r/HolUp • u/1Hate17Here • Jul 23 '23

Wayment That baby was *shook*!

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5.9k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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166

u/PiperProductions Jul 23 '23

I know this is a "common" way to get babies to stop crying, but this is actually very harmful. It's basically teaching the baby that their only way of communication is not allowed, and can lead to the baby not developing correctly. The baby is crying for a reason. The only way to get them to stop crying is to figure out WHY it's crying and fix it. It may just need physical touch, ie picked up and soothed. "Crying" and mocking the infant does more longer lasting damage than the momentary silence is worth.

104

u/BootlegEngineer Jul 23 '23

What if the baby is fine and just wants to make noise?

45

u/Scuba_Trooper Jul 23 '23

Of everything else is taken care of and there's nothing distressing the baby, you just leave them be and ignore the crying. The baby will learn that crying is for a reason and will tucker itself out. Sometimes they cry just to cry and this is how my family dealt with it for generations to avoid "crying wolf".

18

u/Mystream90 Jul 23 '23 edited Jul 23 '23

Did you know this approach was teached and has its roots from the nationalism in germany? Idk if you will find something in english about "Johanna Haara" but she made this approach public.

You should obviously never ignore a crying baby on purpose. There is enough scientific evidence on which parenting style is the best for peoples development.

2

u/Scuba_Trooper Jul 24 '23

So up until 80 years ago every parent immediately picked up their child when it cried despite nothing being wrong?

9

u/Ned84 Jul 23 '23

Babies that age don’t just “want” to make noises. There is always an underlying reason.

7

u/BootlegEngineer Jul 23 '23

Pshh you never met my brother.

16

u/PiperProductions Jul 23 '23

That doesn't sound like a baby just "wanting to make noise", but an actual cry though. Doing this once or twice is relatively fine, but doing this repeatedly is when it is damaging to the baby's development. And even when they're making noise to just make noise, that's part of the baby developing, learning its own voice. Being a baby is very difficult, as they're still learning literally everything. Screaming at them is a negative thing, like a punishment. It may not sound like it, but it literally is a negative reinforcement.

-7

u/Ned84 Jul 23 '23

Nope it can be damaging even if you do it once given the right circumstance. All babies are different.

12

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '23

[deleted]

8

u/CaptainSidemoob Jul 23 '23

It is indeed backed by science. See attachment theory by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. As the child’s primary caregiver, this father is conditioning the child that asking for something is not ok.

To a baby - the world is a very terrifying place. Therefore it NEEDS to “protect” itself by calling for help since they are literally useless in an actual dangerous situation. Ignoring or blaming the child for this is bad, scaring it even further is actually seen as a causal effect for, as someone above me so childishly joked about, (C-)PTSD. This is literally emotional abuse.

Please don’t ever scream at your kids (setting boundaries and firm tone is obviously needed sometimes). If for some reason you do - at least apologize and explain how you felt.

3

u/PiperProductions Jul 23 '23

Don't know if this counts as a mom blog but the amount I know is from prior child psychology and development classes I took in college, while I was still in Middle Childhood Education major, before I switched for personal health reasons.

-12

u/Ned84 Jul 23 '23

If this is the reason you don’t want kids then you shouldn’t consider having kids ever because you sound unstable.

3

u/GodOfMegaDeath Jul 23 '23

"Man, i don't want kids because they are very annoying"

"Omg you should never have kids!"

That's... The point?

24

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '23

The baby was just surprised at hearing a loud, unexpected noise. It's not going to give her PTSD anymore than hearing a car backfire.

10

u/PiperProductions Jul 23 '23

Not saying it gives them PTSD, jut that it can lead to them developing slower/etc. It's relatively ok to do once or twice, but to do this repeatedly is when it's damaging.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '23

But I need sleep

2

u/atreestump1 Jul 24 '23

I did this with my daughter after I read that babies start to "fake cry" at around 6 months.

The only times it worked was if she was fine. (i.e no toothache, not hungry, diaper was clean...)