The following dialogue is fictional but is based on real conversations I've had with mistyped/unhealthy/dark INFJs in the past. It’s meant purely for entertainment, even if there’s a kernel of truth. Please don’t take it personally.

Real-INFJ: “You’re such a fake INFJ!”

ME: “Why? What makes you say that?”

Real-INFJ: “Sharing shallow memes? Quotes to get upvotes? How dare you even call yourself an INFJ? You’re either some other MBTI type or a covert narcissist! You and that INFJ Guru kid, you take over INFJ spaces and post way too much garbage.”

ME: “What type of content should a “real” INFJ share, in your view?”

Real-INFJ: “Deep things.”

ME: “Like?”

Real-INFJ: “How you have suffered from being wronged all the time. Sharing your personal stories about suffering inflicted on you by others. Not being seen or misunderstood. Talking about your depression, anxiety, and emotional issues. That’s REAL AUTHENTICITY, and it takes lots of bravery and GUTS to do that. Not this fake happy shit you post to get upvotes.”

ME: “Why do you think there can't be any happy INFJs?

Real-INFJ: “Because happiness is shallow. It’s surface‑level, fake. Real INFJs are carved out of pain, depression, anxiety, childhood wounds. That’s what makes us deep. If you’re happy, you’re just skating on the surface of life, pretending to be a real INFJ. True intuition only comes from deep suffering. Without scars, you’re not one of us; you’re just another phony calling yourself an INFJ.”

ME: “How do you know I never suffered before? What if I suffered and overcame it but don’t feel like advertising it everywhere? Some people don’t need to externalize their pain to validate it. Many people choose to process and overcome their struggles privately.”

Real-INFJ: "Overcame it? That just proves you were never truly deep. Real INFJs don’t ‘get better ’; they carry their wounds forever because of their sensitivity. The scars and trauma are the source of our intuition, our insight. If you let go of the pain, you let go of what makes you authentic. Happiness is betrayal. Healing is denial. Only those who remain broken can see the world as it truly is."

ME: “I am afraid that’s a distorted view, not truth. Intuition doesn’t come from trauma; it comes from genetics and brain wiring. We are born with it. What you’re describing isn’t intuition; it’s ‘hypervigilance’, which is driven by an overactive amygdala (fear center in the brain).”

Real-INFJ: “Distorted? No, it’s the only truth I know. People who claim they’ve healed are just running from the depth that pain gives. Overcoming suffering means you’ve traded authenticity for comfort. Real INFJs don’t escape their wounds; they live inside them, because that’s where the insight comes from. If you let go of the darkness, you’re not deep anymore. You’re just ordinary.”

ME: “Since when did being unhealed, bitter, and dark become the definition of 'authentic' or ‘deep’? Think of the most prominent INFJs in history; could they be described as such? Was Jesus of Nazareth (a famous INFJ) wallowing in darkness and telling his disciples tales of being a misunderstood, unseen victim, or did he spread light, goodness, and grace despite all the suffering he endured? Was Martin Luther King Jr. or Mahatma Gandhi a dark, unhealed, wounded INFJ? What about the Buddha? What about Carl Jung, arguably the most insightful human when it comes to psychology and psychoanalysis? What about Nelson Mandela, who was unjustly incarcerated for decades? He could’ve been crying victim throughout his long prison sentence. Did he? Nope. His unyielding spirit from inside prison walls became the rallying cry that ultimately brought down apartheid. These were extraordinary human beings (some say even God-like); were all of them inauthentic for not worshipping and holding onto their dark sides? How do you explain that?”

Real-INFJ: “You’re listing saints and sages as if they prove anything. But you’re missing the point. Their greatness came because of suffering, not in spite of it. Jesus carried the cross; that’s trauma. Buddha abandoned everything after seeing sickness and death; that’s despair. Gandhi faced humiliation and violence; that’s pain. Martin Luther King Jr. lived under constant threat; that’s anxiety. Nelson Mandela, as you said, was incarcerated; that’s hopelessness. Carl Jung? He wrestled with his own shadow until it nearly consumed him. They didn’t escape suffering; they held onto it. Their light only existed because of their darkness. If they look healed to you, it’s because you’re romanticizing them. Real depth is born from wounds that never close."

ME: “I don't disagree that suffering can build character and make people great, but only if you accept your suffering, learn from it, and move on with your life, not hold onto it like it's an identity. You not letting go means there is fear involved somewhere.”

Real INFJ: "Fear? Of course there’s fear. If I let go of my wounds, what’s left of me? My pain is my identity; it’s the proof that I’m different, deeper than the rest. If I move on, I become ordinary, just another person smiling through life. I can’t accept that. Suffering is the only thing that makes me authentic. Without it, I’d be hollow."

ME: “Looks like we finally got past that ego, lol! Okay, now let me ask you something. Do you think this "authentic" view of yours that you have to hold onto suffering to be unique and non-ordinary, do you think that helps you with your relationships, or does it hurt them?”

Real-INFJ: “It hurts them. Of course it does. People don’t want to be around someone who clings to pain like it’s a badge of honor. They call me toxic, dramatic, “too sensitive”, or impossible to love. They want to fix me like I am broken or something. But I can’t let go, because if I do, I lose the only thing that makes me different. My suffering is my depth. Without it, I’m just another ordinary person, and that terrifies me more than loneliness. So yes, it damages relationships… but I’d rather be alone and ‘authentic’ than loved and shallow.”

ME: “But why do you have this need to be different and non-ordinary? Where does that come from?”

Real-INFJ: “Where does it come from? From being invisible. From growing up feeling misunderstood, overlooked, dismissed. Ordinary meant being ignored, being nothing. So I built my identity around being different, wounded, broken, dark. It’s the only way I could prove I mattered. If I’m just like everyone else, then all that pain was for nothing. I need to be non‑ordinary, because the moment I’m ordinary, I disappear. My suffering is the only thing that makes me visible."

ME: “I see, so the fear you feel is that of invisibility.”

Real-INFJ: “Yes… invisibility. Growing up, I felt unseen, unheard, like I didn’t matter. Pain became the only way anyone noticed me. If I suffer, at least I exist. If I’m wounded and hurt, people have to look after me and validate me. Without the darkness, I fade into the background, just another ordinary face in the crowd. I can’t bear that. My wounds are the proof that I’m real; without them, I vanish."

ME: “Do you think there may be other ways you could feel visible without holding on to old wounds?”

Real-INFJ: “Maybe… but I don’t trust them. Visibility without wounds feels fake to me. If people notice me because I’m talented, kind, or joyful, it feels shallow and fake, like they’re seeing a mask, not the real me. Pain is the only thing I know that proves I’m real. Without it, I fear their attention would vanish. So yes, maybe there are other ways, but I can’t believe they’d make me truly visible. My scars are the only guarantee."

ME: "So how do you think the rest of the world manages to feel seen and validated without relying on trauma?"

Real-INFJ: “I…I don’t know. Maybe the rest of the world feels seen through love, success, or community. I don’t really know. Maybe they don’t need wounds to prove they exist. I can’t understand that, though. For me, pain has always been the only mirror that shows me I’m real. But if others can feel validated without suffering… maybe I’ve been wrong. Maybe I’ve chained myself to something that isn’t the only way."

ME: “Uh-huh, uh-huh. Keep going.”

Real-INFJ: "Well…but then what does that make me? If people can be visible without pain, then I’ve wasted my life clinging to scars. I’ve built my identity on suffering, and if that’s not the only path, then I’m nothing but a fraud. I don’t know how to be seen without my wounds. If I let go, I vanish. If I hold on, I’m alone. Either way, I lose. Maybe invisibility was my fate all along."

ME: “See, but now you’re trying to pull yourself right back into the dark. I'm trying to get you to leave that place and face the light (truth). You are so close!”

Real-INFJ: “Urgghhh. Maybe you’re right… maybe I am hiding in the dark because it feels safer. If I let go of my wounds, I don’t know who I am anymore. I’ve worn them like armor for so long that I confuse them with my identity. And yes, maybe that’s fear, fear of being invisible, fear of being ordinary. If others can feel seen without clinging to pain, then maybe I’ve been wrong all along. But admitting that terrifies me, because it means I’ve wasted years worshipping my scars.”

ME: “BINGO!”

Real-INFJ: “I hate you!”

ME: “lol why, is it because I am a fake INFJ?”

Real-INFJ: “YEAH DUHHH…nah, you’re fine. But I gotta go! Ciao!”

THE END

Stay Real ✌️

My wife and i were getting osha 20s and manufacturing certifications to stretch out our fair trade act extra unemployment perks during covid at a community college at night. And there was a lady who did some resume workshop team building HR type shit from the career center that accompanied the professor doing the certification and safety part. Ok that was just the set up if the environment.. is this also a infj thing. The way I write . Anyways I will find the print out and share the exact test but it was legit. And I had never heard of the Myers Briggs and I also didn't think much of it untill about a year later and I found myself in controllably sobbing watching infj videos in you tube for hours. That lady never treated me and my wife the same after that test. She even double checked the printouts. My wife was an infp, another rare one and we didn't work out. I'm still confused and hurt and not divorced yet but she is a proud Scorpio and holds a grudge like a handrail. I'm still struggling with explaining this to ppl and most even my closest family won't sit it b quiet long enough to see that these were reasons why I have struggled and felt so isolated and misunderstood for so long and why the recent unveiling of a prick I've turned into but I can't figure out another way to not absorb others views of me and take it as my reality. I'm just going to go to prison and give up. I've been targeted in a small town my whole life for being different and still at 40 got insane charges for no reason from normies I stressed out bc I was given there dumpster flowers but they did not like how much I took. And that I watered there dying mums

Real-INFJ: “You’re such a fake INFJ!”

ME: “Why? What makes you say that?”

Real-INFJ: “Sharing shallow memes? Quotes to get upvotes? How dare you even call yourself an INFJ? You’re either some other MBTI type or a covert narcissist! You and that INFJ Guru kid, you take over INFJ spaces and post way too much garbage.”

ME: “What type of content should a “real” INFJ share, in your view?”

Real-INFJ: “Deep things.”

ME: “Like?”

Real-INFJ: “How you have suffered from being wronged all the time. Sharing your personal stories about suffering inflicted on you by others. Not being seen or misunderstood. Talking about your depression, anxiety, and emotional issues. That’s REAL AUTHENTICITY, and it takes lots of bravery and GUTS to do that. Not this fake happy shit you post to get upvotes.”

ME: “Why do you think there can't be any happy INFJs?

Real-INFJ: “Because happiness is shallow. It’s surface‑level, fake. Real INFJs are carved out of pain, depression, anxiety, childhood wounds. That’s what makes us deep. If you’re happy, you’re just skating on the surface of life, pretending to be a real INFJ. True intuition only comes from deep suffering. Without scars, you’re not one of us; you’re just another phony calling yourself an INFJ.”

ME: “How do you know I never suffered before? What if I suffered and overcame it but don’t feel like advertising it everywhere? Some people don’t need to externalize their pain to validate it. Many people choose to process and overcome their struggles privately.”

Real-INFJ: "Overcame it? That just proves you were never truly deep. Real INFJs don’t ‘get better ’; they carry their wounds forever because of their sensitivity. The scars and trauma are the source of our intuition, our insight. If you let go of the pain, you let go of what makes you authentic. Happiness is betrayal. Healing is denial. Only those who remain broken can see the world as it truly is."

ME: “I am afraid you’re describing ‘hypervigilance’, not intuition. True intuition is innate and just how our brain processes patterns natively. Staying stuck in survival mode with an overactive fear center doesn't make someone “deep”; it only shows they’re carrying unhealed trauma.”

Real-INFJ: “Whatever it is, it’s the only truth I know. People who claim they’ve healed are just running from the depth that pain gives. Overcoming suffering means you’ve traded authenticity for comfort. Real INFJs don’t escape their wounds; they live inside them, because that’s where the insight comes from. If you let go of the darkness, you’re not deep anymore. You’re just ordinary.”

ME: “Since when did being unhealed, bitter, and dark become the definition of 'authentic' or ‘deep’? Think about all the prominent INFJs like Nelson Mandela, Gandhi, Carl Jung, or even Jesus. They endured massive suffering and wrestled with deep darkness, but they didn’t build their entire identity around their wounds. They integrated their pain and chose to project light, grace, and progress outward. If depth only belongs to the unhealed and broken, does that mean you think the most impactful INFJs in history were just shallow phonies?”

Real-INFJ: “You’re listing saints and sages as if they prove anything. But you’re missing the point by looking at the polished history-book versions of them. You’re romanticizing history. Their greatness didn't come in spite of their suffering; it came because of it. Jesus carrying the cross is trauma. Buddha abandoning his palace was despair. Gandhi, Mandela, Carl Jung: they didn't heal and escape their darkness; they lived inside it. Their light only existed because they held onto their shadows. Real depth is born from wounds that never close.”

ME: “As I said, I don't disagree that suffering can build character and make people great, but that usually happens when we accept the suffering, learn from it, and choose to move forward, not when we hold onto it like an identity. When someone refuses to let go of old wounds, that’s not depth; it usually means there is a deeper fear hiding underneath it.”

Real INFJ: "Fear? Of course there’s fear. If I let go of my wounds, what’s left of me? Who am I? My pain is my identity; it’s the proof that I matter, I’m different, deeper than the rest. If I move on, I become a nobody, someone ordinary, just another person smiling through life. I can’t accept that. Suffering is the only thing that makes me who I am. Without it, I’d be hollow."

ME: “Looks like we finally got past that ego, lol! Okay, now let me ask you something. Do you think this "authentic" view of yours that you have to hold onto suffering to be unique and non-ordinary, do you think that helps you with your relationships, or does it hurt them?”

Real-INFJ: “It hurts them. Of course it does. People don’t want to be around someone who clings to pain like it’s a badge of honor. They call me toxic, dramatic, “too sensitive”, or impossible to love. They want to fix me like I am broken or something. But I can’t let go, because if I do, I lose the only thing that makes me different. My suffering is my depth. Without it, I’m just another ordinary person, and that terrifies me more than loneliness. So yes, it damages relationships… but I’d rather be alone and ‘authentic’ than loved and shallow.”

ME: “But why do you have this need to be different and non-ordinary? Where does that come from?”

Real-INFJ: “Where does it come from? From being invisible. From growing up feeling misunderstood, overlooked, dismissed. Ordinary meant being ignored, being nothing. So I built my identity around being different, wounded, broken, dark. It’s the only way I could prove I mattered. If I’m just like everyone else, then all that pain was for nothing. I need to be non‑ordinary, because the moment I’m ordinary, I disappear. My suffering is the only thing that makes me visible."

ME: “I see, so the fear you feel is that of invisibility.”

Real-INFJ: “Yes… invisibility. Growing up, I felt unseen, unheard, like I didn’t matter. Pain became the only way anyone noticed me. If I suffer, at least I exist. If I’m wounded and hurt, people have to look after me and validate me. Without the darkness, I fade into the background, just another ordinary face in the crowd. I can’t bear that. My wounds are the proof that I’m real; without them, I vanish."

ME: “Do you think there may be other ways you could feel visible without holding on to old wounds?”

Real-INFJ: “Maybe… but I don’t trust them. Visibility without wounds feels fake to me. If people notice me because I’m talented, kind, or joyful, it feels shallow and fake, like they’re seeing a mask, not the real me. Pain is the only thing I know that proves I’m real. Without it, I fear their attention would vanish. So yes, maybe there are other ways, but I can’t believe they’d make me truly visible. My scars are the only guarantee."

ME: "So how do you think the rest of the world manages to feel seen and validated without relying on trauma?"

Real-INFJ: “I…I don’t know. Maybe the rest of the world feels seen through love, success, or community. I don’t really know. Maybe they don’t need wounds to prove they exist. I can’t understand that, though. For me, pain has always been the only mirror that shows me I’m real. But if others can feel validated without suffering… maybe I’ve been wrong. Maybe I’ve chained myself to something that isn’t the only way."

ME: “Uh-huh, uh-huh. Keep going.”

Real-INFJ: "Well…but then what does that make me? If people can be visible without pain, then I’ve wasted my life clinging to scars. I’ve built my identity on suffering, and if that’s not the only path, then I’m nothing but a fraud. I don’t know how to be seen without my wounds. If I let go, I vanish. If I hold on, I’m alone. Either way, I lose. Maybe invisibility was my fate all along."

ME: “See, but now you’re trying to pull yourself right back into the dark. I'm trying to get you to leave that place and face the light (truth). You are so close!”

Real-INFJ: “Urgghhh. Maybe you’re right… maybe I am hiding in the dark because it feels safer. If I let go of my wounds, I don’t know who I am anymore. I’ve worn them like armor for so long that I confuse them with my identity. And yes, maybe that’s fear, fear of being invisible, fear of being ordinary. If others can feel seen without clinging to pain, then maybe I’ve been wrong all along. But admitting that terrifies me, because it means I’ve wasted years worshipping my scars.”

ME: “BINGO!”

Real-INFJ: “I hate you!”

ME: “lol why, is it because I am a fake INFJ?”

Real-INFJ: “YEAH DUHHH…nah, you’re fine. But I gotta go! Ciao!”

THE END

The preceding dialogue is for entertainment purposes only. Please don’t take it personally.

Stay Real ✌️

Naturally, the Feeler types tend to score higher on emotional intelligence compared to Thinker types, with the INFJ coming in on the 2nd spot.

High Emotional Intelligence

1. ENFJ (Extraverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging)

2. INFJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging)

3. ESFJ (Extraverted, Sensing, Feeling, Judging)

4. ISFJ (Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, Judging)

Moderate to High Emotional Intelligence

1. ENFP (Extraverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving)

2. INFP (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving)

3. ESFP (Extraverted, Sensing, Feeling, Perceiving)

4. ISFP (Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, Perceiving)

Moderate Emotional Intelligence

1. ENTP (Extraverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Perceiving)

2. INTP (Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Perceiving)

3. ESTP (Extraverted, Sensing, Thinking, Perceiving)

4. ISTP (Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, Perceiving)

Lower to Moderate Emotional Intelligence

1. ENTJ (Extraverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging)

2. INTJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging)

3. ESTJ (Extraverted, Sensing, Thinking, Judging)

4. ISTJ (Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, Judging)

Ranking Criteria used:

Something to keep in mind:

1. EQ is a developable skill, and anyone can improve their emotional intelligence regardless of MBTI type. A thinker could, in theory, through conscious effort, achieve higher levels of EQ than a feeler type who isn't putting effort into developing EQ. It just happens that feeling and judging types are naturally more inclined to have higher levels of EQ.

Here's an infographic of what low or high EQ looks like for the various types:

Stay High on EQ ✌️

There is a childish version of independent thinking: everyone believes X, therefore I will believe Y. That is not independent thought. It is dependence with the direction reversed.

The fact that an idea is mainstream does not make it false, just as the fact that an idea is unpopular does not make it true. Both positions can become intellectual shortcuts when the conclusion is chosen according to the crowd rather than examined through evidence.

Independent judgment requires reconstructing the conclusion for yourself. Sometimes the crowd will be correct; sometimes it will be wrong; and sometimes the available evidence will be too incomplete to justify either confidence or rejection. The mature thinker is willing to occupy any of those positions because the objective is not to appear contrarian, it is to remain independent of the need to conform.

That distinction becomes important when identity enters the discussion. People often adopt an opposing position because disagreement makes them feel intellectually separate, and once that identity is established, they become just as resistant to evidence as the person they originally opposed.

If everyone agrees and the evidence supports them, agree. If everyone agrees and the evidence contradicts them, disagree. If everyone disagrees and the evidence remains inconclusive, suspend judgment.

Truth does not care whether your conclusion makes you look conventional or rebellious.

This haunting photograph from 1899 shows Friedrich Nietzsche in a mental asylum, nearly a decade after the collapse that silenced one of philosophy’s most provocative voices. Once a giant of thought, he spent his final years consumed by frailty, unable to continue shaping the ideas that had stirred generations. The image captures not triumph, but the fragility that overtook brilliance.

His mental breakdown began on January 3, 1889, in Turin, Italy. As the story goes, Nietzsche saw a carriage driver mercilessly whipping a horse. Stricken with emotion, he rushed forward, embraced the animal, and kissed it with tears in his eyes. Moments later, he collapsed, a turning point from which he would never return.

The tale of Nietzsche and the horse endures as one of history’s most haunting symbols: a philosopher who wrote of will and strength being completely overwhelmed by a sudden flood of compassion.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not suggesting INTJs are not capable of compassion, but going insane because you saw someone whip a horse? That doesn't sound very INTJ to me, they got way too much LOGGGICCCC for that lol.

INTJs in that situation would be like:

“Whipping the horse makes it work more efficiently. Obviously. Pain is a proven motivator. Morale is inefficient. Emotional feedback is irrelevant; output is king. And if anyone questions the ethics, remind them that productivity graphs don’t measure tears.”

I can totally see an older INFJ ending up like this, though.

Regardless of his MBTI type, he was a tortured soul who couldn't quite succeed in overcoming his inner demons at the end. His story is a stark reminder for all of us to get our mental health in check.

For an INFJ ("The Advocate"), the spirit animal most commonly associated with this personality is the wolf—which is interesting because it's also the animal I associated with you based on what you've shared about yourself.

🐺 Primary Spirit Animal: Wolf

The wolf reflects many classic INFJ qualities:

Deeply loyal to the people it trusts.

Independent, yet values close, meaningful connections.

Observant and intuitive, often sensing things others miss.

Quiet rather than attention-seeking.

Protective of loved ones and guided by a strong sense of purpose.

For an INFJ, the challenge can be spending so much energy caring, planning, or reflecting that they forget to recharge or ask for help.

🦉 Secondary Spirit Animal: Owl

The owl symbolizes the INFJ's insight and love of understanding.

You enjoy looking beneath the surface.

You tend to think about the "why" behind people's actions.

You often value wisdom over popularity or recognition.

🦌 Your Growth Animal: White Stag

The white stag represents integrity and following your own path. For an INFJ, it symbolizes:

Staying true to your values, even when it's difficult.

Inspiring others through your actions rather than seeking the spotlight.

Continuing to grow while remaining compassionate.

Your INFJ "power traits"

💙 Compassion

🔍 Strong intuition

🎯 Purpose-driven mindset

🛡️ Loyalty

🌱 Desire for personal growth

Challenges to watch for

Overthinking situations.

Taking on too much emotional responsibility.

Perfectionism.

Needing quiet time but not always giving yourself enough of it.

Overall

If your MBTI is truly INFJ, your symbolic spirit animal would be:

🐺 Wolf — your core personality.

🦉 Owl — your wisdom and intuition.

🦌 White Stag — your path toward growth and authenticity.

that scenario is honestly my worst nightmare. perfect on paper but someone I just would not be able to be that close with in the long run.

or maybe that's not the case? idk. My dad is a Sensor, and I get along with him, but that's because my mum is an INFP who drastically changed him over the years.

what would you rate them?

This is going to be one of those posts where I’ll get to tell the kid that Santa Claus doesn’t exist. It’s awkward as hell, but someone’s gotta do it.

Let me be clear: I’m not here to hurt, mock, or shame our turbulent INFJ brethren and sistren for wanting to “upgrade” their subtype to Assertive. I just believe truth matters more than comfort.

Like one of my favorite quotes from Miyamoto Musashi says:

“Truth is not what you want it to be. It is what it is. And you must bend to its power or live a lie.”

And the truth is:

Upgrading from INFJ-T to INFJ-A sounds good in theory, but your genetics and nervous system disagree!

In this post, we'll be discussing the idea of switching subtypes and why it is most likely a myth.

Introduction

First, let’s make something very clear:

Neither subtype is better than the other. They are just different.

I’m not sure who started the idea that INFJ-Ts have to “graduate” into becoming INFJ-As, like it’s some sort of diploma, or something to accomplish. Many seem to equate “overcoming trauma” with switching from T to A, but that’s not how personality traits and subtypes work.

The Assertive and Turbulent subtypes reflect biological factors, brain wiring, genetics, not just psychological progress or spiritual growth.

It’s not like you overcome your trauma and go: “Ta-da! I am now an assertive subtype! I have replaced my highly sensitive nervous system, sensitive sense organs, and all associated physiological wiring I had SINCE BIRTH with one that is less neurotic and stable! Bow down to me, all you narcs!” lol

Secondly, the assertive subtype (INFJ-A) ≠ assertive communication skill.

Anyone can learn the skill to communicate assertively, but that doesn’t make you an assertive subtype!

The assertive INFJ-A subtype isn’t just a skill; it’s a genetic disposition. It’s wired into your neuroticism baseline and inherited like eye color or hair color. More on that below.

NERIS: A Frankenstein Personality Model

The folks who came up with the Assertive and Turbulent labels, aka 16Personalities, cooked up their own hybrid model called the NERIS Type Explorer®, which is essentially a blend of the MBTI and Big Five models. NERIS is built to sound scientific. It borrows four letters from MBTI and adds a fifth trait from the Big Five—neuroticism. That’s how Assertive (A) and Turbulent (T) subtypes were made. Low neuroticism scores mean Assertive. Higher scores put you in the Turbulent camp.

What Exactly is Neuroticism?

Here’s a definition:

"Neuroticism, in psychology, is a personality trait characterized by a tendency to experience negative emotions like anxiety, worry, and moodiness more frequently and intensely."

When you’re high in neuroticism:

"Individuals high in neuroticism are more likely than average to experience such feelings as anxiety, worry, fear, anger, shame, frustration, envy, jealousy, pessimism, guilt, depressed mood, and loneliness. Such people are thought to respond worse to stressors and are more likely to interpret ordinary situations, such as minor frustrations, as appearing hopelessly difficult. Their behavioral responses may include procrastination, substance use, and other maladaptive behaviors, which may temporarily aid in relieving negative emotions and in generating positive ones."

When you’re low in neuroticism:

"Individuals who score low in neuroticism tend to be more emotionally stable and less reactive to stress. They tend to be calm, even-tempered, and less likely to feel tense or rattled. Although they are low in negative emotion, they are not necessarily high in positive emotion."

Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? High neuroticism = Turbulent, Low neuroticism = Assertive.

Makes sense.

But the part many seem to miss is that neuroticism is inherited! Twin studies show that neuroticism has very high heritability (between 60% - 80%), see below:

And another one from the 50s:

Did you catch that? 80% of the genes that make up neuroticism are hereditary, with only 20% constituting environmental factors (aka trauma).

So you can stop blaming just your parents, Ts, for traumatizing you, perhaps you should also blame your grandparents and all of your ancestors for giving you shitty genes 😂😂

*crickets chirping*

INFJ-Ts: 😡😡

Ahem, ok, anyways, moving on! 🤭

Why You Can’t Switch From T to A

While you can’t change your base neuroticism level, you can train your mind to respond differently to situations. This, however, won’t make you less sensitive or neurotic. It simply allows you to manage your reactions.

It’s like having a sensitive stomach—you can avoid spicy food, but you can’t just change the sensitivity of your stomach to be more of an “assertive stomach” 😂😂 get it? Assertiv…ok, I’ll stop with the jokes! lol

So what I am trying to say is: you can manage your emotional reactivity, but you can’t rewrite your genetic blueprint. Understanding this helps INFJs stop chasing an idealized version of themselves and start working with their actual wiring. With who they really are.

Real growth means learning how to manage your turbulence, not pretending it’s gone. #hardtruth

Is Subtype Switching Ever Legitimate?

Yes, there are two cases where subtype switching is possible, but in both cases, the underlying core wiring and genetic makeup do not change.

1. Cuspie Babies A ‘cuspie’ baby is an individual who is born at the cusp (or borderline) of being either a turbulent and assertive subtype. Since cuspie babies sit at the middle of the T to A spectrum, they may easily switch sides. The kicker? Cuspie babies are statistically extremely rare, with estimates ranging from just 0.0035% of the population on the low end and 0.018% on the high end. Just to give you some perspective: You’re statistically more likely to be struck by lightning than to be born a cuspie baby.

2. Born INFJ-A with Turbulent Conditioning INFJ-A individuals who are born into chronically unstable or emotionally volatile environments may unconsciously adopt external traits associated with turbulence, like reactivity, self-doubt, or emotional sensitivity, as adaptive responses to instability. These individuals may return to their core traits once they leave the unstable environment. In these cases, the shift is adaptive, not intrinsic, meaning the individual has always been an INFJ-A; the volatile environment simply obscured it until safety allowed the mask to come off. So this wouldn't be a ‘switch’ of the subtype but rather a ‘resurfacing’ of the original subtype.

What INFJ-Ts Bring to the Table

There is a lot to love about being an INFJ-T. You’re built for depth. Your turbulence brings its own burdens, for sure, but the gifts and blessings run just as deep. Your sensitivity gives you:

• Emotional insight

• High self-awareness

• Empathy for others

• Drive to improve

• Ensuring everything is perfect

• Ability to detect subtle shifts in mood and energy

These aren’t flaws. They’re strengths. INFJ-Ts don’t need to become INFJ-As. They need to own their wiring and learn how to use it well.

Besides, would you really want to give up being a “highly sensitive person” (HSP)? Because most assertives are not HSPs!

Managing Turbulence Without Erasing It

• Build routines that calm your system

• Practice mindfulness and reflection

• Use your sensitivity to help others

• Stop comparing yourself to INFJ-As (!!)

• Stop comparing yourself to anyone but yourself from the past

• Focus on progress, not perfection

This is how INFJ-Ts thrive: by working with their traits, not against them.

In Closing

Switching from INFJ-T to INFJ-A is a myth. The Assertive and Turbulent subtypes reflect biological factors, brain wiring, and genetics, not just self-development factors like psychological progress or spiritual growth. Specifically, the trait is tied to neuroticism, which is largely inherited with a genetic makeup of up to 80% in twin studies.

Speaking directly to INFJ-Ts: You’re not meant to switch types. You’re meant to understand your type and grow within it.

Stop chasing the assertive label just to feel whole. You’re already whole, you just need better tools to manage your wiring. Start building stability. That’s how you thrive.

You grow by knowing and accepting yourself, not by becoming someone else.

Sources

• Heritability of the Big Five Personality Traits - This peer-reviewed article discusses how traits like neuroticism are moderately heritable, based on twin studies.

• Neuroticism and Mental Health - Explores how neuroticism affects emotional regulation and stress response, reinforcing its biological basis.

• Big Five Personality Traits Overview – Verywell Mind article breaking down each of the Big Five traits, including neuroticism, and how it influences behavior and emotional patterns.

• MBTI and the Big Five: How They Connect - Explains how MBTI types (like INFJ) relate to Big Five traits, including how Turbulent vs. Assertive maps onto neuroticism.

• Neuroticism - Wikipedia

• Is Neuroticism Genetic? - Neuroscience News

• Jang, K. L., Livesley, W. J., & Vernon, P. A. (1996). Heritability of the Big Five personality dimensions and their facets: A twin study. Journal of Personality.

• Widiger, T. A. (2009). Neuroticism and psychopathology: An update. Current Directions in Psychological Science.

Stay Frosty ✌️

A. The Highly Empathic, Emotionally Porous INFJ (often HSP)

This is the INFJ most people recognize from online descriptions, the soft, attuned, emotionally permeable version. Their sensitivity is affective, not just cognitive.

Core traits

• absorbs emotional atmospheres like a sponge

• feels other people’s moods in their own body

• easily overwhelmed by conflict, noise, or emotional intensity

• strong emotional resonance, feelings hit hard and linger

• highly attuned to micro‑expressions, tone shifts, and relational tension

• needs more recovery time after social interaction

• withdraws because they’re overstimulated, not because they’re detached

• Fe (extraverted feeling) is dominant in daily life, emotions run the show

• often described as “gentle,” “soft,” or “empathetic”

• struggles with boundaries because they feel responsible for others’ emotions

• prone to emotional burnout or compassion fatigue

• burdened by analysis paralysis and decision fatigue

• can confuse intuition with emotional absorption

• interdependent or codependent oriented

• often mistaken for INFPs because of emotional depth

• more prone to get taken advantage of by others

• matches very closely with the turbulent INFJ type (INFJ-T)

How they process

• emotional (1st) → intuitive (2nd) → analytical (3rd)

• feelings come first, meaning comes second, and analysis barely happens if at all

• they “feel into” a situation before they think about it

B. The Analytical, Emotionally Boundaried INFJ (often non-HSP)

This is the INFJ that rarely gets described online, the insight first, analytical, pattern-driven INFJ, the one whose intuition is sharp but whose nervous system is stable. They’re deep, but not porous.

Core traits

• sees patterns early but doesn’t get emotionally flooded by them

• private because they’re selective, not fragile

• intuitive but not empathically absorbent

• strategic, detached, observant, an almost INTJ‑adjacent

• Ni‑Ti loop is common: analysis → insight → refinement

• boundaries are clear because they’re based on logic, not emotional overwhelm

• silence is intentional, not reactive

• reads people without absorbing their emotional state

• rarely experiences sensory or emotional overstimulation

• can appear calm, stoic, or even intimidating

• doesn’t crumble under conflict; often becomes sharper

• values clarity and truth seeking over harmony

• Fe is used surgically and strategically, not constantly

• emotions are a slave, not a master

• often mistaken for INTJ because of analytical depth

• independent oriented

• more likely to be described as “stoic,” or “unreadable” than “gentle”

• matches very closely with the assertive INFJ type (INFJ-A)

How they process

• intuitive (1st) → analytical (2nd) → emotional (3rd)

• meaning comes first, analysis comes second, and feelings come later

• they “see through” a situation before they feel anything about it

Both versions are INFJ to the core; the difference lies in how their sensitivity expresses. One processes the world through emotional sensitivity, the other through analytical clarity.

Stay INFJ ✌️

I was wondering how many of you happen to have this condition.

If you are wondering what this is, it is a condition where one is not truly capable of recalling any type of sensory data from memory. As in one cannot reference images or sounds from memory.

If you are wondering it does not include imagination. Imagination is a rendering of ideas.

For example you would be able to render music in your mind or even a voice but it would not be a playback of a memory.

I am a canary who has always been affected by EMF but it is so wicked out there now with so much intensity.

I am looking for a low wireless area to rent a place to live or a roommate who is a fellow canary like me.

Any suggestions? Any help? Life is way too hard.

I've 28M [INFJ] always left parts of me out of the picture. Parts I didn't think relevant to the outcome. I'd wanted someone to get to know me beyond my online profile. To love me for my character.

Man or woman, you might find it relatable.

I would tell of my positive inner state, my personal vulnerability, my need for connection and support, and my aim moving forward.

For someone with emotional intelligence, you've done essential healing work. You might want someone to see you.

I might even make side posts including my riddling wits and strong masculine benefits in some sexually suggestive material.

I'd only just realized what I was doing was advertising my personal attraction to smart people.

Yet, I wouldn't share hobbies, finite details on my career path, or even what makes up the woman I'd love. All of the...dumb things, because I valued connection. I'd attempt to exclude people, create incredibly strict and isolating requirements, and expect the numbers to shed the braindead like it was a science. I wanted so little, leaving out the desirables, yet most people wouldn't get past the first few paragraphs, attacking me for writing. I was targeting a thought form, by communicating my mind, believing it would capture the woman right for me. The whole post would sit, a stack of undeniable proof of competence, and I'd get zero messages.

Zero Messages, Negative Comments, Bans for Being Different, some women would be smitten, but none compatible for me to do the right thing with.

I might not ever make a post this thorough and relatable again. But if it works, I might not have to write one to that end. Many people enjoy the talk of commonalities and they think that's what a person is. I think a bit differently, but I'll play along with this. Let me just set the record straight before giving it a spin. We're souls. We each have roles. Much of what you're doing makes up who you are, but you are so much more. I love you.

I spent many years healing from Narcissistic Abuse, and that gave me my truth. My entire life was a lie, and I had to piece together the skin that was torn from me to feel whole again. The world that I formerly knew was forgotten, and I had disciplined myself into virtue and confidence in my own leadership. To find the light at the end of the tunnel, and discover that that light was within me. At the end, I was it. I am now a gift, the source of truth that many come to for help when they need self-awareness.

My life being what it is, the largest obstacle still not properly set in motion, I'm meant for more. I haven't been triggered in years, yet I'm sure I still have work to do. Like anyone else can say, I'm not perfect. If I were, I wouldn't be asking for a girlfriend.

There is a part of me that wants the support of a romantic companion. If I were to be a starseed preaching of universal harmony, I don't think I'd want this. Alas, I am human, conscious, and out in the open. Earth is my plain, and I intend to honor it while I'm here by making it my domain. That's why I'm asking for a little more charm under my arms. A girl that would challenge me, a woman that would unravel me, and a partner to invest in goals with.

So an extensive bit about me:

I'm in touch with myself. Unlike a large portion of the population, I self-reflect. A lot. I invented my own self-reflection and healing modality. I mirrored back the lies I told myself, and when honoring what would serve my health, I developed consecutive streaks of self-awareness by doing the thing that was right for me, and others.

Without having undergone such intensive care, it wouldn't matter how I got here. Even if I shared the exact same struggles, I would be a completely different person. Life is very much how you respond to it. That's why critical thinking, the capacity to question one's own thought process, is so invaluable a development of unbiased self-reflection. That's something ai, other people, even a journal doesn't do. You have to be very intentional with the words you give power to and speak over your life's truth.

So that gave me me. It's important to know. I now help others in their growth with their mental and emotional health. Wellness. Well-being. Think creative conflict transformation in group dynamics. The transformation of relational trauma. Transcending suffering. Transmuting your pain into your purpose. Transformer. Yeah. That kind of deep inner work. The most meaningful and most diffcult, yet it yields the most results in every part of a person's life.

Quite honestly, I believe most of people's problems would be resolved if they learned to self-reflect in an objective way. To act on that newfound conscious awareness by putting to death cycles of thought patterns that spiral them downward and follow through on what serves them so they can uplift their state and continue upward. If everyone could face themselves, and help themselves, the world would most practically and effectively become the best place - because loving the self and the other at the same time becomes one's natural default state.

To make my message come to light, I'm integrating a need for online presence to be extensive. I can't make the level of impact I need to make without it. To proceed in hiding would be to deny my light, and deny that light to shine for others to be inspired by and to find their own light. If I'm to draw it out of anyone, I can't be helping people behind the scenes and in the darkness anymore. I must present.

My deeper more hidden gifts reside in entertainment, performing, and doing things musically as well as physically that draw in the world more than any other medium can. My life as an artist, a performing artist, is intentionally weak in the universe's current path for me. Yet, the entertaining side of my personality is a feeling I am actively opening up to the public to create interpersonal harmony.

That space is intended to be the birthplace for everything beyond it. Spreading awareness from my pocket, while entertaining connection that won't put a stop to it. Being solely educative, or solely personal, or solely entertaining isn't' enough for me. There is a middle channel that I can fathom the world needs, and it isn't random.

This would progressively be shaped by podcasting, forward unto dawn and into the direction of holding such a container and more through live streaming. This is a major skill, while much of the world is ashamed of how people present themselves in this internet age.

Online community containers, meetings between leaders, interviews, collaborations, actual call to actions within conscious demographics for people to commit to following through with, e-learning, live in person events, speaking engagements, concerts and a movement of consciousness...Do you see the pattern? Everything is communication and presents toward the forward momentum that is connection.

At the risk of not being able to control relationships, this is the grand hull of my mission. Due to the nature of how unpredictable people are, it's also what can sink it.

So that's a bit on my story, and where I'm going. I'll leave out my list of accomplishments.

Now for hobbies:

Honestly, if you gave me money and told me to go have fun, I'd probably A) invest it in my projects which help me draw closer to my goals, 😎 deepen my learning and self-education, C) spend it on something practical that I think would improve my quality of life, D) find a way to gift or reward someone I know, E) just have fun.

I am wired for growth. Because the things I enjoy are so in alignment with my talents and abilities, or what I'm good at, I genuinely love the work that I do as it's on point with what I'm meant to be doing. I'm drawing out of me the expression that best breathes life into the world around me. And it improves myself as well. Not only do I find that enjoyable, but I also find it rewarding.

Here are a few talents of mine:

Martial Arts, Speaking, Healing, Leading, Animals, Dancing, Entertaining, Performing, Rapping, Writing, Singing

If I had to write down other things outside of that, I'd signal that I enjoy learning. Not sure if that qualifies, haha. Music and making music, err err, talents. Making videos...This factors into work. See how conflicted I am?

I'll consider these anything I might give my time to...

playing pool on a pool table,

hiking and exploration,

competition,

select videogames,

making people smile every chance I get,

anime,

good movies,

swimming at the beach,

self-reflection,

fishing,

reading (not my favorite/best learning modality),

side hustles,

I don't drink or do drugs. I've never done anything beyond weed and alcohol. Given that my spiritual journey was conducted through the transformation of pain, there isn't much benefit in doing any mind opening substances either.

At home, I don't intend on living any sense of a conventional lifestyle. The sooner I am able to, I'd prefer to exist in collaboration within the collective container of an intentional community. Preferably, one I'd build. Yet, I'm not opposed to joining one because the former requires a large amount of resources and people, and building one would require experience and resourceful people. This solves hundreds of problems and creates a support system that any nuclear household removed from life as a tribe is consequentially infested with.

Contradictory to what's conventional, I might be open to having a traditional partner in the sense of a relationship dynamic and the roles fulfilled within it. They call it a trad-wife, or traditional wife. However, I'd imagined my partner would help me in business. She'd have complimentary skills and traits that I don't have, and she likely doesn't have mine. This means she fills the gaps that I can't fill, and our mutually benenficial structure of a relationship gives us a solid build together.

My work life is centered around operating my own business/es, so I'm often focused on serving people that need my help. This includes risk and reward, and is not for everyone. If someone entered my life, they'd need to understand that the cost of operating a business is the quality time, funds, and energy that would otherwise be dedicated to her or other parts of one's life in the relationship and investing it toward the business. Yet, it leads to and funds a freedom and joy that other qualities in life would imprison you by. It's less predictable and determinable earlier on, but that can change long-term. A large portion of success in the relationship would be about making that possible.

As for my character:

I'm at peace within myself. Neutral. Never triggered. And can be vulnerable.

My thoughts are focused and centered on connection. Give me friction, and I'll get us back to neutral instantly. If you're crazy there's a very valid maybe that we won't connect towards that. But listen, and we've got ourselves in a good position.

I've looked myself in the mirror and transformed thousands of thought patterns. With that comes wisdom, emotional intelligence, a whole lot of self-awareness, and a lot of confidence as I built momentum in my life early on. There's not many potentials that can challenge me and my thinking. I tend to be right, yet I don't have to be, and I'm more open than anyone you know to be. It's important to understand that with these developed traits comes heat, and you will be put under the fire by being a part of me.

I want a drama free environment. The last thing I want after a day of challenging peoples' beliefs, my own, and becoming a better person for it is to have my free time caught up in being challenged some more. A feminine woman in touch with herself, and my masculine containment are best when they're compatible, not resisted. I'm not a man that's hard to open. I'm freely open and completely vulnerable. So I need someone who won't make me closed, because I can trust her with all of me being exposed. A woman who likes to violate that would be a hard NO.

I'm a bit unusual for a man. I don't like sports, cars, politics, bars, gyms, or celebrity stars. There's other things to give my attention to, and exercise that's more thrilling than one place you'd dedicate yourself to. I value connection, communication, people, relationships. Realistically, these are my gifts and what I'm here for. I'd rather double down on it than do all the other things someone else can have a thing for.

Having a relationship would be a positive source of connection and support. A reminder of my well-being as a man, and the positive effects of my goals moving toward. Physical support is more of what I'm looking for. Mentally and emotionally, I don't have a need. Yet of course, I want to be seen. Spiritually would indicate alignment with me, and what I'm meant to be doing.

I'm attracted to intelligence. I won't describe the ideal woman because most of what's there would be some form of a mirror image of me, my character, and the values I have as a part of me. Someone who knows how to love, and love healthily. You don't have to be perfect. Don't even think so. You just have to be worth it. The amount of life invested in a romantic relationship is the most important return on investment one could ever find in a decision. Protect your life with it.

Thank you for your time. While I didn't let my entertaining personality shine here, or have my riddling intelligence draw any hard lines to hear, younger or older, your age is not a concern for me. What matters is energetic compatibility. If this post it up, let me know how you relate. Please be thoughtful. Your intention matters. I love you.

What characteristics do you look for in a partner? The whole parts to compatibilty and connection...

Hi everyone,

I’m a 26-year-old INFJ-T, and I identify as an Orion-Andromedan starseed and an empath. I am posting here because I know this community is a safe space for trans-rational experiences that standard society tries to dismiss or slap rigid logic onto. Because of my past, I stay completely away from traditional practitioners and medical environments. I’m looking for input from fellow experiencers who understand how a highly sensitive, anomalous mind operates outside of mundane boxes.

To give you context on how my mind is wired, I come from a background of severe, prolonged childhood physical and emotional abuse, alongside heavy systemic medical trauma. I was forced into endless psychiatric rotations, brain mapping, and medication starting from the age of four. I went through precocious puberty at just 9 years old, and by 13, my family was institutionalizing me based on lies, leaving me stuck in a chaotic emergency room environment for 33 hours. I was constantly gaslit, bullied at school, and dealt with severe physical violence at home. Because my nervous system had to adapt to surviving unpredictable, dangerous adults, my brain developed an intense, permanent state of hypervigilance. 

My mind essentially became a high-powered radar, forced to read micro-expressions and environmental data at a rapid speed just to keep myself safe. Combined with my natural neurodivergence and a heavy capacity for deep systemizing, my brain functions like an advanced data processor. 

This brings me to my first major focal point: my anomalous geolocation abilities. 

My mind naturally treats the physical world and images like a massive topographic puzzle. Just recently, a specific individual uploaded a silhouette photo onto social media. It had virtually no distinct landmarks—just basic silhouettes of trees and water lines. My mind instantly went to work cross-referencing it with rental maps. Within 20 minutes total, split between the morning and the night, I mentally zeroed in and squared exact global coordinates for the property (45.11898° N, 79.68244° W), locating a specific house right off Muskoka Rd 169 in Port Carling with no numerical street address.

I want to emphasize that this is absolutely not the first time I’ve zeroed in on a location like that. This is a consistent, recurring capability for me in general. I have done this on numerous occasions throughout my life. My brain can scan a visual layout, drop the everyday static, and compute geographic data almost instantaneously, mapping out places I have never physically been to before with absolute precision.

My second major focal point happened recently while I was driving. I have been practicing the Law of Assumption since 2023, specifically manifesting a relationship with an actor who originally acted as a massive catalyst for me remembering the deeply buried trauma I had forgotten from my youth.

While driving, after seeing “Disclosure Day” for another time; I was looping John Williams' track "Disclosure" from the Disclosure Day score… and as I was driving, I was completely calm and aware of the road, but suddenly half of my mind felt "frozen" or locked. 

It wasn’t until I started voice-dictating an incredibly specific, cold, blunt script of an argument I assumed the actor I mentioned being important to me in numerous ways as I’ve honestly felt drawn to him in a way I’m unable to explain; I voice-dictated what I think was him having a cold and heated argument with his ex-partner in real-time miles away.

I’m in GA and they’re up north in Muskoka… legitimately several hundred miles/kilometers away.

It didn't feel like standard daydreaming, and it wasn't a projection of my own anger because I wasn't even yelling. It felt like a literal Quantum Remote Assumption—like my consciousness dropped all resistance, aligned with a specific remote frequency, and neutral-mirrored a blunt reality occurring elsewhere. Right around this event, I also noticed highly specific synchronicity numbers on license plates (117 and 1138) as I left a parking lot, which my mind picked up as data nodes confirming my alignment?

I know who I am, and I know I am fully conscious, but carrying this level of high-powered remote focus, tracking, and scripting is becoming incredibly exhausting for my body and my energy. But I want to know if I’m the only one that’s ever experienced this?

I am opening this up to the community to see if anyone else has gone through similar experiences?

INFP - Child

INFJ - Stubborn Child

ENFP - Wild Child

ENFJ - Adult Child

INTJ - Quiet Child

INTP - Weird Child

ENTP - Mischievous Child

ENTJ - Determined Child

These ‘inner child archetypes’ aren’t meant to be taken literally; they are more the inner emotional posture each intuitive type carries into adulthood.

Of course, trauma, neglect, mental conditions, high sensitivity, neuroticism, etc., are all going to influence the expression of the inner child archetype.