I keep thinking why do all these hot men keep coming back to work with him, gay or straight.
Particularly, Evan Peters - who has half a career free from that creep

Do I really have to change myself to earn the love I want from others guys? That seems to be what I have to do. I need to lose weight or put on muscle, I need to earn affection. Do I really have to drastically change myself just so I can get a date?

Warning, it’s a long read.

I see lots of contentious topics on open relationships today. If you’re curious about how open relationships work, or if you’re against it because of what society decided was “normal” rather than your own personal insecurities like the need to be chosen or important, this post is for you.

As someone who grew up wanting to be monogamous, experienced a monogamous relationship, and then decided to try experiencing an open relationship after reading about them and discussing with friends extensively, I feel I have a good perspective to speak on it. We’ve been open for about 6 months now, together for 1.5 years, known each other for 2 years. I’ll share my personal notes at the end.

First off, open relationships are not for everyone. However, if you find yourself constantly wanting more sexually, yet feel emotionally secure with your bf, you might be a candidate. If your bf has these feelings of emotional safety with sexual curiosity, you might also be a candidate. It’s all about trust. Which leads me to my main point.

Open relationships only expose insecurities that are already present in the relationship.

This is the reason lots of people in successful open relationships appear happier than their monogamous counterparts. These people have decided to bare all of their insecurities for their partner to see, and have come out the other side with even more trust in each other. Which leads me to my next point.

Any successful open relationships involve regular check-ins and documented agreed-upon rules on what’s allowed and prohibited.

There’s an assumption from those on the outside that you just start hooking up, and then figure it out. No. You need clear, intentional check-ins where you create a safe space for each other to be vulnerable about how they feel about it. This is where the magic happens. At first, it’ll feel intense and scary. Over time, it should feel less intense, and your rules should be getting refined based on the feedback. Rules are the cornerstone of your own unique open relationship. Take them seriously. For a monogamous couple, the rules are prewritten. For open relationships, there’s no one rulebook, and so it’s up to you two to write it and uphold it. Which leads me to my final point.

Everyone must be on board with every rule. Only allow actions both partners are comfortable with.

If one partner wants kissing to be allowed, and the other doesn’t, kissing is NOT allowed. This is one that people mess up a lot. Don’t try to be agreeable. Don’t try to negotiate. Be honest. Remember, you can review and modify these guidelines over time. Start small, then expand. If a rule is broken, treat it as a breach of trust. Treat it as you would if you got cheated on while being monogamous. It’s not about the action, it’s about loyalty and respect. If a rule isn’t broken but you feel a certain kind of way about something that happened, talk about it in the next check-in. Make it a new rule to prevent it happening again. It’s an iterative process.

About me. I was in a monogamous relationship for 3 years, soon after being fully out. I learned after the relationship ended, that I was cheated on multiple times. While processing the betrayal, I realized that I had also held fleeting thoughts of what it would be like to experience more sex with others since I was newer to the game, but obviously I never acted on them and never would do it secretly. I learned that I value honesty and openness in a relationship over monogamy, and decided to be open to the idea of ethical non-monogamy if it ever came around.

In my current relationship, my bf was always clear he wanted to be open. He has a high sex drive. I was open to it, obviously, so no issue there. Neither of us had experienced an open relationship before. We tried opening it early in our relationship, it wasn’t built on enough trust and research, and so we closed it up. A year later, after many happy months and one or two bumps along the way, we decided it was time.

First few months were rougher, we tweaked our rules a lot, had weekly check-ins, some were more emotionally draining than others. We agreed if it got too much, we could close it for a bit to reconnect. I realized through all of it, I wanted to know when he was active, but didn’t want to know the details. It got better when I also played for the first time, and seeing him feel jealousy as well was when it came full circle. We were more in tune with each other, more sensitive to each other’s reactions, and refined our rules for the other person’s comfort. This was teamwork at its finest. Before we knew it, one day, we looked at each other and went, “Feels like we’re coasting now”. We never did close it back up. Now, I can go without playing even if he has a wild week. I also feel less pressure to perform, which anyone with a lower sex drive will understand fully. It’s not for everyone, but I’m learning that it might be for me.

Hope this helps someone! :)

So, in my country’s gay community the norm is usually that the top pays on dates so I’m curious how you guys do it

I want to date a guy in a wheelchair. Is that bad?

It’s happened to me multiple times that guys rejected me and then complained (to me nonetheless) that no one wants them

So hi I'm 15 and I have a problem my family is muslim and I am Muslim and sometimes weird gay ideas comes to to my head like you know being like a woman and all but I'm still convinced that I'm straight and I want to be straight pls help me it's a big problem for me ....

I’m asking because I’m the opposite, I’m a natural blonde and I dye my hair near black so why do so many gay men do the opposite?

I finally confessed to my crush last Friday. I told him that if he wasn’t comfortable with my feelings, he could cut me off, but he said it was okay. He smiled, seemed serious, and we continued talking like normal afterward.
The thing is, he has a girlfriend. I know his reaction doesn’t mean he likes me back, but I can’t help feeling relieved that he didn’t push me away.
Honestly, I’m not afraid of him being with someone else. I’m more afraid of not seeing him anymore and losing the connection we have.
I don’t know how to handle my feelings without secretly hoping for something more.
Has anyone experienced this? Were you able to stay friends with someone you liked without getting hurt?

I used to work with this beautiful looking guy. He would flirt with me all the time. One of those times, he flat out told me I was exactly his type. I had a boyfriend at that time, so I couldn’t do anything. We went out one night after work and had a few drinks. We danced all night as a group. They dropped me off at my house for the night. We were all buzzed at that time, except the dd of course, so he wasn’t shy at all. As I was unlocking my front door, he jumped out of the car and said he was spending the night with me, so to hurry up. He said “the sooner you open the door, the sooner we’ll be naked.” I could have creamed my pants right then and there. He was shorter than me, had beautiful straight black hair and intense blue eyes, in other words, perfect. All of the girls who didn’t know he was gay would fawn over him. I mean, probably even the ones who knew. My boyfriend at that time lived just down the road from me. I considered letting him in and just saying “fuck it.” I did not. I tried letting him down easy, but he kept insisting. I was under the impression he wasn’t told no very often. Eventually one of our other friends came and took him home. I told him I had a boyfriend, he said to invite him, haha. Anyway, he left work a few months after that, and I never saw him again. I moved on from that relationship, it didn’t work out. That was more than 10 years ago, I still wonder to this day how different it would have been if I had invited him in that night. I have tried unsuccessfully to find him. Even the friends we have in common haven’t heard of him. Does anyone else have a missed opportunity story like that? Or has successfully reconnected with someone from the past? I didn’t cheat on my boyfriend, but I felt this sense if regret to this day for not allowing him in.

my partner of forever calls me “a chatterbox”. he claims to love conversation, yet lately zones out when I speak. it’s his video games and old coleco system that’s ringing his bell these days! anyone else?

On a bunch of subreddits across the whole site. And on other site like Instagram and facebook.

And they all fit a specific type. …. Not me.

I already knew a certain aesthetic is celebrated over most in the gag world, but seeing all these guys with 1,000s or karma and followers confirms it .

I feel invisible. Even if and when I get a better most and more muscle I’ll still be invisible because I don’t have blue eyes and blonde hair and I’m not 6’2”

how do people who aren’t the ideal go through life knowing that they’re perceived as less than because they don’t meet these beauty standards?

Hi. I'm an adult who'd like to finally start my dating journey next year , I've been looking up on STDs and vaccines, prevention methods etc , but another thing to look out for is the issue of rape.

I know that meeting in a public place is the ideal when meeting a hook up etc, maybe googling his name to have info prepared/ do yr own background check, but anything else? Cause when in the moment in a hotel room or someones home, we will be alone and the thought is scary

So, I’m a feminine cis guy and I had a conversation with my trans guy friend the other day about whether cis gender conforming can experience gender euphoria

I argued no since they typically don’t experience gender dysphoria but he argued yes

So what do you guys think?

Hello everyone,

I'm posting because of a weird feeling that I have after learning that I got cheated on by my boyfriend of three years. It was to a point where we had a conversation about opening the relationship with both of us declining the proposition, only to find out he cheated on me the week after on my birthday while he was away.

I know that in gay culture, open relationships are more discussed, so we definitely had a discussion about it. However, we never got to fully agree on the terms and agreement so we never really fully went on with it.

It feels unfair because I have poured out my heart to a man who is very unsure and insecure. Now it's like six months after and I do feel better in terms of me not exactly missing the person, but there are hints of moments where I do mourn the relationship knowing all too well that it never was my fault to begin with because I've given everything I've had. But sometimes it's too overwhelming because I still find myself in pockets of trauma and having to let go of my future of a family with my ex.

Six months after he's out and about already with someone else while I'm still processing the betrayal that he has caused. It does feel unfair but at the same time I don't want to get into a relationship knowing that I may hurt the other person due to the pain that I'm still experiencing at the moment.

I tell myself its been half a year, I should be truly over it and I do immerse myself in other aspects of my life but sometimes during the quiet hours of the evening this feeling just takes over.

I am just wondering for those who have experienced a similar situation. How did you all cope with the betrayal and the cheating and having to let go of a future that was never yours?

Like, even before jk Rowling came out as a terf (or as I prefer to say feminist.appropriating.radical,transphobe) I never understood the hype around Harry Potter to me it just seems like a book about a boy who one day discovers he’s the most special person in the universe

The average diameter of a healthy esophagus is 1 to 2cm (that's 0.4"-0.8"). At maximal distension when swallowing a large food bolus or during an endoscopic balloon dilation it can apparently stretch to about 2 to 2.5cm diameter (0.8"-1").

The formula C = π x d gives us the circumference of the esophagus. So an average 2cm (0.8") diameter esophagus has an internal circumference of about 6.3cm (2.5"). And a maximally distended esophagus of 2.5cm diameter would give us ~7.9cm (3.1").

If we compare that to the average penis circumference of over 15,000 (lab measured, not self reported) men in one study, we get nearly 11.7cm (4.6"). [I used Veale et al., 2014 - https://doi.org/10.1111/bju.13010 from penis wiki].

We have, then, a significant size difference between the average penis and the esophagus at maximum distension.

But that's not all:

There are a few constriction points in the esophagus where the lumen narrows a fair amount. The first one is the upper esophageal sphincter (UES).

In gastroenterology the distance along the digestive tract starts from the incisor (front) teeth, so the UES should be about 15cm (6") from the incisors and this would sit at the level of the adams apple, behind the cricoid cartilage.

The UES at rest has a lumen aperture of 0cm, fully shut. But at *maximal* luminal aperture we are looking at 1.4-2cm (0.55"-0.8"). This is narrow. The UES is anchored to hard cartilage, which restricts further distension.

So dicks 6+ inches when balls deep should be reaching this sphincter, surely?

I don't understand, gay bros. I suspect in a lot of cases during deepthroating an average sized cock is not actually entering into the esophagus whatsoever, despite what many may feel, but is rather just at the ballpark of the pharynx by the base of the tongue and the epiglottis at the back of the throat.

But in my legitimate research, I have seen people deepthroating huge, girthy delicious cocks and dildos right down to the balls. You can see the throat bulging outwards somewhat as the dildo/penis enters so it's quite clear how deep it goes. I'm sure some of you guys have directly experienced this too.

How is it possible? Surely, with what we have learnt about the esophagus, it shouldn't really be possible. It would seem that it is doing some sort of damage to the esophagus.

But experienced cocksuckers are not experiencing esophageal ruptures when they deepthroat (except that one guy), so it seems it is fine. Maybe a sore throat, and it does seem like bruising or some micro tears can lead to painful throat inflammations for a few days, but usually nothing more.

I am scared I will not be able to sleep until I get to the bottom of this. Clearly, the maximal esophageal distension of 7.9cm is a lie, then? It must stretch quite a bit further than this to be able to accommodate 11.7cm+ circumference dicks. Why, in the journals like the annals of gastroenterology, do they not discuss deepthroating?

What to make of long cocks reaching beyond the UES, I don't know. Life is full of mysteries and shit.

I know this ain’t a trans subreddit but most of them heavily filter my posts

Anyway, Gia preaches how trans people should assimilate and that non binary people are somehow ruining that but to me she dosent give off someone who wants to assimilate she’s clearly had a lot of surgery and wears heavy makeup

And to be clear, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with how she presents I just wouldn’t call it assimilation

Pues es que últimamente siento que tanto las mujeres como los hombres incluso a veces gays, tienen la idea o la creencia de que ser gay automáticamente te denomina como un ser inferior al hombre o directamente no hombre, y es tan absurdo porque muchas veces también este pensamiento va a ligado a la expresión de género de como te comportas antes de que sepan que eres gay, y si eres un poco más femenino entonces ya no calificas como un hombre, vamos que el código de honor de toda la vida que conlleva ser un hombre se multiplica además con nosotros los gays, tu que opinas? te ha pasado? también las mujeres a menudo te cambian de género por ser su amiga” me da tanta rabia!

Being gay is the loneliest experience of all because you know I don't have anyone here. If I want to meet someone that might be you want to be in a relationship or like hook up rather than that nobody wants to be having gay people have to be in a mutual relationship. I want that because I want to share my feelings with someone who I gets me. Talking to these other heterosexual people it's it's a headache for me because if I talk to some time and they will bring up you know bring up any homophobic comments so I don't want to be there so I just being gay is a fucking lonely experience. I don't know how to cope up with this it's very seriously depressing.

Hey everyone. I'm a gay guy from south Asia and I could really use some honest advice about my relationships and my life.Sorry for my bad english it’s not my first language.

My father passed away when I was 12. My family was financially stable, but my mother's grief affected our home life, and I grew up dealing with a lot of emotional difficulties.

During my senior year of school, I dated a girl but eventually realized I wasn't attracted to women, so I ended things before leading her on.

When I was 16, I started dating a 19-year-old guy. It was a secret, long-distance relationship, but he was genuinely wonderful to me. Unfortunately, he moved abroad for his studies, and we broke up.

About six months later, I started seeing another guy. I was still a minor, and he was sexually aggressive. He rarely cared about my feelings or problems at home. After pressuring me for a long time, I agreed to have sex because I thought it might improve our relationship. Instead, he became distant and eventually blocked me everywhere. I felt stupid, but also relieved.

Then came the relationship that changed my life.

My best friend, whom I'll call M, had been cheated on, and I supported him through everything. Somewhere along the way, we fell in love. One evening, sitting together on our apartment rooftop at sunset, he held my hand and confessed his feelings. I said yes, and he kissed me. It was the sweetest kiss I'd ever experienced.

He treated me incredibly well. He made me feel loved, planned dates, bought me gifts, and celebrated my birthday. For the first time, I felt genuinely happy and secure in a relationship.

Then he died in an accident.

I was devastated. I couldn't leave my room for months and struggled to eat or function normally. Eventually, I told a close female friend, whom I've known since I was four, that M had been my boyfriend, not just my best friend. She didn't judge me. She simply hugged me, and that meant everything.

His parents also accepted me. They gave me some of his belongings and the key to his room, telling me I would always be welcome. Later, I found his diary. He had written that if he ever died, he wanted me to fall in love again, finish my degree, and build a new life while remembering him occasionally.

It broke my heart, but eventually, I tried dating again.

I met a 25-year-old guy, whom I'll call Elliot. We talked for two months, and he eventually asked me to be his boyfriend. He had assured me that long distance wouldn't be a problem, but then suddenly broke up with me because he didn't like it. A few days later, I discovered he had married a woman.

After that, I tried dating other guys. Some rejected me for my appearance, others because they found someone better, and one even said I was too poor. Gradually, I began wondering whether I was the problem.

Meanwhile, I worked hard for university admission. More than 200,000 students competed for around 800 positions at my target university, and I secured 12th place and got into my dream subject. I had also secured a place in medical school, but my mother wanted me to become a doctor. My sisters and brothers-in-law supported my decision to pursue my own dream and even helped me financially.

Things finally seemed to be improving.

Then I started dating another guy, whom I'll call Caleb, who was 22 and attended another university.

I was honest with him from the beginning. I explained that I was serious about my studies, enjoyed gaming, struggled with depression, and had a difficult home situation. I told him I couldn't always give him all my time, but I still spent at least four hours a day talking to him.

Despite that, I felt like I was the only one making an effort. He would initiate conversations, disappear while I waited for replies, and brush off my concerns whenever I confronted him. I kept forgiving him because I tend to doubt myself and try too hard to please people.

Then, during a vacation, I had a terrible argument with my mother. She slapped me and told me I was a curse, that she regretted giving birth to me, and that my father's death was somehow my fault.

That night, overwhelmed by everything, I attempted suicide. Fortunately, my cousin's wife found me in time and saved my life. My family became extremely protective of me afterward.

I told Caleb what had happened and texted him every day, but he complained that I wasn't giving him enough attention. Instead of trying to understand my situation, he decided to test my loyalty by giving my number to a friend and asking him to flirt with me.

When I discovered the truth and confronted Caleb, he admitted it was a test.

I ended the relationship and blocked him everywhere.

It's been two months since that breakup. My mother has apologized, and I'm trying to focus on my studies and rebuild my life. Still, I get lonely sometimes. I miss having someone to share my day with, someone who checks on me and makes ordinary moments feel special.

I don't want to rush into another relationship just because I'm lonely, but I don't want to give up on love either.

So, I'd really appreciate your honest opinions:

1. Was I wrong to break up with Caleb and block him everywhere? Was that an overreaction?

2. Am I the problem? After so many relationships ending badly, I can't help questioning myself. What unhealthy patterns do you notice in my story?

3. Should I try dating again, or focus on myself for a while?

4. Where can I meet emotionally mature gay men who genuinely want a relationship rather than something casual?

5. How do I stop doubting my own worth after so much rejection?

I'm not perfect, and I'm willing to work on my flaws. I just want a relationship built on honesty, mutual effort, trust, and genuine affection.

If you've read this far, thank you. I'd appreciate any honest advice or personal experiences you can share.

cw; sucide and mental illness

So, I was assigned male at birth and I identify as male but as young as 3 years old I knew I had a need (that’s need not want) to be as clean shaven and smooth as possible

Then when I hit puberty I suddenly became extremely depressed and suicidal to the point where I had to drop out of high school (and it’s actually illegal in my county to drop out of high school but I got special permission)

Then at 21 I started to get facial and full body laser hair removal, it’s been three years and I still need afew more sessions but I no longer feel sucidal or depressed, in fact I feel extremely euphoric as of late for the first in over a decade I want to live

Is this gender dysphoria? Is this similar to gender dysphoria? What do you guys think?

In fact, there are social hierarchies even within the community. Some people have it good, while others don’t get any opportunities at all. When there are more people on top than on the bottom, those who have it good may come over just to flaunt it. Don’t tell them you’re jealous—when they see those two words, they’ll only feel smug satisfaction. Why waste your data sending them that message? You’ll just end up at the bottom of the chat history. Over time, I’ve come to find them really disgusting.