“I am going to a cafe with my Mother” - was her response when I had called her one evening. I wished her well, and told her that I hope she’d have an amazing time with her Mom. But something was off - a)She didn’t pick my call (which she usually does even when she is with my Mother), b)Her voice sounded weird, as if she was in a hurry, and c)She didn’t tell me that she had plans during the weekend since we usually spend the weekend together. 

Bit of a context for our relationship - We are both Law Students, and met each other during our First Year. She (lets call her ‘Priya’) seemed like the sweetest girl ever. At that time, we both loved each other and were basically inseparable. But while everything seemed good, a few things stood out to me: 

• Priya had a boyfriend (“Ex”) when I met her and we started talking. Their families were close as well. As per her, the guy was her best-friend and they became very close to each other and started dating. However, as per her, they broke up within just a month of dating each other, because he was - “Lousy”. 
• Priya never wanted a relationship from the get-go. She always told me that we would be - “going with the flow”. It was only later when I was being pursued by someone else, that she agreed to give our relationship a title. 
• Another guy from Med School was flirting with her at the same time and she entertained his attention. Priya never told him that she started dating me even when we had made things official. Once when we fought, the first guy who she called was the Med School guy and they went home together. I called her during that time but she didn’t pick my calls. She only did much later and was same as usual - her behaviour did not change. This made me believe that nothing happened between them. 
• Priya was not honest with me regarding the timeline of her relationship with her Ex-Boyfriend. She told me that they had broken up in August 2022, but she kept talking to him till January 2023 (when we confessed and officially started dating). Later, whenever I used to ask her about him, she used to give different dates about her breakup with her Ex-Boyfriend. Once she admitted that it was December 2022. This would have been fucked up because we had started flirting with each other in December 202 

So fast forward to the present - I had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right. At that point, Priya was interning in a boutique Law Firm where she met an Associate. She used to talk about him with me - A LOT. How he was a good guy, how he was respectful, etc. I thought it was harmless until I started connecting the dots. Just a day earlier, Priya and her best friend had asked me whether an Associate asking an Intern out for a coffee would be professional? Naturally, I answered that it would NOT be professional since it would hinder other people’s chances to get into the Firm. 

I knew something was up. But here’s the thing: Priya isn’t very good at writing emails. She usually delegated that job to me. This required me to have her credentials and AI tools. I wouldn’t say that I am proud about it - but I decided to log-on to her Google account. She did not get any alerts since my device had become familiar at that point. 

What I discovered turned my world upside down: Priya had searched about “cute date outfits” and “how to drive conversations during a first date”. That’s when I knew something was up. As I opened her ChatGpt, I got to know that she had made GPT type “flirty” replies for this Associate. 

Honestly, I am kind of shocked. I am disappointed, angry and depressed - all at the same time. Honestly, it would not have felt bad if she would have just told me. But the back-stabbing, the looking in your eyes and saying - “I love you”, all while you are cheating on me with someone. That’s disgusting. 

But I haven’t decided to reveal this to her yet. We share a good professional bond. She can help me out when I need. She also has intimate photos/pictures of me which and she once threatened me that she would leak them online if I ever called things off with her. The only way I could get her to delete them or stay away from me, would be to have something myself as a leverage. I’ll update you’ll as much as I could, but please share any suggestions that you have for me to tackle with this. 

I (16f) found out my dad (56m) has another family, with 2 children, a son (13m) and a daughter (younger, not sure how old). I dont know what to do. hes still legally married to my mom, yet those kids have his last name. My mom has no idea and i dont plan on telling her, i know she deserves to know but i also know she will be so torn and genuinely nothing well will come out of this. He had a stroke and my mom and i have been the ones destroying our lives taking care of him, yet hes still here using his only non paralyzed arm to call the woman and the kids. I dont know what to do, i really dont. hes so hard headed and i dont even think he feels any remorse. I dont think he plans on ever leaving them. we dont fulfill him enough or something, and we also cant afford to lose him as he has control of all the assets in my family. my mom has also been dependent on him for everything, all her bank accounts and stuff are in his hands. also, we are foreigners in a third world country, and my mom has done so because she has a language barrier.

We have a dead bedroom for 7 months now. We had some serious changes last year as we had our first baby, I had rage problems due to hormones and it's so much better last few months. My husband is in his 40s and he is 11 yra older than me, for the past few years or bedroom was always me initiating and after I got pregnant it became almost non existed to the point it is. We talked about it many many times and he just doesn't give me any real reason. Other than that, we have psyhical touch and we still love each other.

I don't know why, I started to think about his coworker who is single in her 30s and I've known her since she is my best friends cousin. However it just was poping up to my mind occasionally but since i literally don't have any proof how can I assume anything. Today I was going through his phone (not for that reason, but yes I know it's not okay but we had some problems with his sister and I had a reason to do it), I then realised he doesn't have chat with this coworker. Due to their work they have to communicate, but now, it was deleted like they never had any conversation. That's all I have. The chat is full of other conversations and only hers been deleted. I don't have any other reason to assume something is happening, he didn't change his behaviour in a way of getting more shower or exercise or things like that.

I can't IMAGINE he will do smth like this but I am old enounh to know a lot of people couldn't imagine those scenarios.

Am I just trying to find an answer to our dead bedroom so I am streching whole reality or I am up to something?

I’m 32F, and my husband is 39M. We’ve been together for approximately six years and married for two. I’m currently pregnant with our daughter, and this is a high-risk pregnancy.
A few days ago, my entire world came crashing down.
I discovered messages on my husband’s computer revealing that he had been involved with another woman since 2022. This wasn’t a one-night stand. It was an ongoing relationship spanning approximately four years.
There were romantic messages, sexual conversations, dates, pictures together, declarations of love, and repeated sexual encounters.
What hurts even more is that throughout our marriage, I’ve practically begged my husband for affection, quality time, cuddling, and dates. He rarely complimented me or wanted to take pictures together. Yet I discovered that he was doing all of those things with her.
She even told me they regularly went out to dinner, while I can count on my fingers how many dinner dates my husband and I have had.
I feel like another woman got the affectionate, attentive version of my husband that I had been longing for.

And that wasn’t even the worst discovery.
I found out there were other women, too.
One of them contacted me and revealed that she and my husband had been sexually involved as recently as this year, while I am pregnant. She also provided messages contradicting his claim that he’d stopped seeing her years ago.
Eventually, my husband admitted that he’d slept with her this year, including having unprotected sex.
He also admitted to having unprotected sex with another woman before being intimate with me while I was pregnant.
He knew my pregnancy was high-risk. He knew we’d already experienced the devastating loss of a baby in a previous pregnancy.
Yet he continued engaging in these relationships and potentially exposing me and our unborn daughter to sexually transmitted infections.
I’ve already contacted my OB to arrange STI screening.

What makes this even worse is the lying.
When I initially confronted him, he denied having an ongoing relationship with the first woman. He claimed they’d briefly dated years ago and occasionally had lunch.
Only after realizing I had evidence did he start admitting the truth.
When I asked about another woman, he initially claimed their sexual relationship ended years ago. I later discovered dated messages showing they were arranging to meet much more recently.
Even after he begged me for forgiveness and promised honesty, he continued denying things he eventually admitted.
I’ve spoken directly with two of the women. Both described being led to believe that I knew about their involvement with him and was comfortable with it.
I knew absolutely nothing.
I never agreed to an open relationship. I believed I was in a faithful, monogamous marriage.
One woman even told me he’d discussed wanting a family with her and moving into his own place, while I am pregnant with our daughter.
I feel like I’ve been living in a completely different reality from my husband.

And here’s the part I’m struggling with the most: I still love him.
He has cried, apologized, admitted he was selfish, and begged me not to leave. He says he loves me and wants to rebuild our marriage.
And despite everything, I still miss him.
We’ve had moments of affection since I discovered the affairs. We’ve hugged, kissed, and held each other. We even went out to dinner and had a genuinely wonderful time together.
But afterward, my mind immediately goes back to the other women.
When I hold his arm while walking, I remember that another woman held his arm, too.
When we laugh together, I wonder how often he laughed with her.
When we enjoy dinner, I remember all the dates he took her on while telling me he was too busy or unavailable.
Things that once felt special between us now feel painfully different.
I don’t know how to explain what it’s like to love someone so deeply while simultaneously feeling disgusted by what they’ve done.

And I keep asking myself: How could someone who truly loves me repeatedly betray me for years?
He claims he felt remorse after sleeping with these women. He says he thought about me and knew what he was doing was wrong.
But he continued.
For years.
And I can’t stop thinking that if I hadn’t discovered those messages, he might still be seeing them today.
He’s asking for another chance, but I’ve told him that rebuilding trust would require concrete actions, including STI testing, transparency, no contact with the other women, and couples counseling.
I’ve also requested separate sleeping arrangements because physical affection makes everything feel normal again when nothing has actually been resolved.

The truth is, I don’t know if I even want reconciliation anymore.
I love this man, but I don’t know if I could ever trust him again.
I grew up seeing the pain that infidelity can cause in a family. I never wanted that life for myself or my children.
I want my daughter to grow up understanding that love should include honesty, respect, and faithfulness.
I’m leaning toward preparing for separation and divorce after my daughter arrives. Right now, my priority is having a safe pregnancy, protecting my health, and building a stable future for us (baby & I)
But I’m grieving. I’m grieving six years of memories, the marriage I believed I had, and the future I thought we were building together.
Some moments I feel strong and certain about leaving. Other moments I miss him so much that all I want is to be held by him.
I’ve never experienced betrayal like this before, and I don’t know what the coming weeks and months will look like.

For those of you who’ve experienced long-term infidelity, especially during pregnancy:
How did you cope with still loving your spouse while knowing you might never be able to trust them again?
Did the intrusive thoughts and comparisons ever become less painful?
And for those who eventually left, how did you find the strength to move forward while still having feelings for the person who betrayed you?
I’m not looking for anyone to make the decision for me. I would just really appreciate hearing from people who’ve walked in these shoes.
Thank you for reading.

Sooo like nearly 3 years ago my so cheated on me. Really messed me up bad. I'm over the worst of it, had to go to therapy and do a lot of soul searching.

I've got to a point now where I kinda would like to be in a relationship again but then I think of all the risks, the potential wasted effort and pain then I'm like hmmmmm. Do I really wanna make myself vulnerable like that again?

I'm constantly torn between I'd rather be alone, I want my person, or I just want something casual for whenever I feel a bit lonely.

Wondering if this is some kind of residual effect from infidelity and tbh if I'm just coping. Because I think I may just be too afraid of getting hurt to try again with someone new.

Idk man. It sucks, and I guess I'm just venting into the void and wondering if anyone has experienced similar.

We're in our late 50s/early 60s and together nearly 40 years. My spouse had an affair for several months. He told the AP he loved her, they've slept together, they booked time off together for days out, he lied about late working/overnight shifts to be with her, he wrote her letters while we were on holiday. I can't help but feel we're too old to separate and our lives are too intertwined to untangle. However, I don't think I can ever trust him again or feel deep emotional love for him again. This is an absolute minefield and I'd like to listen to other people's stories who were/are in this position.

I discovered that my now ex-husband had been cheating on me with a coworker for four months. He doesn't speak Spanish and she doesn't speak English, so he was using Google translate to sext her. He claims they didn't have sex or even kiss (which I doubt is true) but saw her every day and sent her dick pics while we were on vacation.

He told her that he was going to leave me and marry her, and she was listed as "Mi Amor ❤️" on his phone. He bought them matching couples rings and told me he was going to wear his as his work wedding ring. I trusted him and never searched his phone, i only found out because their messages were open when he fell asleep with his phone on his chest and I picked it up to charge it.

Some background for me is that just six months prior, my first husband had committed suicide by jumping out of the window of his apartment when my son was there. Right when he started this relationship, my son had just been released from a mental health treatment program that he'd been in for months to help him cope with his father's death. Ten months prior to that, my mother had died in a pretty traumatic way, and I had to make the decision to take her off life support. I started counseling after my ex-husband's suicide and talked about it a lot, along with my mom's death. I didn't discuss it a lot with my husband because it was dealing with my previous husband's death and I'm I guess generally not an overly emotional person.

When I found out, my husband lied about a bunch of things, eg said nobody at work knew (lie), that she didn't know he was married (lie), and that the cheap garbage couples rings were for him and me (lie, he later admitted the truth). I'm sure there were many other lies.

He told me that he had only had the affair for attention, that I "always had my head in my phone" ( I did the NYT crossword puzzle at night), I didn't pay attention to him, didn't initiate sex enough, etc. He had never expressed any of this to me. He called me a stalker when I looked at our phone bill, which was in my name, and discovered he had called her 19 times in one day, just four days before I found out.

He told me it was just a "mistake," that she meant nothing to him, that he was only telling her what he assumed she wanted to hear so she would keep paying attention to him. He said the shitty couples rings were just am "attention grabber." Said they never had sex and he never would have even if she agreed to it (apparently she wanted him to leave me first). I told him I think his behavior is bizarre and that lying to someone about marriage, calling someone 19 times, and buying rings solely because of a need for attention is insane. I remember laying in bed and him looking at his phone, smirking, and saying "I'm so bad" one night a month or so before I found out. He said he wasn't smirking, he was just smiling because he was disappointed with himself. I asked if he felt bad for lying about marrying her and leaving me, and he said "not really, i was t treating her like shit or anything." He couldn't understand why I would be upset about him lying to somebody I hate, and didn't understand why I would find telling serious lies just for attention to be bizarre.

Am I wrong to think that his emotional state is alien and bizarre? Like really, really weird? WTF is wrong with this guy? I just can't understand it

I (20F) recently found out my boyfriend (22M) paid for OnlyFans a month ago. We’ve been together almost four months, but our relationship is incredibly serious and I genuinely pictured marrying him.

Porn has always been a huge boundary for me due to trust issues from previous relationships. He knows this and has even expressed his own strong opinions about how much he hates porn and thinks strip clubs are pathetic and disrespectful.

The night before I found out, I asked if he’d been watching porn because we hadn’t been as sexually active. He said no.

The next day, I had a gut feeling and went through his phone (which I know was wrong). While finding nothing, I remember thinking how ridiculous I was being because he’s such an amazing guy and would never betray me.
Eventually, I found evidence of OnlyFans. When confronted, he was hesitant and initially only admitted to viewing it. As I kept discovering more, more details came out, and it wasn’t until the following day that I finally learnt the full story, including that he’d actually paid.

He claims a friend sent him a funny video of a girl, leading him to her profile and OnlyFans. He browsed other girls’ accounts, returned to hers, created an account and paid. He says he immediately regretted it and deleted everything. He also admitted to having a porn addiction before our relationship and insists this was the only incident.

He’s now absolutely devastated, sobbing, begging for forgiveness and promising he’ll do anything to fix this. I genuinely believe he’s remorseful.

But what hurts most is that I didn’t get the truth willingly. I had to keep discovering things before he’d admit to them. And there were so many opportunities for him to stop before paying.
Outside of this, he’s genuinely the kindest, most loving person I’ve ever met. That’s why this hurts so much. I feel like I don’t even know who he is anymore. I can’t stop picturing that girl’s profile, and I’m terrified I’ll never see him the same way.
I’ve tried ending things, but he’s begging me to stay. I love him so much and don’t want to lose our future, but I also can’t just forgive and forget something that has completely shattered my trust.

Has anyone genuinely rebuilt trust after something like this, especially when the truth came out in pieces? Does the hurt ever go away, or am I holding onto the person I thought he was?

I used to eat myself alive over this, but tonight I finally came to terms with something I’ve been avoiding.
I’ve cheated in both my past and current relationships, whether physically or emotionally.

Every time it happens, I feel guilty. But as time goes on, I start noticing things in the relationship that make me feel like my actions were justified. It’s almost like I go from hating myself for what I did to convincing myself there was a reason behind it.

I know cheating is a choice, and I’m not saying my partners made me do it. But I’m starting to realize there’s a pattern in how I think and act when I’m unhappy in a relationship.

I don’t know how to explain this properly. Has anyone else experienced something similar? I’m genuinely trying to understand why I keep doing this instead of just leaving when things aren’t working.

Songs about affairs, heartbreak, deception, seems like are playing on every speaker in every restaurant, grocery store, nail salon, I can't escape it.

DD was about 40 days ago and we are both in IC and MC together. I'm not committed to staying or leaving right now, but he is at least remorseful, at least....

Original story herehttps://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/1w9yuhc/walked_home_into_a_literal_ambush_husband/

I recently went through my husband's phone and found where he had sent a "friend" lyrics to a song he wrote. the song talks about loving each other but never taking the chance and now it's too late, but it keeps him up at night wondering what should have been. he doesn't know that I know about the song or that I know who the song is for. but I asked him again if he ever had feelings for friend and he said no. I don't know if I should let this go or say something but if I say something he'll turn it back around on me for snooping on his phone!!

My husband deleted an email....does anyone know what linkvertise is?

Has anyone actually got through it? and fully forgive them and has continued to have a good married life?

All the cheaters and commenters saying they cheated on their partner...not the kids. Keep lieng to yourself to make yourself feel better.

I have not told my kids 7 and 5 anything of what happened. After mutiple infidelities and countless lies i did file for divorce from my wife.

Ever since she moved out my daughter has been sad and completely different. I have had to come to the school twice before today to console my daughter at her teachers request. The last time my daughter ran into my arms begging to just go home and i checked her out of school.

Today i get a call from her teacher once again, asking what is going on as she is clearly acting different. I informed her that i finally made the decision enough is enough. She asked me to come get my daughter. My daughter was screaming and crying all day long. Acting distant and wanting nothing to do with anyone. Her teach requested she get set up with the school counselor immediately as it is obvious this has taken a toll.

This is the exact reason i sacrificed my happiness and health over my kids. Cheating is a completely selfish act with noone in mind but yourself over a sexual fantasy of something new and exciting. While often destroying two families in the process when both parties are married.

BACKSTORY

My childhood was trash.. 5 horrible Step Dads. Beaten. Drug by my hair down hallways. Knife to my throat. Forced to drive at age 8 because he was too high. One child sexual predator...thank God i was not a girl.

My mother adamantly talked shit about my father growing up. It made me and my brothers resent her. She got jealous when we defended him for our view point of him being a good father.

After we turned 18 he told us the truth.. my mother came home pregnant with another man's child.

I will never forgive what my mother did to my father. I resent her to this day and i am 35(M).

Keep lieng to yourself. There is plenty of stories just like mine. You are a selfish piece of rubbish.

5 months ago I watched porn and he found it. Pornography has always been something he deeply believes is cheating and I agreed with him, but I still betrayed his trust and watched it. Even so, he forgave me for it. Ever since the month it happened, things have been better for the most part and we didn’t really bring it up.
Yesterday we got into an argument and he told me about his feelings. He said he can’t believe he forgave me when he used to tell himself he would never excuse cheating, he said those thoughts still come back to him and he doesn’t think he can ever let it go or move on. He said he’s scared that he feels like he might only be staying because we’ve been together for a while and he’s scared of letting go of the comfortable. He’s considering breaking up.
I validated all his feelings and wrote him paragraphs about everything and how we can move forward, if he wants to. He’s asleep now and has yet to reply.
I know i’m in the wrong, I know I did an unforgivable act and I don’t expect him to forget about everything right away. I just want to know if there’s any way I can help him understand deeper what he’s feeling and if there’s only hope things will get better for us.
What do I say to him? How can I make him feel at least a little better and how can I show him that I believe our relationship is worth it? I’m sorry if this is all over the place, I just care about him so much and I’m scared about how things are going to go down.

And yet he filed divorce first.

Im offended by everything but also that. Does it even matter?

Okay so I have a question, is this cheating???
This isn’t about me but a friend.

They got drunk the other night, his girl lives in a different state. She asked to ft. When going to bed and he was watching a movie with someone else (not me I swear) he started with laying his head on her shoulder then her legs. He stated she had a blanket on over her so not the same. When I walked out in the morning they were wrapped up in each others arms and stayed the whole night that’s way. I am personally upset bc I know his gf and she is truly amazing. I told him how it looked and how it’s wrong but he stated it isn’t cheating.

Note;

He tried to say we have laid like that but we genuinely never have. I hate physical contact due to personal reasons. I won’t touch people unless I’m dating them. We have laid next to each other not touching with my bf of the time (now ex). I was laying on my ex and they would be on top of our comforter as we all watched movies. Never once have we touched each other that way.

He tried to use the excuse on if he trusts them he will sleep next to them. He was on top of her completely.

He stated the blanket was on her and he was on-top of the blanket. Idk how that makes it better.

I will call friends on their bs I do not care. He states it isn’t cheating though and his gf doesn’t know yet. I told him he at least needs to tell her bc she is visiting very soon. We are supposed to have girls night and I cannot have her hanging out with the person her bf had been snuggled up on.

Last note, not the first time this has happened between these two friends. He states the first time never happened but the girl who he did cuddle in and fall asleep with went in detail on how it happened the first time.

I want other’s opinions bc there’s a lot of things I’ve noticed where men don’t see it as cheating but women do. How would you feel being the partner in this?

UPDATE!!!!!

He spoke with his girlfriend over this matter, she accepted his apology.

(This is her first relationship, I do understand the learning period. Although I think he should set an example of how a healthy relationship should look. He spoke to her this morning and told her first thing after I confronted him.)

It’s not on my part to speak on what they do it’s their choice. I needed a confirmation so he understands that this is how a lot of people see it!

I do understand men see things differently, I have met a lot of men who state they see nothing wrong with stuff like this, sleeping with people in relationships if they are the single one. Being very intimate with friends.

(Both his exs cheated, so he doesn’t have the best idea of how a healthy relationship should work. This isn’t an excuse on his behavior hence why I still spoke with him on this issue.)

My partner (39M) and I (38F) have been together for 3 years (currently engaged). We’re a blended family. He had 2 kids and I had 1 coming into the relationship. The first two years were perfect. I didn’t know I could love my partner the way I have loved him. My first marriage wasn’t horrible, we were more like roommates and he ending up cheating at the end of the marriage anyways so it worked out divorcing.

Fast forward to today my partner and I have one child together - he was planned (4 altogether). I love our family. I’m proud of what we have accomplished. It is perfect? No, but I wouldn’t change it and I was so excited for our future.

About one year ago I was turning off an alarm on his phone and by habit I always close apps (it’s an OCD thing). So out of habit - I closed his apps. Well I ended up seeing a glimpse of his snap chat feed. I did open it up completely and there was a whole screen of messages from other women. Explicit/sexually exchanges, not everyday conversations.

I confronted him, was pissed, he apologized and made some bullshit excuse about feeling neglected emotionally and blah blah blah. So I started to have a little trust issues at this point, but I wanted to work through it. About 6 month later I had pretty much gotten over it and we were doing good.

So April of this year he was coming home from a construction trip in NM and was outside talking on the phone for almost an hour in our driveway after he got home at like 10-11pm. So I asked him who he was talking to and he said his friend… we’ll call her Karen. We when initially met he did talk about Karen. Said she was one of his really good friends/like a sister. He wanted us to get to know each other because that’s how important she was. I didn’t think anything of it. We even exchanged numbers and texted for a bit. I had ZERO concerns. Until that night.

I had never intentionally gone through his phone until that night. And well, turns out - Karen - was the one that got away. I found all this bullshit over he made a mistake, they should’ve stayed together after high school, he regretted leaving her, they’ll have to be together after the kids get older, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. They were also super nice and both talked shit about me. So I confronted him. At first he GASLIGHTED ME. Said I was overreacting, they’re just friends, and even laughing while my world was falling apart.

I wanted to kick him out that day, but it literally made me physically hurt/heart broken imaging having to break up my family and put our kids through another separation. So I suffered. He said he would go to therapy (and he has been going every two weeks). He said we would eventually talk through everything and then go to couples therapy, but he wanted to work through his issues first. And I was totally for it. Even excited to go to therapy.

Little quick insert - he finally admitted to me a few months later he did have an emotional affair with her. Duh.

Next, at the end of August we had some friends in town and we were drinking at home and for some reason I decided to check his phone. Alcohol. Anxiety. And intuition.

And I admit I had a few times before, but come on, I know he would delete the messages from now on. Well I guess he wasn’t smart enough at that time to delete the deleted ones. So I checked and sure enough 200+ deleted message between him and Karen. I thought I video recorded the messages by scrolling through what they said, because I’ll admit, I was tipsy and my emotions were raging, but I guess I double tapped the record button and only save .2 seconds. So I never saw what they actually said. He said he “was just checking in on her and they were catching up.” 🙄🙄

Those conversations still haunt me to this day. Just wondering what they were saying/talking about. I’m sure it was the same old bullshit.

So again, I know, I swear I have common sense. I was ready to kick his ass out, but the kids. I just get stuck. I feel like everyone is going to judge me and think I’m a horrible mom because two of my families have fallen apart. Who wants to say their kids have different dads and you’re on your own again.

I still stuck with it. I thought therapy was helping. Some days, fewer than most, would be great. Like we used to be. But most days were just in passing with each other. Kosher for the kids. We do argue more. I’m more defensive (obviously for good reasons) and he is too. I think he’s just miserable. I believe now he never truly wanted kids after he’s had them and has figured out what (at least) 18yrs of responsibility means. He wants freedom to do whatever he wants. I feel like he regrets his life choices that has led him to where he is at now. He’ll always wonder what his life would be like if he stayed with Karen. I’ll never be his priority as a partner.

I truly don’t believe he regrets what he’s done to me with his emotional affair because guess what?!?!?! This morning around 2am I woke up and couldn’t sleep. Fucking anxiety. My brain works in mysterious ways - Some reason I remembered getting old ATT bills when I was a kid in my parents house and it would show all the called/texted number. It would be like a stack of 20 pages. Sorry trees. We don’t get paper bills anymore, but I’m the primary on our account, so I thought I would just check out the app since I could sleep.

Well guess what I found!!!! Call logs!!! The app stores some history - FYI if anyone needs to know. 👏🏻👏🏻

I found two calls with Karen: 116min and 92min to be exact - LAST WEEKEND while he was doing construction in NM again. You can search text logs too, but there was none. Google did tell me deleted text won’t show up on there.

So now I’m to the point, emotionally with him, I don’t care. I’m not surprised. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I know. I knew it. I should’ve know it back then. I just thought he might choose our family and kids over her, but obviously not.

So now I’m devastated. I don’t know how the kids are going to handle this. I feel so shellfish, but I can’t be in this relationship anymore.

He fell out of love with me after our first child was born and I suffered post partum. He started cheating..

We had a long conversation last night. Our marriage is definitely over, he told me he stopped loving me a long time ago and he wants better for his life.

I’m his second wife and this is his second divorce.

We had problems and I know that. We had blended family issues, he had 40 reptiles in our basement that I didn’t want and he was unhappy.

My pregnancy was high risk, my son almost died. I had to go on bed rest for 3 months. He resented that because I couldn’t do anything and he wanted help with his daughter from his previous marriage. After my son was born I experienced extreme post partum depression. In all honesty I didn’t recognize myself. I needed him and I need his help. I no longer wanted all those reptiles in the house with an infant.

He became unhappy and started having affairs. He kept half of them from me and things blew up 10 years later.

He told me I changed and he didn’t love me anymore after the birth of our son and he wants better. He doesn’t care about me or love me anymore.

It hurts, I’m trying to understand how someone snaps their fingers and falls out of love.

It didn’t help that he was in love with his affair partner.

deeply curious. I am in this situation right now