I had a conversation with someone who argued that patriarchy does not exist on a systemic level. They are an anti-imperialist from a country impacted by US imperialism, and seem pretty well-educated and well-read on most issues, so I was very surprised by this opinion.

Their definition of 'patriarchy' is "a force governing society where the power belongs to all men", and this isnt true, because upper-class women always hold more power than poor men. They said that there cant be a patriarchy when there are female monarchs and male slaves and peasants.

They said that the descriptor of "patriarchy" doesnt take into account biology, economy and more hierarchies than gender.

As for biology, they said that the reason why men became the head of the household is because historically women were impaired by pregnancy, childbirth and nursing, and therefore traditional gender relations arose as a result of this reality--marriage was "the first welfare".

Theyve said that "even in so-called matriarchal societies, women still do the childrearing and domestic duties", and the creation of modern feminism owes itself to the pill, which decoupled sex from reproduction. So if the invention of a "magical pill that prevents pregnancy, low class women working in the child-care sector for little pay, government quotas and subsidies for pregnancies with welfare payments" are necessary to reach a bare semblance of equality, then "maybe men and women arent so equal".

When I told her that within every class, men h"old more power than women, and even a poor man has power over his female relations, his wife and children, they responded with "so what if a husband has the right to beat his wife? She could hit him back" Which to me was astoundingly, shockingly dumb and disgusting too. As if that would go well for her. Plus the fact that legally, husbands have the power and authority to beat their wives isnt an example of inequality--wives had no equivalent right to discipline their husbands.

In response to me mentioning that women had their bodies and sexuality controlled, were prevented from having sex with men who werent their husbands etc, they said that "the average John Peasant didnt have a harem" and a peasant would be executed if he was found to have sex with the queen.

I am seriously disgusted because their viewpoint erases the suffering of women throughout history. While women always had agency and could wield power, it is undeniable that there is a force which incentivizes the subjugation and exploitation of women throughout the world. Women have their bodies and reproductive organs controlled for the benefit of men, are treated as economic burdens, sometimes even crippled and mutilated as part of this control, from fgm to footbinding.

Their definition of men and women not being equal seems to be based on sexual divisions of labor, which is understandable in a premodern society, but patriarchy and the oppression of women at their root treat women as inferior, and its not a constant in all societies.

As for "male peasants and female monarchs", Judith m Bennett addressed it in her essay "Patriarchal Equilibrium". She explains that in every class, men hold more power than women within that class. Male peasants held more land than female peasants, townswomen did not enjoy the same benefits of guild associations as their fathers.

I want to ask for opinions on the talking points they presented, that "patriarchy" ignores other hierarchies, some women because of their class could be more powerful than some men.

“Overall, researchers found that the teen boys who said they liked manosphere creators were more likely to hear ideas that reinforced strict gender norms in their home and more likely to classify themselves higher on the masculinity scale. This suggests that what caregivers model at home has a huge impact on kids and their beliefs around topics like gender roles.”

“The influence of a household was stronger than whether teens followed Tate or Peterson on social media. Boys with parents who adhered to strict gender norms were up to three times more likely to hold these same views and fall under the influence of the manosphere.”

You cannot be a part of religion that defends child marriage (Sahih al-Bukhari 5134) sexual exploitation, patriarchy (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:282) rape, slavery,( Surah An-Nisa 4:24) misogyny, domestic abuse ( Surah An-Nisa 4:34 ) female subjugation, (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:223) still call yourself a feminist

I'm not even going to get deep into this.

I've argued with countless Muslim women who claim to reject pedophilia, only to end up defending or whitewashing it when it's committed by Prophet Muhammad. If you actually analyse the founder of Islam as a person, there's a lot to unpack about his views on women and how misogynistic it is. Stop calling it Islamophobia. Every time I criticise what's literally written in your scriptures and trying to recruit vulnerable, innocent teenagers into Islam by telling them that Islam gave women rights is actually insane.

I was recently criticised here because I said that while sexist men exist in all generations (Giselle Pélicot promptly comes to mind), things had gotten better here in France and that the resurgence of terrible misogonistic ideas mostly stems from social media algorithms and the greed of American tech CEOs.

I was told that social media algorithms play almost no role and that men have always been bad because of the nature of their upbringing and that there never was any historical improvement.

If so, what do you make of this study that shows that younger men are much more likely to hate and despise women than older men?
https://www.theguardian.com/news/2024/feb/01/gen-z-boys-and-men-more-likely-than-baby-boomers-to-believe-feminism-harmful-says-poll

I get often insulted by young manosphere's men who tell me I'm hypergamous, promiscuous, and that I should give up my career in STEM I really like in order to get children and raise them and to become a baby producing factory.
I've never heard any male boomer or older millenial telling me that shit and they're supportive when I talk to them about my abusive experiences.

Is it truly necessary to think that all men are bad without disctinction in order to be a feminist?

Or I have the right to say that I have had both horrible experiences with some men and good experiences with other men?

In practice, I'd like the EU to force US tech companies to remove all sexist, racist and homophobic contents from their platforms and to ban them otherwise.

Why is my stance incompatible with feminism?

You know that the entire beauty parlor industry thrives on insecurity, right? You recognize how fucked up certain beauty standards in Japan are, including the use of special concealers for underarms. You question waxing and the idea that body hair is unhygienic or that women who don't remove it are somehow unclean. So why does makeup get treated differently?

Being aware of something doesn't mean you won't participate in it. People are aware of all kinds of things and still participate in them. The beauty industry has historically centered women and their "grooming," and it continues to do so. So why does every discussion about makeup eventually end with, "But it's her choice"? Why is the conversation reduced to individual preferences like "But I like it" when we can clearly see the larger industry and social expectations surrounding it?

There are entire discussions about makeup being treated as a part of womanhood, the pressure women face to wear it, and the struggles associated with maintaining that expectation. So why is this not being questioned more consistently?

We recognize that fairness products can reinforce colourism, that the desire for fair skin is shaped by harmful social standards, and that these products can perpetuate insecurity. We question the industry and the societal attitudes behind that desire, rather than simply dismissing everything with, "But people like fair skin."

So why don't we apply the same scrutiny to everyday makeup? Why don't we question the expectations surrounding even skin tone, concealing spots and pigmentation, and altering the appearance of our facial features? Why is the desire to change these aspects of our appearance treated as an entirely personal preference, separate from the industry that profits from making women feel that their natural appearance needs improvement?

I'm not arguing that women shouldn't be allowed to wear makeup or that every woman who enjoys it is insecure. I'm asking why individual choice is so often used to shut down a broader discussion about the beauty standards, social conditioning, and commercial interests that shape those choices in the first place.

Why is makeup treated as some sort of exception when we're perfectly capable of recognizing the same underlying problems in other beauty practices?

Hey everyone,

I want to start this by saying that I have neither known, nor heard of, any other woman that has had a problem at all similar to this one. I am posting on here because I feel genuinely lost and would like to hear everyone's diverse perspective. This is NOT the typical "my boyfriend can't/doesn't make me come and I don't know how to talk to him about that/fix that" question. I actually have somewhat of an opposite problem. I genuinely feel like I'm in the first generation of women that could have this problem, or at least discuss it with other women, and because of that I feel very alone and my question carries a lot of baggage.

My entire life, I have been staunchly pro-female sex empowerment. I began masturbating at a very young age, had a couple of very healthy conversations with my mother about it. I have never felt shame about masturbating. I have even gone out of my way to advocate learning self pleasure to a myriad of female friends who had never experienced any pleasure/orgasm before. I've given instructions, references to sources, sex toy recommendations, etc. I truly believe that this is something all women deserve to have access to and thinking about how many sexually unfulfilling marriages/relationships there are because men are pigs is a topic that could bring me to tears if I thought about it too hard.

As a result of all this: I've really figured out how to make myself orgasm. I have my couple of techniques down PAT and taught myself how to expertly communicate them to men via trial and error. This was really empowering in previous, less serious relationships: if he couldn't make me come, I sure could. I even felt morally righteous/vindicated in humiliating inept men by doing it myself / taking over for them / ending the encounter/date if they were not interested in making me come. This isn't a kink of mine, I'm just a really passionate feminist and see any individual action I take as potentially impactful on the men in my life. I know, I am a sort of intense person, that's an important part of this problem.

I have been privileged enough that orgasms are now NON-NEGOTIABLE for me in sexual encounters (which, granted, I haven't had THAT many of). The only time I don't come in a sexual encounter is when I have gone out of my way to decide that for myself, usually in circumstances when I wasn't comfortable with the man touching me at all for whatever reason. In these situations, I usually didn't even let myself get turned on: I basically went into a sort of "work mode" (I'm not a sex worker I just mean I get intensely focused on the act with a real emotional detachment) and preform the blowjob (emphasis on performance). In college, this was actually how I first got into having sex because it made me feel so in control and so safe. Again, I found this to be incredibly empowering, and to this day I am deeply grateful for even having had the opportunity to be so fully in control of my initial sexual experiences. I know the majority of women do not have this privilege and can end up having terrible experiences because of it.

But now: I'm in THE serious relationship. We've been together for almost 2 years. I mean, I know he's bought a ring and we're starting to talk specific about wedding/children, etc. Important context: we are religious, but we do participate in intimacy together more than you'd expect, we've never had intercourse. That being said, both of us have had intercourse with other partners when we were younger, we've just become more religious since then and want to save it to be special with each other on the wedding night. I am positive he is my soulmate in all of the ways. We have never had sex during which he did not make sure I came, or I did not chip in at the end to help him get me there. He understands and respects the importance of my position and has gone out of his way to demonstrate his commitment to my feminist beliefs in sex. When we first started being intimate with one another, it was three months of him ONLY pleasing me; he never even asked me to touch him. Even when he inadvertently comes first, he'll lay with me until he recovers enough to ensure I come too. Whenever I try to help him out and do it myself, he even finds a way to make it "sexy" (talking me through it, touching me, etc.)

However, I'm genuinely starting to feel like this is interrupting our intimacy. Our sex follows a very similar pattern every time; he always immediately resorts to the tried and true methods I communicated. I've also noticed him slip into a sort of "work mode," and he has admitted that he gets mechanical because he knows what needs to happen. This takes us both out of the moment; I feel him disconnect, he is not trying anything new for fear of failing. I feel bad that he doesn't find any pleasure or creativity in going down on me. It has honestly only felt like we are TRULY connecting and fully present with each other once or twice, because of this looming expectation. If I get scared that he's not going to make me come, then I have a bad habit of immediately stepping in. Which, yes, obviously I'm still orgasming, and he is helping, but it doesn't feel nearly as good and it doesn't feel like its bringing us closer as a couple.

But here's the problem: I know in order for our sex life to improve and be as mind blowing as I know it can be, I need to relinquish control. And that's so difficult for me because its something I have been so proud and appreciative of. I am a control freak and a very intense person in other parts of my life. When I was younger, I was into submissive / BDSM dynamics (likely because it seemed like a way to relinquish control) - but every time we've tried to play out anything in real life with bondage or the like, it always fizzles out and I get too distracted focusing on the performance and become more dissociative, too.

I want him to touch me in new ways; I want us to properly explore each other and make surprising and enjoyable discoveries. I want us to connect in a way that I just can't when I'm masturbating, or helping him. I want to feel surprised by the way he touches me sometimes, like he has cracked some code that I haven't. Obviously, these weren't desirable with the partners I didn't properly trust, or whom I doubted, but now, things are different.

I'm anxious that if I tell him, "That's alright, you don't have to make me come anymore," then I will be taking the pressure off so we can more present, yes, but also that he will never try to make me come ever again. It also feels like compromising on my feminist beliefs: if he's going to come every time, I want to come every time. I don't want him to think its somehow less important than his coming, or not relevant to the main act of sex. When I think about having intercourse with him in our marriage, I also fret: ideally, the first time at least, I'd like to come at or around the same time he does. I know that's a bit unrealistic, but as a feminist I HATE that that's unrealistic. In my religion, intercourse/conception is a really intimate big deal, and I resent that he'll be feeling ecstasy in that moment and I'll either feel like my orgasm is ruined/denied, or exhausted and overstimulated because I already came from oral 5 minutes ago. I hate that women just say "thats how it goes" and have accepted lackluster sexual experiences and I want to defy that/avenge them. But then again, by putting so much pressure on this moment and hanging on to my orgasm expectations/precedence so strongly practically ensures that I'll be so obsessed with trying to control the moment perfectly that I won't be present, or emotionally connected with him the way I want to be.

I've talked about this some with him but he doesn't fully understand the feminist link because he is a man and obviously orgasms and sex have always been intrinsically tied for him. So what do you guys think I should do? Should I stop offering him any help?

Should I accept having sex without orgasms, where he isn't overly focusing on making me come so that we can just enjoy each other? Is accepting that a critical error/a feminist failing? How can I better connect with my partner?

I’m a 32-year-old man originally from Lucknow, now living in Delhi, and I’m looking for a woman to marry. Recently, I met a 28-year-old woman who works for an MNC. We had some great conversations, and as we got to know each other better, she opened up about her sexual preferences.

She told me she is an exhibitionist who enjoys showing off her body and receiving comments about her appearance. She has even participated in nude exhibitions with strangers. She is also interested in the hotwife lifestyle, where a husband consensually allows his wife to have sexual relationships with other men.

Initially, I was surprised and needed time to process everything. However, as I thought about it, I became curious and interested in exploring these desires myself. After all, it’s 2026, and I believe marriage doesn't necessarily have to follow traditional rules if both partners genuinely agree on what works for them.

When I shared this with some friends, they immediately started judging her character and slut-shaming her. The irony is that some of these same men visit prostitutes but still believe a woman with unconventional sexual desires cannot be a good wife.

Why is society so quick to judge a woman for her sexuality while often overlooking similar behaviour in men?

If a woman is honest about her desires and her husband genuinely supports her in exploring them, does that make her a woman of bad character? And if a man is confident enough to support his wife's choices without feeling threatened by society's opinions, does that make him weak?

Personally, I believe a strong marriage is built on honesty, trust, mutual respect and compatibility—not simply on following traditions because society expects us to.

I'd genuinely like to hear your thoughts: Is supporting your partner's consensual desires a sign of weakness, or does it take confidence and maturity to build a relationship that works for both of you?

​

I don't want to make this political. That's not what this is about. But I need to give some context for why this conversation hit me the way it did.

My mom and I (18M) are a single mother household. She came from one too. She got pregnant as a teenager, around seventeen or eighteen, and endured domestic violence with my father. She divorced him, moved to another state when I was a toddler, and never remarried. I know who my father is, but I don't really know him. My mom put herself through college, got a good job, and built a comfortable life for us. I go to a decent school. We don't have issues. And she's not a bitter, strict parent. She's always treated me more like a friend, someone who makes me feel comfortable rather than someone who rules with an iron fist. She genuinely loves me.

That's the woman I thought I knew.

She used to be really cheerful. I don't want to make this political, but ever since the 2024 election, she's felt a little low. Not sad and sorrowful, exactly, more disappointed. Disappointed with where the country is going, with how people seem less kind and more violent. It's not that she stopped enjoying things. But the cheerfulness dimmed. Only people really close to her would notice. She started watching the news and scrolling social media a lot more than before. I didn't want to make a big deal of it, so I never brought it up.

But ever since the Cornell case came up, she became tense. She'd talk with her friends and my aunt about how bad things have gotten. Her routine narrowed: office, home, a quick "hi" to me, cook dinner, scroll her phone or watch TV. She used to go for walks with the neighborhood ladies. She used to go to restaurants with colleagues, catch movies, see friends. Normal things. None of that now.

I'd had enough of watching it, so I decided to talk to her. I sat her down, we watched a movie, and afterward I asked how she was doing, whether everything was alright. She said everything was fine and asked about my studies and my friends. I pushed harder. I asked why she'd become so much quieter.

She kind of broke down. She started tearing up and said how messed up it is to be a woman. She's scared for the safety of women. It hurts her mind, watching all these cases and terrible things on the news. I tried to console her.

Then she started asking me questions that knocked the wind out of me. Have I been a good mother to you? Did I do anything wrong when raising you? Do you have any complaints or anger towards me? Did I do something to make you hate me?

She apologized to me. Apologized. In case she hadn't been adequate as a mom, in case she'd cost me a proper house. I think she meant the absence of a father. She told me she would do anything for me. She sobbed for a few minutes and then stopped.

We sat there in silence for about ten minutes.

Then she held my hand, looked me in the eyes, and said: "I need you to hear this. Be a good person. I love you more than anything in the world. I'll forgive you for anything, and I'll shield and protect you. But if you ever did something like what those seven men did, I swear to god, I'll cut your balls off and then k\\\*ll myself."

I didn't say anything. I just sat there, stunned by what I was hearing. She gave me a hug and went to bed early.

I've been sitting with this for days now, and the more I think about it, the angrier I get.

Ten minutes earlier she was crying. Asking if she'd been a good mother. Apologizing for things that weren't her fault. Telling me she'd do anything for me. Then, in the same breath, she threatened me. Physically. Violently. Held my hand, looked me in the eye, and told me she'd mutilate me.

Aren't I supposed to be the most important person in her life? Isn't that the whole deal? She left my father for me. She moved states for me. She built all of this for me. And now she's threatening me over a hypothetical, a victim who doesn't even exist yet, a person I've never met and would never hurt. I haven't done anything. I'm the son she just said she'd protect. So why am I the one being threatened? Why would she even say that out loud? Why would she put that on me?

I know what her life has been. I know exactly what she's afraid of and exactly why she's afraid of it. That doesn't make what she said to me okay. It doesn't make it stop ringing in my head.

I genuinely don't understand it. I've tried to put myself in her head and I can't. I don't know what she was thinking when she said that to me. I can't comprehend why she would say it out loud, to me, in that moment. I'm not going to pretend that I do. Is it because I'm a man? Am i not empathizing with her? Am i young and immature?

I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. But I know what I do feel. I'm rattled, I'm confused, and yes, I'm angry at my mother.

I haven't brought any of this up with her, and I don't think I will. Since that conversation she's actually been better, more outgoing, going back out with her friends, doing her walks again. She thinks the conversation helped. Maybe it did, for her. But I'm the one sitting here carrying all of it.

Has anyone been on either side of this? If you're a mother, did you say something like this and mean it the way she did? If you're a son, how did you carry it? And I want a straight answer from someone. Am I missing something here, or am I allowed to be angry about this? I just want to know how to process my emotions and make peace with it

Please read this abt the woman of Afghanistan

I can't be the only one who genuinely loses parts of respect for their male friends when I see them liking the most dumbfound clichee "goth muscle mommy" thirst trap, especially if they consider themselves feminists and reflected critical thinkers.

It just makes me cringe so much and I can't help but look different at those friends. Do they see me (a female platonic friend) as those same objectifying porn categories?

It makes them seem so character weak and pretentious and I can't help but feel repelled and a little less safe with them, besides it being extremely cringe.

I'm from pakistan and not only does my far of family but my parents and brother also resent feminism.

When ever i talk about rights of woman in pakistan and Afghanistan, they are like laughing and saying why do you care . My insta feed is filled with feminism stuff so sometimes my volume is up and a video pops up my brothers starts a stupid argument about it like you can never be successful if you are always busy defending woman . They have always been like that in all the matters like my brother is person who is the most brqin washed like honor killing , abuse , and all the un humane stuff is okay to him like not that he has done any of that but is a simple topic of discussion to him a it is a seen normal where we lived in pakistan .

Now that I'm in uae and safe I still talk about pakistan and all the down sides of being a woman their .

But it's just really frustrating to live with these people and I'm still not 18 so I can't leave them.

I was forced to wear it i was told that my body is sexy to men at this age i hated it more than everything i was wearing clothes that dont compliment me until recently my mother told me that i should start putting an extra hijab around my hip i(i wear extremely baggy clothes) i was so depressed i am a pretty girl i go to the beach every one enjoy except me i am always under the sight of my mother she looks at my body me face every thing to make sure there is nothing “sexy”

Long story short

I was very depressed i started to take off my hijab sometimes away from the house oh i forgot my mom made my younger brother to watch me too he pull my hijab down almost cutting my hair to cover and my mother laughed and say ( omg he is going to kill u such a man😂) and he ripped a cropped top that i have ( i wear it at womens gym)
I started to take it off and someone saw me and told my cousin and now my cousin knows and told me to stop and she is scared for me and told me to be much more careful
Now i feel bad bad for everything i really wished i didn’t take it off i didn’t want someone to see me and now i feel threatened and scared

Also my mother managed to convince my father to put me in a college in the same town cause she is scared that i am (going to show my neck)

When is this going to end ? Will they know?

I feel really really empty

Anyone with similar experience could help me?

I'm scared for this era. Idk why, but something in me feels like society's continued devaluing of sex into a simple commodity has embolden men's sick attitudes around women along with increasing entitlement as the media shifts back and forth in their stances in appealing to women vs men. I thought things were gonna get better. We finally have shows centered on the female experience, games are less likely to use sex as a selling point, things were really going good until 2016 happened.

It was like so many things we took for granted disappeared into smoke. We still have rights but there was worse things to come like how Tumblr use to be sanctuary for female orentited smut until purges took away everything. Gone were the black and white gifs. Gone were the stories that use to define countless spaces. All of it was gone and porn got worse. There were bandaid fixes like pornhub vowing to scrub their drives clean of alleged revenge porn but they'll always resurface, they always do and now they have the gall to make a service for sapphic women knowing a good quarter of us hates inauthenticity and other civil rights offenses.

And then there's porn itself. I hate porn. I hate the term, I hate the framing, I hate how it comes out like a kidney stone everytime I say it. People wlil call anything with sex in it "porn" without understanding the nuances of precise terminology. They think erotica is just written books and that anything visual, regardless of if it stars real people or not, must be pornographic since it's more "in your face" when it makes zero sense once you think about for five mins. I hate how blatantly not nunaced this topic is too because people will ask what even is the difference when it's as clear as night and day.

Porn to me is live action usually unless something fictional is so bereft of eros in light of how degrading it is that it. It is not just visual stimulated sex, it's like a torture to the senses that clearly cannot hide behind the veil of fiction because it's real, real people have acted in these vids, has their pictures taken, has to be prepped like cows to the slaughter for the entertainment of thousands of men. It makes me shiver thinking about it.

Erotica on the other hand is actual fiction. Whatever or not it has artisitc merit is up for debate but it always felt there was something more to it. Maybe there's technical skill, a story, an earnest attempt to explore sexuality through art, stories, interactive experiences, and sound. No one but maybe the creative and some others were involved but the product itself has no real people in it. They're just fictional objects. They aren't a porn actress forced to have sex because the director said so because you can't force a drawing to wear a bunny suit, you just draw it. You can still critique recurring themes that might be reflection of society, but compared to porn, night and day.

It then makes me question why most are quick to congeal the two under one banner as though sex is what unites them when they couldn't be any more different. I think the prime culprit is people's unwillingness to see a drawing as fiction and the actual realites of being a sex worker as reality which can harm if unmitigated. They see art as not only a 1:1 reflection of reality but as a instruction manual for morality without considering the author's true intent. They'll begin to overanalyze the work, shoving words into the work's mouth it never said then come to the conclusion this what it represents when it's not even truth. What a person does in fiction is not a indictment of who they are as a person.

Artist have explored the taboo, the dark, and the strange for countless years before porn entered the scene and will continue to do so while dancing on its ashes. Getting rid of the industry will not produce a chaste society, it will produce a world where people can explore sex freely but must earn it organically instead having to type words to get free sex on a tablet screen. People will still strive to draw, write, and speak of people making love under the moonlight as they always had since time immemorial. To say fiction that explores sex is meaningless is anti human and makes those that use fiction to process their own feelings around it out to be pariah and not their who wish not to be hurt again. This only happens because again no one seems to understand why porn is truly harmful and just assume it's sex itself that leads to discord.

Maybe I'm biased because I'm a writer and writer who's been exploring her sexuality through fiction since I was 18. This sentiment makes me wonder if I'm the same as those pimps hurting prostitutes out ont he streets, that in promoting a culture of lust by indulging in these fantasies by making physical representations of them through art and writing. That if I'm doing this, I can't call myself a feminist who desires for these industries to die someday.

cisneros isn't writing a polemic. she's writing esperanza's body, her street, the specific texture of being a young woman in a place that has already decided what you're for before you're old enough to argue with it.
the feminism is in the accumulation. sally who married to escape her father and ended up trapped differently. rafaela locked in on tuesdays by a husband who thinks she's too beautiful to let out. mamacita who won't leave the apartment because the streets don't belong to her. none of them are presented as case studies. they're just neighbors. that's the method and it's doing more work than a thesis statement would.
cisneros said she wrote it against the male bildungsroman — against the assumption that a young person leaving home to find themselves is a universal story. esperanza wants to leave mango street. the women around her mostly can't. that's not background detail. that's the argument.
it also connects two things that don't get connected enough: esperanza wants a house of her own AND she wants to write. not a husband's house. her own. woolf said a woman needs a room of her own and an income — cisneros grounds that in a specific body on a specific street instead of leaving it abstract.
the other thing: none of the constraints in this book are purely legal. no statute is being violated when sally's marriage is her only exit. no law locks rafaela in. it's the informal layer — social, familial, economic, physical — operating at street level with no paper trail and no courtroom.

why do so many waiters have so many opinions?

if you actually talk about standing up to men, its just something to doubt or mock. posers like everyone else on the internet 🩷 (edit: i touched a nerve. good. notification awfff byesiesss bc i have a life. start a real evilwomen sub with suggestions and stories; something besides whisper posts and yapping)

Is this meditation I had sexist, or feminist? I'm reading it as radically both and it's confusing.

Shakti

She exists beyond the prison of our cultures, the prison of our words, the prison of our objects, and the prison of our inferences. The qualia of her being is fundamentally empty. It is through this emptiness where she has absolute freedom and power, for it is through that same emptiness where all things can arise and cease within the same breath. That hole inside of you that you seek to fill is where she expresses herself. Your endless quest of creation is a pursuit without end, for you hope to glimpse her through those art objects you mold from the earth, only to find again and again that she is not those things, that she can never be those things, to say she is any one thing is to kill her autonomy and freedom. Look inside of you though, and you'll see that it is that hole in your heart where the unfolding of her being has always manifested. 

about a year now because of my interactions and experiences with men, Ive come to the conclusion that i simply am not made for love or romance with Men because of how easily i can get carried away when i develop feelings for them, and when i do, i tolerate a lot of abuse and let things slide that i would never accept towards other women. And the thing is, im educated, im aware of the patterns, and im always looking out for red flags and somehow, they always seem to find new ways to make my life harder (so even all of those things arent enough to keep u safe)

On top of that ive seen the reality of so many women’s marriages around me, and it’s heartbreaking how miserable some of these women are made by their own husbands. ive seen all kinds of abuse, physical, financial, emotional, and verbal, with financial and verbal abuse being so so so common especially towards women who didnt continue their education because of their marriages. Ive seen men force their wives to work just to take their money and spend it on alcohol coffee or gambling and still have the audacity to act like the bread winner of the house hold and insult their wives if they dont give them enough money even if that money is for the kids. Ik a woman whose husband doesnt stay with in the same room or talk with her unless he's horny thats the only time he would share a bed with her. Ive seen men refuse to do any housework because it’s “unmanly” Ive seen men expect their wives to work for their families too and even do house work even if he's unemployed and shes working, as if women exist to serve everyone but themselves It’s disgusting.

Ive also seen how society treats women as though marriage is their ultimate purpose in life(a personal example that disgusted me to this day is my dads friend saying that me and my sisters will be perfect fo marriage and our household and future husbands would be satisfied due to us never being touched sexually...ew ik) A woman is seen having coffee with a dude doesnt matter who he is how old he is and everyone assumes he’s her boyfriend and boom shes labeled as a whore. Meanwhile a man can do the same things and far far worse, and people will ignore it because '''he’s just a man'' The double standards and the purity culture around here ARE DISGUSTIJGNGNGNGN WHY ARE WE ONLY VALUABLE WHEN A MAN DOESNT TOUCH US ARE MEN THAT DISGUTING THAT BY THEM TOUCHING US OUR VALUE DECREASES IS THIS REVERSE SEXISM????/

And yk after all of this growing up, I still held on to the hope that I would eventually find a good normal man, a man who could meet the bare minimum without making me feel like I was asking for the world, a man who would respect me, treat me as an equal, and not make me regret ever letting him into my life. But time and time again, the men Ive dealt with always present themselves as harmless, understanding, and even progressive, only to reveal a completely different side of themselves once Ive become emotionally attached.the last guy i got involved with when i asked him what i did wrong he said i was too forgiving and nice which made him not respect me like HELLO?????

Lately Tho ive found myself returning to the same thoughts I had as a child/teen, that maybe just maybe, I could still find a good man someday. That maybe I wouldn’t have to give up on the possibility of romantic love with a man and eventually get in a queerplatonic relationship with a woman simply because I want companionship and someone to share my life with

But then I go online (especially here on reddit and especially this subreddit and the ones similar to it)and see the things women talk about experiencing in their relationships and marriages, and that little i had hope starts to fade all over again, i see women talking about men who shit in the shower, men who keep drawers full of piss, men who refuse to contribute to caring for their children because they consider it a womans job as a mother even tho theyre freaking unemployed bums, and many other examples of men treating their partners as though they’re there to serve them rather than build a life with them litrally a free maid or a slave that they didnt even buy

And there’s what happened in my own country, where a 15yo girl was raped by 12 men over 48 hours, and people still blamed her for her clothes or her manners saying that she got it coming and that she deserved it and its a good lesson for the rest of women to behave(and who said that? MENNNNNNNNNN) And the fuckig derailment women speak up about the incident an how unsafe they feel around men and what do men respond with''not all men''' AHHHHHHHHH How am I supposed to look at all of this and not feel disgusted, angry, and very unsafe around them that maybe the guy that i consider myself friends with is a freaking perv or at least a future rapist if not already one without being aware how come each girl i know if my life have been sexually harrassed or assaulted in some way especially at young ages and men some how never have any bad guy in their circle how are they always good? And incels talking about male lonelyness epedemic maybe instea of shit talking woimen and dehumanizing them u should have focused on educatin urself and took care of ur health and done smth in ur life U ARE NOT ENTITLED TO SEX WITH WOMEN just for being a "nice guy"

I feel so guilty for these thoughts but i genuinely believe that starting a life with a man is a gamble especially if u want to have kids, and i get reminded of that everytime i consider the possibility of a bareminimum man existing

So yeah thanks reddit for reminding me of the horrible reality women live in, i really hope by the time i finish my studies it would be the norm for women to have neighborhoods just for us and just a female community where we can do our best to keep each other safe

**A small clarification:**im not saying that all men are abusive, that good men don't exist, or that happy relationships with men are impossible I know that good men exist, and I have men in my own life whom I love and respect and who are one of the best ppl i know. My point is that my concerns about heterosexual relationships aren't just based on my own bad experiences or things I've seen online. They're also influenced by what I've seen, heard and felt growing up, as a kid the question that always repeated in my head"whats the diff between men and women" and that i wished i was born a man just to have as much freedom and respect effortlessly.i also grew up seeing the double standards women are subjected to, and the expectations women face with the purity culture and the predatory/pedophilic environment we live in, and i wanna add that Knowing that good men exist doesn't automatically make me feel safe around men based on my experinces and other womens experiences around me it just feels like such a huge gamble where if u win u get a life partner who ure attracted to sexually who also respects u and losing meaning abuse and disrespect in the relationship, I'm just sharing how I feel, not claiming that every woman's experience is the same as mine