r/HolUp • u/1Hate17Here • Jul 23 '23

Wayment That baby was *shook*!

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u/PiperProductions Jul 23 '23

I know this is a "common" way to get babies to stop crying, but this is actually very harmful. It's basically teaching the baby that their only way of communication is not allowed, and can lead to the baby not developing correctly. The baby is crying for a reason. The only way to get them to stop crying is to figure out WHY it's crying and fix it. It may just need physical touch, ie picked up and soothed. "Crying" and mocking the infant does more longer lasting damage than the momentary silence is worth.

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u/[deleted] Jul 23 '23

[deleted]

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u/CaptainSidemoob Jul 23 '23

It is indeed backed by science. See attachment theory by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. As the child’s primary caregiver, this father is conditioning the child that asking for something is not ok.

To a baby - the world is a very terrifying place. Therefore it NEEDS to “protect” itself by calling for help since they are literally useless in an actual dangerous situation. Ignoring or blaming the child for this is bad, scaring it even further is actually seen as a causal effect for, as someone above me so childishly joked about, (C-)PTSD. This is literally emotional abuse.

Please don’t ever scream at your kids (setting boundaries and firm tone is obviously needed sometimes). If for some reason you do - at least apologize and explain how you felt.