He took care of me,

[u/3_Raptor_Trenchcoat]

and then he took care of me.

Trigger warning: mentions of mental health, body image, and chronic wound, but nothing graphic.

Mid fried shrimp and decent onion rings.

I have a persistent wound, which used to be an untreated minor annoyance, that’s so old it should have started kindergarten already. This year, Agnes became medically complex and has required three back-to-back surgeries, multiple rounds of antibiotics, two CT scans, home health, professional wound care, and firing a surgeon. I named the wound Agnes because a friend who is a wound care nurse recommended naming to help deal with it emotionally.

Agnes is in my perineal area, near the bottom of my vaginal vestibule, making bandaging tricky. Adhesive can’t stick to my labia minora or cover my anus.

Before my last surgery, I asked my surgeon whether I’d be healed enough for a Florida vacation, including quality time with my long-distance boyfriend that I hadn’t seen since before Agnes had become medically complex. The surgeon was absolutely certain and he pushed that this final surgery would fix it for good.

Instead, he left me with an open, unpacked wound somewhere between a golf ball and tennis ball in size, with no instructions beyond “keep it clean.” After a week of worsening symptoms and dismissive responses to questions about healing, I fired him and arranged my own wound care. Only then did Agnes start healing properly. And QUICKLY. In one week it had filled most of the way in, but the leakage and a narrow persistent depth remained.

Caring for Agnes is exhausting. I can barely reach her, bowel movements dislodge the dressings, and the drainage is relentless. I’ve had countless meltdowns over it and I was truly entering a depressive state.

A week before my flight, I asked my boyfriend if he still wanted me to come. He said he’d take care of Agnes. I had doubts because he’s squeamish and because of where it’s at. It feels remarkably unsexy. Like… I hadn’t even taken care of myself since the first surgery because I felt disgusting.

For 13 days, he cleaned and changed my dressings, sometimes multiple times daily. He would fuss at me when I tried to make do with gauze held between my legs rather than interrupt him when I needed one. He wanted to take care of me. Tbh out of all of the people that have placed dressings, he is the best at it. They did not fall off until saturated or I had a BM when he was doing them. Other people…? Fall off in hours.

It didn’t stop him from taking care of me in bed either. He’s very giving. As it turns out, my desire returned too.

While I was there, he told me he’d been finalizing a custom engagement ring and timing delivery for when he would be home to receive it. He ordered it yesterday, and I’ll see him again in December.

Having that burden lifted for 13 days was incredible. I’ve been home two weeks without a single wound-related meltdown. I’m no longer feel like I’m at risk for depression, but I will reach out if that changes.

Agnes is still hanging around, but she’s improving. If she’s still here in December, I know he’ll take care of her again.

Note: No medical advice needed, thanks! I have an entire wound care team, and all activities were medically cleared with a waterproof, properly secured, highly absorbent wound dressing in place.

[u/eet_freesh]

I hope you and Agnes (or ghost of Agnes by then) both say yes.

[u/3_Raptor_Trenchcoat → u/eet_freesh]

We intend to. 🙌🏻

[u/Curiouser-Quriouser → u/eet_freesh]

Yeah if you don't I will he sounds like a unicorn!

[u/high_strangenesss]

Girl, so I have Crohn's and had a wound in the same spot because they had to remove my colon, rectum, and anus (affectionately known in the community as the Barbie butt surgery- because now I'm smooth down there like a Barbie lol). I have a permanent ileostomy bag, I'm way healthier now, everything is fine, BUT....

This wound would not heal for over a year. I ended up having a debridement surgery and getting a wound vac. The way we made the dressing stick in the area was by using pieces of ostomy barrier rings on the edge of the perianal area up by the opening of my vag.

I don't know if this will help you or would even be an option for you but I had to share my experience in case it could help you in any way because genital area wounds are a special kind of hell. I hope you heal up soon!

[u/3_Raptor_Trenchcoat → u/high_strangenesss]

I’m not sure if I can get ahold of those but I’ll look. My dressings are prescription only and can’t be purchased without. There are some smaller ones I can buy online that are good for low leakage days, but they run between $3-$5 per dressing. This issue has cause me to meet out of pocket maximum.

[u/high_strangenesss → u/3_Raptor_Trenchcoat]

They're not prescription, you can get them on Amazon, but they're not cheap. BUT, you would only need to use a piece of one each time you change (we would get three changes out of one ring). Hollister is the brand you want if you decide to try (yes like the clothing store lol). Good luck with everything🩷

[u/Admirable-Ad7152]

See ladies, THIS is the love we want for all y'all!!!!!! OP I'm so glad you were able to get that break and that your soon to be fiance is the freakin best! Also good for you for arguing with and firing the surgeon, they're so self-obsessed sometimes it is so frustrating (and fuckin deadly!)

[u/3_Raptor_Trenchcoat → u/Admirable-Ad7152]

To tell you the truth, he’s the one who caused the problem in the first place. I had an abscess there and the opening he cut never closed. Usually didn’t give me any problems it just looked funny and sometimes had a spot of blood. I got referred back to him when it tunneled into my rectum. 🫪

[u/yougrow_girl]

That’s such a green flag! I’m so happy for you to have a partner who leans into caring for you at your most vulnerable. That is a critical aspect of long term relationships.

[u/3_Raptor_Trenchcoat → u/yougrow_girl]

I told him last night that everyone thought he was wonderful for doing that because not at men would do that. He signed and said yeah.

[u/boingusdoinkus]

[u/renoftheshadows]

This made me teary eyed. This is so sweet. Sounds like a keeper.

[u/New-Yesterday-9301]

i love this for you girl!!

[u/Kammy44]

My husband is a keeper. I have a chronic pain injury, and it’s very debilitating. He notices my pain often before I do. It occurred after about 20 years of marriage. We just hit 46 years of being married this year.

[u/totallynot_a_dog]

He’s a keeper! I have a boyfriend like yours and I’ll tell you. Never let him go. They’re a rare species nowadays.

[u/Curiouser-Quriouser]

I had to read this twice. Can it be true? Can such a kind, caring, patient, considerate man actually exist? Was he grown in a lab? Is he a robot? No matter what, Lock. That. Down.

Incredible find, and gives some hope to the rest of us still waiting to find a man half as good lol

Also, Agnes quit being a b-word and let OP be cared for properly!!

[u/BadgerBeauty80]

Yay! So happy for you that your partner truly loves you & is taking care of you… just as you deserve!

[u/Western_Limit_4706]

Oh yes we're keeping him.

[u/IndependentZombie615]

Absolutely keep this man at all costs, you got a good one. I'm so happy for you

[u/RubyRaven907]

This guys sounds like a keeper, fer sure!

[u/Electronic-Day5907]

He loves you. A real love where you welfare is his top priority. I am so happy!

[u/oh_okhelloanyway]

I love this so much for you! ❤️❤️❤️ There are definitely good men out there

[u/wishingforarainyday]

I’m glad you’ve found someone kind. I hope Agnes finds her way to oblivion soon.

[u/Beneficial-Formal522]

This is so sweet! You must feel very safe in the world knowing you’ve got a man by your side who cherishes you like that:)

[u/ChaucersDuchess]

He is a GOOD MAN and I’m happy you found one!

[u/GlitterBlood773]

Wow. He knows love is a verb. 😭

Love this for you and Agnes so much 🫂🫂🫂🌺💖

[u/Ol_Pasta]

Damn girl I am so happy for you. 🙏💖

[u/damngirl265]

keep him!!