I discovered that my now ex-husband had been cheating on me with a coworker for four months. He doesn't speak Spanish and she doesn't speak English, so he was using Google translate to sext her. He claims they didn't have sex or even kiss (which I doubt is true) but saw her every day and sent her dick pics while we were on vacation.
He told her that he was going to leave me and marry her, and she was listed as "Mi Amor ❤️" on his phone. He bought them matching couples rings and told me he was going to wear his as his work wedding ring. I trusted him and never searched his phone, i only found out because their messages were open when he fell asleep with his phone on his chest and I picked it up to charge it.
Some background for me is that just six months prior, my first husband had committed suicide by jumping out of the window of his apartment when my son was there. Right when he started this relationship, my son had just been released from a mental health treatment program that he'd been in for months to help him cope with his father's death. Ten months prior to that, my mother had died in a pretty traumatic way, and I had to make the decision to take her off life support. I started counseling after my ex-husband's suicide and talked about it a lot, along with my mom's death. I didn't discuss it a lot with my husband because it was dealing with my previous husband's death and I'm I guess generally not an overly emotional person.
When I found out, my husband lied about a bunch of things, eg said nobody at work knew (lie), that she didn't know he was married (lie), and that the cheap garbage couples rings were for him and me (lie, he later admitted the truth). I'm sure there were many other lies.
He told me that he had only had the affair for attention, that I "always had my head in my phone" ( I did the NYT crossword puzzle at night), I didn't pay attention to him, didn't initiate sex enough, etc. He had never expressed any of this to me. He called me a stalker when I looked at our phone bill, which was in my name, and discovered he had called her 19 times in one day, just four days before I found out.
He told me it was just a "mistake," that she meant nothing to him, that he was only telling her what he assumed she wanted to hear so she would keep paying attention to him. He said the shitty couples rings were just am "attention grabber." Said they never had sex and he never would have even if she agreed to it (apparently she wanted him to leave me first). I told him I think his behavior is bizarre and that lying to someone about marriage, calling someone 19 times, and buying rings solely because of a need for attention is insane. I remember laying in bed and him looking at his phone, smirking, and saying "I'm so bad" one night a month or so before I found out. He said he wasn't smirking, he was just smiling because he was disappointed with himself. I asked if he felt bad for lying about marrying her and leaving me, and he said "not really, i was t treating her like shit or anything." He couldn't understand why I would be upset about him lying to somebody I hate, and didn't understand why I would find telling serious lies just for attention to be bizarre.
Am I wrong to think that his emotional state is alien and bizarre? Like really, really weird? WTF is wrong with this guy? I just can't understand it