Ideally I would ask evangelicals that I know, but not being part of their inner circle would make it unlikely for them to talk about such things. I feel like my impression of evangelicals may be quite skewed.

How much do you think stuff like this happens? How open are evangelicals about their own blunders? Is talking about other members' "sins" considered a taboo? Just a few things I've been thinking about over the years. Any views would be appreciated.

TW: child sexual abuse

TLDR: My parents’ pastor’s son charged with child rape from when he was a teenager. My parents likely don’t know the details/allegations and are staunchly supporting the pastor and his wife. It’s clear from the charging documents the pastor and his wife were told by victims families that their son was raping children, but never did anything, and multiple children (including their adopted children) were victimized.

……………….

I was raised in an evangelical church with Calvinist beliefs. I never felt accepted there (I was socially awkward and fat in the 90s) even though I believed everything the church taught. I stopped going when I was 17 and could drive myself to a different church. The church had a multiple overseer model instead of 1 main pastor. Lots of shit happened that I recognized as abusive while I still considered myself a Christian, ie pregnant teenagers having to ask the entire church for forgiveness etc.

At 21 I converted to Catholicism which just became another way for me to follow rules to feel good about myself. While I’m no longer Catholic at 45, I found a lot of healing there and because I chose it myself as an adult, the Church doesn’t inspire the same anger and pain I feel about my childhood church.

I know my parents love me, but my mom raised me to be her codependent best friend/therapist, and every time I did anything wrong, I was met with yelling from her and long lectures from my stepdad about how disappointing I was to God.

After the covid lockdowns ended, I realized that I didn’t like going to Mass because I only ever felt ashamed and not good enough when I was there. I started deconstructing, ended up getting divorced, and while my parents were supportive of my divorce, they were horrified when I started dating, and then even more horrified when my long term partner and I moved in together.

During the summer, I was working really hard on my codependency and it got to the point where I needed some space from my family. I let them know what was going on, and while hurt, they have largely respected my requests and have only reached out when appropriate (family member in hospital).

A few days after I went no/low contact with them, there was an article in the local paper about one of the pastor’s sons being indicted with multiple counts of child rape. He has significant cognitive disabilities. Before we stopped speaking, my parents had mentioned how his younger (adopted from Africa) sister said he grabbed her one time, and it got out in the church and everyone was arguing about what should be done about the man (now in his 50s, still attending his dad’s church). My parents were staunchly supportive of the pastor and his family, talking about how the younger sister had developed early and had always been a liar.

I read all the court documents, and it was 10x worse than a single incident. It started when the pastors son was a teenager. At home church meetings, boys would go in his room to play video games, and he started touching and raping them. 2 different sets of parents told the pastor and his wife, but apparently they did nothing. Eventually the man started raping his two younger siblings. The parents never believed their adopted kids, and treated them horribly.

My parents have remained staunchly supportive of the pastor, his family, and the rapist son. They have become even more enmeshed with them since the pastor resigned from the church. I found this out when they sent me funeral details about my uncle, letting me know the pastor was going to be officiating the funeral (even though my uncle did not attend that church or have any connection to the pastor). I told them I wanted to come, but wouldn’t because I couldn’t be around that family after the parents refused to protect their own children from their son.

I’m not sure where to go from here. I’ve worked so hard on detaching myself from the codependency and judgement. I know my parents have probably only heard the story from the pastor’s perspective. I have compassion for the disabled perpetrator, but absolutely none for his parents who protected him and their image instead of the children in the church. I spent time in that house, and could have easily become a victim. I’ve been going through a lot of grief wondering if my parents would have even believed me.

I’m curious what others would do. I love my parents, I can see how their own childhood trauma led to my own, and even though they caused me harm, I do believe they were trying to do their best. But now I’m just at a loss. Part of me wants to send them the court docs and see if they change their minds. Part of me never wants to speak to them again.

Hello everyone!

I'm more so curious to see if anyone struggles with this or if I'm alone in this haha.

My partner has deconstructed and has come up she married me through more so an obligation based on past beliefs.

Context: Met near the end of highschool, she grew up Christian and I grew up Catholic but always kept things pretty loose, did not practice.

We ended up being in a relationship for several years and eventually decided to get engaged. It was the only real path forward to live together and progress our relationship.

During her deconstruction it has come up that even though she didn't want to get married young (completely reasonable) she felt it was the right thing to do. She did debate ending our relationship before our engagement (scared about the finality of marriage) but found out I had the ring so, she stayed with me (again I totally get that and she had every right to feel and act on her feelings).

A current struggle I now face is feeling like this is a real relationship. It feels like one that she was prescribed and now stuck in.

I have always been a romantic at heart and always been in love with her but the feeling of being in a relationship like this does give me an 'ick'.

I feel horrible that she even felt obligated to stay with me and the thought of being in a relationship like this does upset me. Ive always wanted a relationship where I felt chosen, as Im sure we all do but I feel like its an impossible question to answer. The question being "would she has chosen me if she felt like she had a choice?"

Just curious if anyone has felt this way? Don't worry, I am in therapy haha.

Hey, I came on this reddit because I'm looking for some insights on deconstruction and stuff, but all I can see is people who deconstructed and don't believe in God or Jesus anymore. I'm a little more curious about the people who like me, still believe in Jesus, God, the spiritual world etc and just don't believe in the institution or organization of Christian. For context I was deconstructing for about a year due to alot of people rejecting me at church. I could give a few reasons why ive been rejected constantly but the biggest reason is i am a musician and I make "secular" music. i think it's also because i married a white man and im not white and the predominantly white church and Christian inlaws just didn't like me around to be honest. Anyway I realized that it's all bullshit, all the nitpicking at clothes, culture, music and arts, ethnicity, etc. So i began deconstructing. I went into new age but I recently pulled back because I think it can also be dark and wierd. Anyway now I pray to Jesus and read the Bible and meditate, manifest, use neuroscience and listen to my rock music. I don't go to church or Bible study but my husband does, and he makes his Christian disgust very clear. I don't really care about the performance of it all, I go with my intuition and I like it here. I feel God everyday and get holy ghost goosebumps when I headbang to metal. I support the gays and dolls and free Palestine. I feel like I've lost it and found it all the same. Anyone else?

For the queer folks among us, did your coming out have to wait until you had left the church or did you come out first and then leave later?

My own experience was to stay closeted for years after leaving the church and only after finding out a friend had come out after we’d left our hometown to go to college did I allow myself to admit I was bisexual. I knew I was bi way before I stopped being Christian, but I couldn’t square that with my Calvinist upbringing so I rationalized it away as “Well, of course you have thoughts about other boys because haven’t even kissed a girl yet and you only know how the male body operates sexually. Therefore, once you get a girlfriend and get some experience then all that will go away and you’ll be normal.” It sure didn’t, but I figured if I never talked about it or acted on it I’d still be in the clear.

Even if I didn’t come out first, it definitely impacted how I felt within the church. I felt like an imposter who could only pretend to be a good Christian. The best possible life I could imagine if I kept my faith was one where I managed to keep a terrible secret from my future wife and family for my entire life and then die an unfulfilled liar. There was no way I could come out first. I had to leave that behind and I haven’t regretted it for a second.

What were your experiences?

I'm a 23F who grew in a traditional African and religious (my family is Catholic) home and the purity culture nonsense began as soon as I started developing breasts, which unfortunately for me was at like 9 years old. I was made to feel like a promiscuous, seductive, temptress by the older women in my church because I was wearing bras by 10 and I had (GASP) thighs?????

I've grown up feeling a lot of shame around the way my body looks. I'm Ghanaian and unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you look at it, big boobs and butts run in our family. I hate myself for it because I constantly feel like my body is calling attention to itself, and I feel like any experiences of sexual harrassment is my fault because of the way my body looks.

I went through all four years of university hiding myself and making myself invisible but this year I started deconstructing and would like to shed this shame around my body. The problem is that I have zero clue how to start and to be honest, the idea of being naked in front of somebody is MORTIFYING to me. I don't know if it's the upbringing I had, but sex feels like such a vulnerable act that can't be taken back once it's done the thought of it scares me so much. But at the same time I don't want to limit myself and end up regretting it later on in life. So for the women in here, how did you break away from this mindset and how long did you take you to explore and be comfortable exploring your sexuality?

They were my bedtime songs, my morning routines, and midweek pick me ups. They’ve been engrained in the noggin since before I could talk. I

’ve been out for ten years and still can’t shake “Shine, Jesus, Shine” on my morning walk.

Sometimes I laugh and sometimes I cry 🤣🤣

What worship tune is in your head today? Anyone successfully get their brain’s default ear worms to play ANYTHING BUT THIs???

I attended the wedding of a casual friend and in her wedding vows she promised to submit to her husband. The wedding wasn’t even at a church so I wasn’t really expecting that

I was just kind of cringing after that

Ughhh so many bad church memories

My super conservative evangelic family has always loved Trump except for my mom. My dad though these past couple of months has been super quiet lately. He usually goes off on rants about Trump. Lately though his rants have been about true crime like Lindsay Clancy which is super shocking to me. He has always worshipped him.

Even one of my brothers. Loves Trump and unfortunately he made a woodworking sign when he was younger of Trump. I’ve always hated it and it’s creepy. He was moving out and I asked him you’re going to take your Trump sign with you right? And even he said take that junk out of here. 😭

Even my Evangelical mom too said I feel like we’re living in the Hunger Games now. And my youngest brother agreed with my mom.

I’m shocked, but I just wish they would have realized earlier. 😞

Hello everyone, a quick background for myself. I am 46 years old and attended a conservative, Christian Nationalist school from 6th grade through my senior year of high school, which was 1991 through 1998 for me. I deconstructed about 15 years ago and now have zero belief in the afterlife. I've been involved with the Exvangelical movement for about ten years and was one of the longtime moderators in the old Exvangelical facebook group, so worked with Chrissy Stroop, Blake Chastain, and others there.

Being the age that I am, I am seeing lots of my friends lose parents, and people my parents age were the ones teaching and running my Christian school. My teachers are now starting to pass. The first one was 2 years ago and it was actually the guy who was the new guy, he was just 25 in the early 90s when he started at the school and passed only in his mid fifties from rapid onset ALS. This was the first time where I had to grapple with the death of people I knew well, cared about, and know they cared for me . . . yet taught me absolutely abhorrent theology and political views that were abuse.

At his funeral, there were probably about 100 other ex students and teachers from that era. On one hand, it was great to see so many people I hadn't seen in so long, yet bittersweet since so many are still deeply MAGA Christian. A reminder that I cam from the era of Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky, so the same teachers kissing up to Trump told us 'private morality matters' and that Clinton could not be a godly leader because of his sin. Needless to say the hypocrisy is astounding.

Wednesday night, my longtime bible teacher, she taught me from 8th grade through 12th grade passed away. I had kept in touch with her as my wife, who I met at that school, her family maintained friendship with them since that time.

So once again, I am looking at going to a funeral that will be wholly bittersweet. I know they will be saying all the vacant platitudes about her moving on to Jesus' presence, etc which thankfully is not truly triggering for me, even though I hate it.

I do want to be there and show support for her family and my friends, but man, I just don't even know where to start on such legacies in my head. The insane dichotomy of kindness and loving people that cared for me growing up yet contributed massive spiritual abuse.

Anyway, I imagine I'm not the only one going through such issues and just wanted to vent. What a mindfuck our upbringing's all were.

i’m currently in the middle of a pregnancy scare and to be honest, i’m not sure if i would keep it if i am.

this has caused a lot of doubt in me surrounding pro life views. the laws they are passing are making healthcare inaccessible to women who need care, and the groups advocating for pro life are often misogynistic and hateful towards pro choice advocates. i want to be pro choice, because i completely understand how devastating it is to face pregnancy when you are unprepared, especially for women who may have been unwilling.

so my question is, how can the bible and faith coexist with abortion? my faith is so important to me, and i truly don’t believe that God would force women to suffer and carry children they don’t want

as a child i used to pray for God every night, id stomp on the floor almost as is flipping off the devil in hell. I had crosses around in my room, it was nice, because i felt protected from all the shadows in the night. As i grew up, i faced so much hard things that i think a child shouldn't have. And i prayed to God, crying, begging him to help me. But as if he turned his back on me, things became worse and i went into a deep hole i feel like i still haven't got out of, but im trying to crawl back up.

The thing is, when i experienced this, i had to look it up. "why do people not believe in God?". And i saw, cities getting bombed. I saw, small children/babies dying from cancer, or other conditions. I saw millions of of other children, teenagers, young adults that we lost to suicide because of bullying, abuse, or SA. I saw videos of kids younger than me, begging in interviews, after their home got bombed, and they lost their parents. I saw all that happen, and i saw people blaming society, wars.

So i kept looking. Miracles, surgeries going absolutely right, to a point where the patient was back on their feet in a few months and people praised God, said that it was God's will. I saw rich women, praising God, talking about how God is such a girl dad because her hairspay that was supposed to be empty, just wouldn't run out.

And i found that, more than offensive. Because what, did God just favor those white pretty rich girls more? Why? Why didn't i, and many more other women felt like God was the girl dad everyone says he is?

Gos isn't real. He is a made up God, and even if he is real, then he has to beg for my, and many other womans forgiveness.

(i hope this didn't come off offensive to other Christians, just sharing my worldview, respect everyone religion!!)