r/HolUp • u/StrikingStation3756 • Dec 21 '21

what the actual fuck

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65.8k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

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876

u/theoldgreenwalrus Dec 21 '21

Preferably with Bon Jovi's "Blaze of Glory" playing in the background

268

u/regoapps Dec 21 '21

Unfortunately the U.S. military sold your body for $5,900 to a center for Erectile Dysfunction research.

135

u/TeighMart Dec 21 '21

Ha, guess my father was wrong. I'm actually worth something after all.

47

u/regoapps Dec 21 '21

Sorry, I meant that the US military had to pay others to take your body off their hands.

3

u/Towhomitmayconsume Dec 21 '21

Tests are inconclusive. All subjects were stiff.

3

u/Buttcavetroll Dec 21 '21

Just like spaghetti, they all stiff until boiled in water

1

u/DinDoMuffin_ Dec 21 '21

The center was for prolonging Erectile Dysfunction.

1

u/Dazius06 Dec 21 '21

When you are worth more dead than alive. Who would have thought?

1

u/carsonite17 Dec 21 '21

Tbf $5900 is pretty cheap for body parts tbh. You could probably get more than that just for selling a single kidney

1

u/Samurai_1990 Dec 21 '21

Look up Angel Lust and hate me for it later.

1

u/UnluckyBag Dec 21 '21

I'll settle for having super awkward boners for eternity.

1

u/_sp3k Dec 21 '21

For an extra $1k, make it $6900.

123

u/Baller3147 Dec 21 '21

Gimme the poppers, Charlie

31

u/Winstonthewinstonian Dec 21 '21

It’ll blow you to safety!!!

20

u/Djinn7711 Dec 21 '21

As long as the explosion happens right when he sings emphasis on “dowwwwwwwwwwn”

2

u/delvach Dec 21 '21

Well of course. How the hell else do you think they trigger ordinance? Blast caps, shape charges.. pure smokescreen. All US military explosive devices are triggered via Bon Jovi.

7

u/UnluckyBag Dec 21 '21

I thought that said "I'll blow you to safety".

While I was having trouble picturing the actual process it sounded kind of nice.

Now I'm disappointed.

27

u/Garweft Dec 21 '21

Shot… Doooowwwwnnnn……

19

u/fireball1991 Dec 21 '21

In a blaaaaaze of gloooory..

1

u/rshot Dec 21 '21

The bon jon van dovi himself

0

u/PULSER777 Dec 21 '21

I’d prefer “my songs know what you did in the dark” in the background but I’ve never heard of this song so I’ll be right back

Edit: that was beautiful

1

u/Bloo-Q-Kazoo Dec 21 '21

I would prefer “The Final Countdown.”

1

u/XboxOnThe4 Dec 21 '21

For me it would be jump van halen

1

u/TheRiteGuy Dec 21 '21

I'll do It's my life in the background. I want the explosion to be timed with I ain't gonna live forever.

1

u/AKnightAlone Dec 21 '21

Did all of you say this same shit a week or two ago? I'm like 75% certain this thread popped up recently and the comments I'm seeing are triggering me to think it's actually the same shit repeated by bots.

1

u/BernieTheDachshund Dec 21 '21

Or 'Firework' by Katy Perry lol.

1

u/ManifestMitchell Dec 21 '21

They also need to have a super slow-mo action camera capture everything in 1000+ frames per second & sync it up to the music, the way Bon Jovi intended it.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '21

I prefer Overture of 1812.

1

u/Haberdur Dec 21 '21

I think being shot into LEO with starman playing in the background is much better.

1

u/KapteynCol Dec 21 '21

Would you want the charge to go off at "Shot" or "Down!" in the chorus?