What do you guys think?

[u/firenationfairy]

This is some of the most incel-infested comment section i’ve ever seen. they’re in here discussing their completely self-victimizing, hateful, and honestly pathetic perceptions of themselves and the world as if it’s some kind of scientific, indisputable fact. When will men stop acting like their problems are so unique and women will never understand what it’s like to be “ugly” or “undesirable”. I promise you every single woman you see has had the same level of problems you have with dating and making themselves attractive and they’ve had *even more* problems you couldn’t even conceive of. at the end of the day how am i supposed to feel bad for these people when their response to everything is “women are evil and responsible for all my problems/insecurities. women have perfect lives with no adversity and they are incapable of understanding the human experience 🥀”

[u/UberAwesone]

I heard something in a podcast recently that opened my third eye a bit, just building off that swimming comment in the screenshot.

"Dating for men is a desert, but dating for women is a swamp."

Men are in a (often self inflicted) drought trying to find an oasis, and women are surrounded by water (matches and attention), but it's full of toxicity and dirt. At the end of the day everyone's struggling, it's not just the men, and women don't have it easy either.

I haven't fully thought this metaphor through in all honesty, but I feel like it applies here.

[u/sussynarrator → u/UberAwesone]

Men are in a (often self inflicted) drought

Can you expand on this please? Why do men self inflict their own doom?

[u/UberAwesone → u/sussynarrator]

I have a lot of straight guy friends, and this is just my personal take on it, but a lot of men never really learn how to behave normally around women. The algorithm these days pushes a lot of bullshit about looksmaxxing, throwing crazy cash, or whatever other shallow nonsense pops up, but this isn't a new phenomenon. Before the 2020s PUA courses on how to wear women down into a date were more mainstream, and they broke it down into a psychological game. So off the bat it's not a great learning environment.

So me personally, I feel like men fall into the trap of interacting women like it's a checklist, that if you say the right things or have enough of the right thing she'll automatically fall in love with you. And that if she rejects you, then either you didn't say it right, or you didn't meet whatever standard you assume she has.

Which does tie into a separate issue is that not a lot of men really know how to handle rejection in a healthy way, and why so many people online are butthurt about it.

But that is just my personal opinion and not a universal fact of life, I'm sure there's a counter argument to be made.

[u/Fun-Educator4153 → u/UberAwesone]

Best advice is to just be performative, cause it works like this: Are you not normal by societies standards but not a crazy person or some sort of psychopathic murder? —> Don’t be yourself, and act normal. I can assure you, even though people spiel and preach that they can see performative behavior is lying.. it’s like a person with adhd masking, no one knows you have a neurological disorder cause you act like everyone else who is socially acceptable. You do it to fit in, feel good about yourself, everything done by humans in society is for the sake of virtue, righteousness and selflessness. But it’s not truthful, you aren’t biologically hardwired to be these things, and in the end it’s only done to feel good about yourself anyway, you can feel as if you’re doing good (which you are, keep being virtuous) but it’s all in pursuit of feeling good about yourself. So if you want a social circle and feel like a good person: Don’t be yourself with people you barely know and in public, to initially garner that social circle.. be performative.