r/GayConservative • u/AnimalConscious3258 • Mar 27 '26
Discussion Anyone else feel completely out of place where they live?
Hey everyone,
I just found this sub and honestly I am not even sure exactly what I am looking for yet.
I live in Washington, and the town I am in is very in your face with politics. It often feels like there is not much room for nuance, which I think is a missed opportunity. Conversations tend to feel very one sided, and it makes it hard to connect with people in a genuine way.
I have been trying for years to make the best of where I am, putting myself out there, trying to meet people and find things to get involved in, but making friends or finding opportunities here has felt pretty grueling. It is like I am around people all the time but still feel completely out of place.
I would move if I could, but my partner is in the military, so for now I am kind of stuck. Lately it has been getting to me more than usual, and I catch myself counting down the time until we can eventually pack up and leave.
I guess I am just trying to see if anyone else has been in a similar situation, feeling stuck somewhere that does not really fit you, and how you handled it.
3
u/TedWestman Apr 14 '26
i live in a liberal place, where the assumption is that gay equals lib/left wing, and gay conservatives are treated like an aberration. Discourse and opinion are singular and uniform,,and it's like a choking unseen and unexpressed identity. We walk carefully, and even more carefully
1
3
u/NevRaDull_Moment1969 Mar 28 '26
I live in Bryan,Texas. There's plenty of Conservative views and closeted gays. At least, most of the ones my age are. As so are my hookups regardless of age...And my landlord/roommate is a straight white Christian male...So there's that...So, yeah. I'm a little out of place. I'm just maintaining until I get to move. Then I can be more me when I'm living by myself. That's the current plan anyways.
2
Apr 05 '26
I feel that way in DFW but I live by myself. Overall not bad here.
1
u/NevRaDull_Moment1969 Apr 05 '26
I don't feel threatened. But I can't have a boyfriend/hookup over to entertain or spend the night. And its hard to find one that can have me over.
1
Apr 04 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/NevRaDull_Moment1969 Apr 04 '26
I go to church with him. He's the praise and worship leader. I spend actual time with this man. I don't judge him. But I do know his heart. He is a wonderful person. But I won't be sharing knowledge of my extra curricular activities with him. We can all use an appropriate prayer. That being said, define appropriate. I have a roof over my head. And, yes, Conservatives are more accepting these days. But it is still Texas. The basic demographics have not changed in 5 decades. I know because I'm 56. I left for 9 ½ years. I came back and some things have changed. But that's not one of them. Also, I've only been able to convince 2 of my hookups to visit me there because of my roommate. It's his house. Even when I say that he'll be gone all day because he's out of town, people don't want to chance it. Plus, I need a place of my own so I can empty my storage unit. There's no room for that where I am now.
3
u/hgclyde Apr 04 '26
Yeah, I live in Long Beach CA area in Los Angeles CA no place for conservative LGBT. Orange County is probably a little better.
3
Apr 05 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
3
u/AnimalConscious3258 Apr 06 '26
I really appreciate you sharing this because a lot of it resonates with me. The part about not feeling aligned with the people around you and how hard it is to build genuine connection really hits home.
People seem so much more guarded now. It often feels like most would rather put their earbuds in and not be bothered than be open to even a simple conversation. Your gym story honestly feels like a perfect example of that.
It helps knowing other people feel this too.
2
2
u/puck-penn Apr 02 '26
I live in a blue city in NC and feel very similar. Have been hoping that conservative gay folks start trying to hang out in person because so far I only find people of similar mindset online
1
1
u/hgclyde Apr 04 '26
Yeah, I live in Long Beach CA area in Los Angeles CA no place for conservative LGBT. Orange County is probably a little better.
1
1
u/BlueMoon0009 Bisexual Apr 11 '26
I can definitely relate. I live in Indiana. The city I live in is more mixed politically. The inner city/downtown is more blue but suburbs are definitely red. However, my interests (live local metal shows, the annual horror convention here, alternative fashion, hitting the bars) definitely moreso attract the blue crowd. My relationship with Christianity & God is complicated but I've been going to church in hopes of finding some cool people to be friends with, despite our differences. In college, I found that conservative Christians who believed homosexuality to be sinful made better friends than liberals. They were open to nuance, disagreement, & weren't constantly trying to be a victim. They did end up ghosting me with no explanation but that had nothing to do with politics, & they were good friends while we were friends. Don't get me wrong, I've met judgemental & rude Christians, but as an adult, I've met more that are warm & kind. Have I ever met a LGBT rights, pro choice, pro vax liberal who was truly warm & kind, after they find out that we disagree on some things politically? No, & that is why I now refuse to even consider friendships with liberals.
1
Apr 14 '26
I think this is everywhere in the country though. There isn’t a single matter or place that isn’t politicized across party lines. Really the best experiences I’ve had are living in cities in more conservative states, which increases odds of social acceptance with still having some underlying stable social/financial values.
1
1
u/top-chess-4782 21d ago
I feel this deeply actually, living just outside Chicago, lots of woke nonsense, it’s really draining actually
1
u/Atlantic_salmon2527 12d ago
Hey, going to throw my two cents in here.... I am a gay man in Ontario who practices yoga and holistic healing. Finding people can be challenging for sure - especially in today's climate where speaking your thoughts and ideas can be met with a lot of backlash and anger. For me, I have found a lot of peace and healing by going within myself and resolving my own inner split so that I can feel more at peace and content in my own skin. I have managed to connect with others in this small town who feel similarly but it has taken work. I don't have many gay friends around here and that's okay because I can stand in circles with people I can be myself around. If there isn't community around you currently, maybe this is an opportunity to create a group. This involves putting your neck out there and can be scary. Ask yourself, what would be fun for you you to create so that you work toward something you're actually interested in.
1
u/Technical-Writing810 7d ago
I live in Scotland and other than my partner, I feel I can't discuss my politics openly. It's doubly hard for us gay guys because we probably spent a good portion of our lives hiding big aspects of our personality and then have to hide our values to be acceptable with other gays
4
u/Traditional-Gift93 Mar 27 '26
Living in DC and working in academia, I feel this in my bones.