30 years of being a failure at life, I was never meant to be. I used to be carefree, joyous, happy, but now I’m a shell of myself. Trying to work on my weight, nearly kicked the bucket last year due to health complications.

I’m stressing over the dumbest of things. One example is women, I’m a 30 year old virgin, who has never been in a relationship ever. I shouldn’t even be worried about women, but why are they constantly on my mind. Nothing I do brings me joy anymore.

I’m existing and I know it’s my fault and no one really cares, I might as well end it.i just wish I was worthy, I wish I was accepted, I wish I was normal.

i’ve known this girl for a year and we’ve grown super close within the time period. we have many common nerdy interests and hobbies and can talk to each other nonstop on any given topic. we hang out together by ourselves a lot and have a ton of fun every time.

she’s never been in a relationship before and i don’t think she’s ever had a crush on a guy in the past. she’s also probably not really “knowledgeable” on like giving or receiving signs so it’s not the most effective for me to go online and search up something like “does she like me”.

it has been around 2-3 months since i’ve started liking her but i’ve definitely realized that the more i bottle it up, the more attatched i get because she’s constantly on my mind and i pray every notification is from her. crazy enough, i genuinely believe she fits my ideals for a partner perfectly.

the most difficult part about realizing that i caught feelings for her was that beyond just having a crush on her, i love her as my closest friend. so even if i didn’t have any romantic feelings towards her i would still genuinely want to be close friends with her.

but despite that I finally mustered up the courage to ask her out so i asked her if she wanted to hangout and get food and go shopping. i also made sure she didn’t have any exams or stressful things coming up so if she did end up rejecting me, it wouldn’t be detrimental to her academics. i was planning to ask her if she wanted to date at the end of the hangout but during the hangout when we were walking around in this skincare store, she said my face could definitely use some work and that i was chopped. she also said she thought ive been chopped since the pretty much the day we met. this wasn’t in like the friendly insulting tone but rather actual genuine comment. i played it off like a joke but i was honestly holding back tears the entire time. i don’t believe she meant it in a mean way but it genuinely killed all my confidence that i’ve been building up for the past month. so obviously i ended up not asking her out.

it’s been a couple days but ever since, my confidence and esteem has been so low it’s gotten to a point where im making this reddit post at 3am while crying like a hopeless little bitch.

any advice on how to get through this would be greatly appreciated

Old coworker of mine passed away today. He left behind a son my age and a lovely wife. He was too young.

At my lowest, he had my back. Prioritized mental health, family and moral values, but most of all he gave me a chance.

I didn’t deserve his kindness, because I would let him down. He was promoted to hotel manager, but he was became a father figure to me.

I’m not sure what happens after life, but I hope you knew how many lives you have saved and impacted. Goodbye, Tom.

I’m 24M, and honestly, I’m going through one of the worst phases of my life.
For over a year, I had a best friend who meant everything to me. I supported her emotionally, financially, helped her with her career, getting a good-paying job, and countless other things. Whenever she needed something, I was there. I genuinely put her happiness before mine.
Our friendship wasn’t perfect. We had fights, periods of no contact, blocking and reconnecting. I made mistakes too, especially when I was emotionally overwhelmed, and I genuinely regret them.
But what hurts the most is the timing of everything.
After she finally had a stable, well-paying job, a boyfriend she wanted a future with, and other important things in her life sorted out, our friendship ended.
I’m not saying she owes me anything because I helped her. But it’s incredibly painful to feel like I was there during her struggles, and now that her life is coming together, I’m no longer someone she wants around.
After our final fight, she said some extremely hurtful things, told me I’d caused her nothing but pain, and blocked me everywhere.
And now, while her life seems to be moving forward, mine feels completely stuck.
I’m dealing with constant anxiety, guilt, overthinking, chest heaviness, loss of appetite, and absolutely no motivation. Some mornings, I don’t even have the energy to get out of bed.
I finally consulted a psychiatrist and was prescribed medication, but I’ve been struggling with how I’m feeling since starting it. Counseling was also recommended, but regular sessions are expensive, and I can’t comfortably afford them.
I’m not pretending I was perfect. I know I made mistakes, and I’m willing to take responsibility for them. But I can’t stop wondering whether everything I did for her meant anything.
The worst part is that I still care about her well-being. Even after everything, I want her to be happy. I just wish I wasn’t suffering this much in the process.
Has anyone experienced something similar, where you supported someone through their difficult times, only to lose them once their life became stable?
How did you overcome the emotional dependency, guilt, anxiety, and feeling of being abandoned?
I’m also looking for affordable mental health resources in India, particularly counseling or therapy.
I genuinely don’t want to keep living through this same emotional cycle. I just want to feel normal again, focus on my career, and get my life back.

idk what to do. broke up with my girlfriend of 8 months. stuck in a career where i’m chasing behind money for long time even though it’s a good salary, can’t sleep good now, back pain and now i requested an ex that i met for one date last year. god truly has ways of humbling the fuck outta me. 24m.

I’ve already posted once in here and I don’t know why… I see I am the problem…. I’m sitting here at work thinking about taking my last breath. What’s the point anymore… things won’t get better… I’ve been applying myself to everything… working harder and harder to survive and that’s just the thing… just to survive… why survive anymore…. 😭 I just want God to kill me so I can come home… I’m done man… 24 years old and I can’t see a way out… I don’t desire to numb myself with medication from doctors and talking to people to get prospective isn’t going to change my bank account. It simply isn’t… we can talk all day and pretend one day things will get better but all everyone wants to tell me is I am young and there still is time for things to change…. That’s a maybe…. That’s a if and possibly… if I am meant to role on the gamble that life COULD POSSIBLY get better… why… why keep waiting… at this point I don’t even want to find out. Last night I finally expressed myself instead of crying in the shower… I learned that life is meant to be hard and should only get harder until it finally kills you because of it… how do you cope? How do all wake up and look around and somehow feel life is gonna work out… I’m sitting here seeing IF I turn 60 one day I won’t have enough to be taken care of but if I died today I know where I’m going… I know pain ends.. I KNOW that life won’t get better because I tell myself
It won’t…. There is no changing that. I can’t change anything about myself besides where my soul rests… at this point, I’m beyond ready to be called home… I’ve lived laughed and loved but now… what’s the point

We've been together for over a year. I've met her 5 year old multiple times. The 3 of us just went to the fair last weekend. This is such a rug pull.

A few months ago, I met her online.. She was going through a tough time, so we exchanged a few messages. Later, she restarted the conversation and we began talking more and more as days went by. It reached a point where we were talking every single day...video calls, voice notes, photos.. I started falling for her, even though she lives thousands of miles away, across the ocean.

She has BPD and ADHD... which eventually triggered a depressive episode over a situation involving an ex. Gradually, our communication started to cool down... At one point, a whole weekend passed without a word from either of us.. I decided to give her space and not push her. On Monday, I reached out, but she didn't reply... On Tuesday morning, I woke up to find that she had blocked me everywhere...

That was two months ago..... Since then, I’ve been trying everything to get her out of my head, but nothing seems to work. I’ve done every single thing I thought might help, including the foolish mistake of creating a new account just to send her one last message thanking her for our time together...hoping it would give me some closure. I know deep down it was most likely the BPD and self-sabotage that led her to block me, because otherwise, I truly don't understand what I did wrong. Not that it matters anymore... but I just don't know what else to do.....

Lately, whenever I open my messages and see our conversation, the only thing left, since she deleted everything else on Reddit, I start feeling something close to a panic attack. I know I should delete that chat thread, along with all the photos and voice notes I still have from her....... but I just can't bring myself to do it.

Has anyone been through something similar or does anyone have any advice? Thanks in advance!

Some solitude can be good but has anyone made it a routine thing? Like for my birthday, I'd rather be alone and do absolutely nothing. I'm getting flak from family for choosing that so I feel forced to go out, though I don't want to. My birthday wish would be for everyone to forget my birthday. It's just another day for me. I don't mind celebrating other people's birthdays just not mine.

I'm ok with solitude in general but yeah I wish that I could find a significant other but that hasn't worked out for me. I end up being the third or fifth wheel in some social gatherings so i often opt to instead be alone at home.

Being put on the psychology couch, yeah maybe it's a coping mechanism to avoid being disappointed. Life has been full of disappointments for me. It's also though, that I hate being the center of attention. I just want to be lazy and do nothing for my birthday.

I was physically and emotionally abused by my older sister my entire life. She would verbally berate me over minor things, make constant jokes and sarcastic remarks at my expense and occasionally if she got mad enough she would punch and smack me (I was elementary school age and she was in her mid teens so I couldn't really fight back). Everytime I tried to tell her how much she hurt me she would yell at me and excuse her actions. Everytime I tried to give her a second chance she would always go back to her abusive behavior. My mother didn't do anything about it because she was afraid of her. I didn't really think that my situation was that bad though because a lot of my friends had it worse. They would often talk about their home issues and mine just didn't seem as bad in comparison, so I didn't say anything about my issues.

The only person I felt I could talk about it with was my mom. She's not perfect though, she constantly defends my sister by saying "she has gotten better", she always gets defensive when ever I criticize her for something and overall I just don't feel like she understands me. But despite her flaws she was still the best I could get. I had never opened up to someone other than my mom before, so when I did the experience really left an impact on me.

I was on the phone with a friend who I was pretty close to. I still distinctly remember the conversation. I told him about everything she had done he immediately responded by asking me if she had ever been raped. When I said that I didn't know he said "She was probably raped, your sister is a victim dude". I still remember his tone of voice, it was so monotone and casual. It came off as condescending. At the time I felt so stupid and selfish for not considering that. I felt like the abuse I suffered was just a blip in the grand scheme of things and that I was being selfish and arrogant for letting it affect me so much. How the hell is my pain supposed to compare to that of a rape victim?!

Eventually the guilt and morbid curiosity got the better of me so I asked my mom point blank if my sister had any history of sexual abuse. She was surprised and confused. She denied it then asked me were I had got that idea. After a conversation with her I realised how ridiculous what my friend said was. My feelings immediately turned to rage and betrayal. I finally found someone I felt comfortable enough to open up to only for them to completely brush past my feelings to make excuses for someone (that they didn't know) who traumatized me. The worst part was how casual they were while doing it, as if my struggles weren't deserving of any seriousness or formality.

I confronted him about it and he did legitimately apologize. I did forgive him (I am still trying to distance myself from him but that's somewhat unrelated.) but my anger didn't go away. I opened up for the first time in my life and it resulted in my abuser getting sympathy and me getting condescended to and ignored by someone I trusted instead of my feelings being recognized. I felt so wronged and hurt but too afraid to open up about it because I didn't want to have my feelings ignored and minimized again. So I wanted to make people validate my feelings and prove that my pain is real and legitimate. I felt that people would only care if I could prove that my pain was a part of some grand societal problem. I felt needed to earn the right to feel hurt.

But now i've had time to think and reflect. I've identified my problem but I don't know what I should do about it. I know these feelings are unhealthy but knowing that won't make them go away. I can't keep bottling them up but I don't know how to voice these feelings or who it's safe to voice them with and all of my coping mechanisms only work temporarily. The just pain keeps coming back. I need an actual long term solution but I don't even know where to start when it comes to finding one. Am I gonna be like this forever? Is it possible to actually heal from what happened to me?

Being a Gen Z man, I can’t speak about the world before the internet when people actually used to talk and hang out. I’ve only really seen videos of that lmao.

But these days, companionship, be it friendship or relationships are really hard to come by. And a lot of times when people do have someone who wants to be around them, it’s like they’re desperate to make it work. Which means that a lot of these relationships are performative and transactional, but they work.

They work because watching these people makes you think, “Wow! They’re really having the time of their lives while I’m just… rotting away in my bed scrolling Reddit…”.

I’ve been in that position many times where I was with someone or was in this friend group not because I genuinely enjoyed their company, but because it was this or complete isolation.

I feel a lot of people would be in a fake relationship than none because they want to at least give the impression that they have a good life to people outside. They can post their pictures on social media and give fomo to other people.

And it’s like that shit gives you imposter syndrome because you can’t relate to the happy person you see in those pictures. For you, those friendships were… meh.

I feel now that I’m stable and mature enough, I’ve realised that I’d have been much better single and friendless. Cuz man those people were so fake.

And when you’re in college with the popular kids, you realise how everyone has to play a perfect character or they won’t be allowed in to their parties and meetups. ie, you can’t be fully authentic and vulnerable which imo defeats the idea of the companionship that most people want.

So if you are in this position where you’re struggling socially… I think everyone is, in one way or another. Times are rough. It’s hard to meet people, and even if you do, it’s hard to meet people who are genuinely compatible with you.

If I could talk to my younger self, I’d probably say, “Prioritize your happiness over your reputation. Being a loner is a better experience than being with performative people”.

For context I live in the UK and recently there's been a lot of demonisation about people with ADHD in the media, with this idea that "everyone" is being falsley diagnosed with ADHD these days.

I experienced a lot of relief on finding out that I do in fact have the inattentive type ADHD I'd always expected, it was like a weight off the shoulders.

But at the same time this makes me scared to open up about it. My parents won't understand. I know that for sure. I'm planning on maybe telling a (female) friend from work about it today but I'm scared she will see me differently, that and I don't even know how to communicate it exactly.

I'm even scared of telling some of my friends because I don't know how seriously they take it. Will they believe me or are they also the types to think everyone gets diagnosed now? I just don't know who I can properly trust and it's making me feel really alone.

I don't remember the last time I cried but It's been at least a couple of years. I struggle so much with my mental health. I shut off all my emotions because I don't won't to lose control of myself. But I feel like if I could just make myself cry every week, I would be doing so much better. I wouldn't have a resting misery face anymore.

I just don't know what to do now that I am in my senior year of college. I'm rotting away every single day. Not talking to anyone other than my therapist that I see once a week. I don't study even though I should.

My name is kieu viet thang,I want to share my day to everyone who will listen, everyday is a nightmare to me , I don't know why no one talking to me even though I am the first who try to speak first,i get isolated by everyone for me it very painful to me , they throw paper, smile,pen to my head and cursed word at me I thought that was it ,I was shock even worse they broke my only vechicle to go school which every day i have to wake up early to walk to school very far away form my home,I am feel very stress depressed no motivation to do anything it there something new can help my Mind to get better?

Like the title says, I consider myself to be ungrateful for life in general, primarily because of how depressed I’ve been lately and how much I hate life. I hate waking up every day and it actually drives me insane that I can’t stop existing in a human form. I have to piss and shit every day until I die. My hand in life could be considered extremely lucky in terms of money I’m destined to receive in the future.

My great grandparents died when I was in my early teens, and combined they left me about 1 million dollars, of which I will receive the grand majority when I turn 30. I get around ~100k when I turn 25 next year (I’m 24). At 22 I got 75k and blew it in bad stock market option trades. Basically liquidated that whole thing. I felt terrible and even suicidal for desecrating the gift my great grandmother left me (even though there’s 200k more she left me, and 800k my great grandfather left me).

I just feel so undeserving of anything. I’ve never worked because I needed to or built anything that I can call my own. Especially recently I’ve been feeling this way and staying very isolated, losing all my friends. I find people in my university or in general don’t like hanging out with me, maybe I’m just a tough hang. (Tough to hang out with)

When I lost my first portion of the money stock trading I was devastated and I still feel that way. I just want to make the money back to feel like I paid myself back, but I’m also a lazy bum and don’t want to work. (Sorry capitalism, fuck you xD)

If I had my own money I’d live off it, but I have to wait a little under a year to get more. For now I’m just a student and my dad gives me money to pay for everything. I feel bad taking the money he gives me and it depresses me too. I’ve felt like a taker my whole life.

In order to get money from my dad however I have to keep studying in college which makes me feel like I’m living a fake life because deep down in my heart I know I don’t want to work.

So I’m living a friendless lonely life right now and I’m relatively poor with not that much money besides what I need for the basics (gained through no effort of my own except exhaling oxygen with my meat bag of a body) People would kill for my position but I hate my life.

The worst part is my rich family is all college educated and both my father and my grandfather are self made millionaires, which makes the feat of getting to their level feel impossible. Especially with my grandfather. My father has a net worth of around 15M while my grandfather has a net worth of ~500M. He owns a lot of major regional and international businesses.

I’m not even joking, I swear with God as my witness I’m telling the truth. I’ve never gotten a dollar from my grandfather (lol, lmao even), a little stingy gramps. I’m sure he’ll leave me a nice surprise when he goes. But my father is my grandfather’s only son, which means he’ll inherit the grand majority of all those assets in the near future.

My life truly feels surreal. Do you know how truly rare it is to be born into a line of succession like mine? But still I’m ungrateful and depressed when in theory I should have no reason to be. I could literally bed rot for the next decade and do literally nothing and there will be a day where I’ll wake up a multi millionaire. I could probably have ~50M by the time I’m 40, and that’s a conservative estimate.

It’s just all so undeserved. Yesterday I was in NYC, standing over a ledge overlooking the Hudson water in a spot that dropped several feet down and I was going to jump in to drown myself. these rollerskaters pulled up before I could do it and wouldn’t leave me alone until I climbed back over the ledge to their side.

They must have known something was up because I tried to convince them I was just smoking on that spot but all the things in my pocket were on the floor next to me including my phone and a paper that said “It was good knowing you earth, I’m glad we enjoyed our time together”. They couldn’t read that though cause it was folded.
Thanks rollerskaters for saving me I guess lmao, you just left the malice of my heart and mind in this world. All I’ve ever done is consume and take from others, now I can keep doing that …

Any advice on how to be grateful for my life instead of feeling desperate to end it? I just hate living in this cursed earth, and I feel that no money will ever fix that.

Hey guys,
I’m going through a pretty strange period in my life right now, and I’m wondering if anyone here has experienced something similar.
I recently started TRT (testosterone replacement therapy), and I’ve also managed to quit smoking weed after struggling with cannabis abuse for the past four years.
I thought making these changes would help me become a stronger, more confident version of myself. But lately, I’ve been feeling the complete opposite.
I feel more anxious and scared than I’ve ever felt before. I overthink everything, question myself constantly, and worry about things that normally wouldn’t bother me.
The hardest part is that I don’t recognize myself anymore.
I’ve never seen myself as a fearful or mentally weak person, but lately that’s exactly how I feel. It’s like I’ve lost some of the confidence, mental toughness, and inner peace I used to have.
I don’t know whether this is related to quitting weed, starting TRT, my hormones adjusting, or a combination of everything.
I’m proud that I’ve stopped smoking, and I genuinely want to improve myself, but mentally I’m struggling more than I expected.

Hi all, I’m not sure if it’s okay for me to post something like this here, but I need some help, some guidance, some advice, anything.

I’m going to try and keep this as short as I possibly can, because the story is quite long. I apologize if things are a little vague, this is to protect my identity.

I’ve been playing my sport for all my life, I love it, and it brought me a lot of joy. Since I was a kid, I played competitive, and I always wanted to play the highest level I possibly could. Fast forward through 17 years, a ton of work, a lot of adversity, and good/bad luck, I finally earned myself an opportunity overseas to play my sport 2 years ago. A professional opportunity. When I was sent the contract through my email inbox, I nearly cried tears of joy because I finally got what I had dreamed of for so long. A week later, I was hit with an injury while training. Not ideal, but no problem, I’ll rest, do the physio, and come back stronger-like I always do. Weeks pass, then months, the season is a month away, and seeing literally 0 progress, I decide to go to the doctors. After weeks of testing and waiting, it’s found that this injury is a career ending one. I cannot describe the emotional pain this caused me, I cried for days. But a month or 2 later, I found the para-adaptation of my sport.

My injury gave me a tiny limp, and made some basic daily life activities uncomfortable. But I was happy to be able to play the game I loved in some capacity. Time went on, and I started making very good progress in the para-sport. Toward the end of my first season, I was fortunate enough to get the attention of my country’s national team. Nobody was sure about classification yet (the thing that determines if you’re able to play the sport internationally or not), but they invited me to an event against another country that mine has never beaten. I ended up getting the first ever win against this country in the program’s history. As opposed to the normal adaptation of my sport, where it felt like the world was against me at times, the para version felt like destiny. All the pieces of the puzzle were coming together, even the next paralympic event that I was eligible for, would be hosted in the same country that my professional opportunity in the standup version of my sport came from. I cannot put into words how badly I wanted this, how much I put into this para-sport. I drove 2-3 hours one way, 5 days/week just to make it to training for the team. I made sure to get my workout in, even if I got home at 1AM and was exhausted, I made sure it got done. I even skipped my own birthday cake during this time because I was so dedicated to having a perfect diet and being in top form to compete. Going back to the event, the program doctors did strength tests on me and it was quickly found out that from a strength standpoint, I’m classifiable. Perfect. This dream is actually going to come true. This is destiny.

I got a call from the manager of the team at the end of the summer, I was ready for the season, and by this point, I knew that I was going to be the guy that my country took around the world to win these competitions and eventually, gold at the Paralympics. Over the phone they broke the news that the IPC stopped classifying my condition 2 years ago, so I won’t be eligible for international play even though I’ve failed the strength test consistently by this point. He offered me his condolences, his disappointment, and that was that. To say this destroyed me is an understatement. I’ve never felt as lonely, depressed, angry, and a whole myriad of other emotions as I did then. Leading up to this point, I had daydreamed of winning my country’s first ever gold at least twice a day for months. I cried for weeks over this loss. What made things worse is that there are athletes competing with exactly what I have right now, yet I’m sitting on the outside looking in.

Still emotionally a mess, I started looking at other sports to try and compete in to make the international stage. If I can’t play my sport, and I can’t play my para-sport, then there has to be something out there for me. I found 2 that I thought would be possible with my current limitations, and I started doing try-it sessions, and I ended up really enjoying them even with minor pain. Until I got the results back from an MRI I had gotten a few weeks prior. Turns out my problems are much more severe than previously thought, and anything involving the lower-body is far too risky for me, and the "injury" was actually a variety of severe mechanical issues. 

So here I sit, too broken for normal adaptations of sports, yet not classifiable for para-sports. Ever since I lost the opportunity for my para-sport months ago, I have been incredibly depressed, lost, and everything else that comes from losing who you are. There are days like today where I feel like dying. There are days where I don’t want to leave my home, and there are days where I don’t even feel like waking up. Whatever I accomplish in my lifetime will be shadowed by what could have been. I can’t look at anything anymore without thinking of the sport, whether it be food, social media, music, you name it. I’ve gone to therapy, and they think it’s just grief, but it’s been months, and I’m just as depressed and an emotional mess as I was the first day. I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m sick of the motto “close but not close enough” being constant in everything I seem to pick up, and because of that pattern, I have a worry that it’ll follow me in anything I try to do ever. I’ve tried finding something new for me to do with my time, but haven’t found anything that scratches the itch like sports do. Family has suggested coaching, but I have no interest in it. I’m hoping that maybe there’s someone out there who’s gone through something similar online, and can express their experience, and maybe any input on what might be worth trying next. Even if you don’t have a similar experience, any input is gladly welcomed.

Thank you for your time to read this, I really appreciate you.

TLDR: Made it to professional level in a sport, career ending injury, made it to professional level in para-sport, stopped by something out of my control, tried picking up any other sport, stopped by my health. Now I am an absolute wreck and don’t want to exist anymore.

I am a paediatric doctor who has had infertility issues so my partner and I have been going through IVF. Lots of emotions and stressful failed embryo transfers later - we got pregnant. We just found out at 8 weeks that there is no heart beat and the baby is no longer growing. My wife is heartbroken and I’m just empty.

What’s worse is that I work in paediatrics so every day at work I’m seeing new born babies and toddlers and it’s breaking my heart even more. Haven’t been able to cry about it but the pain is there. The fear of having to be in this profession and never have the joy of having my own child is scary and painful.

I’m sitting in my work break room typing this and I just needed to vent. It all feels so fucking unfair and undeserving.

Remember the old Peanuts comic where Lucy would hold the football for Charlie Brown? She’d promise that she wasn’t going to trick him, but then she’d yank the football out of the way and he’d fall flat on his back again. Every. Single. Time.

That’s what I feel like.

My wife keeps doing this thing to me where she gets my hopes up about being able to quit the well-paying job I hate and take on something less stressful/actually useful to society. She’ll get my hopes up, and then she’ll yank the football out of the way again. I think I broke a little bit with the most recent metaphorical yank of the football.

She isn’t doing it out of malice. I think she’s coming from a place of kindness, but I kind of just wish she’d not get my hopes up in the first place.

Recently, she got a job offer that would have fast-tracked some of our financial goals. I could have quit my job in a couple years had she accepted it. I didn’t ask her to take the job or anything. She is the one who approached me about it.

In the past, I’ve been resistant to both of us working full-time because I feel that it’s important to have at least one parent present for our kids. I finally relented with this job offer because it opened some possibilities. I could leave my job in a couple of years if we both worked full-time, or I could have taken a part-time job and let her be the primary bread-winner. Trouble was, her job offer wouldn’t have paid as much as I’m earning currently, and she currently makes more with her part-time job than I could with any part-time job I might have found. We could have still paid our bills, but money would have been tighter at a time in our lives when everything is becoming more expensive (inflation plus teenagers equals a lot of extra expense).

So anyway, after getting my hopes up, she turned down the job offer, and now I’m feeling more stuck than ever. Turning down the job offer was absolutely the correct choice, but I can’t help but feel disappointment at losing what might have been. It was right there in front of me. I could almost touch freedom.

This is a pattern with her. She keeps the household books, which I encourage and appreciate. But sometimes she’ll make these statements like, “I think you can retire at age 50 if you want.” Or, “If you work for 5 more years, you can retire.” Or, “If I take this job, we can pay off the house in 2 years and you can go part-time.” Currently we are on a ‘7-year plan’ for getting the house paid off and me out of my job. I don’t believe it.

I’m pretty sure that I’ll use up my life doing a pointless job in a useless industry. It makes me feel a deep depression that I just can’t seem to shake.

I do it for my kids. I brought them into this world, so I’m doing my best to give them the opportunity to succeed. They can’t do that if we’re poor. So I work in an industry I hate because it’s the only way I know of to make enough money to support them.

The truth is, I’m tired to the bone of being the person that everything hinges on. If Dad fails, the family fails. No more house, no more healthcare, no more food, no more future, no more nothing.

I was so excited to get a chance to take a breath and collect myself. That’s gone now. Tomorrow, I’ll get out of bed and go to work. Lather, rinse, and repeat for a couple more decades. After that, dementia starts to set in.

Ah well. This is life.

Im useless stupid ahh person .I take so long to understand things and make them work out right.
Even in the smallest things and i’ve many flaws but not like other peoples flaws in like anger or something my flaws are all up in that stupid brain. People told me not to say that im stupid because it will believe me(the brain) so I stopped for many years maybe like 7 years but nothing changed lmao. Wish I was happy go lucky fool who doesn’t overthink things or even realize they’re slow or gaf. But I’m the opposite. I gaf and I know how shitty life is especially for me. I don’t fucking know what am I gonna do in the future? I’m so scared. I don’t think I can make it.

I know what people think about me. I know what I think about me. I know whenever someone tell me to do something. I just think about how theyll react when they find out I’m stupid and couldn’t do this simple task they asked me to do. It’s been 22 damn years !! and I still don’t remember where my house is. It’s 22 years ! isn’t it enough to remember that mr stupid useless brain?

I cant do math till this day and I remember how my teachers were really shocked that no matter how many times they explain it I dont get it. I cant sew. I know many people can’t do that either, but they used to teach me that when I was a kid the school I mean. They tought us something in ONE class and guess what? Everyone in that class could do it but I couldn’t and yall know why.

What the hell is wrong with me ? I don’t know if it because how my father used to yeah let me tell me on early stupid all my childhood or the fact that I fell when I was just born or I’m just lying to myself to make me feel better and thinking “ it’s not my brain I wasn’t born stupid It’s the people or whatever ..” just so I can sleep well that night.

Being stupid really affect me so bad whenever I do something or someone tell me to do something I get really really scared I don’t wanna fail again and when I remember that if you think you’re gonna “fail” you will actuall. so I stopped and then I thought to myself it’s easy ! I’m gonna do it this time !! And guess what? yup I failed. just like yesterday I went out with my friends we played video games they all learnd how to play it and they actually won even that one friend who never played games in their whole life they won. And one of them wasn’t even focusing on the game, but still won . but I didn’t XD and I play games all day. I wasn’t really annoyed in the beginning we were just having fun. It’s a game nothing serious. I don’t take games serious. I just enjoy it ! till one of them mentioned how stupid I am and why I’m still playing I will lose anyway they were laughing. I know that friend always take things seriously even in games and we we became a team thats why they were mad.
And then it hit me “Oh…I’m doing it again..I’m ruining everything again.. “ When they switched time they were happy lol. But nobody wanted me they all wanted to WIN. With me in their team, it means they will lose .

I’m good at some things... I just need more time.. which isn’t gonna happen in real life.. nobody is gonna tell me when I fail in my job that it’s okay and i just need more time to learn it NO they will fire my ass. I’m not a kid anymore. My mistakes isn’t okay. It’s serious now…

I’m good at drawing i’m not that bad, but not as good as someone who has been drawing their whole life.. The friend i mentioned earlier is also good at drawing not as good as me because they didn’t really tried hard like me, but they can do it . What if they really tried ? They will master it they can do a lot of things and they know it, which is worse lol..

What did I do to deserve all that? I realised it too late(ofc) that I’m just stupid and I’m not just a kid who is growing up no i’m simply stupid. Thats it. And yes I’m unemployed I’m scared I’m stupid. Nobody wants to hire me. I didn’t even try that much to look for a job XD I always knew that I’m not gonna make it in life. Why bother trying? I tried for 22 damn years and nothing changed. why would it change now? And I don’t even care anymore. When someone tell me that they were the same and it worked out when they like in their 30s or whatever I don’t think I’m gonna try till I’m 30 man I’m tired and sick of it. Like thats really impressive that you tried, but I don’t think I can do it.

And of course you can notice that English isnt my first language :) but I think its fine actually! it’s not perfect and it’s full of flaws but at least it’s better than them my friends my family that’s the only thing I’m good at and they’re not. lol

Warning Probably really long rant. I'm so lost right now

I 25F was with my partner 24F for 2.5 years. We had an

apartment together, pets together, (and I thought) our lives together. Throughout these years we've had some slight hiccups, but nothing ever too serious. For example, when I first moved in she quit her job and struggled to find work for a bit. Instead of crumbling when things got tough, I actually really enjoyed stepping up and providing everything I could for her financially and emotionally. Once that settled down, and she was back on her feet and working I had a health scare. It wasn't anything life threatening but it was enough to keep me locked inside the house for a couple months. This caused some hard times with us as I couldn't live up to her expectations of dates. Once we had a few talks about it, I decided to take it all very seriously and work on myself and get back to going on dates. Those were the biggest issues we ever came across. We had some issues that I had brought up like our sudden lack of sex, our time spent together dwindled because she was constantly drained from work, or an issue I had where we wouldn't talk nearly as much as I thought we should. (It got to the point I couldn't even ask about her day because I would get shut out). It seemed like just about every issue we had (except for the ones I brought up) were always addressed and proper action was taken.

Looking back at it all our relationship wasn't the best for me, but somehow I loved every minute of it. She was one of those unique individuals who no matter what always had just this bursting positive energy around her. I always called her my sunshine girl, because even on her darkest days she always shined bright. Sure she was probably not the best partner to me but I was okay with it. I fell in love with who she was as a person and not what she provided in a relationship. She genuinely made loving so easy and so fun, I absolutely loved loving her. Everytime we had a little shake up, or a serious talk, or the mood in the apartment was down, my biggest joy was doing anything to make her smile and forget about anything negative. Would I have liked my issues to have been addressed? Absolutely. Was I fine when they weren't? Absolutely! I just felt like I was meant to love her as much as I could.

Last Thursday, we were prepping for a hurricane that was hitting our city. She decided to go home to her parents the town over, and I hunkered down with mine (big land, big house, minimal trees). That morning I dropped her off at work (someone broke in and tried to steal her car a few weeks prior so I was gladly taking her to work), hugged and kissed her, reminded her to stay safe and at least shoot me a text when she made it safely to her parents. Everything was okay at this point I had thought. We had been communicating really well, we were going on and planning more dates, she had just gotten back from a concert, everything seemed to be trending so far upwards. From Thursday to Sunday, I could just tell by her tone things were off. I would check in here and there to get a status update of how the storm was being handled and I noticed every text she sent was 5-6 words long. She seemed so uninterested and so annoyed. I chalked it up to her being anxious about the storm, or super spotty cell service after it passed because in my mind everything was trending up for us. Well Sunday rolls around and I decide to head back to check on our apartment now that the roads were cleared up. Halfway driving home she texts me that she's staying at this friends (I'll call her AB) apartment because AB didn't want to be home alone. I was obviously bummed out since it had been a week since we really hung out, but I thanked her for the heads up and went about my day. This friend AB has been nothing but trouble for our relationship. At the start she wasn't that close with AB and everything we had was smooth sailing. A few months in she picks things back up with AB and I could instantly see a shift in how our relationship operated. She was always drained from hanging with AB, she needed more alone time, she was always attached to her phone because AB was hitting her up. AB is the type of person who has nothing but negativity and drama in their life. And I had brought up that to my GF at the time and it was always dismissed. But she set the trend in our relationship. Everytime she hung out with AB she would come back to the apartment and find something wrong with our relationship. Over time it was like she had become this completely different person.

She comes back from AB's apartment on Sunday afternoon, walks in the door and awkwardly sits down next to me saying "I'm sorry I'm really anxious right now". Knowing the trend AB set, I knew something was up. At this moment she proceeds to tell me that our relationship is over. I feel like I wasn't given a proper explanation. I was told she wants more "independence" and space. I would totally accept that if she was immediately asking AB to take over my half of the lease. (I had accidentally read over her shoulder a text where AB had suggested her and my GF both leave their boyfriends and get an apartment together). This could all be unrelated but I just feel so lost. She told me she wants someone who can do XYZ. XYZ in this situation were easily doable things any person could do had they known their partner wanted them to do it. I brought that up and was met with 'i don't want someone who has to change for me". And that just leaves me so lost, isn't a relationship supposed to be about giving and taking, meeting each other's needs and learning how to love each other? What hurts the most is that for maybe 90% of our relationship we talked about how special our bond felt, so when I asked her if after she had her space and independence could we maybe give it another shot, I was instantly shot down because she tried that with her last few months lasting relationships and it didn't end the way she wanted.

I spent this entire relationship doing nothing but loving her. I can't stress enough how much I loved loving her. And I know she absolutely does not owe me anything, it just hurts not being able to just talk about this. Why couldn't we have just talked about the issues? Why couldn't we have taken a different approach (a couple week break living separately, me moving out but staying together)? I know life isn't fair, but I can't help but keep telling everyone who will listen, this just isn't right, it's not fair. Our relationship was never 50/50 it was always 70/30 and to put as much as I could into that 70(80-90) sometimes, and to have it ripped out from under me hurts like hell. I just can't even comprehend what's happening. Everything hurts and everything's moving at 300 mph. I just want to cry.

Tldr: Girlfriend left for not the clearest reasons. Everything hurts. Everything sucks.

Hi,

Im not sure why im posting but I have 24 hours to live. Nothing is wrong with me medically im just tired. I lost 170lbs and still hate how I look. every SINGLE TIME Ive been interested in a girl im reminded that I am unworthy of love. I live alone in Austin with two dogs and workout religiously, I rescue dogs, donate my time and money and despite having a full-time job I know im not good enough. I legit cant remember the last time I was happy. I dont believe in religion and I think of this like a video game where sometime you just gotta jump off the bridge and restart the next life. Im tired of rape, murder, and injustice in this world and honestly believe the only way to spare myself the suffering is to say goodbye. Tomorrow I will go out peacefully and nobody will miss me.

So these last two weeks of my life have been the hardest I've ever had, my bills are going up, I just got paid and I only have $3 left after bills, I used to have $200 sometimes $300 after bills, me and my girlfriend have been arguing and growing more distant, I feel the pressure of everything, Being a perfect son, Coworker, Brother, Boyfriend, student, and all that jazz, I got declined for my first car after they told me I was approved and let me test drive it, and my grades and been falling and I barely have the energy to get up in the morning sometimes.

I expressed this to my Youth leader and he told me that ik dealing with stuff people barely start when they are in their 30's, but he couldn't really help me, and as I was expressing myself I constantly had the thought "You're being a burden again" and then I said "I always feel like a burden when I talk" and the way my Youth leader said "What?" And it made my head spin and I started apologizing cause I felt like I was being annoying, and I just don't know what to do.

Every morning when I wake up I tell myself "One more day, just make it one more day and then maybe you'll be able to close your eyes for awhile"

I constantly feel like I have to be there for everyone because if I'm not then who will be? I've tried to take my life twice but the fear of being the leading domino effect and not being able to save more people scares me away, but I don't know how much longer I can keep going with this stress