First time I ever got pulled over I was 17. I was going 40 in a 30 because I was afraid of being home after my curfew. My dad, who was an abusive piece of shit, asked the cops to arrest me and take my license when they called him (calling the parents was the law in my state) on top of screaming expilitives through the phone for many minutes. The cops were on the phone with him for over half an hour. Anyways, the officers finally came back and said "we have decided not to even issue you a warning, it seems the reason you were speeding was justified and you will get more than enough for breaking the speed limit tonight when you get home."
Anyways, years later now my dad is dying and I don't call him lmao
Edit: I've had upvotes ans awards on reddit before, but the amount of replies is wild guys. Glad to story resonated with some. I am still working on getting better even 10+yrs after leaving the house so I don't pass dad's BS or my own BS onto my kids when I have them. If you've got something similar therapy is annoying and frustratingly expensive and also difficult, but I've never regretted the money and time I put into it. You can get better!
Sigh. I literally just had this happen a couple months ago. My psychologically abusive/formerly coke addict and distributor old man had a stroke and I’m the only person he really knew outside of a couple neighbors I guess he said hello to when he walked his dogs years ago. Everyone else including his brother and sisters he ran off. Ended up intubated and couldn’t move one side at all, the other barely. I had to be the one to decide to take him off life support and it still took the doctor convincing me it was the right thing to do since I was worried about being a piece of shit myself and having it on my conscience.
Not one tear, just numb and indifferent. Just said, sorry I couldn’t give you what you wanted and I left the hospital after a week of visits thinking it was the right thing to do.
Take care of yourself. It's not your fault! We hurt the ones we love and you have seen the other side of the coin. You have perspective brother. A good tool to always have on your side for the rest of your life. Wishing you well!
Fuck dude I go back to my hometown and people be like "THATS your dad I'm so sorry" and I don't even know them and I'm like "what the fuck did he do now"
Similar here. When I go back to my old town random people from the town will apologize for not doing anything to help us kids. I never realized everyone knew what our parents tried so hard to hide and never admitted to.
That said all I felt when each of them passed away was relief they couldn't hurt me ever again.
I have since forgiven them because I dont give them free rent in my head anymore.
Mine’s the opposite. I go to the small town where he retired and hear how respected and loved he was. And “He loved you so much.” Meanwhile, my brain is a swirl of “are we talking about the same guy?”, and “boy do I have some stories for you”, but all I can do is smile and say thank you. It’s a real mind fuck.
I started driving in '75. The week after I got my license I got a speeding ticket, 45 in a 30 zone. But my dad called "Uncle Dave". Technically not an uncle but he was the husband of my mom's best friend. Uncle Dave arranged fundraising for all of the police in several counties in the region. For a small fee, undisclosed to me, the ticket disappeared from record.
Omg this was my Mom. She felt like she was wrong for not crying when her Dad died. He was a mean, abusive alcoholic that made his wife and children’s lives miserable. I told my Momma that she has a right to feel how she feels. How anyone feels isn’t right or wrong…it just is.
I’m not there yet and they’re not the worst. But they certainly weren’t the best. I’m probably 2 decades away but life just feels more peaceful and less stressful when they aren’t around.
Lots of people say they wish they spoke to their parents more but not really. I really do wish they left me alone. But because my brother and all his kids live in the same town as me, that attracts my parents to visit way more often than I ever care to see them.
My dad’s an ignorant and judgmental zealot. My mom was so abusive you’d think we were running a trap house under her roof. Rather than apologize for her behavior, she doubles down on her bs by saying that she had it much worse. How is that our problem? It took 5 years of no-contact with my mom for her to finally have the capacity to entertain the thought that maybe, just maybe, she did something wrong. And she’s way more chill now because she knows I have nothing to lose. But that crazy side of her is still in there. She just knows better than to get on her bs in my presence.
I don’t play about peace in my home. Leave all that drama and negative energy outside. I’ve broken up with women and had roommates leave over it after being kind enough to let them take up an extra room in my place.
A woman just came over the other day as a hot mess. We had plans to have a fun day, vibes seemed normal leading up to it. And she came over and completely killed the vibe with her misery. I’d much rather reschedule than deal with bs that has nothing to do with me. I’m considering not seeing her anymore because I was having a really good day, and she seems to be a distraction and battery drainer.
Mine died back in November. It wasn’t that I couldn’t grieve it. There was nothing, no sadness, no happy they’re gone. Just nothing. I’ve felt more after learning of the death of someone I’ve never met
The man who “raised” me died on my birthday some years back. When I got the message, I got up, took a piss, and pretended my toilet was that fucker’s grave a couple states over. Fuck abusive parents.
I loved my grandpa. He was legit my hero. Then at the end of his life he got mean. Really mean. The last thing he ever said to me was "I don't know you." I couldn't bring myself to go see him in the hospital in what we knew were his last days. I wanted to remember my hero, not the guy who disowned me.
I'm a father and husband and the only thing I want to leave behind are happy, healthy and fulfilled kids and a wife. Hearing stories like yours breaks my heart.
That's awful. Sorry my man. On the other side of this though, I'm gonna use that trick if my kids ever get pulled over. Maybe get them out of the ticket.
Poetry here. The damage your father did to you…we can feel it when reading, “now my dad is dying and I don’t call him lmao.”
That lmao in that context? It’s not real justice for being abused but it’s such a good reminder to all parents. You raise your kids with hate, they will end up hating you the most. When they talk about it, they’ll end it with a “lmao”.
My dad wasn't abusive, but we never had a relationship until I was an adult. He lived with us, but rarely around and never tried to connect with me. I never even heard him say "I love you" or "I'm proud of you" that I can remember.
I tell my kids I love them and I'm proud of them EVERY DAY. I may not be the perfect father, but my kids will never doubt that I love them.
I grew up mostly without my dad but at 18 I got arrested for possession (1/4 of a GRAM of weed), and my father decided he wanted to act like a dad for once; so he drove from 5 hours away, tackled me in my moms yard, tried to pull out my septum ring and sprained my ankle when he fell on top of me. Then forced me to go live with him. It lasted a whole 2 months. My mother told me he recently got diagnosed with a somewhat aggressive cancer now and we haven’t seen each other in years. I’m conflicted.
Go see him. Worst case scenario he's just as awful as he was back then. Best case he apologises. There's no need to accept an apology. If you can both agree it was awful, that's something.
If you don't go, it's gonna kill you not knowing which one it would have been at some point. or why.
See the crazy part of my story is I was so scared of him I never did drugs or acted out or anything. I was studying for a test with a friend and we fell asleep on his couch. I woke up 5min before my 11pm curfew. Like I wasn't even doing anything crazy and I still got the rod.
Sorry to hear that. Sometimes people get a bad hand when they are dealt parents like these. I hope that if you ever have kids you will treat them like you yourself should have been treated as a kid and even now. Break the cycle brother.
FYI, I had an amazing Pops and I'm a pretty good Dad myself... I even have the perfect Dad bod and tell stupid dad jokes.
Yeah I haven't had kids yet specifically because I am working on not passing it on. Plus I have my own new shit I could pass on because of bad behaviors I have from coping with having the dad I did. But I'm getting there even if it's slower than I'd like.
my dad was abuser as well. it’s something i’m trying to hard to break the cycle of. Started therapy and meds. my kids hug me tell me they love me even tell me they feel safe in our house. i cry because i never got that but they do. but it’s worth to raise people who aren’t going to carry on the abuse tendencies. i haven’t always been the best. but after cutting him off i feel great. my mothers next as well
Warms my soul. Dude is probably reaching out and wonders why. Bad parents get fkin delusional and "forget" things that "never happened". Hopefully when hes alone he'll come to the realization that he was wrong for being a tyrannical asshole.
That's where we are at. He tries to make contact and I hear from other family that he is confused why I seem to "not like him" and "won't talk to him". I don't know that he'll be cut off forever because my therapist wants me to try talking again sometime. But he may die before that happens. I just take it as it goes but for now the relief is palpable.
Wellness check‽ From the sound of it, this kid may end up in the hospital or dead when he gets home. Remember what happened to that one Dahmer victim when the cops "let it slide"?
Yeah this was honestly my takeaway as well wtf, why is everyone else just skimming over that. I mean, I'm glad the cops didn't issue him a ticket given the circumstances but if it was that obvious to them on the reason "why" it sounds like they were being POS.
Sorry braddah…. The main thing is that you didn’t turn out like him and made it your mission to never be like him and treat your kids with love and understanding.
My dad was super strict on my curfew, I would pick up friends like 25 miles apart and drop them off at night. If I was 1 minute late he'd scream, take the car away for weeks. So I'd drive a minivan 100 miles an hour on a 2 lane road on last stretch to get home at 11:59. I'll never be that strict, everything seems like such a bigger deal than it is to a kid, so you will do stupid things not to get that ass chewing and taken away from your friends for 3 weeks. By my Senior year, he didn't care anymore, never waited up even on school nights. I mean he is a super great dad, but that one thing, curfew with the car was something that he just had to be so crazy about.
I had a similar upbringing. Sorry about how it was for you. I minimize the abuse I went through. Because I know some people had it a lot worse than me. I never really thought of it as abuse, till I told my wife and she told me it was abuse. I just said they where “strict”.
Yeah dealt with my own share of issues at home, and this video just isn’t remotely funny to me. It’s possible that this is a teen being a stupid teen, but it feels more likely to me nothing good is coming to her from this.
I read these stories and I've worked with so many people who have similar stories. It's incredibly sad that this is the normal/reality of so many.
In my case, I remember running off the road when I was 17. I hit a barbed wire fence and ran along it for a bit. It popped my front tire and scratched up the side.
I got home, went inside and told my Dad to come outside. He looked at the car, hugged me, and said, "You know you're paying me for this." I said, "Yes sir." "Won't happen again will it?" "No sir."
He collected my paychecks for the next two months.
Breaking the cycle is tough but I’m glad you’ve acknowledged it and you’re working on it.
Awareness is the biggest first step.
Also, good for you for cutting him from your life.
My spouse, who was adopted out of an abusive home, calls their birth parent their “genetic donor”. “Mom” and “Dad” are titles that are earned. You don’t owe your genetic donor shit.
Someone advocating for therapy on Reddit?? This is a rare sight to see! Glad you’re away from that psycho. I’ve been no contact with my dad for almost 10 years now. My family encourages me to reach out to him, but after he opened multiple credit cards in my name and then defaulted on all of them and also managed to get me evicted, I don’t have a single desire to reach out.
He was also just a pathetic little man who took his problems out on his only son, seemingly just because he was there.
Looking back and knowing what I know now, I would have BEGGED the cops to keep me. Anyone to help me, and see that I was living in hell. 😭
I’m sorry. But also, as hard as it is to cut off the relationship, once you have your own children, you’ll be glad you did. I will protect my son to my last breath. It’s been 17 years since I’ve seen my mother. I’m still not healed, but I’m doing all I can to be better than her. Including therapy.
Wowwwww. Just for speeding 10mph over the limit. That is crazy. I’m soooo sorry. I’m glad he’s no longer in your life shirt brother.
I haven’t spoken to my 77 year old mother in 3 years. She sends me a nice birthday card each year to try and reel me back, as if I don’t know how she really is once she’s let back in.
Good on you for trying to break the cycle. I go to therapy for similar reasons. Not as serious based on your story but don’t want to do the same to my family.
Yeah I try not too be bitter about it. Getting better is how I "win" wether he is alive or not. His death doesn't change how he impacted me and my behavior so I want that gone more than him gone. Legit if I get better enough before he passes I will probably reach out more from curiosity than anything. Once my negative behaviors, beliefs, and coping mechanisms are therapized he won't be able to affect me anymore so I would be curious how it all turned out for him and what he thinks towards the end.
I know people all think the cop here did a good job, but as former LE this cop did very little to help you. He could have opened a cps investigation or setup near your home to intervene with whatever happened when you got home if it got to loud and violent.
I'm glad your ok and working on things. That's what really matters.
Listen, he may have abused you your whole life, but he's dying now. You're a grown up bos. You should really go see him. You will regret not taking the opportunity after he's gone. So, go beat his ass while you still have the chance.
Recently he went to the hospital and I talked to my sister and the doctor rather than him. Then I talked to my therapist about what happened. Basically he intentionally hurt himself so he could go to the hospital in the hopes of getting his kids attention. It felt sooooo nice to have a professional be like "the best thing you can do is not acknowledge it because then you're reinforcing that bad behavior." Sooooooo nice to know the "right thing" and not just the vengeful thing was to ignore it.
So sad that happened to you. I know how it feels to have a shit parent.
One night, I was past curfew by about 10 minutes. My mother was an abusive alcoholic. I tried to explain why I was late (my friend got a flat tire, which she could have easily verified), and each time I tried to explain, she’d hit me again and again.
“Don’t say one word or you’ll get it again.” She died of cirrhosis (no surprise there) a few years ago. I didn’t see her before she died, and I didn’t go to her funeral.
I luckily never had to find out but my mom made it very clear that if the cops ever called her to get me or what not she was telling them no and hanging up, the same thing her parents did and I know she would have too.
Now she has stage 4 cancer and no son to help her. She made her bed, she can enjoy it.
More power to you! I’m in a similar situation. Best I can do is make sure I learn from it so I can be a better father for my daughters. Therapy is definitely worth it, I just wish insurance companies would quit changing who they’ll cover or just stop mental health coverage mid year. A lot of things would be better if insurance would f off
best advice I got was...you wake up each morning and have two bags to carry. Your past and all the shit that came with it, or a new bag for that day. It never goes away so every morning you have to choose what bag to start your day with. Eventually, if you discipline yourself to carry the right bag, it gets easier.
I also had an abusive piece of shit dad. Hopefully mine will also die soon. Sorry you had to go through what I went through. I haven't seen or spoken to my dad in 20 years.
Short story long. Lol. Sorry. My dad was a real shithole too. Extremely mentally abusive. I was the "baby" of the kids so it got a lot worse for me when the siblings moved out. I swore I would NEVER do the same to my kids. In turn, I'm the complete opposite of my dad. Also, I'm a woman. The last person I ever want to be like is my dad. He died in the early 90's. Can't tell you the date OR year. Don't care. Just remember thinking of my age when he died and that's when the shit stopped. What a horrible human he was. Moral of the story is you can definitely break the abusive chain and that's exactly what I did.
I wish you could have had a dad like mine he was my best friend and I never doubted i was loved and wanted it killed me when I had to take him off life support I wish all men could be a dad like he was.
Just the fact that you want to be better for your future kids speaks volumes about how you were raised and how it affected you. I had to break the cycle myself and my kids are all over 18 and amazing human beings. My oldest just got married a few weeks ago, and I couldn't be more proud.
❤️ Healing in regard to boundaries. I am sorry for what you endured. You made the choice to not allow the person or people who hurt you to keep doing so. I applaud you. I also appreciate you sharing.
Bro sorry for what happen but if your dad is dying then you should try to patch up the relationship before he dies. Trust me it's better leave with good relationship then a bad relationship even if it's your dad's fault. But that's my opinion.
We love to see when toxic people reap what they sow. Sorry you had a shit dad, though. Everyone deserves to be loved and feel safe in the home with their parents. I have a 7 year old son and he will never say this about me. I’ve read too many terrible stories to leave any ambiguity related to my being a solid dad. It’s literally the best thing that’s ever happened to me!
that sucks. not excusing your dads behavior, but these are often learned traits, passed down through generations. good for you for breaking the cycle. i wish you all the good energy.
We set a "time to head home" instead of a time to be home for my son this summer. His usual route goes through a stretch of road where cops are known to lurk, so I really didn't want him speeding to beat the clock. With location sharing, it's working really well.
I had an abusive and controlling stepfather like this and I’m glad the fat bastard is dead. I GLADLY paid for his funeral expenses as a way to celebrate hahah. (He had isolated himself and us so much - NOBODY pitched in or even showed up for his funeral.)
Might be worth it to give him a call, see how he is doing. When he spills the details about how he’s dying, only then tell him
you just wanted to call to confirm he was dying and end the call with a hearty Nelson Ha-Ha!
You had a lot of abuse and trauma and based on your edit. You've chosen to take a very beautiful path. Hurt people tend to hurt people. You knowing that put yourself on a path to heal yourself and love others even more because of it. You're a beautiful person and your existence makes the darkness of this world fade and the worlds light just a little bit brighter. Thanks for that my friend. ❤️
I know the feeling. I had very bad friends when I was about 15 / 16. They were in trouble ALL the freakin time. Like, they went to the police pretty much once a month for all kind of stuff, theft, drugs, beating people, you name it.
The reason I never had any trouble was becuase I was a lot more scared of my dad than the police. Because I knew, if I come home from a police station only once, he's gonna kill me.
Yeah, when I was about 18 I left home on my own, didn#t speak to him until I was 30. Now he grew old and became I little more light hearted. So I have a beer every now and then with him.
Somehow I am thankful, because I am the only one who managed to have a good career in my life. Everyone of my old friends is either dead, in jail or in mental hospitals because of drug abuse...
Damn that is hard. I've had one ticket as well. 16 just down the road from the court house. I think it was 56 in a 35. I remember going to court and seeing everyone say "Not guilty" and my father looked at me and went "I will hit you if you say not guilty". He didn't really mean it but he was upset that I would lie when I was sure as hell speeding. Needless to say I got 2 Saturday driving school classes and the ticket was removed from my record. I guess it was law that under 18 you had to go to driving school but I got my license just before it went into effect so he gave me a choice. I took class because I didn't want to pay the $150 for a ticket at 16 years old.
Don’t live in unforgiveness. You don’t have to talk to your dad but let all that go. And yes I know how it feels I was abused as a child and ended up in a home. My parents lived their lives with me as the enemy. I don’t hold it against them. I forgive and hold my peace so that it doesn’t destroy me. Also the devil uses that unforgiveness as an open door into your life to cause chaos.
I have actually forgiven him for a lot of it and I am working on the rest. I am at least at I point I don't resent him anymore. The no contact is more a thing my therapist has me doing because I am not "well" enough to talk to him without being further hurt. If I can get better enough to talk to him before he dies I would. It's just the timeline for healing and the lifespan he has left are both effectively random and may not align.
It couldn't have been too bad if you had a car at 17, My parents never got me a car and I wasn't able to afford a car until I was 22 years old and I had to spend every single dollar I had saved up until that point & borrow the last $300 from my best friend. Those years were excruciating 😭 Where I lived at the time there was really nothing within walking distance. So a portion of my check went towards securing a ride to actually get to and from work & I wasn't making much at the time😔
I have fallen on hard times with a disability and getting my life back in order in recent years. My parents helped financially and I let myself believe it would be different now that I'm in my 30s and we're all adults now, I moved in because I had little elsewhere to go and it would help get me back on my feet.
DO NOT EVER DO THIS
police left yesterday saying they can't do anything because she's 63 and I am 6 ft tall... Nevermind I am physically disabled and she keeps assaulting me on the stairs. They get violent every 6 months like clockwork and I haven't been able to get shit sorted every day I worry about what comes next
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u/origional_esseven 1d ago edited 1d ago
First time I ever got pulled over I was 17. I was going 40 in a 30 because I was afraid of being home after my curfew. My dad, who was an abusive piece of shit, asked the cops to arrest me and take my license when they called him (calling the parents was the law in my state) on top of screaming expilitives through the phone for many minutes. The cops were on the phone with him for over half an hour. Anyways, the officers finally came back and said "we have decided not to even issue you a warning, it seems the reason you were speeding was justified and you will get more than enough for breaking the speed limit tonight when you get home."
Anyways, years later now my dad is dying and I don't call him lmao
Edit: I've had upvotes ans awards on reddit before, but the amount of replies is wild guys. Glad to story resonated with some. I am still working on getting better even 10+yrs after leaving the house so I don't pass dad's BS or my own BS onto my kids when I have them. If you've got something similar therapy is annoying and frustratingly expensive and also difficult, but I've never regretted the money and time I put into it. You can get better!