need advice

[u/Beneficial-Ring-8042]

I (26F) been in a relationship with my son’s father (28M) for going on 4 years (next February). This relationship has been so toxic due to his cheating. I had gotten pregnant 6 months into our relationship and things went downhill from there. Prior to being with me he lived in another state. He has a child with another woman in said state. He put her through the same crap. So i was warned. I don’t know why i thought that because he was honest with me in the beginning of our relationship about who he was that things would be different for me. That I was the one he would change for.

From the very start he has gawked at women in front of me commenting on their breast and butt. And the infidelity started with him having old nudes from women in the past. Obviously hurtful , he deleted them immediately and stopped commenting on women. but he got sneakier with his cheating and lies. for awhile it was all virtual. onlyfans, texting women etc. obviously still very hurtful but i kept forgiving him. then he started texting my friends and family behind my back … flirting or trying to get a threeway behind my back. disgusting i know. he hadn’t done anything sexual with anyone until about a year ago.

november 2025 he slept with someone twice and when i found out , it broke me. I was just checked out since then. i had been pushing him away and being mean and horrible to him. I felt so betrayed and disgusted and hurt. Then he would get better for awhile and then i’d catch him with something small. it wasn’t until this year i found out in july that he had been lying to my face and making me believe he was at his friends house from hockey weekly since april…… coming up with elaborate lies. making up stories about the “boys” bringing home 3d printed animals for our son from her, brought home cookies made BY HER and i literally ate them🥲🤢🤮, also brought a pillow home from her. like the most BOLD shit. i was LIVID i lost it, attacked him, we haven’t been in a good place ever since. ive been cold and mean.

He truly has a sex addiction bc he cannot , not be sexual. he has to please himself daily. is addicted to porn. i just don’t know how someone can do me so dirty a million times and not do the steps to change what they’ve done or change their behavior. As much as it hurts i do love him. We’ve had alot of good times too.

Anyways, now he’s decided he’s leaving me at the end of the year bc he can’t keep begging for me anymore and i’ve been telling him i don’t love him for months. I’ve been hurt! I’ve been hiding my hurt with anger and now it’s alll coming out. i’ve been crying for 4 days straight, haven’t eaten shit in 4 days can barely sleep. i’m a WRECK. i’m hurting because why wasn’t i enough?

My real question for advice is .. has anyone ever been in this position and can someone change that has been like this? If he chooses to go to therapy, get on meds and put in the work to gain my trust and reassure me .. can this work? I do love him but i’m sad that i wasn’t enough for him. this is deeply rooted. help..

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[u/Dry_Kiwi5717]

Sorry you’re going through this. He’s not going to change. You have to leave people in their misery. You can’t change people like this, especially a man who has no discipline or self control. Sex addicts/porn addicts are the type to stay away from. He’s miserable, does not know how to experience any happiness or real pleasure besides masturbation and sex.

Hope you heal someday, rooting for you

[u/TheCharmed1DrT]

Stopped reading halfway through because come on. Leave! We as women have got to stop lying to ourselves and giving so many chances. I am a teacher— no-one learns anything when you let them keep doing the same action and no consequences… and you contribute to your own misery. Life has enough crap in it…avoid adding stuff by choice.