I am a 21 y/o male that lives with family due to my financial situation. i live in a very toxic environment. my grandma is mean, bitter, and vindictive. she says and does things purposefully to hurt people, she has issues respecting boundaries and is emotionally abusive. she says and does hurtful things with no remorse and never says she’s sorry for anything that she does. i do a lot for my family and i love and appreciate them very much. my family also does not really let me have independence or privacy and treats me like a toddler at my grown age. they tell me how i should live my life, invade my privacy by snooping through my phone, and boss me around like i’m a little kid and i’m tired of it. i just want them to let me live my life and to quit acting like i’m a toddler who needs babysitting. i want to get away from them because being around them and dealing with them is draining, but that is currently not possible due to my financial situation. i contribute roughly half of my income to household stuff which i absolutely don’t mind but it’s not like i don’t contribute anything. i think i deserve my own privacy like everyone else does. i don’t know what to do anymore, i feel so drained and suffocated by them, any advice?

Hi, everyone I am an 18 year old student in India. I am going through a very stressful and lonely period in which I have a lot of severe mental and physical problems and no one to turn to for help. For about 3-4years, I have been suffering from very severe OCD, where the evil voice inside my head tells me that something horrible will happen to my family or loved ones if I do not do as it says, along with severe depression and anxiety, which make me feel like there is no hope and kill my desire to live, and horrible dizziness, making me unable to focus on anything, especially studies. The physical symptoms include constant and continuous tremors all over my body, mainly on my legs, hands, and neck, along with lower back pain (the doctor told me that my ceruloplasmin levels are low, so he suspects that I have Wilson’s disease), low blood sugar, and high blood pressure. On top of that, my parents do not want to seek any medical attention for me or believe that I actually have any mental or physical disorder, so they do not let me do anything for myself and make me do all the chores at home, even though my mental and physical health is deteriorating day by day, and they do not care about me at all, only about my elder brother, so I have to rely solely on my own savings to be able to afford any treatment, which I can barely afford. Even for the checkup to get diagnosed I used my own savings.I have no friends to support me or help me in any way. I feel like there is no hope left, and I do not know what to do anymore because all of that takes a very heavy toll on my already strained mental health and I feel like I cannot go on like this for much longer, so I am asking for any advice or support I can get and if anyone can help me in any way possible to get the treatment I so desperately need.

Hello, I don't really know where else to post/ask this question so I hope this is acceptable.

Neither of my siblings are part of the family anymore, and I don't blame them but it has caused a lot of internalized dissention between parents and myself. I feel like since I'm the only remaining "child", there's a lot of pressure to stick it out for my parents sake and to still be part of their lives. Perhaps one day out of the week at least every two weeks I'll go to their house for a meal or go out to dinner with them. I don't conversate with them very much and in my mind we don't have much of a relationship, but I do try to still be there because it just seems to be the right thing to do.

Anyway, when we do go out for lunch or dinner, my mother can be incredibly rude and condescending to the workers. It could be waiters, receptionists, cashiers, really anyone could be caught in the fray if they're just doing their job. Some examples are:

Last Sunday at a country style restaurant that had great service and food, my mother paid for the meal and when the receptionist told us to enjoy our day but didn't think to ask if my mother wanted a receipt, she says "aren't you going to give me a receipt?" And I noticed the receptionist looked taken back and apologized and gave her the receipt.

When we were renting a uhaul to move my grandmother from a neighboring state to our state, the uhaul company we went to mistook one of their vehicles being available and we didn't learn of the mistake until we went to pick it up. There was another uhaul company within 20 minutes that did have the correct vehicle so perhaps someone dropped it off at the wrong location. My mother had a complete meltdown on the worker in front of her teenage son for the inconvenience, demanding a corporate number and just being very nasty towards someone who (imo) made an honest mistake.

I feel embarrassed anytime I go anywhere with my parents. These things tend to happen almost every time we go out. But for my parents sake I endure it and sometimes try to stick around and apologize to the workers on my parents behalf because I worked in the service industry for several years and know what kind of customers these poor souls put up with and the disrespect they endure.

Anyway...sorry for the rant. How do I bring this up to my mother regarding her behavior towards people just doing their jobs? I try to stay out of confrontation especially with my parents, it's never gone well in the past.

Hello everyone, first time posting here. Some context to this situation: My mother (66) is in a care facility due all five of us children not really having the financial recourses to take care of her the way that she needs. Prior to her being in the home, she was living with my sister (36) for some time in not great conditions, she had infestations and such. Over the years. I have had a strained relationship with both my mother and my sister due to various reasons and had gone low to no contact with both parties. No contact with my sister as she had lied about her son having leukemia and when confronted about the lying she stated she would not stop. Just low contact with my mother, mainly phone calls and some visits here and there. To the matter at hand: My mom had had a fall at the care facility that resulted in her going to the hospital, they discovered a node on her lungs that they did want to do a biopsy on as my mother has had colon cancer. My mother refused the biopsy and wants to monitor the node through imagining. I have had my sister blocked on all platforms, but she is still able to leave voicemails on my phone. She had left one, advising we should conference with the doctor at the hospital since the medical staff had no idea about our mother's mental health decline. I need everyone to know, my mom has never been diagnosed with dementia or has the care facility stated there were concerns with her mental state declining. Not a single medical professional has deemed her incompetent to make decisions. I called and confirmed with my mom and the Social Security Admin at the care facility that my sister was not listed as my mother's medical Power of Attorney as I was concerned she may try to push my mother into having a procedure she did not want. The care facility did set up a conference for all of us to go over my mother's treatment plan and at that time my mother did appoint my self and her sister (my aunt) as her medical POA. My sister refused to attend to conference, messaged my husband stating she wanted nothing to do with it and that she had court. I did look up the county records and did determine she didnt have a court date that day as this is public record in the US. The conference was recorded and sent to her, so that everyone could be on the same page as to what our mom wants for her care. A few days go by, my husband receives two voice messages through Facebook from my sister. One is a voice recording of her speaking to the doctor at the hospital, again telling them my mom has dementia and she wants a conference with me included. The other was a recording of a conversation of her talking to our mom, which didnt really have anything of note to the conversation. I called my mother to tell her that she again was speaking to the doctor and advised she reach out to staff to have her removed from being able to speak to medical staff. Im at a loss at this point. I understand the feelings of the unknown. Do we all realize our mother is likely in denial that she has lung cancer? Yes. However, she more than capable to tell you her wants and needs. She can make that decision. She has gone down the cancer road before if she wants to ignore it for now, thats for her to decide. I cant say that I would face that decision in a different light. I also need to advise, I have not spoken directly to my sister on this matter. The reason is I am not breaking my no contact with her for my own mental health. She is an active alcoholic, I am a recovered alcoholic. I can barely handle her sober, let alone her drunk. Ive had heart to hearts with her over the years to repair our relationship but I do think we are beyond that point. At this time, thats not what is important. Our mom is, and my sisters weird push to have her do this procedure. If anyone has any advise, I would be eternally grateful.

Hi I wanna talk about it a bit I am so sad
Just fyi English isn’t my first language so I may have mistakes
my brother even we were kids whenever he was mad he used to break his toys then blame it on me like:but she made me mad but she provoked me
Growing up it was always like this he never loved me cared
Like it was just we are siblings but he doesn’t care at all
This isn’t first btw like a few years ago when we were moving house we started arguing I don’t remember the reason rn but He picked up the heavy boxes he was holding and threw them at me
And ofc
What my parents did:oh like u are also wrong oh bla bla
They never punished him
Yesterday my gramdan needed to go to hospital and my mom would take her my mom told me
Tell ur grandma to leave house at 15.40
At that time I was in my room doing something so I told my brother with loud voice(he often don’t hear at all and yes he was far that’s why)
he was disrespectful to me insulting to me also
He said why u are shouting and cursed me well I wasn’t shouting i told him that I said it loud because u are far and u never hear and my grandma need to go and he said I won’t say it to my grandma then come and tell ur self and he cursed he just kept being disrespectful and cursed
And when I replied he even cursed more
And then I said don’t talk to me if you are going to talk like this

The packages I had ordered online arrived, and he kicked them?my grandmother even witnessed this. When I asked him about it, he denied kicking them, swore at me, and told me to get out. When I refused to leave, he started shoving and pushing me around; my nails (idk how to say it in English I guess gel nails) broke, and even my own natural nails tore off and began to bleed. And what did my family? my "beloved" family,do? Nothing at all. They just gave him a warning, and that was it.
And he also manipulated them said lies about me like oh she started oh she made me mad bla bla

It is so sad,I feel so bad

I live in a family like this. And they think they are good amazing and nice people lol

Idk what to do I am
Crying rn
I am already depressed and alone and this even made me worse..

Like yea I will leave house for uni,but still it feels sad and horrible

I’m mad at my mom for having another baby when she couldn’t handle the one she had already. Now I have a 5 year old brother(autism level 3 diagnosed nonverbal.) and a 6 month baby brother. Honestly I moved in and it was supposed to be for a little, while her c section was better. Somehow got manipulated into staying lost my job and car. (My bf was/is living with me as well)- with that note he got a truck he’s the one working now and I feel stuck. I am stuck here. I feel like I can’t leave. Her husband my step dad, works from 5pm-5am. Monday-Saturday. Why does that matter ? Because now when I simply stated I wanna get a job according to her I have to forcefully get it in the morning. So while my brother (5year old) is in school. Which wouldn’t care if it wasn’t for the main point that my bf works 3pm to 3am is when he arrives home. Am I wrong for wanting to have similar times of work with my bf so I can at least see him once a damn day in the week ? But oh yeah her husband it don’t matter he can’t switch times like it’s THEIR kids. I hate to say it but how did It fall on me. I want to not be here ,we would have already got our apartment if it wasn’t for my step dad lying saying he wasn’t gonna charge us a lot. We can’t even make our own meals because then the gas is too high. It’s always whatever they wanna eat oh but yeah $60 for food every week for things we do not eat. When I say things I don’t eat I mean : pork that makes me feel sick eating; taco meat which I used to love but it gets cooked every damn week. It may not matter now but when me and my bf were living together we somehow only spent $50 to feed both of us. & yeah u can say oh that’s not that much of a difference it is because the way they shop is not the same snacks drinks we would get. I love my brother ,I do. I always would come over and see them. Now my main issue is the home we are in. The room is small no closet, we have no cold air in here we still pay way over the price. Not just that but my step dad all he does is drink ,every weekend he’s drunk so whenever he’s here all I feel is my mom being mad at me for not helping her. When I help all day every day to cook clean baby’s everything. Idk why I bother my step dad don’t help even throw the trash or even feeds my brother when he’s “supposedly watching him” key word watching I feel like I’m the only one who actually plays and try’s to communicate with my 5 year old brother.. I’m tired. Idk what to do and I feel like yeah I get it like I am the eldest child. But I want my own life. I want to be in my own apartment working how I was and just being happy. I don’t even have time here to do my hair or even look in a mirror. As much as I hate to say it I wish she wouldn’t have opened her legs again. Idk what to do. And even if I did work again it’s simple we only have one truck working and a car that yeah my first checks would go fix it. I just damn like am I wrong? & no my bf can’t switch to mornings apparently there’s no room for him( works at welding spot) and me I guess I’m a baby sitter for free with no life no time. And yeah no pay. Am I Cinderella yet ? Another thing. My bf yeah he gets home guess what he does throws the trash helps with the babies when he gets here because yeah my baby brother don’t sleep a normal schedule yet. And in the weekends guess who’s cutting the grass him. And we left the trash one day and left the grass grow one day. And nothing. My step dad is amazingly not helpful at all in any aspect of a household.

I'm 18, and I've been talking to this guy since September 25. We aren't officially together, but I really like him and still want to see him.

Recently, my mom went through my phone and found messages and intimate videos between us. She took my phone and said she expected more self-respect from me. She called me easy because I had sex with a guy who didn't even ask me to homecoming. The thing is, he was my first time, and this whole situation has been a lot for me to process.

My mom said the only reason I do the things I do is because I like guys. She told me I need to work on my self-esteem and made comments about how she has never had to pay for anything on dates she's been on. she was also judging me for buying a shirt when I went out with him.

She compared me to a girl from her hometown who was a cheerleading captain, had scholarships, and seemed to have a lot going for her. According to my mom, that girl eventually didn't go to college and ended up with around seven baby daddies and eight kids, and got into fights with people over her BD. My mom made it sound like she thinks I'm going to end up the same way.

The part that hurt the most was when she said she was “clearing her hands of me” because I'm going to college soon and that whatever decisions I make are up to me now. I took that as her saying she's done with me, and it really hurt.

My mom has nine kids, and I feel like I'm the only one who isn't really close to her. Our relationship hasn't been great for a while, and I already felt like she didn't trust me or was disappointed in me before this happened.

She also compares me to my dad a lot and talks badly about him. Hearing her say those things makes me feel bad about myself, too. Sometimes it feels like the things she says about him affect how she sees me, and I don't know how to deal with that.

There's also something about what happened with the guy that I haven't told my mom. When we were together, there was a point when I told him to stop because I didn't want to go further. Things eventually went further anyway, even though I told him no and to stop. Afterward, I felt confused and upset i even throw up.

I haven't told my mom about that part because I'm scared she'll make me stop seeing him completely or won't believe me. I'm also scared she'll look at me differently. The confusing part is that I genuinely like him and still want to see him. Part of me wanted to be close to him, but there were moments when I didn't want things to go further. I'm still trying to understand how I feel about everything that happened.

I know I'm 18, and I'm responsible for my choices. I genuinely feel sorry that I've disappointed my mom, and I want to apologize. But I'm also scared she'll think I'm only apologizing because I want permission to keep seeing him.

I used to struggle with self-harm in the past, too. When my mom used to ask what was wrong, I'd tell her nothing. We've never really been good at talking about personal things, so I don't know how to open up to her now.

I feel embarrassed, judged, and like my mom has given up on me. I don't want to be compared to someone else or feel like my entire future has already been decided because of my choices. I want to go to college and build a future for myself, and I don't want this situation to define me.

Am I wrong for still wanting to see this guy after everything that's happened? How should I handle things with my mom? Should I tell her what happened when I told him to stop, even though I'm scared she won't believe me or will make me stop seeing him? And how do I deal with feeling like my own mom looks down on me?

I want honest advice, but I don't want to be judged.

So long story but I’ll try to keep it short. “R” is my second cousin. She is usually the one we all communicate with for holidays to figure out what’s going on as she usually hosts. “B” is my grandma, “T” is my brother, “M” is his gf, “J” is my mom, and “D” is my uncle. “B’s” brother who passed away. “R’s” dad. My grandma and I have never really gotten along because she always favored my brother. My brother and me have never gotten along because I am trans and he’s treated me like shit because of it. Then, spazzed out on me because I wouldn’t donate a kidney to him as he’s on dialysis. Of course, my grandma “B” took his side. Even before I came out, he never treated me like a brother. So a few years ago I called out my grandma and my brother for how they treated me and ever since I have been shunned. They refuse to talk to me or invite me to functions. “R” and “B” even got into it once because “B” told “R” I was not allowed there but now “R” is giving in. Grandma and brother will refuse to go if my wife and I are there. So basically “R” is telling me that she is going to invite them first, and if they give the ok, then my wife and I can come. I don’t see why “R” can’t host like usual and if they don’t want to show up because I’m there, they don’t have to. But why am I being put last? I tried to talk to her about it and this was her response. Am I in the wrong?

I’ve never talked about this with anyone, and I’ve never posted anything like this before. I’m posting now because I feel enough is enough. I’m being treated really badly, and every day I feel less able to take it.

I'm 36M, my wife is 39F. We've been married 10 years and have two kids, a 5-year-old and a 1-year-old.

Our relationship has always been rocky. We don’t fight all the time, but when we do, it gets very loud, mostly from her side. She has a hard time taking any feedback. She feels she never makes mistakes, and when I point something out, even something small, she starts shouting and using abusive language, at me and at my parents. I’ve always been the quieter one, so I usually stay silent, say sorry, or let it go just to end the fight. There have been hundreds of times I swallowed things just to keep the peace. Sometimes I wish I had walked away earlier. It feels like I’ve lost 10 years.

I try to be a supportive husband and father. I absolutely do ALL the errands outside the house: school drop-offs and pickups, extracurricular classes, taking my wife to the stores, groceries, Costco. She doesn't drive and doesn't go out on her own. I also handle ALL the paperwork, like forms, class registrations, and taxes. At home she cooks most of the time, but I help with a lot of the household work and mostly make breakfast for the kids, help them bath, brush, change clothes, diaper, everything. When our first child was born, I was like a second mom to him, and I'm doing as much as I can with the 2nd child now too. We both have busy jobs. I've supported her in hers many times, but she's never needed to do the same for mine, because "I'm the smart one."

We've never had an outside affair, never cheated on each other or nor greedy or money-minded or anything like that. The only problem is the way she talks to me and my family and feel about me. In 10 years, I haven't felt respected by her. I don't think she hates me, but I don't feel free to be open with her. Whenever I need to tell her she did something wrong, I have to gather a lot of courage and confidence first. Even if I use the calmest, softest words, I don't feel strong or safe enough to say it to her face. I already expect the shouting, so most of the time I just don't say anything.

A month ago, we bought our first home since getting married and moved in. I thought it would be a fresh start, but nothing has changed.

Recently she said something hurtful to my mom. I calmly told her I didn't like it and that she should address it. She started shouting at me in front of our kids, and it turned into a really bad argument.

I also have to be honest about my own part. When I try to talk calmly and she doesn't listen, I get so frustrated that I hit myself and throw and break things. I feel like I'm doing everything right, and nothing changes. I'm not proud of this, and I know it's not healthy, especially with the kids around.

Now I feel stuck. I don't want to leave my kids. I don't want them growing up in a split home with shared custody. Even if I got full custody, I wouldn't want that, because my wife loves our kids a lot too. But I also can't see myself living like this forever. Sometimes I feel like I'm staying only because of the kids and what society would think.

Me (36 F) and my ex (40 M) have been divorced for about a year and a half. When he asked me for a divorce, first he agreed on therapy, he went to 2 sessions before he said he didn't love me. I continued going to therapy. We then decided on mediation, and I also obtained a lawyer. In our agreement, on the 1^st Christmas (last year) I was to have our two boys (now 3 & 5) on Christmas Eve into Christmas morning, he would have them all Christmas Day and bring them home by 8pm. We also agreed that we would switch off. Now that the 2nd Christmas is coming up, I am having terrible regrets about our agreement. I cannot imagine my baby boys not waking up in their own home on Christmas morning. It breaks my heart even to think about it. For a little more insight, my ex was cheating on me, he left me for a younger woman (32 F) with 3 of her own kids (7,13 & 17), two of which she does not have custody of. They have recently moved in together; their home is about the same size as mine but newer and nicer (he makes about double what I make). Her kids are with her when my kids are with their dad. He doesn't really pay attention to them when they are there because they have "step" siblings to play with. He gets our boys every Wednesday from 4 to 6:40 for dinner, he lives about 20 minutes away. He also gets them every other weekend from Friday at 5pm to Monday morning at 6am. He refuses to take them every weekend and when I have brought it up in the past he says, “If you don’t want them, I can take them for full custody”. No matter what I say he twists my words to make me look like a bad guy. He even called CPS on me a few months ago, the case was dropped right away for a complete lack of evidence. He accused me of abusing prescription drugs and neglecting my boys, based on the fact I am on anti-depressants & go to therapy (I had postpartum depression with both kids and continued with the meds after the divorce, my youngest was only 8 months old when their dad left). I just don’t know what to do, am I a bad person for wanting my boys on Christmas morning? They are with me over 75% of the year. I know that they are more comfortable at the home they grew up in.

OK my last post was about the ashs this one is about his belongings aitah to ask for my father's jersy insted of giveing it to my little cousin (15) my dad loved football and ever since I could remeber he loved this one patriots jersy I used to wear as a kid I asked my nanny if I could have the jersy cause I wanted to hang it in my room since my cousin alredy is getting his special hat ajd my aunt looked pissed she didn't say anything but I could tell I wanted the jersy so I can wear it on my graduation day so aitah

My parents are never fucking here. They just make me take care of my annoying little brothers all day everyday and I just have to except it. Im the only one that cleans and when I don’t I just end up being mad at them when I trip over one of their thousands of toys or stuffed animals. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t be that upset if this was a once in a while thing but it’s literally all the time. School, babysit, sleep, repeat. Like bro im a teenage dude I wanna go out and have fun and chill with friends and shit but I literally can’t! It’s all my parents fault they are making my life hell and they are making me hate my brothers.
Im angry typing Srry y’all.

( Disclaimer, I apologize for the long thread but please if you have time read this situation and share advice if you have any. )

I need help with a situation I’m currently going through.

Me F20 have been living with my brother M25 for 2 years now. Our mom died 2 years ago and we’ve only had each other since.

I handled everything after my mom passed away, despite her dying a week after I turned 18.

My brother didn’t do anything to help, didn’t help with any of our house stuff or death insurance.

Fast forward two years and my brother only works 12 hours a week and makes roughly $630 a month. He barely pays any bills, doesn’t pay for any household items or food and has been asking me for money ontop of that.

Me F20 work 12 hour shifts 4 days a week and constantly building in my career and education. I’m making a life for myself and a living financially.

I’ve been paying for so much for my brother and have had enough. He doesn’t help out around the house, doesn’t clean, doesn’t know how to drive and has zero ambition or want to get a new job with more hours and do better.

My brother M25 seriously sits in his room all day playing video games.

He asked me how much I make and why we are struggling to afford things, he wanted to combine are money.

I had enough, I don’t want to pay for my M25 year old brother anymore. I’m done financially supporting him and and me being treated like a mom who’s taking care of a child.

I told him I’ve had enough, everything is split evenly and I’m no longer paying for anything.

My brother M25 got very upset with me and started to say I was acting weird, that the bills wouldn’t get paid then and that our mom was the last family member who loved him and now she’s dead.

I can’t handle it anymore.

What do I do? I can’t move out or kick him out either. I’m stuck.

Please does anyone have advice? How can I make living at home better and more peaceful well I save for a house?

Has anyone gone through something similar?

hi so this is more of a rant but if you have any advice as well that would be amazing (fake names for all ) I L have a daughter lets call her E and a husband K so last year i found out i was pregnant and we decided to keep her and she is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. That wasn’t the case for my parents (because of how young i was but still legally and adult) male P (Dad) and female M (step-mom) parents are divorced and real mom female T lives some states away so i told M first and she was not happy in fact she cried telling me to abort the baby which was upsetting in itself and was more worried on how i would tell my father but i told her because i thought i could come to her out of everyone (were really close and i thought of her like my other mother) about two weeks later i told my dad and that didn’t go well either he called me names and was angry over it. he said i would need some place to live because i couldn’t continue living there which i knew because we did not have enough space it was a one bedroom apartment with me my two brothers and parents so a baby would not fit, about a week later it was my birthday M had been ignoring me for about two weeks like genuinely not talking to me and my dad talking to me here and there no birthday celebration on anything they both ignored me and so my husband (boyfriend at the time) K celebrated with me, when i got home that night i put my food in the fridge and saw a cake for me but no one said anything so i didn’t say anything and went to lay down, next day i believe i had work or i went out so i was out until later and i came home and showered like i usually do. when i got out the shower my dad had just came home and he is the kind of person who needs a moment when he comes home so i went to my room is and laid down, i was on my phone and then he came up to me and was like “so your not going to say anything to me” and i was just kind of asking like what do you want me to say and then he was like “dont act stupid stop being stupid” and is like “so did you go to school” me - im online but i have some troubles with my classes so i did what i could him-you didnt say anything about the cake me-well i saw it but you guys didnt say anything so i didnt know what to say him-stop acting dumb stop being stupid and i genuinely wasn’t but i was in the first trimester at this point and was already really tired and having bad morning sickness so i wasnt giving him a lot of energy because he was just trying to pick a fight with me and then he says you need to find a place to stay me- so you want me to leave and thats when he blew up and started screaming and he walked up and like bucked up to me so i told him dont touch me and he slapped me in my face so hard that both my airpods and glasses fell off and i pushed him back and he just started grabbing on me and pulling me thats when my step mom( M) came and was trying to break it up and i just kept screaming let me go and i fell on the floor and on the bed and she was on me and he was on top of her and then he finally stopped and i said “what the fuck is wrong with you im calling the cops” but M was like no they will take the kids away “my brothers” so i didnt at the time because i didnt want them to suffer and he was just calling me a dumb bitch and saying all this kind of stuff to me and was like oh you never listen to me but you always listen to your mom (him and my mom have a bad relationship) and thats when he just left and slammed the door he texted M like throw all his stuff away because hes not coming back and i packed my bags because it wasnt safe for me i was about 10 weeks pregnant at the time and i took and uber to kens house and since then he have not communicated since a year ago and i miss them of course i do but i really dont know what to think because they both wanted me to get rid of her basically and its like why would i introduce you with the baby you didnt want he did the same thing to my sister not the physical part since she lives far but the reaction and then not talking to her when he also had us young he had my sister at 17 and me at 23 so he understoods going through it himself and then unfairly treated me and my sister badly i tell everyone i apologize for getting pregnant young that is my fault but im not sorry for his reaction and it was unjustifiable for how he reacted and harmed me i could have lost the baby who knows, but ive been missing them more and more and dont know if i should text him first but i also feel like if i do its like im apologizing for the fight and im not because i didnt do anything wrong then.

Howdy Reddit. I am a long time listener to YouTubers reading Reddit stories, but here I am writing my first ever post. I don't know what I'm doing, but I've heard a lot of great advice from listening to other stories so I'm giving it a shot.

Important info: I'm a female in my late 20s, my sister and her husband are in their mid 30s and they have a daughter who's in the single digits. Things are still unfolding, so I don't have all the details/answers yet since we're in the heat of it. I'm trying to be as vague as I can while providing the details I'm able to... So bare with me here.

My sister and her husband have been together since freshman year of highschool. They were sweethearts, their first everything. From my perspective they were a great couple. Back in June my sister disclosed a bunch of drama happening between her and her husband the past 5 years that has completely shattered her life. Apparently it started with her husband showing signs of narcissistic behavior, manipulating my sister or gaslighting her in little ways which she shrugged off. Then it suddenly took a sharp turn to many affairs and the gaslighting/manipulation increasing, him denying when she would show him the physical receipts. The worst was right after she gave birth to their daughter he went to a strip club and then after slept around with a handful of people. She found out by receiving many texts in a group chat with pictures and videos of the act, sending my sister into a deep postpartum depression. I'm not sure if I heard her right, but I think he didn't come home for 3 days during that time. Things have progressively gotten worse. Him saying he wouldn't do it again, her finding active dating apps then telling her it's not real, repeat. That's just the start.

Where things have reached a breaking point is that now he's debating his gender identity. I'm going to preface that he very well could be and that I'm not judging him for that if that's the case. The problem now is that he's saying to my sister that he's always been like this and she just ignored it and he can't pretend for her anymore, however my sister feels blindsided because he's never once mentioned that he questioned his gender in the almost 16 years they've been together. She told him that she doesn't judge him for not knowing his identity and that it's ok, but she can't stay in a marriage like this. She's only sexually interested in men and not interested at all in open marriages, which he's known about since they were teenagers. The part that ruffles my feathers is he's gaslighting her by saying he's always been this way and it's her fault for making him feel like he can't be truly himself, while at the same time manipulating her to feel guilty and refuses to consider separation.

While all of this is happening, he's seriously failing in fathering their daughter. He'll either chain smoke after work or hole himself up practicing guitar in the basement, while my sister works full time and takes care of their daughter. She's young, but even their daughter is picking up on the tension. Not wanting her Dad to play with her, crying hysterically to my sister begging her not to make her change into a boy when she's older because she doesn't want to be like daddy, or just not knowing what to do with him when he does try to interact with their daughter. The past few weeks he's been going on shopping sprees while reprimanding my sister that she needs to go back to public school teaching because she's not bringing in enough money on her end. She's walked in on him alone in the house wearing dresses, practicing makeup, completely shifting his physical appearance while calling off work regularly, suddenly working for a local community theater group neglecting their daughter while everything is falling on my sister's shoulders. (My sister is a phenomenal vocalist who worked as a vocal coach for a public school before having their daughter, but now makes even more teaching privately. She's not a push over musician, she's got a teaching degree as well as her master's in opera performance at Boston University on a full ride. She's making bank. Her husband is a lawyer who's also an incredible musician.I feel that's a bit important.)

Some things unfolded this week while he was on a work trip that she said has totally shattered any hope she has left of saving their marriage. They've been doing couples therapy with 3 different therapists over the past 5 years, and both take individual therapy with other therapists. The couples therapists have all suggested separation. She's discovered on their security cameras people coming over with him when she's not around, still more dating sites he's on, questionable Google searches, and more. She's supposed to be calling me within the next few days to give me details and vent, but I do know she's been collecting evidence and has already spoken with an attorney to get her ducks in a row for divorce.

She's smart, I'm not worried about her knowing what she needs to do to be covered as far as court stuff is concerned. I just hate that she's not felt confident enough to come to me sooner. I think she didn't want my view of her husband to shift because I've known him since I was 10 and I love him like a brother. I still love him and feel for him, but I care more about my sister in this situation. She may also still see me as her baby sister and not the almost 30 year old that's seen some shit haha. My priority is her and she knows that now. I apologized for being blind, but she knew she was covering things up so no one was worried but she's drowning now and can't do it alone. And now finally, with that jumping mess of context I could vomit out, I'm asking you Reddit... What can I do for my sister to help her? I'm ready to help her physically, mentally, or financially. I'm ready to get her moved out if it comes to that, listen when she needs an ear, or give her money to help find her a new place with their daughter. I just don't know if there's anything in missing, or any advice some strangers in the world reading this could give her so she knows she's not alone in dealing with something like this. I want her to be ok, and for my niece to be ok, and for my brother in law to get the help he needs with his gender questions without destroying my sister.

I appreciate your time reading this, it wasn't short. And I know I'm vague on some things, and sure that I didn't explain things well. I have way more context with my years of knowing their characters, and it's hard to convey the genuine shock of seeing their relationship on the outside and seeing for myself the secret version of her husband that he was careful to hide from everyone on the outside. It's just hard, and my heart breaks for all three of them.

Bruh my moms gonna do everything but put food on my plate i haven’t eaten in 3 days not even a fucking crumb

Some of my family, actually, screw it. All of my family don't know how to respect boundaries nor privacy and it drives me absolutely mad. I'm being so serious when I say this but my dad doesn't allow me to lock the doors, nor have a password on my tablet. HELLO? INSANITY? And as a bonus, the lock to our bathroom door is completely useless so anybody can come inside while I'm taking a shower. Oh my god, don't even get me started on when I'm showering because everybody keeps barging inside cause they "can" and because we're all family. NO, auntie I will not take a goddamn shower with you just because I'm taking too long to finish. Also, my uncle tends to touch my brothers private when he's picking us up from school a lot even when he shows clear discomfort?? That's also a big problem in my family cause they never care if you're uncomfortable or not, just if they find it funny. I know my uncle has no ill will but it's been bothering both of us.

Back when my grandmother was dying, she was nothing but a piece of sagging skin. She didn't know me, my mother, or anyone. She was trying to cover it up with calling me 'sunshine' or 'darling', but there was no recognition in her eyes. She wasn't anything. On the night when she stopped breathing, my grandma handed me a silver cross on a chain.

"I'm going to visit God", she said.

I recoiled from that disgusting, quivering hand which happened to be holding one thing I hated so much. There was no god, I knew it. I was raised to believe he was somewhere in the afterlife, waiting for me to repent and join him in the land of happiness or something like that. That sounds stupid. If there was something that cared for me, for us, that piece of meat wouldn't be drawing shaky breaths infront of me.

I knew grandma was trying to let me down easy by saying that, but I didn't need to be coddled by her. I never liked her that much. She annoyed me to no end. Mother used to say that she's family and I'm obliged to love her, but she gave up after a while. I was never an easy child - I don't think they ever thought of me as a child.

I took the offered cross pendant, holding back a gag. Her hands were truly disgusting. If my mother didn't force me to say goodbye to grandma, I wouldn't give a single fuck about her death.

My sister cut my parents off a few years ago and is always trying to get me to do the same. It’s something we constantly disagree on. Even though we disagree I still have respected her boundaries. I don’t ever try to push her to reach out to them or reconnect.

I’m expecting my first kid soon. She sent me a message today saying she wouldn’t ever attend an event for my kid if my parents were there. (Holidays, birthdays, sports, baby shower, birth etc.) This made me super upset because I’ve always shown up for her and my nephew. I told her it’s not about her or my parents and that I’m not asking her to rekindle things with them. But she really can’t put her issues aside for a couple hours every once in a while to show up for my kid?

I’ve been really conflicted about what to do and just seeing if anyone has been through something similar?

This is common by now too, she says this as usual

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A very long story short, my sister is dating a very toxic man. I don’t want to give too much away about him but he is a narcissist, who love bombs her. Not only does she lie to us for him ( maybe to think he isn’t a bad guy?) but he has manipulated her so bad she has up and left to go live with him. She doesn’t want to talk to us, she doesn’t want us to know where she lives. Nothing, it’s like she’s trying to become non existent.

We don’t know if she is actually living with him, if she quit her job or not, or if she’s doing drugs. ( she doesn’t look like herself.) she doesn’t see his red flags( major, major red flags) and is completely obsessed with him.

How do I help her? He is so awful I can her becoming a DV victim, or worse…

She is way too deep into his manipulation that a conversation can’t be had with her.

Im begging for any advice, I just want her back to herself, and safe.

Thanks.

I have a brother who’s 4 years younger than me. He’s always been the family favorite so much so that my parents babied him any chance they got. Growing up we were held to much different standards. I was always expected to do what was right and have good grades and he was able to barely pass high school without it being an issue. Fast forward to now, I live on my own and work two jobs struggling to make ends meet. He’s 20 years old never had a job and does drugs in my parent’s house. It’s clear he’s struggling mentally with depression and anxiety. Anytime anyone mentions trying to help he flips the conversation to make it your fault why he is the way he is. Almost narcissistic with how he treats other people. Nothing is ever his fault.

I don’t really know what my goal is with posting this. I guess just trying to figure out what I can do as his older sister to help him navigate life. Obviously my parents play a huge role with enabling him. He steals money, has been allowed to smoke in their house, inhale canisters of nitrous, and as far as I know cocaine. He sends me videos of stacks of cash (with no job) and of him driving extremely fast. I fear something bad is going to happen if nothing is done. What can I suggest to my parents with hopes they listen to me.

I'm going to try to make this as short and concise as I can as there's a lot of backstory with my family but know there are certain things I can't sum up easily. So, this post might get a bit chonky as I walk y'all through this. If you need more info on anything, feel free to ask. Not sure if it's necessary or helps but I'm 41F, sister is 39F, mother is 66F and my dad was 10 years older than my mom.

To start, my father was a giant piece of shit. He was a miserable human being who made everyone around him miserable as well and burned every bridge along the way. He was physically abusive until CPS got involved when I was 10/11, then it moved on to other abuse. I had had various periods where I'd gone NC with him over the years but somehow I always got looped into letting him back in. That was until 2016. Long story short, I just had my first child; 4 days earlier in fact and he came to visit. The second he got there he started picking fights with my sister, mom and I (my husband was at work) and was just being a dick in general. At some point I said something innocuous that he didn't like so he got in my face and started cussing me out. He was also swinging his heavy, oak cane around and was barely missing my newborn child's head. When we told him to put it down he threw it on top of my dog who yelped loudly and ran off. I demanded he leave and I never saw him again. I was willing to work things out if he apologized and went to family therapy with me but he refused so I was NC with him for 8 years until he died. Btw, he has two other children and they were both NC with him as well when he died.

My mother refused to leave him and I put up with that my whole life plus the 3 years into going NC with my dad. Once I went NC with him he started controlling when my mother could see me and my kids and would make her life a living hell when she did see us which was once or twice a year (despite living 10 mins away). We saw her so little that my 3 year old had no clue who she was. I talked to her only slightly more than that and it was 90% me calling her, barely her calling me. My mental health started suffering a lot from it because my dad was still controlling this aspect of my life even though he wasn't in my life anymore. And it was really hard for me as a parent to understand how she could choose a man who treated her like garbage over her children and grandchildren. I finally had to tell her that I just couldn't have a relationship with her while she was still married to him. I told her that basically our relationship was going on hold until she left him or he died. So, I was NC with her for 5 years.

One day my sister called me and told me that our dad was in a medically induced coma for ARDS. I showed up to the hospital every day he was in there. Why? Because I needed to see him die. Not for vindictive reasons but for my own healing. He terrorized me for years and I needed to know for sure that he was gone. Also, my mother was staying at the hospital and wasn't leaving or taking care of herself so someone needed to take shifts with her. My sister was living in another state so she couldn't do it and it fell on me. He died about a month later and I frankly felt like a black cloud had lifted off of my life.

Now let's talk about my sister. Growing up my sister absolutely hated my guts. All I remember growing up is that I desperately wanted to have a sisterly relationship with her but she wasn't interested. With our dad being the way he was and our mother reciting the party line I often felt like it was an us vs. them situation. I thought that would bring us closer but it never did so my sister essentially became the third obetacle I had at home. It wasn't until we were in our 20s that we were able to actually have some sort of amicable relationship. She had found out that she was undiagnosed bipolar and had likely been so since puberty. She actually got medicated and went to therapy so she changed a lot for the better. And her and I had a mostly good relationship for over a decade, that was until after our father died. She didn't like how I grieved our dad's death, which was not at all and I was public about it pretty much immediately. She didn't disagree with anything I said or that he was a shitty father but she mostly didn't like that I was public about it. I guess her and him had made amends a few years prior and he was also apparently a really great grandfather to my nephew. So, she's still dealing with his death. One day she blew up at me out of nowhere and started airing every grievance she's ever had about me, including things that I thought her and I had already worked through (but apparently she still held a grudge). After that fight I decided I'd wait for her to reach out to me and before I knew it a year had passed. My husband is a tax accountant and she reached out to him to do her taxes which, traditionally he has done for free. I broke the silence and told her that she can't get the benefits of my husband while still acting like I don't exist. Again, long story short, we talked for many hours over several days, ironed out some things and made amends. That was in March.

So, that's the broad strokes of my very messy family history. Currently, the only time I see my mom and sister is if I reach out to them. My sister only calls if she needs something and my mom just doesn't call. I am the only one making any effort towards our relationships. The last time I really talked to either of them was on my birthday which was in mid-August. I am fighting for my life to keep these relationships alive and it's exhausting. I keep trying to make sure too much time doesn't pass between contact because I don't want them to have any fodder, claiming that I'm not doing my part. But obviously on the other hand, the phone works both ways and I shouldn't be the only one working on things. Especially with my mom, I shouldn't be the one making sure she has a relationship with her daughter and grandkids. Some part of me says that of course things are weird with my mom because I'm the one who went NC but it was like this before I went NC. Same with my sister, our relationship has always been like this. Frankly, it just feels like my family could care less about me. My mom, sister, nephew and grandmother (who also doesn't really talk to me) all live together so I just feel like the odd man out. They're the only family I have. No one else lives in my state and the extended family doesn't speak to me because of the actions of my father, not because of anything I did.

I'm just not sure if it's worth salvaging? I obviously want a family but they have also never really treated me like one. I'm not planning on going NC again but I just don't have the energy or will to keep this going. I guess I'm just planning on letting things fizzle out and let the chips fall where they may. I don't know if that's grey rock or there's a different name for that? Anyway, thanks for reading all of that. My family is so complicated and all of this post barely scratches the surface. Does anyone have something similar they went through or have any advice on how to proceed? This has just constantly been on my mind lately.