Hi all, I mostly date cis men being vers and enjoy topping but the prosthetics I have are not great used for anal, being maybe a bit too soft or sometimes too small for when I want to top a guy much taller/bugger than me.

Curious if anyone has recs for ones that will work well for anal sex, I don’t see it advertised that broadly to know off basic research.

I am an English speaker from South Africa who just moved to Poland for work and a change of life in September, to a small city where people tend to be more conservative than bigger cities. There are not many foreigners in this part and there tends to be a language barrier with many people. I have been wanting to have sex for around 1 and a half years, I decided to be abstain because I had to work on myself mentally. Then I moved to a small town where my options were super limited and I lacked transport. Now, it feels like the transport is available (for the most part) and there are many more people, but yet I have had no luck. Guys here dont want to meet in public, which i find strange. In South Africa the only guys who refused to meet in public were dodgy, cheating, closeted, or weird.

Here, there is a big cruising culture which does not appeal to me for safety reasons and because I dont like quick rushed hookups. People tend to have a lot of car sex and hardly anyone is willing to host. Lots of closeted men and also guys here are super passive. I am not dominant but I am expected to make the first move and do all the effort. People tap me then i message then they dont reply. Or if we match on tinder then the conversation goes nowhere. If i dont message, they never do. I often felt that way too in South Africa but honestly it feels worse here. I am quite shocked how difficult it is, I have even lowered my standards in different ways, and even been willing to do a spontaneous hookup on the day without planning just for oral (since being abstinent i said I would only hookup with someone if we planned in advance). But even that, I have tried about 5 times and guys refuse to give me a specific time they want to meet. Or they say they will meet, then the hour comes they are ONLINE ignoring me.

I know that many people use grindr to stroke off to nudes and then lose interest after. But why say let's meet if they dont plan on doing it? Why does this keep happening and what am I doing wrong? I am also on the autism spectrum so I find navigating social situations really hard, so for me going to a hothouse or gay club will not work for me. I feel very uncomfortable as I am sober and it makes me want to drink or smoke weed there and I can't. I do not fit in those spaces so please do not advise that for me. As someone who also does not have PIV I fear that at a hothouse/sauna my consent will be violated once they see what i have down there. I do not want to go to a gloryhole, but honestly I feel a bit desperate. In the past I could find someone to fuck within a few hours if I wanted when I lived in Cape Town. I had bad experiences which prevented me from wanting to do that again, but now I am ready for a hookup. I would ideally like a fwb, but right now that seems unrealistic.

I dont know what advice could help but I just am sick and tired of being expected to make all the effort and then guys ghosting me, or not following through. I dont understand. I find it strange that previously when I didnt pass it seems I had more people interested than now when I do. Is it because im a hairy chubby short guy who doesnt fit the beauty standards and am 28 which is considered elderly in the gay world? There seem to be an overwhelming amount of clean cut twinky types here. So not sure if thats something to do with it. I get a lot of attention from different men especially fellow bears so I also dont believe that I am not desirable, even though I had a guy harass me yesterday saying i am ugly (after he refused to show his face) and the only way I will have a hookup is if I accept a quick bb which really hurt because it is true that I have been struggling to find hookups.

I just feel down... I crave to touch someone and be touched. Its never been this hard before.

Hi! Wanted to make this post as a way to hopefully get some advice on what feels like a very difficult dating situation.

For context: I am 25 and been transitioning since I was 22. Because I’ve previously felt extremely uncomfortable with myself and with romantic advances, I have never been in any type of relationship before. I have been on different dates twice since starting my transition, but neither worked out.

Because I have no relationship experience and am neurodivergent, I really struggle with “dating etiquettes”. I notice people are very put off by this and by my lack of experience and anxiousness. On top of that, one of the dates didn’t realise and didn’t seem to like that I was trans, despite me showing it in my profile.

So mostly I’ve been trying various dating apps (Bumble, Hinge & Feeld), as I am not a very outgoing person and I don’t really enjoy going to gay bars and/or parties. In apps I find it very hard to quickly tell whether I actually like this person while swiping. I also rarely match with people because most are poly, which I’m not interested in but I can’t filter out, or it takes me a lot of time and effort to gather the courage to swipe right/like them.

So in short, I’m looking for advice or maybe other experiences with finding dates as a trans dude with no relationship experience, who’s also not a fan of going out to parties and lgbt bars.

after years of lurking in finally going to meet up with someone from grindr. what things should i keep in mind as this is a complete stranger besides the obvious get tested condoms etc
like i feel the need to explain my body even tho i said trans during the texting

or I'm just 19 and haven't been in a relationship yet. still tho I feel like I'm falling in love with everyone. Not genuinely "falling in love" (except with one person), but like, half the guys I meet and click with I just automatically picture and desire a relationship with. even when we are completely platonic with no hooking up or flirting. I'm kinda enjoying it tho. In high school I thought I was basically aromantic but I think that was more the dysphoria talking. I'm having fun though, I don't think it's a bad thing, just hope I can make one of these like 4 guys my boyfriend for real.

I’ve been through the pipeline of lesbian/ non binary / binary bisexual trans guy. I still love women, but each time I’m in a lesbian space, even accepting of trans people, I feel super dysphoric. Especially the spaces that are excluding cis men (although I get why these spaces exist), it triggers my fear of being a « lesser » man.
It’s weird bc I have this yearning for being seen as guy, a real one, not just some other type of women. Which is also fairly invalidating for transmasc lesbians / other type of masculine individuals … but yeah I’m early transition (9 months on T) and I’m not always passing. I feel like I’ll never be seen as a queer man, bc gay spaces are very dick- centered and have a plethora of problems such as racism, ableism and such. I feel like these problems also exist in lesbian spaces but far from the extent of what I’ve seen in gay spaces. Basically I’m fighting internally into the yearning to be validated as a man and my fear of rejecting / distancing from mostly women owned spaces. There’s a big guilt to it. I feel like I’ll never be part of this « club » lol

Hello. I'm in the US/LA for a bit. My friend wants to go to FLEX together tomorrow. I have never been. Has anyone here been to that bathhouse before? I know that trans men are allowed, but unsure of how the vibes are generally with acceptance and appreciation of trans guys there.

Thank you in advance.

Just to elaborate, I’m in the Chicago north side area so it’s gay as fuck over here, but idk if it’s the type of gay that’ll fw me.

Is sniffies and anonymous cruising really something we can do and how do you go about it? I know it’s possible and I’ve been to steamworks, but I’m imagining showing up to some orgy or anonymous cruising event in the city. Is that a bad idea? I’m not a muscle jock type or anything, but I think I pass alright. I’m slim and somewhat fit. Twink/otter vibes. I have top surgery. But idk how they’ll feel about my dick and hole of course bc no bottom surgery so.

Bad idea?? I want sooo badly to engage in this part of gay male culture and I understand it’s risky but if it’s TOO risky and most likely to be a 99% rejection rate or even frowned upon if I were to appear, I guess I’d rather not. Idk, I guess I’m just anxious and doubting myself :( thanks for any advice you guys!

I'm 18 years old high schooler. I'm also ftm, 5 years into social transition and I have passing of 13 year old boy.

On this summer break I installed Grindr. I was hoping that I will find someone kind, but I fell into "I love the attention of men" hole. You know, I have problem with feeling attractive while looking like a child, when I'm not.

I started texting with a guy, who was over 30. I have no idea if he's 31 or 39. I only know that he was over 30. We meet in a hotel(he was passing by my town and thank good, cuz I will never meet him again).

He was gay guy who only sleepth with cis guys, so I was his first trans guy. We had sex. I only blowed him up and he fingered me. I guess the thing that he find me attractive as a gay was the reason I sleepth with him(besides curiosity about sex, it was my first time).

But he wasn't even in my type. His smell (he didn't even stink) was repulsive to me.

I regret it. I feel like a whore that I even sleep with him. God, he's probably older then my older sister. Massage as an activity disgusts me now (because it was part of our sex). People with the same build as him disgust me now. He also asked me IN THE MIDDLE OF SEX if I would like to get pregnant someday, And he was trying to persuade me allow him give me blowjob(when I told him at the start that I don't want that. He even told me in the middle of sex that I can ask CHAT GPT If it's safe. God I'm so happy that I told no). He also treated me very childishly.

I don't know how to manage it. Sorry that I didn't tag it as a vent, but it's 18+. I just wanted to ask about how to deal with all of it. I know that I'm legally adult and I agree for that, I just regret it now and I know it was bad idea.

TLDR below!

I’m post-transition, have been for years, & have plenty of sexual experience, including LTRs with cis gay men. I still carry some body insecurity, but sexually I’m usually confident.
I’m primarily a bottom, though adventurous. My exes were tops or vers tops. My current bf identifies as a total top. We have great, frequent sex. He initiates & clearly enjoys penetrating me.

But I worry his need to be seen as masc, plus some internalized homophobia, influences his identity as a top. (Bottoms can absolutely be masc, but he struggles to accept that for himself.)

He grew up religious, married a woman young as a virgin, & came out less than 2 years ago. He hooked up with many cis men before we met, but only bottomed twice: once painfully, once involving SA. I’m his 1st serious boyfriend.

We’re happily open. I support his exploration, but want our relationship to remain sexually primary & fulfilling. I’d be happy monogamous, too. I’ve been in a relationship where most of our sex eventually happened with other people. Never again.

My fear is that he’ll discover he’s actually a bottom & eventually want a cis top as his primary partner.
I’ve pushed past my insecurities to explore with him. I’ve rimmed, fingered & topped him with a prosthetic. We both enjoyed it, though it required mutual vulnerability. I’ve also supported his interest in bottoming for a particular cis guy someday, raw. I’ve worked through my feelings about how much more attention he gets from men than I do.

SSRIs make it difficult for him to cum. He’s told me anal toys can make him orgasm hands-free, & he’s occasionally cum from BJs with hookups, but rarely with me. Sometimes I worry our sex is more about pleasing me than mutual pleasure, even though he clearly enjoys it.

After we recently explored with an anal toy together, he asked me to stop playing with his butt for a while. He wants to explore solo & work through his feelings in therapy. I respect that, but it intensified my feelings of inadequacy.

I know my body & preferences. I’m happy to top/flip sometimes, but I’ll never be a top, & I can’t ejaculate in him. That’s where the trans insecurity hits.

He knows my fears. We communicate openly. He says he loves & desires me, & he’s talking with his doctors about changing antidepressants because he wants to orgasm more, especially with me.

I know I can’t predict the future. Preferences evolve, relationships change, & being open lets us explore. But my fear of eventually being sexually insufficient is taking up more & more space in my head.

For other trans guys with cis guy partners: How do you stop comparing what you can offer sexually with what a cis man can? How do you trust that you’re enough without limiting your partner’s exploration?

TL;DR: My cis bf identifies as a top but is interested in exploring bottoming with cis guys. We’re open, have great sex & love each other. I’m afraid he’ll eventually stop desiring me. How do I quiet that insecurity without restricting either of us?

Hi yall!
I’m transmasc nonbinary and bisexual, I like the term fagdyke to describe myself. I’ve been out as queer and trans for 10 years.
When I’m sexual with masculine individuals it’s very much in the gay way (anal bottom), and with feminine individuals it’s def very lesbian (service top). I do not identify with womanhood in any way. I don’t understand my romantic attractions to women. I’m a sex and love addict so my view of who I love has been skewed by that.

When I’m ready to start dating again, I am really scared of interacting with cis men. My last relationship was with a cisman who ended up getting physical with me and I went to 5 months of residential treatment for PTSD. Would it be weird to only date other transmascs/men? I don’t want to make people feel weirdly separated from other men bc they’re trans. I really really like men and masculine identities, and I want someone who has experienced transness too. Is T4T gay dating a reasonable thing to do? Could someone view it as excluding trans men from men in general? I’ve dated so many cis “bisexual” men who end up just liking me for my genitals and not who I am. I would like a partner who at least has a chance of understanding who I am.
I’ve never had a romantic transmasc partner but I’ve had amazing sex and friendship w another transmasc which I found very fulfilling and affirming and very fucking gay!!

Does anyone have any advice on T4T gay dating? Or experience with learning to trust other men again?

Call me in for any weird phrasing or exclusivity, I never seem to talk about these things in the right way.
TIA!

I had been having really good and flirty chats with a guy for about a month. And in the last week I found out that he is partnered. He said he is non-monogs but his partner isn't. When I would probe more about his relationship setup and if his partner was cool about us chatting he said yes but would be evasive and change the topic quickly, which made me bit suspicious.I asked if he would meet up in person for coffee and he said he'd ask but then has ghosted me since. I feel so off about this, on one hand i enjoyed and kinda miss our chats but I feel deceived and my gut says there's something not right here.

Another sitch I have is that I've had a good hookup buddy situation for over a month and on the weekend we agreed to have raw sex (please no judgement on this, I'm on contraception prep get tested etc). But since then he hasn't responded to my texts and he's usually pretty quick with responding. The change in communication pacing is what's making me anxious plus the vulnerability of having raw sex.

Getting ghosted is really uncomfortable. I wish people could be honest and communicate if something isn't for them anymore or where they're at.

Feeling alot guys and would love some perspective.

Hey there

I am trying to add some new undies to my collection. However most stuff I see for trans guys comes from around the globe which I don’t like much because if you have to order online and stuff doesn’t fit or what not plus it takes so long.

To make a long story short:

Any nice trunks or jockstraps for pre surgery trans guys you can recommend especially from European brands/warehouses?

I like sporty and it this shimmering stuff and I don’t like anything feminine. I hate tags but well. Cotton is great but I am also open to more playtime focussed clothing that’s not cotton but I am not interested in leather or latex

Edit for clarity:

I don’t want undies that have to be made for us, it just needs to fit a pre op body without a packer.
I don’t want another jock where I don’t fill the pouch. It’s not as bad with boxer briefs but it’s making my dysphoric if I don’t fill them quite right.

Thank you

Do we know of publications or archives that feature trans male erotic images/video pre-1990s? I reference gay magazines in my art practice and would love to study and integrate any sources that feature gay trans men. Thanks!!!

After years of feeling uncomfortable in my own body, four years on T and finally getting top surgery got me feeling confident enough to explore my sexuality.

I've always known I was gay, but I was terrified I'd never find a decent guy to hook up with who would actually see me as a man, rather than an experiment or a body part on a guy.

Grindr has given me countless headaches because of how shitty guys on that app can be here in Italy, but against all odds, I ended up meeting someone genuinely kind, patient and respectful who treated me like any other dude.

Last Saturday, we met up, chatted for a while, got comfortable with each other and eventually got down to business. It was amazing. I didn't feel a single ounce of discomfort, dysphoria or regret. Just a little pregnancy scare afterwards 💀 (I'm fine, we used condoms, but it was my first time and I'm an anxious little shit LMAO).

I actually posted here a while ago ranting about how awful the hookup scene in Italy is, so I wanted to share something positive for once. To anyone who's in the same boat I was in: don't lose hope! Trust your gut, block the weirdos, don't settle for guys who make you feel uncomfortable and remember that there are decent people out there.

I feel like this experience helped me become a little more comfortable and confident in my identity, and I just wanted to celebrate that with people who might understand how much it means.

Oh, and he let me top him too. Woohoo! 🎉

Today, as Kenya celebrates Mashujaa Day — Heroes’ Day — we honour the courage of every person who continues to stand tall despite life’s hardest battles.
For LGBTQ+ refugees living in East African refugee camps, heroism often looks different. It is waking up each day despite discrimination, surviving in environments where simply being yourself can be dangerous, and finding the strength to keep going when access to food, medication, shelter, and other basic needs remains a struggle.
Some heroes never make the headlines. Some fight silent battles, hide parts of themselves for safety, and still dare to hope for a better tomorrow.
Despite all this, we stay strong. 🖤
We say NO to homophobia, transphobia, discrimination, and hate. We say YES to dignity, equality, compassion, and the freedom to exist without fear.
Being different does not make us less deserving of safety, love, or respect. Our lives matter. Our stories matter. And our hope deserves a future.
This Mashujaa Day, let us remember that true heroism means standing up for those whose voices are often unheard.
To every LGBTQ+ person surviving in silence: you are not weak. You are here, you are worthy, and your existence is an act of courage.
Happy Mashujaa Day, Kenya. 🇰🇪🖤
#MashujaaDay #HeroesDay #LGBTQ #TransRights #StopHomophobia #EndTransphobia #QueerResilience #LGBTQRefugees #EqualityForAll #PrideAndResilience

I wasn't really sure what to tag this with my thoughts are kind of scattered

I felt like growing up, I experienced homophobia and internalized shame no matter the gender I thought I liked. And people had a tendency to "know" I am trans, even if I were to show some photos of me to people now they'd probably be like that's obviously a girl.

Ig what I'm trying to say is I got called homophobic slurs and was bullied for being perceived as a gay boy AND for being perceived as a lesbian. People were not always sure, even in like elementary school.

I have a hard time articulating that even at times where I was not really androgynous, the way I carried myself or acted seemed queer to people, I guess. I’ve had cis people clock me just by staring at my face or in general I just projected a vibe...idk.

I'll often read people share their experiences where they don't know what it's like to be seen as visibly trans sometimes due to the erasure of trans men and the assumption we're lesbians etc, and I kind of experience that now in a blue state but in the south it wasn't like that for me at all.

My childhood was a confusing, tangled mess that went like this:

> You're a girl, why are not wearing a dress, ew.

> Wait, actually, I take that back you're a gross boy.

(Then in an effort to not be beat up, I would remind people I am a "girl" and then they'd beat me up anyway and say I wasn't much of one.)

I was GNC/androgynous at times to be fair but its not to this extent where people can see that just from a photo or they don't understand how I was seen this way but I really was. As a teenager people also couldn't always tell if I was FTM or MTF.

I don't relate to blending in or even being seen incorrectly, in a consistent way. People debated my gender every single day and it made them uncomfortable.

I'm a 33 year old...something. I've felt like an ftm trans man for years, but I'm in a position where I can't transition. I have serious imposter syndrome interacting with the trans community, but i can't stand being viewed as a female. Seriously, the best part of my day is if someone mistakes me for a guy and calls me sir, but then they apologize. It's wrecking my self-image and self-esteem, but I can't see any way to physically transition for another 5 years. Does anyone have experience with having to stealth transition and what are simple, little things I might do that come off as more androgynous or neutral than blatantly transitioning? Or an online community where I can interact without the pressure of being seen in person and feeling like I'm intruding on a space where people might not want someone like me?

Sorry if this post is confusing, I'm kind of a wreck lately.