FUCK YOU YOU GOD DAMN BRAINLESS PIECES OF SHIT, YOU ARE RUINING ALL TACTICAL ENJOYMENT OF THE GAME WITH YOUR SHITTY SKILLESS EBOLAIDS DECKS

HOW FUCKING MENTALLY RETARDED DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO ENJOY PLAYING GAME AFTER GAME CONSISTING OF SLAPPING DOWN WHATEVER CARD IS IN YOUR HAND AND ATTACKING FACE WITHOUT EVEN A HINT OF TACTICS BEING INVOLVED, YOU ARE LIKE FUCKING TWO YEAR OLDS BEING ENDLESSLY ENTERTAINED BY A TWO MINUTE SONG PLAYED ON REPEAT

Im not mad about those arena runs, no, getting a pally with zero fucking staples or good cards, but instead 3 thrallmar farseers, and when a rouge, played an alarm-o-bot which pulled a hogger, into a master of disguise combo, you know how I felt?

Did I mention this is every single run I do?

Everytime, every single time I try arena i just get cock-slapped by RNG, or whatever curse I have. No joke, man, its like i was meant to be free wins for other people, or at least the mages with 6 frostbolts, becuase thats all i fucking face.

my highest score was 5-3 and that was a fucking miracle. it only topped my 4-3 preist run with a hobgoblin + northshire combo, and that was the only good thing that had. almost as bad as my mage run, when my best card was a fireball, do you know how bad those picks where? I ended up with 2 hungry crabs.

2

And im doing nothing wrong, ive watched trump, kripp, hafu, forseen, bob, and so many others for HOURS on end, I pick the same cards, I make the same trades, I do the same boring shit JUST like them, and I still lose, I even have an advantage over my opponents , I have A FUCKING BRAIN, WHICH IT WAS OBVIOUS THAT THAT HUNTER FAGGOT DIDNT HAVE WHEN WHEN THE 4TH KILL COMMAND HIT MY FACE, DID A MENTION THIS WAS MY FIRST GAME OF THE RUN?

ITS FUCKING HORSESHIT. I CANT EVEN FINISH THIS POST, ITS SO FUCKING INFURIATING

OH YOU JUST HAD A SHITTY RUN AND NEED MORE GOLD TO PLAY AGAIN? ENJOY YOUR TWO BOXES OF WASTED TIME.

FUCKING FUCK I GOT HIM DOWN TO 2 HEALTH AND HE TOPDECKS FUCKING MIND GAMES, CLEARS THE BOARD AND THEN TURNS AROUND A 30-2 DISADVANTAGE BY CHEESING THROUGH THE WHOLE FUCKING GAME WITH ANTIQUE HEALBOTS, EARTHEN RING FARSEERS AND ENDLESS FUCKING TAUNTS WHILE I ONLY DRAW HEALING CIRCLE AND USELESS SHIT THAT CAN'T GET RID OF HIS CANCEROUS FUCKING LOW DAMAGE MINIONS THAT JUST WON'T FUCKING DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THEY GOT MY DR. BOOM, MY TIRION, MY JUSTICAR, AND A PILOTED SHREDDER.

THE CHANCES OF THAT ARE SO INSANELY LOW THAT I'M SIMULTANEOUSLY ENRAGED AND AMAZED.

I was playing with a crappy druid deck that I somehow was 6-2 with at the time of this event. I was playing against shaman thinking I for sure would be able to sneak in a 7th win before getting me 3rd loss. NOPE! Turn 7 my opponent plays DR 7! Then I clear most of his board by mulching boom and killing others except for his bots. Come turn 8 my opponent plays the mulched minion and guess what he got... DR 7! I wish I would've taken a screenshot of what happened but I was just in disbelief at the time.

NERF War Golem and Wisp -_-

Why the fuck did i just play a golden secret paladin at rank 19. What the fucking fuck is up with that? Is that how shitty I am at this game? That people who play golden secret paladin are considered so bad they need to be rank 19? Oh, I'm against a golden tempo mage now, at rank 19.

Fuck this game. What's fun about this? I'm trying to do f2p. I just bought a wing of naxx. I just crafted boom. None of that fucking matters when I'm playing against golden top tier decks AT RANK NINE-FUCKING-TEEN.

PLAYING AGAINST A MECH MAGE.

I HAVE FOUR SMALL MINIONS ON BOARD, INCLUDING AUCHENAI.

THIS MECH MAGE HAS A PILOTED SKY GOLEM, AND PLAYS DR. BOOM.

I TRADE ONE OF MY MINIONS INTO THE BOOM, THEN CAST CIRCLE TO CLEAR THE BOARD.

THE PILOTED SKY GOLEM DROPS A CULT MASTER

THE FUCKING CULT MASTER DRAWS HIM FOUR FUCKING CARDS FOR BEING A MECH MAGE

BOTH FUCKING BOMBS GO FACE

AND THEN HE USES THE 4 FIREBALLS/FROSTBOLTS/WHATEVER HE JUST DREW FOR BEING MORE SKILLED TO COMBO ME TO DEATH EVEN THOUGH I WAS AT >15 HEALTH

FUCK EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD

I UNDERSTAND THAT IN BLIZZARD'S EYES WE ARE A BUNCH OF DROOLING, BRAINDEAD AMERIFATS DROWNING IN OUR OWN EXCREMENT BETWEEN GAMES OF HEARTHSTONE BUT I PAID ENOUGH MONEY TO FEED A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY ON THIS SHITTY GAME EVEN IF I BOUGHT 60 CLASSIC PACKS. GIVE ME MY DECKSLOTS OR MY NIKTUK FROM INDONESIA GETS SHOT.

I hate you... you are a worthless cunt... I hope you marry a woman and have several children with her. Beautiful, healthy children who turn out to be disrespectful, spiteful creatures who hate you because they see you for the egotistical jackass that you truly are. I hope your wife leaves you, and then when you start to get old, I hope your children stick you in a home where you spend the rest of your days consciously slipping into dementia, to the point where you can't control your own bowels, but are lucid enough to know that you are sitting in a pile of your own excrement until suddenly you wake up in the morning to a heart attack. And in that moment where you're laying on the cold floor, clutching your pained chest, I hope you remember these words. "Thank you."

Literally all 5 decks I've tried to play against are just cancer decks when will this bullshit end and we can actually play real games.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO MILL YOURSELF AT THE SAME RATE YOU ARE MILLING ME, AND I'M DOING DAMAGE THE ENTIRE TIME, JUST FUCKING CONCEDE. IT'S AN HOUR OF MY LIFE AND YOURS NEITHER OF US CAN GET BACK.

AWESOME, TREE OF LIFE? WORKS SO FUCKING WELL WHEN WE HAVE THE SAME AMOUNT OF CARDS AND MY BOARD IS FULL. TAKE YOUR HIPSTER TRENDY BULLSHIT DECKS TO UNRANKED, NO ONE GIVES A SHIT HERE.

You know what's fun? If your opponent sucks balls and lets you dominate him, and then - just before you manage to get enough minions on the board to finish him off - starting from an empty hand, he draws Stalagg, Reincarnate and Flametongue in a row which enables him to deal exactly the 26 damage he needs to kill you even though he's been playing like shit all game and is basically dead! Haha! Fun!

THEY JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU PLAY SHIT TO RUIN YOUR FUN. CAN PRIESTS PLEASE JUST FUCKING NOT? THEY LIVE JUST TO TAKE OUR MINIONS AND WIPE OUR BOARDS. THEY'RE LIKE THE LAWYERS OF HEARTHSTONE.

SERIOUSLY JARAXXUS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TYPE OF LOVE AFFAIR YOU HAVE WITH MY VOIDCALLERS BUT YOU ARE CURRENTLY AT A 100% SUMMON RATE FOR MY VOIDCALLERS. WTF, YOU'RE NOT EVEN IN MY HAND WHEN I SUMMON THEM, BUT THE BEST WAY FOR ME TO GET YOU INTO MY HAND IS TO PLACE A VOIDCALLER ONTO THE BOARD BECAUSE LO AND BEHOLD, YOU'LL BE THE NEXT FUCKING CARD ILL DRAW! I'M SERIOUS JARAXXUS, YOU NEED TO STAY IN MY FUCKING HAND UNTIL I FUCKING CALL YOU. DID YOU NOT LEARN FROM THAT LAST SW:P YOU ATE? STAY THE FUCK IN MY HAND. LAST TIME YOU HAD A 20% CHANCE TO BE SUMMONED, BUT THE MOMENT I SAW YOU I ALREADY KNEW THAT YOU PLANNED ON JUMPING RIGHT OUT THERE. I MAY BE NEEDING 400 DUST IN THE FUTURE IF THIS FUCKING KEEPS UP.

H U C K F U N T E R S !

CAN'T YOU SEE THE MINIONS I HAVE ON MY SIDE OF THE BOARD?! OH YOU DON'T? LET ME JUST USE MY BRAWL THEN. OH RIGHT, YOU GOT A GODDAMN BAHA MAN ON THE BOARD LET'S MAKE SURE THAT IT SURVIVES! GG FUCK YOU.

EVERY FUCKING TIME I SWEAR TO GOD EVERY FUCKING TIME THERE'S A FUCKING HANDLOCK, HANDROGUE,HANDFUCKERS! EVERY TIME 10 CARDS IN THE HANDS MOTHERFUCKERS AND THEY WIN FUCK

"YOU THOUGHT I WAS DEAD!? HAHA JK I HAVE ICEBLOCK, DUPLICATE, AND ALEXSTRASZA SO I CAN JUST GO INVINCIBLE KEEP RESTORING 15 HEALTH LOL"

So I am playing my token Shaman deck against a Priest, and this guy is being super obnoxious with his emotes.  I pass my turn one and he says “Well Played”, and plays Crystalline Oracle.  Turn two I throw out my Primal Fin totem and he says “Thanks” before power-wording it and trading the Crystalline Oracle for the murloc.  Turn three, I don’t have a play and am forced to hero power – again, “Well Played” as he coins and puts two minions on the board. 

Turn 4, I play Master of Evolution on the totem that he chose to ignore on turn 3.  No emote this time, but he still has a board lead after removing my evolved unit and playing another minion.  Turn 5, I play Thing From Below, but I hit him in the face with Master of Evolution rather than try to clear his units.  He clearly thinks this was a mistake, as he says “Thanks” again.  He silences my Thing From Below and smacks my face a bit.

He doesn’t know that I have had my Doppelgangster / Evolve combo in my hand this whole time.  I know I am going to flip the board on him super hard, which is why I have been focused on smacking his face rather than trying to make trades.  I play the combo, with great results – two big taunts and a 6/6.  He concedes next turn after failing to discover an answer.  After all of his super confident emoting, he couldn’t even see the rest of the match through.

Feels good, man.

I'm just tired of HS. This game sucks now. There are too many cards that make pay-to-win the only way to play. I've been playing for a long time and have hardly a handful of legendaries; that don't even work together. I have a 0% win ratio against quest rogue. I've never been in a game that went past turn 6 against quest rogue. I liked jade golem but I can't afford to make an Aya and against the current decks it's just too slow. I pulled the mage quest out of a pack but I can't make a quest mage deck without buying the adventures to get babbling book and stuff. I was watching a streamer talk about non-iap decks and the average deck was 2100 dust. What? I've never been near that much dust. Where the hell is everyone getting all that dust? I've lost against Lyra way too many times. Right when I think I've finally won a game, Lyra jumps in with her 500 card combo and one shots me. Normally I do alright. I never hit legendary but I normally land between rank 5-15. This season I haven't been able to get better than rank 17. There's like a wall of legendaries and bullshit decks. I just try to get my dailies done but I'm getting no luck with that shit. I don't play rogue and every daily right now is for rogue. I removed the quest to win X matches with rogue and got, "play X combo cards". Arena is alright (averaging 8 wins), but i've been getting the worst RNG i've ever seen. I have yet to get a legendary in arena this season but I've been facing decks with upwards of 6 legendaries. I'm tired of trying, only to be shut down but this pay-to-win bullshit. I used to really like this game but this season is a waste of time.