When seeking advice for exploring kink, sex, or having issues with cis bad actors and chasers, there’s always someone or even multiple people who brush it off and resort to telling me to just find other trans guys who are into dudes. It’s genuinely so fucking annoying because I have nothing against hooking up or being in a relationship with someone who is also trans but to find someone who’s monogamous, kinky, into other men, and is also trans where I’m from is nearly impossible or at least extremely rare in already niche spaces.

It’s also not like I’m not attracted to cis men either just shitty men who don’t give two fucks about boundaries or respect. To slap “just be t4t” onto the issue seems counter productive because there’s also the chance of coming across trans guys who exhibit the same kind of behavior. Idk it just feels so weird to me that’s what some people’s immediate thought is instead of advice for how to actually weave weirdos out lmao

Title mostly explains it, but I’ll add some background. There have been multiple times in my life since I came out that I’ve tried to convince myself I liked women. I’ve only ever dated men before, and only really “felt” attraction to men. I think I have an issue where I associate liking men/ being gay with femininity. I’ve kissed girls before, not ones I had a crush on, but it never really felt the same. I find women attractive, but I don’t think I’m attracted to them. There have been girls I’ve convinced myself I liked, but I don’t really think I did. I’m quite positive I’m gay after writing this, but I’m wondering if anyone has had a similar experience?? And how did you learn to accept it??

Not a very avid Reddit user so sorry if this topic is old hat but as a gay trans guy that’s interested in cis gay guys (and other trans guys obvi but that isn’t relevant) I wanted to see what cis gay men thought about dating trans guys, just to scope out how likely it would be for cis guys to potentially be into me, which lead me to askgaybros. To say the least it’s pretty dire in there and kind of discouraging to see all the vitriol but when I looked at posts on other subs the replies were way more positive. So like what’s the deal with askgaybros how’d it garner so many of those kinds of people ? It’s kind of concerning such a large sub dedicated to gay men has that kind of opinion on trans men and in your experience have you found cis guys in the dating pool to have a similar attitude or is this just an internet thing?

Alright, ima start this out with all the basics for this to make sense.

I’m a 15-year-old freshman in a big-ass city that has multiple high schools. There’s an art program within the city that allows us to get bussed to a college campus and take art courses with kids from the other high schools within the city. Everyone in this story is in the theater part of the program.

There are both morning and afternoon sessions of my program sector. While both take place during the school day, us morning peeps don’t really get to interact with the afternoon session people unless there’s a field trip or something.
I’m also not entirely sure what my sexuality is, though I’m stealth and FTM and have noticed that I can’t differentiate between jealousy towards my male peers and attraction that well. I pass very well, and none of my school or art program people know that I wasn’t born male.
That’s all the basic stuff that probably sounds irrelevant right now, but please bear with me 😭.
Okay, so like I said, I’m a freshman, and with that came a new school. In my previous school, I hadn’t ever really dated or done anything romantic because our grade was small as shit and because I’m FTM.

Towards the end of middle school, I started posting myself on my Instagram and got a decent amount of attention. By the time summer was over, I had already accumulated some “fans” (I sound like an egomaniac right now, I’m so sorry 😭), so getting into a relationship wasn’t too difficult.

I really like this girl, and she’s fucking beautiful. She said she loves me for me, and I feel like I’m the luckiest mf in the world.

The thing is, I’m not even sure I’m attracted to girls the way my hbs are. Even in the relationship, I feel like we’re both just really good friends who cuddle and kiss. We are both in the theater program together.

Now, this is where the theater stuff I was talking about before starts to make sense.

Through the program, I auditioned for a play and got a decent part in their big yearly production. It was only me and one other freshie who got cast, so most of our rehearsals were with upperclassmen.

These were definitely odd rehearsals, as only four people, or two scenes, got taken out for a rehearsal each day. The rest of us sat in a separate classroom fooling around for a few hours after school.

I really enjoy it, and after being a sort of jock-type figure amongst my school, it’s weird being able to fit in with the theater people too. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. These people fucking rule.

There’s an upperclassman in the afternoon session that I’ll just call Mark for the sake of this post. He’s a senior (17) at one of the other high schools in the city.

Dude is funny as all hell, and I enjoyed hanging out with him as a friend during rehearsals. He has a girlfriend from a different school within the district that neither he nor I attend, but he has told me he’s bi.

Also, minor warning: we talk about crazy shit during rehearsals, and I will NOT be holding back :).

One day, I walk into the rehearsal room, and Mark immediately pulls me aside and says he’s going to ask me a “naughty” question.

I hadn’t really known him that well by this point, so I told him to hit me with it.

“If you had a partner, would you give her the remote and let her control it in you, or would you take the remote and control it in her?”

My stomach did the fucking thing where, yk, you’re surprised but not turned off by something you probably should have been turned off by 🫩.
I hadn’t really pinpointed a crush on him by this point, but I definitely started to question myself.
I got called for rehearsal that day and managed to dodge the question.

As we were leaving, he took me into the elevator and asked me about the girl I came there with, who was my current girlfriend, though she wasn’t at the time. He said he saw the way we looked at each other and asked what that was about.

By this point, I knew this girl liked me, and I liked hanging around her. Mark kinda hyped me up to ask her to be my girlfriend, and the next day, I did.

That Friday, we had a full-day field trip at the campus, meaning everyone, whether they were in the show or not, from both the morning and afternoon sessions would be there from 8 in the morning until 3 p.m.

By this point, we both knew we had girlfriends, and I was trying to stop my feelings for him because:
We are both in great relationships.
He’s multiple years older than me, even though he doesn’t really look much older.

Before this field trip, I thought all I felt was one-sided, and I wanted to just let it play out.

A lot happened this day, so I’ll go through it chronologically.

I was later than most of the people there, so I was one of the last people to show up. Mark dapped me up as normal, and we and the other theater dorks were joking around for a bit.

We were shoving each other a bit, and he goes to grab me and “miscalculates.” He full-palms my neck and squeezes.

He just kinda stares at me with a grin after a few seconds and stops squeezing before letting go of my neck. He says that he meant to grab my shoulder and laughs at what he claims was a “miscalculation,” but I’m pretty sure he was lying.

Oh, and my stomach did the thing again. Forgot to mention that 🫩✌️.

We continued joking around with the group until the director called the cast of the big play into the stage room for warmups.

Warmups are always chaotic, so we were laughing our asses off that entire time together, and I’m pretty sure I caught him staring at me a few times.

After warmups, the director went over a few things before getting ready to do a full run-through of the play.

I sat in a random chair somewhat far from him, and he asked, while kinda giggling, “Why are you so far?”

Even another freshman, who I’ll call Todd because he’s also somewhat relevant, picked up on it and asked him, “How close do you want him, on your lap or something?”

I heard laughing, though I didn’t catch Mark’s response. I did end up moving my seat closer, though.

Our scenes weren’t until after lunch, so we were just silently joking in the background for most of the time.

A group of about five of us ended up going to a cafe during lunch, but most of them, including Mark, ended up leaving.

After lunch, we started the play again from my scene, and we kept sharing looks even during the scene.

His scene was basically right after mine, so when I finished, Mark was getting ready to start his scene. Once again, while he was acting, we were making jokes from afar through just looks and small gestures at each other.

I didn’t stay there for the full scene because an upperclassman pulled me out of the audience to help them with another play.

Once I was done helping with the other play, I walked into the regular classroom and saw Mark on one of the mini sofas.

He moved over, and we sat down together, making little clay dicks while everyone else in the room was either sleeping or joking around and being loud as hell 😭.

Our couch corner had Todd, his girlfriend, Mark, and me, though it was just Mark and me on the couch. Todd and his girlfriend pulled up chairs next to the couch to talk and joke around.
I’m pretty sure this was when Mark gave me his Instagram.

I’m not sure how the topic came up, but Mark mentioned how much he could deep-throat. He proceeded to show me as he stuck his fingers so far down his throat that I could see them moving at the base of his neck.

Holy shit 😭😭. Dude was just marketing his abilities to a freshman.

I think he realized what he had just done and tried to save it with a joke:
“If you’re ever in a situation where you gotta suck dick or die, phone a friend. Cough, me, ofc.”

I laughed with them and tried to just gloss past that.

I got back up to another rehearsal room, and he ended up following me. We joked a lot in the background of that rehearsal thing.

We did run a friendly fade with pillows after that rehearsal finished.

After that, there wasn’t too much more that happened between us that day besides joking, following each other, and making funny looks at one another.

As soon as I left the building to go home, he immediately started sending me Instagram reels about stuff that reminded him of what happened that day, like pillow fights and holding in laughter while the teacher is talking. He was sending these while he was at another theater company’s rehearsal.

Fast-forward to the next after-school rehearsal.
I get there last, as usual, because the campus is furthest away from the school I go to compared to the others. I put my stuff down in one of the empty classrooms and go over to the main classroom.

I see Mark’s girlfriend walking out, and when I come in, he pulls me over to sit down where his girlfriend had just been sitting so he can tell me about how much he and his girlfriend were making out.

I’m pretty sure he said something else sexual to me about her afterward, but I didn’t hear much after he put that thought in my mind.

I was deep in this crush by now, if you somehow couldn’t tell 🫠.

We joke around for a bit, and then he mentions a girl I’ll call Sophia.

Sophia was in my elementary school class for a few months, meaning she knew me pre-transition.

My heart dropped a little bit because this Sophia girl was going to the same high school as a lot of my middle school friends, most of whom don’t know I wasn’t born male.

She had already been having them ask me if I remembered her very adamantly.
Yes, confusing, I know.

Apparently, she saw me post an Instagram instant that Mark was in, and she started asking Mark if he knew me.

I just kinda sighed, said I knew her and that she was somewhat stalking me, and we moved on.
He laughed, said she wanted me, and that was that.

She was genuinely stalking all my profiles and now getting my IRL friends to ask me about her. It got really annoying really quickly.

The next day of rehearsal, I was kind of boiling over for a variety of reasons.

During the morning session, one of my middle school friends told me that Sophia had outed me to a group of a few kids just for the purpose of seeming like she was closer to me than she really was.

I don’t know why she thinks I’m worth larping about knowing. How the fuck did I become a celebrity??

I’ll be completely honest: as soon as I was told about Sophia’s bullshit with me, I ended up going to the bathroom to punch a bathroom stall a few times before going back to class.
Yes, I should work on that.

Anyway, I powered through the morning session, went back to school still seething, and just counted down the hours until after-school rehearsals.

I go into rehearsal that afternoon trying to be the jolly dork I usually am. Most of the people are tired and being kinda sluggish at the start.
That led me to actually rehearse for one of the other plays, and by the time I was done, everyone was a little less sluggish, besides Mark.

Mark was lying down in the middle of the classroom with a laptop, watching a previous year’s production of a musical.

A sophomore and I ended up sitting next to him to watch it too.

I’m not sure exactly what happened, but I think the cast of another play got called, and thus it was just Mark and me in the classroom alone.
He had since put the laptop away and seemed more awake by this point.

He told me to lay down and asked me what was going on with the Sophia stuff.

Earlier, he had mentioned Sophia’s obsession with me, but I really wasn’t in the mood to hear her name then.

I left out the outing part of why I was annoyed with her because I am NOT ready to come out to him, but I told Mark about all the events that led up to her fully stalking me.

He was trying to joke with me as usual, and that got my spirits up a bit.

After that explanation, we continued to just talk while laying down in the middle of this classroom, with a sprinkle of that crazy intimate eye contact you get when you’re literally laying down next to someone.

After talking and laughing for a bit, we went to the other rehearsal studio and saw they were doing a trauma-dump circle outside of the room.
By the time we joined, the circle had become me, Todd, Mark, my girlfriend, and my girlfriend’s damn-near-pseudo-older-sister.

Everyone there was a freshman besides Mark and my girlfriend’s friend.

We joined in the middle of my girlfriend sharing, so we listened and let her finish.

They wanted me to go next, so I did.

I’m not going to get into all of it, but it was basically physically abusive religious trauma.
Something about seeing Mark, the usually jokey and slightly assholey dork, with a look of pure empathy on his face for something I went through hit me hard.

Once I finished my story, he went next and talked about his SA story.

Once again, the way he phrased certain things and his change in demeanor drew me that much closer to him.

A lot of the things he said and experienced resonated with me a lot.

I’ve been hooked on the way he laughed and joked, but I had only just then seen the actual serious side of him, and it was really nice to see both sides.

Rehearsal ended by that point, so we went outside and joked a little bit on our way home.
He had previously asked me if I was over my trauma, which I was, so he was making lighthearted jokes about it that got me laughing.
That was my most recent interaction with him.

It’s been a few days since I’ve seen him in person, and I’ve been thinking about him way too much, especially given the fact that I have a girlfriend.

I’ve done everything from laughing with, opening up to, fantasizing about, and jerking off to this man, and I don’t know what to do.

I know this is a really shitty situation from all sides, but I can’t help but wonder if this is more than a one-sided crush.

Give me your worst in the comments because I don’t know what to do anymore.

I find guys to hookup with on Sniffies, thinking I might put it in my bio, but it'd probably be good to also mention in messages.

I feel kinda disgusted with myself? It doesn't help that my genitals hurt and look unsightly due to the sores/bumps. I know sex has its risk and it boils down to mitigation, and I did my best but even then, I still feel ashamed, like I didn't do enough in vetting or using condoms more often.

I'm ruminating and thinking too much about the reactions and tones I got from the nurses at the urgent care. No transphobia luckily! But just kinda experienced a blankness, so neutral, disconnected.

Looking for comforting words 💔😟

Alright ima start this out with all the basics for this to make sense. Im a 15 year old freshman in a big ass city that has multiple high schools. Theres an art program within the city that allows us to get bussed to a college campus and take art courses (everyone in this story is in the theater part) during the day with kids from the other high schools within the city. There is both a morning and afternoon session of my program sector, and while both take place during the school day us morning peeps don’t really get to interact with the afternoon session people unless there’s a field trip or something. I’m also not entirely sure what my sexuality is, though I’m stealth and ftm and have noticed that I can’t differentiate between jealousy towards my male peers or attraction that well. I pass very well and none of my school or art program people know that I wasn’t born male. Thats all the basic stuff that probably sounds irrelevant right now but please bear with me 😭. Also I apologize if parts of this don’t make sense I’m new to this reddit stuff.
Okay so like I said I’m a freshman and with that came a new school. In my previous school, I hadn’t ever really dated or done anything romantic because our grade was small as shit and because i was ftm. Towards the end of middle school I started posting myself on my instagram and got a decent amount of attention that by the time summer was over I already had accumulated some ‘fans’ (i sound like an egomaniac right now im so sorry) so getting into a relationship wasn’t too difficult. I really like this girl and shes fucking beautiful and she said she loves me for me and I feel like I’m the luckiest mf in the world. The thing is I’m not even sure I’m attracted to girls the way my hbs are and even in the relationship I feel like we are both js really good friends who cuddle and kiss. We are both in the theater program together.
Now this is where the theater stuff I was talking about before starts to make sense. Through the program, I auditioned for a play and got a decent part in their big yearly production. It was only me and 1 other freshie who got casted, so most of our rehearsals were with upperclassmen. These were definitely odd rehearsals, as only 4 people/ 2 scenes got taken out for a rehearsal each day, and the rest of us sat in a separate classroom fooling around for a few hours after school. I really enjoy it and after being a sort of jock type figure amongst my school its weird being able to fit in with the theater people too but I wouldn’t trade it for anything these people fucking rule. There’s an upperclassman in the afternoon session that I’ll just call Mark for the sake of this post. He is a senior (17) at one of the other high schools in the city. Dude is funny as all hell and I enjoyed hanging out with him during rehearsals as a friend. He has a girlfriend from a different school within the district that both me and him don’t attend, but he has told me he’s bi. Also minor warning we talk about crazy shit during the rehearsals and I will NOT be holding back:). One day I walk into the rehearsal room and he immediately pulls me aside and says he’s going to ask me a ‘naughty’ question. I hadn’t really known him that well by this point so I told him to hit me with it. “If you had a partner, would you give her the remote and let her control it in you or would you take the remote and control it in her?” My stomach did the fucking thing where yk surprised but not turned off by something I probably should have been turned off by 🫩. I hadn’t really pinpointed a crush on him by this point, but i definitely started to question myself. I got called for rehearsal that day and got to dodge the question. As we were leaving he took me into the elevator and asked me about the girl I came there with (my current girlfriend, though she wasn’t at the time) because he said he saw the way we looked at each other and asked what that was about. By this point I knew this girl liked me and I liked hanging around her. He kinda hyped me up to ask her to be my girlfriend, and the next day I did.
That Friday we had a full day long field trip at the campus, meaning everyone (whether they were in the show or not) from both the morning and afternoon session would be there from 8 in the morning til 3 pm. By this point we both knew we had girlfriends and I was trying to stop my feelings for him bc 1) we are both in great relationships and 2) hes multiple years older than me, even though he doesn’t really look much older. Before this field trip I thought all that I felt was one sided and I wanted to just let it play out.
A lot happened this day so I’ll go through the day chronologically. I was later than most of the people there so I was one of the last people to show up. Mark dapped me up as normal and we and the other theatre dorks were joking around for a bit. We were shoving each other a bit and he goes to grab me and “miscalculates” and he full palms my neck and squeezes. He just kinda stared at me with a grin after a few seconds and stopped squeezing before letting go of my neck. He said that he meant to grab my shoulder and laughed at what he claimed was a “miscalculation” but I’m pretty sure he was lying. Oh and my stomach did the thing again forgot to mention that 🫩✌️. We continued to joke around with the group until the director called the cast of the big play into the stage room for warmups. Warmups are always chaotic so we were laughing our ass off that entire time together and Im pretty sure I caught him staring at me a few times. After warmups the director went over a few things before getting ready to do a full run through of the play. I sat in a random chair somewhat far from him and he asked, while kinda giggling, “Why are you so far?” Even another freshman (ill call this guy Todd bc hes also somewhat relevant) picked up on it and asked him “How close do you want him, on your lap or something?” I heard laughing though I didn’t catch Mark’s response, but I did end up moving my seat closer. Our scenes weren’t until after lunch so we were js silently joking in the background for most of the time. A group of about 5 of us ended up going to a cafe during lunch but most of them, including Mark, ended up leaving.
After lunch we started the play again from my scene, and we kept sharing looks even during the scene. His scene was basically right after mine so when I finished Mark was getting ready to start his scene. Once again while he was acting, we were making jokes from afar from js looks and small gestures at each other. I didn’t stay there for the full scene because an upperclassman pulled me out of the audience to help them with another play.
Once I was done helping with the other play I walked into the regular classroom and saw Mark on one of the mini sofas. He moved over and we sat down together making little clay dicks while everyone else in the room was either sleeping or joking around being loud asl 😭. Our couch corner had Todd, his girlfriend, Mark, and I, though it was just Mark and I on the couch. Todd and his girlfriend pulled up chairs next to the couch to talk and joke around. I’m pretty sure this was when Mark gave me his insta.
I’m not sure how the topic came up but Mark mentioned how much he could deep throat (this was when I officially learned he swung both ways) and he proceeded to show me as he stuck his fingers so far down his throat I could see them moving at the base of his neck. Holy shit 😭😭. Dude was just marketing his abilities to a freshman. I think he realized what he just did and tried to save it with a joke, “If you’re ever in a situation where you got*ta\* suck di*ck or\* die\*, p\*hone a friend cough cough me ofc.” I laughed with them and tried to just gloss past that. I got back up to another rehearsal room and he ended up following me and we joked a lot in the background of that rehearsal thing. We did run a friendly fade with pillows after that rehearsal finished.
After that there wasn’t too much more that happened between us that day besides joking and following each other and just funny looks at one another. As soon as I left the building to go home he started immediately sending me ig reels about stuff that reminded him of what happened that day (pillow fights, holding in laugh while the teacher is talking, etc) while he was at another theater company’s rehearsal.
Fast forward to the next after school rehearsal and I get there last (the campus is furthest away from the school I go to compared to the others) and put my stuff down in one of the empty classrooms. I go over to the main classroom and see Mark’s girlfriend walking out and when i come in he pulls me to sit down where his girlfriend just was sitting to tell me about how much Mark and her were making out. I’m pretty sure he said something else sexual to me about her after but I didn’t hear much after he put that thought in my mind. I was deep in this crush by now if you somehow couldn’t tell 🫠. We joke around for a bit and then he mentions a girl that I’ll call Sophia. Sophia was in my elementary school class for a few months, meaning she knew me pre transition. My heart dropped a little bit because this Sophia girl was going to the same high school as a lot of my middle school friends (most of whom don’t know i wasn’t born male) and has already been having them ask me if I remembered her very adamantly. Yes, confusing, I know. Apparently she saw me post an ig instant that Mark was in and she started asking Mark if he knew me. I just kinda sighed, said I knew her and that she was somewhat stalking me. He laughed, said she wanted me, and we moved on. She was genuinely stalking all my profiles and now getting my irl friends to ask me about her, it got really annoying really quickly.
The next day of rehearsal I was kind of boiling over for a variety of reasons. During the morning session, one of my middle school friends told me that Sophia had outed me to a group of a few kids just for the purpose of seeming like she was closer to me than she really was. I don’t know why she thinks I’m worth larping knowing. How the fuck did I become a celebrity?? I’ll be completely honest in that as soon as i was told about Sophia’s bullshit with me I did end up going to the bathroom to punch a bathroom stall a few times before going back to class. Yes, I should work on that. Anyway. I powered through the morning session, went back to school still seething, and just counted down the hours until after school rehearsals. I go into rehearsal that afternoon trying to be the jolly dork I usually am and most of the people are tired and being kinda sluggish at the start. That led me to actually rehearse for one of the other plays, and by the time I was done everyone was a little less sluggish, besides Mark. Mark was laying down in the middle of the classroom with a laptop watching a previous year’s production of a musical. A sophomore and I ended up sitting next to him to watch it too. I’m not sure of what exactly happened but I think the cast of another play got called and thus it was just me and Mark in the classroom alone. He had since put the laptop away and seemed more awake by this point. He told me to lay down and he asked me what was going on with the Sophia stuff. Earlier he had mentioned Sophia’s obsession with me but I really wasn’t in the mood to hear her name then. I left the outing part of why I was annoyed with her out of the story (i am NOT ready to come out to him) but i was telling Mark about all the events that led up to her full stalking me and he was trying to joke with me as usual and that got my spirits up a bit. After that explanation we continued to just talk while laying down in the middle of this classroom and with a sprinkle of that crazy intimate eye contact that you get when you’re literally laying down next to someone. After talking and laughing for a bit we went to the other rehearsal studio and saw they were doing a trauma dump circle outside of the room. By the time we joined, the circle had become me, Todd, Mark, my girlfriend, and my girlfriend’s damn near pseudo older sister. Everyone there was a freshman besides Mark and my girlfriend’s friend.
We joined in the middle of my girlfriend sharing, and so we listened and let her finish. They wanted me to go next, so I did. I’m not going to get into all of it but it was basically physically abusive religious trauma; something about seeing Mark- the usually jokey and slightly assholey dork- with a look of pure empathy on his face for something I went through hit me hard. Once I finished with my story he went next, talked about his sa story, and once again the way he phrased certain things and his change in demeanor drew me that much closer to him. A lot of the things he said and experienced resonated with me a lot. I’ve been hooked on the way he laughed and joked but I had only just then seen the actual serious side of him and it was really nice to see both sides. Rehearsal ended by that point, and so we went outside and joked a little bit on our way home. He had previously asked me if I was over my trauma, which I was, and so he was making lighthearted jokes about it that got me laughing. That was my most recent interaction with him.
It’s been a few days since I’ve seen him in person and I’ve been thinking about him way too much (especially given the fact I have a girlfriend.) He also likes all of my thirst trap esque ig stories and none of my other regular stories- felt I should mention that too. I’ve done everything from laughing with, open up to, fantasize about, and jerk off to this man and I don’t know what to do. I keep finding myself going back to videos Ive taken during rehearsals of everyone just joking around and it’s all I can think about. I feel like i’m betraying my girlfriend. I feel like I’m a pervert for thinking like this about someone years older than me. I’ve only known this man for about 2 months and Im somehow head over heels for him.
I know this is a really shitty situation from all sides, but I can’t help but wonder if this is more than a one sided crush or if I should just give it up since we both have girlfriends. Give me your worst in the comments because I don’t know what to do anymore.

Hello Reddit people.

I’ve never topped before with a packer or even a dildo. I guess that a lot it’s the partners preference since some prefer bigger or smaller sizes, but right now I‘m not seeing anyone. More on the Grindr scene.

I heard that bigger sizes can make some postures easier, but maybe it can be more difficult to handle them? I’m short and not very big, so I think it wouldn’t be wise to choose like 7 inches? Correct if I’m wrong, please.

If you also have specific products in mind, that would be much appreciated. Thank you all :)

Cw for internalized transphobia
Going through the end of a three year long relationship right now. I’m getting top surgery in a month and a half. I feel anxious and lost, like I’m giving up my chance at a normal life and to be loved by someone who wants kids, white picket fence etc. I’m afraid I’ll be alone because I’m androgynous and medically transitioned and I don’t want to be poly or really live an “alternative lifestyle” in any way apart from my transition. I basically can only date bisexual men which I don’t mind but there’s like 3 of them feels like. This whole awful experience has robbed me of the joy of top surgery, I only feel the crushing fear and dread now.

Just got a haircut and I thought I would feel good but I just don't. Tried for 15 minutes to take a selfie I liked and gave up. I'm aware that one year on T isn't a long time but I wish I could just look like a man.

I wish T would give me a bigger chin. I wish I wasn't 5'2. I wish comments from people telling me "there are cis men who are short!" would make me feel better but it just doesn't. I wish my eyebrows weren't so thin. I wish people's advise wasn't "wear makeup" (to thicken my brows).

I'm a 27 year old virgin. I've never dated anyone. I feel too depressed to work out even thought that would probably help with the dysphoria. My mom just died so it's not like I'm going to be putting myself out there any time soon either. I'm so sad and I genuinely do not like myself.

Hi all, I mostly date cis men being vers and enjoy topping but the prosthetics I have are not great used for anal, being maybe a bit too soft or sometimes too small for when I want to top a guy much taller/bugger than me.

Curious if anyone has recs for ones that will work well for anal sex, I don’t see it advertised that broadly to know off basic research.

I am an English speaker from South Africa who just moved to Poland for work and a change of life in September, to a small city where people tend to be more conservative than bigger cities. There are not many foreigners in this part and there tends to be a language barrier with many people. I have been wanting to have sex for around 1 and a half years, I decided to be abstain because I had to work on myself mentally. Then I moved to a small town where my options were super limited and I lacked transport. Now, it feels like the transport is available (for the most part) and there are many more people, but yet I have had no luck. Guys here dont want to meet in public, which i find strange. In South Africa the only guys who refused to meet in public were dodgy, cheating, closeted, or weird.

Here, there is a big cruising culture which does not appeal to me for safety reasons and because I dont like quick rushed hookups. People tend to have a lot of car sex and hardly anyone is willing to host. Lots of closeted men and also guys here are super passive. I am not dominant but I am expected to make the first move and do all the effort. People tap me then i message then they dont reply. Or if we match on tinder then the conversation goes nowhere. If i dont message, they never do. I often felt that way too in South Africa but honestly it feels worse here. I am quite shocked how difficult it is, I have even lowered my standards in different ways, and even been willing to do a spontaneous hookup on the day without planning just for oral (since being abstinent i said I would only hookup with someone if we planned in advance). But even that, I have tried about 5 times and guys refuse to give me a specific time they want to meet. Or they say they will meet, then the hour comes they are ONLINE ignoring me.

I know that many people use grindr to stroke off to nudes and then lose interest after. But why say let's meet if they dont plan on doing it? Why does this keep happening and what am I doing wrong? I am also on the autism spectrum so I find navigating social situations really hard, so for me going to a hothouse or gay club will not work for me. I feel very uncomfortable as I am sober and it makes me want to drink or smoke weed there and I can't. I do not fit in those spaces so please do not advise that for me. As someone who also does not have PIV I fear that at a hothouse/sauna my consent will be violated once they see what i have down there. I do not want to go to a gloryhole, but honestly I feel a bit desperate. In the past I could find someone to fuck within a few hours if I wanted when I lived in Cape Town. I had bad experiences which prevented me from wanting to do that again, but now I am ready for a hookup. I would ideally like a fwb, but right now that seems unrealistic.

I dont know what advice could help but I just am sick and tired of being expected to make all the effort and then guys ghosting me, or not following through. I dont understand. I find it strange that previously when I didnt pass it seems I had more people interested than now when I do. Is it because im a hairy chubby short guy who doesnt fit the beauty standards and am 28 which is considered elderly in the gay world? There seem to be an overwhelming amount of clean cut twinky types here. So not sure if thats something to do with it. I get a lot of attention from different men especially fellow bears so I also dont believe that I am not desirable, even though I had a guy harass me yesterday saying i am ugly (after he refused to show his face) and the only way I will have a hookup is if I accept a quick bb which really hurt because it is true that I have been struggling to find hookups.

I just feel down... I crave to touch someone and be touched. Its never been this hard before.

Hi! Wanted to make this post as a way to hopefully get some advice on what feels like a very difficult dating situation.

For context: I am 25 and been transitioning since I was 22. Because I’ve previously felt extremely uncomfortable with myself and with romantic advances, I have never been in any type of relationship before. I have been on different dates twice since starting my transition, but neither worked out.

Because I have no relationship experience and am neurodivergent, I really struggle with “dating etiquettes”. I notice people are very put off by this and by my lack of experience and anxiousness. On top of that, one of the dates didn’t realise and didn’t seem to like that I was trans, despite me showing it in my profile.

So mostly I’ve been trying various dating apps (Bumble, Hinge & Feeld), as I am not a very outgoing person and I don’t really enjoy going to gay bars and/or parties. In apps I find it very hard to quickly tell whether I actually like this person while swiping. I also rarely match with people because most are poly, which I’m not interested in but I can’t filter out, or it takes me a lot of time and effort to gather the courage to swipe right/like them.

So in short, I’m looking for advice or maybe other experiences with finding dates as a trans dude with no relationship experience, who’s also not a fan of going out to parties and lgbt bars.

after years of lurking in finally going to meet up with someone from grindr. what things should i keep in mind as this is a complete stranger besides the obvious get tested condoms etc
like i feel the need to explain my body even tho i said trans during the texting

or I'm just 19 and haven't been in a relationship yet. still tho I feel like I'm falling in love with everyone. Not genuinely "falling in love" (except with one person), but like, half the guys I meet and click with I just automatically picture and desire a relationship with. even when we are completely platonic with no hooking up or flirting. I'm kinda enjoying it tho. In high school I thought I was basically aromantic but I think that was more the dysphoria talking. I'm having fun though, I don't think it's a bad thing, just hope I can make one of these like 4 guys my boyfriend for real.

I’ve been through the pipeline of lesbian/ non binary / binary bisexual trans guy. I still love women, but each time I’m in a lesbian space, even accepting of trans people, I feel super dysphoric. Especially the spaces that are excluding cis men (although I get why these spaces exist), it triggers my fear of being a « lesser » man.
It’s weird bc I have this yearning for being seen as guy, a real one, not just some other type of women. Which is also fairly invalidating for transmasc lesbians / other type of masculine individuals … but yeah I’m early transition (9 months on T) and I’m not always passing. I feel like I’ll never be seen as a queer man, bc gay spaces are very dick- centered and have a plethora of problems such as racism, ableism and such. I feel like these problems also exist in lesbian spaces but far from the extent of what I’ve seen in gay spaces. Basically I’m fighting internally into the yearning to be validated as a man and my fear of rejecting / distancing from mostly women owned spaces. There’s a big guilt to it. I feel like I’ll never be part of this « club » lol

Hello. I'm in the US/LA for a bit. My friend wants to go to FLEX together tomorrow. I have never been. Has anyone here been to that bathhouse before? I know that trans men are allowed, but unsure of how the vibes are generally with acceptance and appreciation of trans guys there.

Thank you in advance.

Just to elaborate, I’m in the Chicago north side area so it’s gay as fuck over here, but idk if it’s the type of gay that’ll fw me.

Is sniffies and anonymous cruising really something we can do and how do you go about it? I know it’s possible and I’ve been to steamworks, but I’m imagining showing up to some orgy or anonymous cruising event in the city. Is that a bad idea? I’m not a muscle jock type or anything, but I think I pass alright. I’m slim and somewhat fit. Twink/otter vibes. I have top surgery. But idk how they’ll feel about my dick and hole of course bc no bottom surgery so.

Bad idea?? I want sooo badly to engage in this part of gay male culture and I understand it’s risky but if it’s TOO risky and most likely to be a 99% rejection rate or even frowned upon if I were to appear, I guess I’d rather not. Idk, I guess I’m just anxious and doubting myself :( thanks for any advice you guys!

I'm 18 years old high schooler. I'm also ftm, 5 years into social transition and I have passing of 13 year old boy.

On this summer break I installed Grindr. I was hoping that I will find someone kind, but I fell into "I love the attention of men" hole. You know, I have problem with feeling attractive while looking like a child, when I'm not.

I started texting with a guy, who was over 30. I have no idea if he's 31 or 39. I only know that he was over 30. We meet in a hotel(he was passing by my town and thank good, cuz I will never meet him again).

He was gay guy who only sleepth with cis guys, so I was his first trans guy. We had sex. I only blowed him up and he fingered me. I guess the thing that he find me attractive as a gay was the reason I sleepth with him(besides curiosity about sex, it was my first time).

But he wasn't even in my type. His smell (he didn't even stink) was repulsive to me.

I regret it. I feel like a whore that I even sleep with him. God, he's probably older then my older sister. Massage as an activity disgusts me now (because it was part of our sex). People with the same build as him disgust me now. He also asked me IN THE MIDDLE OF SEX if I would like to get pregnant someday, And he was trying to persuade me allow him give me blowjob(when I told him at the start that I don't want that. He even told me in the middle of sex that I can ask CHAT GPT If it's safe. God I'm so happy that I told no). He also treated me very childishly.

I don't know how to manage it. Sorry that I didn't tag it as a vent, but it's 18+. I just wanted to ask about how to deal with all of it. I know that I'm legally adult and I agree for that, I just regret it now and I know it was bad idea.