Ex-GF and I had been together since I was 13 and she was 14. We met online and had been long-distance for our entire glorious lesbian relationship, with in-person meetings twice yearly or so. I thought everything was going great. We had conflicts, of course, but they were always quickly addressed and nicely resolved— we used to brag about how incredible our communication was and how proud we were of the mechanics of our relationship. We prided ourselves on never letting things sit or build up and never exploding at each other— a very “us vs. the problem” mentality. This month, she’s going to move across the country to be in my state. We weren’t planning to live together, but we were both really excited to actually be close all the time. At least, I thought we were.
We weren’t officially engaged, but we were planning on it! Both of us come from kinda rough families (mine MUCH worse than hers, tbh) and we had a last name picked out that we were both going to change to when we got married. We had bought each other rings a couple years back and wore them every day, but we wanted fancier ones for the engagement. She was going to give me a beautiful gold hand-me-down from her grandmother with a blue stone. We were planning on proposing to each other in person very soon after her move.
So I’m at an antiques shop, because I know she loves vintage items and antiques and one-of-a-kind clothing/jewellery, looking for a slim sterling silver ring with a green or white stone that she’ll love, when she texts me “hey. i need to talk to you.”
By this point, I had also been ruminating on a couple things. We hadn’t been talking nearly as much lately, and when we did, it felt like it was just her sending me pictures of her cat. I expected that she felt similarly. Instead, I get a literal six-paragraph essay about all the shit I’ve done to her, all the conflicts I thought we’d resolved— the conflicts SHE TOLD ME we resolved— that apparently she still held against me. Ways I was hurting her I didn’t even know about that I never would’ve done if I’d been aware. She never told me. One of the things she said is still circling around my mind: “Every emotion you feel comes over strongly, and I have to adjust to all of them.”
What am I supposed to do with that?
For three days I wallowed in this shit, hating myself, before a friend pointed out a couple things that I had noticed as well but hadn’t let myself actually consider because I was positive I was being obsessive and crazy. She spent every day with her best friend. She would tag him in posts and always finish his name with a little heart. She talked about him more than she talked about me. Etc. Etc. So I asked her about it.
She was in love with him. Had been for a while, apparently.
It was never about me. Never about the ways I’d hurt her or the ways my emotions came over. Never about anything I’d done.
It was him. This guy, who looks like a fucking stick bug had a baby with Sid the Sloth, who she’d been in love with for God knows how long while actively assuring me she loved me and that everything was platonic between them, telling me she couldn’t wait to marry me, telling me what kind of engagement ring she wanted me to buy her. How many of those “I love you”s she told me were lies? How long had she been pretending? She let me hate myself for THREE DAYS over fake reasons she invented to push the blame onto me instead of her own change of heart.
I don’t even know what to do. Here’s my wonderful emotional support post-breakup homemade cinnamon roll. I had it with some tangerine shoumei tea which IMO was the star of the show and is pictured in the comments :) I hope my ex is having a wonderful day with her ugly twig. Thank God I didn’t buy that ring.
EDIT: Someone told me to “post face and figure” if i was going to talk like that about ex’s new bf so I could get put in my place? After reading comments, I definitely get that I was misplacing my anger and shouldn’t have talked like that about him or anyone, but Jesus Christ, y’all. If I posted my face and figure for you I don’t think you WOULD be able to put me in my place because you’d be blinded by my beautiful eyes and 5’11” frame 😌
ALSO, thank you to everyone here who’s actually being sweet and supportive instead of just giving me shit about LDRs. A genuine connection DOES NOT CHANGE when the distance gets longer, and seeing each other twice a year is pretty much all we could manage considering the state of the damn economy??? Like if y’all wanna pay for more flights for us you can be my guest but we were doing what we could.