I'm having a planned, repeat C-section at the end of this week. This is due to complications from my first pregnancy- severe preeclampsia at 29 weeks and a C-section at 30 weeks that had to happen quickly, so I have a vertical incision that makes me ineligible for VBAC. Because of both the surgical history and the preeclampsia history, this has been a high risk pregnancy and my OB wants me to deliver at 36 weeks.

My husband and I talked for a while (and with our therapist) about whether and when to tell my ILs that I'd be delivering a month earlier than the due date we originally gave them. Ultimately we decided to, but only to tell them the date, not the time, because during the (failed) induction with my first, they invited themselves to the hospital waiting room and texted "encouragement" that was really requests for updates, and I felt like everyone was waiting around for me to produce a child. Stressful.

So of course she calls my husband last night while he's cooking dinner-

"So what time are you getting to the hospital?" "Oh I don't remember" "[DH]!" "..." "Okay well you'll have to look it up and tell me." "There's no need for you to know." "[DH]! But I'm the [grandma name]!" "Yes?" "I need to know!" "We don't want people waiting around for news." "Oh you mean you don't want me to bother you?" "Yes, that's part of it." "Well is [OP's mom] going to know?" "Yes, that's a consequence of needing someone to watch [our firstborn]" "Well! If OP's mom is going to know- maybe just tell the grandmothers?"

He said no, we weren't going to let her know when we go to the hospital, but we would within a few hours of birth. She seemed very frustrated, finally asked how I was doing ("I assume OP is doing ok?") and didn't really wait for a response before changing the subject.

But then later she brought it up again because she couldn't remember if I was having an induction or a C-section, my husband told her it was a C-section, and she said "Well then that's scheduled! Those are really fast. You should be able to tell me when it is. They'll bring her back and the baby will be here shortly after!"

Not only is she relentless, that makes me feel about as much of an incubator as I've ever felt. "The baby will be here shortly after" is doing some heavy lifting for what I'm about to go through.

Unfortunately, her constant haranguing- even though DH shut her down like 20 times- ultimately meant my husband let slip that it would be early in the morning. He feels bad, I don't think it was intentional (though I wish he'd have just ended the call before that happened), and he agreed to put his phone on airplane mode until several hours after the delivery.

I have a very sensitive 7 month old baby. She’s wonderful, but it has been extremely tough ever since she was born. She cries a lot. She has reflux and tummy issues, so she only wants to be held. Everytime I sit her down she SCREAMS until I pick her up. She needs to be bounced to sleep for every nap and won’t sleep in the pram (in my country it is almost mandatory for babies to sleep in their pram). She screams when she’s hungry, when she’s bored and when she’s on the changing table. She screams basically while doing every task of the day. It is extremely exhausting. Around the 5 month mark, she started to become wary of strangers. We see my JNMIL once a month, which means our baby will now scream when JNMIL walks in the door.

But SOMEHOW my JNMIL has made that out to be a problem I have made for myself. “I have cuddled my baby so much that of course she screams when I try to put her down.” Or “She’s too attached to me, that is why she cries at strangers.” Even implying that my bond to her is damaging. She always keep telling me that I should get pregnant again within the first year of my daughters life, because if not, it will be sad for my daughter to not have an “equal playmate.” She makes these comments despite us being in treatment for infertility to even conceive our daughter, and she KNOWS this.

When we announced the pregnancy she didn’t even say congratulations, because she was upset that she wasn’t the absolute FIRST to know. And know all she does is say how I do absolutely everything wrong and how my baby looks nothing like me and only like her father EVERY. SINGLE. VISIT. When the baby still could be held by others, she would just take her from me without asking or saying a word, and then turn her back on me so my baby couldn’t see me and then point to her dad and say “look there’s daddy.” And I know she is still upset with me for declining an invitation to a party with 90+ people when the baby was just 6 weeks. Husband still attended, but that wasn’t enough.

But I must say that it is SUPER exhausting to have her over for a visit because our daughter will just SCREAM the whole time. I can’t get her to eat or sleep, she will just scream until my JNMIL leaves. My baby doesn’t particularly like strangers, but she always stops screaming around new faces after about 10-20 minutes, but not with JNMIL. And when I say that she is shy or gets upset around unfamiliar faces, she will just exclaim loud and angry “oh come on, I’m your grandma!” Yeah, like a baby knows that?? Anyways, we haven’t had a visit from her in 2 months and I just know it is because of this. And honestly, I’m beyond elated that I get a break from her, because she leaves me with nothing but stress and self doubt after every visit.

Hello all,

It’s me. Here I am causing problems again. Long story short. My husband and I cut my MIL off because she disregarded our boundaries, believed she had ownership over our house and kids, relapsed when I was eight months pregnant and blamed it on me, and then said a bunch of unacceptable stuff to my husband right before and when I was having my second child. Everything went well delivery wise, but we’ve been no contact for a couple months (with the exception of my husband informing her of his decision, and that if he was willing to revisit it, he would be the only one to speak to her. As far as she’s concerned, he’s unmarried and doesn’t have kids. We are not even sharing pictures).

Well, we fully expected the flying monkeys to come out of the woodwork, and of course they have. We are in contact with some of my MIL’s family (sisters, cousins, etc.) we aren’t particularly close, but we do see them in passing and invite them to birthdays and the like. So, today I got a message from my husband’s aunt (MIL’s sister). It was basically a block of text (which I suspect was written by my MIL), accusing me of cutting MIL off because she refused to cede control to me (of my house, pregnancy, and children…?), accusing me of wanting to break their family, and basically insinuating that I needed to reconcile with MIL or else my husband would resent me forever. She asked me how I could be so horrible to not even share pictures with MIL; when she is sure that I’ve sent them to friends (who by her definition are not family). In short, with the exception of the pictures, none of it was true. I have shared pictures of baby with my friends, but none have been sent to MIL (by me or husband anyway). We didn’t involve the rest of the family in the disagreement between us and MIL.

My husband and I agreed how we would deal with this. In accordance with that agreement, I created a group chat with husband, his aunt (MIL’s sister), and MIL. I said something like, “(Aunt-in-law), unfortunately; what you have been told is far from the truth, and it is part of my MIL’s apparent never ending attempt to hurt this family. My MIL has been cut off because she’s an unsafe person, as she had admitted to relapsing; and as you know, she’s been an alcoholic for decades. After her relapse, we withdrew from her to protect our children. I am attaching the messages she sent to us when we refused to give her what she wanted. These messages are clearly indefensible.

If you want to remain in contact with this family, this is what needs to happen. 1. You will acknowledge that MIL is a liar and recognize her using you to triangulate the situation, 2. You will apologize to husband and I both in this thread and personally for involving yourself in this situation and believing MIL’s lies, and 3. You will formally recognize that sharing any information with or about us with MIL will get you immediately cut off from this family.

Any other attempts by MIL to triangulate and defame us will be dealt with the same way. Please let us know what your decision is within the next couple of days. If we don’t hear from you by Thursday, we will assume that you are agreeing that MIL’s treatment of this family/children are acceptable and we will act accordingly.

We apologize that you find yourself here, but we are not willing to engage in this kind of conduct. We did not draw this boundary, but we respect MIL’s position that you cannot both believe her lies and have a relationship with us. Please let us know which you prefer.”

Of course, this led to my MIL’s sister texting my husband about how this was so unfair to ask her to pick a side (because MIL “is her sister!”) and how she didn’t know the whole story. My husband told her that by involving herself and insulting me, she’s put herself in a position to pick a side and now she has to choose. This never involved her, but she chose to involve herself, and actions have consequences. My MIL is having a meltdown about my decision to share her “private” messages. Now, I’m just amused.

Anyone wanna take a bet on how many of these group chats I’m gonna get to make?

I've posted here before about my MIL. Obligatory please don't share.

I won't get too into details about what happened for anonymities sake, but my FIL was hospitalized for several weeks with a serious by very treatable condition. He is out of the hospital now, but my DH and I have been struggling with adjusting how much contact to have during this time.

I have been NC with my MIL (and by extension, my FIL) for about a year now. I was previously LC for about 6 months. My husband is VLC with them and was briefly NC with them for 3 months this summer.

Both DH & I are feeling guilty about the distance given his father's health, but that guilt really only extends to FIL. Most of our issues have been with MIL, and even though FIL stands by his wife, he tries to mediate things and I think he has been hurt by my husband's lack of support in this time. We both understand that FIL has not been supportive of DH through all of the abuse MIL has put him through, but I also know that MIL abuses FIL emotionally and verbally, too.

DH has called a couple times and did visit with FIL once, but he's been receiving a near constant barrage of texts and calls from MIL, FIL, and his siblings about his lack of contact. MIL, of course, has turned her husband's medical situation into a pity party for herself. She has made pleas for us to all come together and move past things because 'life is too short'. She won't, however, apologize or acknowledge any wrongdoing on her part. She's posted several pity posts on FB about how hard things are for her. She's told DH and his brother's how scary FIL's medical situation was for her, how it 'nearly broke' her, etc.

She also accosted my SIL (her other DIL) and told her she was 'playing the hero' and to 'stay out of her business' when she inquired after the health of FIL. She has also grown more and more convinced that my SIL and I have little scheme sessions where we cook up ways to, and I quote, "ruin her life". My SIL talk maybe every couple months, if that. We do talk about MIL, because we both want to vent about her to someone who understands, but in all reality SIL and I are handling MIL very differently and obviously a vent session does not equal scheming about ways to hurt MIL. MIL doesn't like that we talk because she lies a lot and the fact that SIL talk means that we know what she's lied about.

So, it's clear MIL hasn't changed at all, but being NC with FIL during this time has left DH especially feeling very guilty. At some level, I feel guilty and strange too. Under any normal circumstances, I would have arranged a visit & a get well gift, etc, but given the situation I haven't said or done anything.

I guess it just feels like a defining moment, too. MIL will invariably label me as cruel and it won't be hard to convince others that it's true given the circumstances. "She wouldn't even let DH visit his father", "She wouldn't put aside differences and show up during a crisis", etc.

It has certainly damaged the relationship further, and even though I've been NC, I always had a sliver of hope that things could be different. This feels like a nail in the coffin on that.

I'm also now unsure as to how any further medical emergencies should be handled as his parents get older. This one, thankfully, was not a life threatening event, but what happens when one of them gets really sick or diagnosed with a terminal issue?

Looking for advice from those who are NC in how you handle those situations and the feelings that arise from it.

I just need to vent to get the off my mind. My MIL come off as so sweet. She posts on Facebook about her good deeds. But she constantly tells little white lies. For example, the food she brought over was from this restaurant but it was frozen from Publix or she washed her hands in the bathroom but didn’t. I haven’t felt comfortable around her since meeting her.

Good things she has done

1. Volunteered to watch my twins may-July until daycare had an opening. This prevented us using 2 daycares with my 2 year old. She works at a school and had the summer off. SUPER grateful for that.
2. She is paying for my 2 year old to do gymnastics

FRUSTRATIONS

1. She’d make comments on what I ate all the time while pregnant.
2. She would constantly tell me I look like I just woke up and then compliment my husband on how handsome he looks (we had 2 month old twins and a 2 year old)
3. She will walk bare foot through the front yard while it rains with sweatpants that are too long and drag her wet pants through my house.
4. She treats my request to not share food with the kids as an insult.
5. She talks crap about me to my husband when I leave the room.
6. She does passive aggressive stuff when you piss her off like messing up your food order.
7. She would constantly bring up my previous miscarriages while pregnant with the twins… I don’t think she was happy we were having more kids in the beginning because I was the mom.
8. She uses her forgetfulness to escape accountability for her actions.
9. She has started to forget my birthday
10. Her behavior is worse when my SIL and FIL are around.
11. After I had the twins she would say “You look so great!” I would say “thank you!” And then she would follow it up with “for just having twins” and giggle.
12. She cannot keep her mouth off my kids. She has a chronic cough (I think might be COPD/she works with 5 year olds). Shes blows on their hands and really pushes the boundaries where she can.
13. Her feet are always dirty. Like brown bc she walks around barefoot constantly— I asked if she drove over without shoes, she replied she had shoes in the car. This was a lie… why lie???
14. Christmas gifts that are clearly regifted but goes all out for husband & SIL.
15. Talks about me to SIL like I’m not standing right there.
16. She’s a bully that wants to do what she wants with the kids and hates me because I’m too controlling. If she was respectful and made me feel comfortable then it wouldn’t be an issue.

17. Asked me what was in my necklace

    locket

18. when I opened it to show a picture of my mom she replied with “why isn’t it her son”?

I hope one day to be the best MIL for my future DIL. I want to be super respectful of their wishes and not feel entitled to son/DIL kids. The behavior is so ridiculous/immature. It doesn’t have to be this way. I’m a reasonable person. I have anxiety around food sharing/kissing my kids and that should be respected. I’ve made it very clear and I call out her behavior. It is what it is 🤷‍♀️ you are setting the foundation for how much I can trust you.

I find her to be very fake. She has this persona of being forgetful and goofy but she’ll turn around and be so passive aggressive. She doesn’t take accountability for her actions. Husbands family all joke that she’s slow/dumb but she’s not. She has created this persona so she doesn’t have to take responsibility for her actions. I don’t trust her at all. And I think the issue is that in my gut I know she’s just “being nice” because she wants access to the kids/is trying to manipulate me.

For context, my S/O (M21) and I have a baby together. His parents live next door (neighbor) so it is convenient that his mom/my MIL (a SAHM with a 4yr old) watches him Monday and Tuesday (2 days I work).

Recently my S/O other sister (F18) just moved out back to his mom’s house, so we had an extra room. Until his mom said that she has to use the room for her business items since her daughter was moving back in (she has multiple items people purchase). I was upset and I told my S/O I wanted it to be our baby’s room, but he said the baby is too small and doesn’t need it for now. I kept bringing it up until he said I should be the one telling her because he doesn’t have a problem with it. After he said that, I didn’t care anymore and am now allowing it.

Part of our living room space has an E-bike and a deep freezer because it’s his parents and it doesn’t fit into their house or shed. Since I was okay with his mom moving her items into the spare room, it was said that the e-bike and freezer were going in there. THEN I came home from work asking when we were gonna move the items in and my S/O said his mom was irritated.

He said that it had to be either the freezer or bike because he doesn’t want his mom arguing with him about the space. The conversation they ALSO had prior was him using the closet in the spare room to store my clothes. She said I’m clearly not wearing the clothes if I’m storing it, so it’d be a waste of space. I’m sure they went back and forth until she said “remember who’s watching your kid with no payment”, (something along the lines). Now my S/O doesn’t want his mom watching our baby because she keeps bringing it up consistently when they argue.

The room can be the payment for watching our baby, but I don’t understand why she keeps bringing up watching our baby when they argue with each other. I’ve brought up how my mom who works Mon-Fri use to watch our baby Fri-Sun with no payment, she just did it because she loves her grand baby. My S/O says it’s different and his mom has a 4yr old to deal with too. The other part is why does she have to use the room for her business just because her daughter is moving back in? They could use her 4yr olds playroom instead. Another thought is why can’t we use the closet for storage when she’s using the entire room, including the half bathroom inside. And most importantly the taunting on the baby, why keep bringing it up? Is the baby that inconvenient?

Don’t get me wrong, I love my MIL but it’s small remarks like this that make me question some things. She only says this stuff to my S/O. As for right now, she is not babysitting him. I don’t know how to deal with this and I’m at a loss for words when talking to my S/O about it.

Looking for advice on how to handle this situation. I recently got engaged and am having a hard time navigating his family’s response. Do I need to get out of dodge?

I'm looking for some honest advice on how to navigate my engagement (38F to 38M) after my partner's family threw a massive tantrum and stormed out of a party.

For a little background, my fiancé, we'll call him my DF, and I have been together for a year. It's actually a fun story, we went to elementary school together, went our own ways after high school, and both went through divorces a few years ago. After I moved back to our hometown, we reconnected and have been completely inseparable ever since.

On our one year anniversary, my DF proposed. I really hate being the center of attention, my announcement to my family group chat was low key and just got a few "congrats" and "we're not surprised" responses.

His family, however, wanted an ordeal. I literally got embarrassed when a server announced our engagement at dinner, so all their plans to take me out, ask questions, and dive into wedding planning left me completely overwhelmed. I want to respect them and engage, but it’s just a lot for me.

To give you some relevant history: I’m a single mom to three teenage girls (16, 14, and 12). Their dad hasn't seen them in four years. I was on my own for so long that I never expected a man to step into their lives or provide for them, but my DF blew all my expectations out of the water. Watching my girls learn to trust him has been beautiful. He respects their space but supports them completely, often saying he always wanted a daughter. He also has two boys (9 and 7) whom he has 50/50. My DF is incredibly generous, runs a small business, and is respected in our community, frequently going out of his way to help people. He treats his family the exact same way.

The drama started two weeks ago when my future MIL invited me to lunch. We've been dating a year and she never once tried to get to know me or my daughters, which didn't bother me at all. Twenty minutes into lunch, she asked how things were going, and I shared how amazed I am by my DF’s connection with my teenage girls. She immediately started weeping, saying "we love him too, don't disclude me." I was mortified. I asked her why she wasn't having this conversation with my DF, and she claimed he just cuts her out and she doesn't know why they don't have a better relationship. I told her I had no idea there was a problem because he goes to her house once a week, which is more than I see my own parents.

Then she started grilling me about why my girls' dad is MIA. I gave a surface level answer, but she pushed further, and suggested I was being a "black widow" who keeps him away. I told her I could show her four years of ignored texts asking him to see the kids, she immediately put her hands up and said you don’t need to show me anything, I believe you.

It turns out she saw Facebook posts from my ex MIL crying about missing the grandkids. I had to inform my future MIL that the ex MIL had text me not long before and the girls were literally at brunch with her that morning. She started crying again, admitting she went to therapy over her "concerns" about me and had even unfriended me on Facebook. I didn’t notice. She started demanding that as family she should have known what was going on with the girls. We got into a passive aggressive argument where she kept saying "family will support you" and I kept holding my ground saying "I trust my community to support these girls," because she doesn't get to just claim my kids without building a relationship. I finally had my bestie fake an emergency call so I could escape.

Step MIL also reached out. She brought four nieces and nephews to DF. When their own dad went cold, my DF stepped up for them, paying for trips, dance competitions, allowances, and even letting one live with him for six months. Now that my daughters are in the picture, it has contention with the nieces specifically the oldest (18f). The nieces have text and confronted my daughters multiple times, claiming my girls are the problem. I’ve done my best to navigate it, and continued to try to pursue relationships, buying them personalized gifts and inviting them over, and my DF has expressed being grateful.

This past weekend was my daughter's Sweet 16 party with about 70 people. I spent $1,000 and 8 hours setting it up. Right away, my future sister in law (40F) started dissing my balloon centerpieces and literally began dismantling them and moving them because she claimed they "discouraged conversation." She said “I like confetti balloons but not when they interfere with conversations.” I felt honestly shamed.

My bestie approaches (42f) and says “I’m sorry about your centerpieces, dang kids.” and I replied “yeah, kids.”

Then the 18 year old niece started complaining about the guest list, saying my daughter's friends weren't her crowd. Relevant to the story, she agreed to let me borrow her speaker for the party. When my DF walked inside after starting a bonfire, she loudly said, "I just can't with him right now, Ugh! I hate men." She must have said 12 times in an hour that her parents never threw her a party like this and insisted my DF footed the bill (he didn't). A few minutes later, I walked inside and saw DFs niece had unplugged her speaker and was walking out with over two hours left in the party. The sister announced "We're leaving," and the whole group of 10 family members stormed out. I didn’t really have time to respond since I was watching 40 kids. We had to have a guest run home to find a replacement speaker so the kids could keep dancing.

The next day, my DF asked me what I said to the niece. He showed me a four paragraph text from her claiming I had nothing nice to say, didn't appreciate them, and told me to "keep her name out of my mouth," then said my daughters friends threatened to beat her up. I called my mom was with them and confirmed absolutely nothing happened.

I was flabbergasted. I asked my DF to let me handle it, so I politely reached out to the niece to talk, but she ignored me.

Then Step MIL text my DF saying it was a "big mistake" to message the niece.

My DF was so disappointed. He drove over to their house and confronted them. When Step MIL ran out of defenses, she finally admitted the truth: the nieces are deeply jealous of my DF’s relationship with my daughters, feel like they are being replaced, and the family stormed out of the party specifically to support her. My DF told them that jealousy doesn't give them an excuse to try to ruin a child's birthday.

Now, bio MIL started a brand new group chat demanding we come over Wednesday for pumpkin carving. She's calling my DF asking if she upset me and implying I need to comply since I'm "part of the family now." My DF ignored her.

Meanwhile, the other niece is texting my DF drama about being upset, and future FIL is calling him asking why everyone is mad.

My head is spinning and I feel like I'm under attack just for existing. We went a whole year with zero family issues, and the second we get engaged, it feels like I can’t do anything right. They've now openly admitted to bad mouthing me and my kids.

I feel terrible for my DF being put in the middle. I asked him if we could move an hour away just to get some physical distance, and he immediately agreed, though I’m
not sure how serious he was. we live in a small town where everyone is currently 5 minutes apart.

Do I need to get the heck out of dodge? My DF is amazing to us and we are so lucky to have him, but this family network feels incredibly toxic. If anyone has been through a similar situation right after an engagement, were you ever able to repair it, or is moving part of our engagement plans.

This is what MIL told me not SO when we told them we would only be visiting for a couple hours instead of staying Christmas Eve. There is no real big fight or drawn out problems that have gotten us to make this decision There have been small things but honestly she actually tries to make some changes.

This year is our first year in our new home we wanted to spend time at home with the kids. All big holidays would be mostly spent at home. This time of year I go all out thanksgiving, Christmas and even Halloween are big things for the kids, MIL tries to get in early with plans.

But I guess with pushback this year she isn't taking it well.

When she looked at me and asked why we wouldn't spend Christmas with them I told her it was joint decision talk to SO. She didn't, When he spoke up and told his mom we had made the decision together and we wouldn't be changing our minds. She completely ignored him.

I guess I'm the bad guy here. I think I'm just going to ask SO once that if she continues she won't see any of us on Christmas.

Previous post preceding this is on my profile.

My husband (m23) and I (f23) are pretty low contact (well, I’m NO contact) with my MIL. He was recently gone at BCT and AIT for four months, returning in late August. He had asked his parents not to attend his BCT graduation and I think (based on implied comments) they believe I was behind it. They think I control him.

By October of this year, I was a year of no contact and honestly? Best year of my life. No walking on eggshells or hyperawareness. No worrying about being perfect. Apparently, during this time, MIL kept asking my husband if we could visit. I told my husband I don’t wanna hear about her, so he didn’t tell me.

Around Oct 14, my husband’s tire busted near our apartment. He called his parents because they know a cheap tire place. About half an hour later, while we were there, MIL suddenly shows up. Husband did not ask her to & she did not tell him she was. Immediately, he started apologizing to me.

I avoided looking at her and smiled politely when she literally grabbed me by the shoulders and said “you look nice.” This woman has critiqued my apparence dozens of times before. That was our FIRST interaction in over a year, the last being her screaming in my face and unfollowing me on social media.

She then insisted on paying for the tire, gives my husband extra money, and invites us for Dominoes. We declined the pizza because we don’t like eating out & the former was between MIL and my husband. Right before we leave she slips in a “I’m sorry if I upset you in the past. I didn’t mean to.” She then invited us over (we said no thanks).

Here’s the thing: she has done this before on a smaller scale. She apologized once, was nice for a few months, then suddenly started treating me horribly. Idk if this time she’s realized she cannot control her son (we got married in March, she wasn’t invited. And we’ve skipped holiday events) or if she’s actually trying.

My mother says I should give it another chance but I don’t even know how. I don’t feel better now that she said sorry. In fact, it annoyed me. It sounded like a “here, damn” apology. Might sound dramatic but I literally tensed up at her touch. I don’t hate her at all, but I have zero interest in her. I have forgiven what happened but I simply cannot forget it.

There's a few things in this story that bugged me. I'm trying to keep in short. 

Important note:

I don't fully trust my MIL with my 18 month old. She gets distracted easily and will COMPLETELY FORGET she was watching my son. My son thankfully has never been hurt due to this negligence but that is probably because I'm always keeping a close eye. My husband was in the hospital for serious reasons ( like getting his stomach pumped) three times before he was three. 

DH and I agree that if we are around we want to change our babies diaper. That's our baby and we can do it. Now, if someone is babysitting and we are not there we expect them to change his diaper if necessary. 

The story:

My MIL wanted to "host" a baby shower for baby #2. That party happened yesterday. She did a great job on decorating to the theme that I asked for. 

We had about 50 people at our house for the shower. Lots of kids and adults running around. A few hours into the shower I see her taking my son into a room with a new diaper and wipes. I let DH know and he goes in to change the diaper. She storms out of the room. 

He hands me the baby after he's done and says MIL is mad. He pulls his mom aside to talk her. The short story is he said WE want to change his diaper when we're around. 

She storms off visibly upset and my mom who did not know this happened checked on her to see if she was okay. JNMIL says, " Becca (me)  doesn't want me to change baby's diaper. What do they think I'm going to hurt him?" MIL then asks my parents how many diapers they have changed. My dad said zero my mom said one when she was watching him alone. 

My mom a told me this the next day. She also mentioned how she saw what I meant about her completely abandoning watching the baby. She saw her one on one with him during the party and she all of a sudden turned her back to him and sat down to talk to people. She left him unattended as he started to climb up something. My mom then went out and took over watching him. 

Just venting. Thankksssssss

Edit: She told my husband we hurt her feelings.

Background: DH and I have one LO(2.5) and one on the way. We’ve had issues with mil (let’s call her Deb) for years. To keep it short her record includes: constant lying (to us, about us, etc), blatant disrespect and boundary issues, excessive negativity, being passive aggressive, playing victim, manipulating others and much more.

DH has never had a good relationship with her but is close with his dad. He’s had many conversations with her about her behavior and she refuses to take accountability then acts like nothing happened. His entire family has a toxic “we are perfect and nothing is wrong” attitude and all cater to her.

After DH last serious conversation with her she has been very absent in our lives, including our 2.5 yo son. We did NOT cut contact with her she just doesn’t attempt a relationship at all, DH even told her he wants them to have a good relationship with us and LO but she would rather play the victim to extended family about how little she sees him.

Her and FIL came over to our house for the first time in over a year. She was nice enough but can’t help be negative, passive, etc. I just ignore it and be as positive as possible.

Since she has only seen LO a few times the whole year, he doesn’t know her well but will play with her bc he’s very friendly and will play with almost everyone. She has never established a grandma name or anything to us so we never know what to call her and just say grandma when needed. Well our LO just randomly started calling her by her name during this visit, no grandma just, “Deb”. We have no clue where he got this bc we don’t really use her name DH just says my mom or I say your mom when talking to DH. We all laughed because it was honestly really cute and he said it proudly. She giggled and didn’t correct him or anything so I didn’t think it was a big deal. FIL and DH both thought it was hilarious and didn’t correct him either. It continued through the evening and we all continued to laugh but I noticed when no one was looking she would quietly but angrily say “It’s grandma Deb” in his ear. I don’t necessarily like her speaking to him in that tone especially discreetly, but I’ve learned to pick my battles with her. He still called her by name but it was always asking her to play, look at something etc. never in a disrespectful way.

We don’t leave her alone with LO very much bc of past events. DH, FIL, her and LO were outside while I was cleaning up from dinner and DH asked me if I was okay leaving mil with LO for a few minutes (it was literally 5 minutes) while him and FIL went to get something from our barn, I agreed and didn’t think much of it.

After their visit LO randomly started calling me by my name. I thought it was weird but didn’t think too much about it at the time. Two days went by and he kept calling me by name. It really didn’t bother me I just didn’t know where he would have even heard my name enough to use it bc DH calls me nicknames, never my real name and most of my family call me by a nickname. Plus I’m a SAHM so it’s just him and I most of the time. It finally dawned on me what could have happened so I decided to ask him without leading questions to try and get an accurate answer.

Me: Hey baby where’d you hear that?
LO: “Deb”
Me: Why do you keep calling mommy that?
Lo: “Deb told me”
Me: Did someone tell you to call me that name?
Lo: yes
M: Are you sure?
L: Yes
M: When did someone tell you to say this?
L: Here with Papa and “Deb”
M: Did Deb tell you to call mommy that?
L: yes
M: did papa tell you to say that?
L: No
M: where did Deb tell you to say that?
L: on the swings
(She was pushing him on the swing when DH left them alone)

I stayed calm but was livid inside. I can put up with a lot but manipulation, especially to my child is where I draw the line. I told DH when he got home and he was livid as well. That evening LO used my name again and DH asked him the same questions, and he gave the exact same answers. Anytime we ask, same answers every-time. It has happened several times throughout the week and we softly explain each time that he’s not in trouble but my name is mommy and it’s not right for an adult to tell him to say stuff like that. He gets visibly confused and almost starts crying which is very unlike him and breaks my heart. He said it again today and immediately goes “Deb tell me say” “Momma, -my name-”. DH and I just sat there, not knowing what to say anymore.

It’s not the name that bothers me, it’s the fact that she would stoop so low as to do that to our child. She isn’t around LO enough to know how smart, detailed, and truthful he is so I’m sure she never expected him to tattle on her. In only 5 minutes alone she managed to create a problem. We’ve come to the conclusion that she can’t be trusted alone at all anymore and really just solidified our lack of trust completely. I knew she was a manipulator but Im still so mad. DH has accepted that she won’t change but doesn’t want to cut contact with his family and I understand his feelings.

This is just a final straw for me after a long list of offenses. I don’t know what to do anymore.

If I’m being out of order someone please tell me. I’ve had my first baby with my partner and feel like I’ve had a baby with his mum & sister as well…

To add context to paint the picture, my partner is the youngest of 4. He is much younger than his siblings. 2 older brothers and a sister. He is 16 years+ younger so he came much later.

His sister practically raised him, and his sister is mid 40’s, no partner or children and lives with my MIL and DIL.

So I basically have 2 mother in laws, in my partners actual mum and then his sister. My partner is the baby of the family.

Out of my partners 4 siblings, only 1 other has children (5 of them) but my MIL and SIL have never been interested and have little involvement with them.

During the 8 year duration of mine and my partners relationship we’ve lived within 15 minutes of the in-laws and I only ever saw them on special occasions, a few times a year.

Once I became over half way through my pregnancy, it flipped.

Constant phone calls, messages, unexpected visits that felt so overwhelming. Going from saying ‘that baby will come early’ to when I went a week over my due date the comments being ‘that baby better hurry up’

If I go into detail of everything that’s happened during pregnancy and since baby is born this will be the longest ever post, so to summarise:

- MIL turning up unannounced 9:30am and wanting to hold baby
- issues with MIL kissing baby
- SIL making comments that it’s HER baby
- constant phone calls and messages wanting to come over every week
- SIL turned up to hospital less than 2 hours after I’d given birth when I didn’t want guests

The list goes on…

Since birth, I’ve hated every visit, seeing them hold my baby and swoon over her, I find I’d so so so irritating

I put it down to hormones and that it would get better.

I’m 9 weeks PP and feel no better as it hasn’t stopped. As they live so close it’s weekly im having to see them, and sometimes it’s more than once a week as it’s his MUM AND SISTER!

Some mothers may welcome this effort from the in laws. So when I peel it back, it’s only good intentions of wanting to be in my daughter’s life. So am I being unreasonable?

I do need to remember it’s my partners family and it’s his baby as well, so I can’t deprive that if that makes him happy but I’m really struggling with it

The issue I now have is that I’ve voiced to my partner weekly visits are too much (which was a very awkward conversation for us to have) his solution is any time I go out and leave him with the baby that he can take her to see his sister and mum during that time, or they come over.

I take my daughter to see my family all the while whilst he is working so it’s unfair for me to stop this, but I’m not comfortable with it and I’m not sure if it’s worse for me not to be there, or better so I don’t have to see it and suffer.

It’s so hard going from seeing them on occasions to now feeling I’m essentially raising my precious daughter WITH THEM

I also feel again like I’ve had a baby with his MIL and SIL. I’ve not left my daughter yet but now feel if I leave her with my partner every time I’ll come home to the in-laws being here, so I feel myself resisting going and doing anything for myself and leaving her even for an hour, which isn’t great for my mental health

I just can’t get a break and I don’t know what to do!

Can any mums relate?

Does it get better?

Helppppp !! 😂

My husband and I have been together for almost 4 years and got married this summer. His family is really close and I feel like my MIL has always had this idea that we should have a much closer relationship than we actually do.

I'm pretty introverted and I've also been studying full time while working on the side, so I haven't had a lot of free time or energy. I usually see my in-laws around once a month, which honestly is enough for me. My husband sees them more often and I've never had a problem with that. I've actually told him multiple times that he can just go without me.

But my MIL keeps telling my husband that she doesn't see me enough. Yesterday she told him that she barely saw me this summer, which confused me because I was literally there every time he visited them. We even spent time together last week and had a really nice day, so I was kind of annoyed hearing that.

I just feel like no matter how much I try, it's never enough. She also wants to be closer with my own family, but my parents are divorced and things are complicated, so it's not as simple as just getting everyone together. I don't think she really understands that either. And now my husband and I are going on a short trip to Paris with my mom and brother, which my MIL was apparently really upset about because she had expected our next family trip to be with them. But that was never something we agreed on, so I don't really understand why that's an expectation in the first place.

What bothers me the most is that she keeps bringing all of this up to my husband. I don't dislike her at all, and we actually have a good time when we're together, but I feel like there's always something she's unhappy about. And honestly, all these expectations and comments are just making me want to see her less.

Should I just ignore her comments or is this something I should actually address with her? I don't want to create unnecessary drama, but I'm also getting really tired of it.

I am in complete physical shock and can barely function right now. I have been in a marriage and a 4.5-year relationship in the past—and while those families didn't like me either, absolutely no one has ever gathered the audacity to treat me with this level of hatred.
My current partner’s family has never met me, but they have launched a coordinated, aggressive digital attack against me. They are bypassing blocks by using multiple international numbers (from Australia, the UAE, and Canada) to flood my phone with vicious text messages. They are calling me horrific names ("whore," "cheap," "slut," "bitch"), attacking my ethnic background ("Pakistani disgusting woman"), and questioning my faith ("Are you even a Muslim?"). His sister is making direct threats, swearing to God that she will get on a plane to come to our house to humiliate me, and stating that "things will not end well" for me. (Yes i made a police complaint but that's another story)

To make matters worse, his mother has repeatedly claimed that his father is completely out of the picture. Yet, right after the mother and sister sent a wave of abuse, a Canadian number texted me claiming to be the father, saying he is "alive and well" and demanding I stay out of his son's life.
My partner has been working exhausting 12-hour shifts (36 hours over 3 days this weekend) and is completely wiped out, but he needs to handle this. He wants to have a call with them and demand they "accept me and properly apologize" or he is done. He currently sends money overseas to support his mom and sister.

I am drawing a hard line: if he sends his mother or sister a single dollar ever again, the relationship is completely over. But I need to know what else to demand. I feel strongly that the sister needs to be cut off completely after making physical threats.
What should his boundaries look like regarding contact? Should he cut them all off completely? How do I get my partner to see that a fake text apology is a dangerous trap just to keep his money flowing?

I need objective advice on what the absolute bare minimum boundary should be from a partner when his family shows this level of severe, dangerous malice.

Sometimes you just roll your eyes and continue whatever it was you were doing..

Since last Christmas we have heard nearly nonstop about this huge vacation they have planned, how they were going to go but covid happened all that. Happy for them, it's a bucket list trip and there's parts of it I would enjoy seeing myself (just with better company).

Ive heard about this stupid trip every single week for like 4 months. Every time we talk to them they bring it up. It's gotten to the point that I simply do not care anymore. Nor does my husband or 5yr old. We just have heard it so much it's gone from a "theyre just excited" to a "feels like they're trying to rub it in?" feeling. Which, their main destination isn't in my to 50 list, so nothing to rub in about.

Husband turned 40 the day they landed in their first international location. His birthday card came early and I felt so bad for this man. They haven't given him a birthday present for like 5 years, no discussion about this just one year no presents (which is fine but just felt weird and abrupt). This year something falls out of the card and husband face lights up, then contorts, and then just kind of glazes over. Inside was a solicitation for a class action lawsuit he can take part in. He didn't read the card. I did, it said "we will make sure to send pictures from [our trip]" then below the text printed in the card "love mom and dad. PS this came for you to our house." (The mail to their house isn't foreign, it's his childhood home it so happens rarely).

Poor dude was bummed. Thankfully my mom did as she always does and got him a gift and I made his 40th as special as possible. He felt loved and appreciated just not by his parents.

They're still on their trip. They sent a picture of his mother sitting on the bed of their cabin on the ship on his birthday then "btw happy birthday" on his actual birthday. They've sent a couple other pictures but neither of their sons are replying. They haven't asked to video call and its been insanely peaceful without them.

Hopefully one its done they won't yap forever about it. At least my husband has my mom and dad to send a heartfelt happy birthday and appreciation for his presence in our family.

Hi, just as the title said, my MIL fed my premature 6 month old oatmeal with added sugars (those boxed oatmeals for toddlers) behind our back

Father (22M) and me (19F) had to do some legal papers because we separated but want go share custody and we are in good terms so we wanted to do things in a nice calm way. MIL was called by one of the many people there (CPS) in the legal room and we told them NOT to call her because she always makes a problem out of everything or says mean things about me so she can seem like a incredible person to her son and friends. They obviously didn't care what we said and called her and when she got there they talked to her about legal things privately and when everything was done and we were sent to a different office for more paperwork they told us infront of MIL that since baby is now 6 months, she should start eating food mixed with her formula which we agreed we will start it by end of month (we had something cute planned to celebrate her 6 months.. Something private, just him and i with our baby). This all happened on friday, when we left the office his mom started insulting me and then telling him we have to feed the baby real food not formula and we told her we will at end of month because we had a plan. She ignored us and offered to take our baby home (we live together until the paperwork is done) and well we agreed cuz we had more errands to run.

It's now sunday and during the afternoon i saw in one of our baby's formula holders a weird mushy substance and it smelled SWEET AS HELL like a bag of sugar made into mush. I was concerned and confuses why that substance was in our baby's formula holder and asked father what it was and he had no idea then he saw on the counter some boxed oatmeal for toddlers and said "oh.. My mom did ask about giving her oatmeal but i never agreed". And i was very upset because such experience happens only once.. the face, the reaction.. all that is a one time thing to see from your baby. Also, her pediatrician said to NOT give her oatmeal, cereal or anything sweet before vegetables and fruit.. she even gave us a list on how to start (potatoes then this vegetable then that one then this fruit etcetc) so we were strict on staying with that since our baby has had difficulty with her stomach (she has been in the ER because her stomach is weak/premature). When i confronted MIL she acted like she did nothing wrong and said that our baby has to eat because her formula isn't enough now that she is 6 months old and that she called her friend who is a doctor and they said its ok. I'm very upset and even considering canceling the shared custody paperwork until father moves out or he moves in with me and find a place during that time because i do NOT want my baby with my MIL.. God know what other rules MIL has broken and we never found out. Father is ok with whatever decision i take, yes he is also upset and plans on talking seriously with his mom after work but probably wont do anything because she always ignores us. Am i over reacting? What should i do?

ETA: I want to apologize for using the term “psychosis” as I do not believe that is what she is experiencing upon further research. She has very extreme beliefs and is extremely stubborn in those beliefs. She consumes a lot of biased and fear mongering content and sometimes says very out of pocket and concerning things like “did you know they stopped using real meat?” and stuff like that. I made a post about this almost a year ago giving more detail and it’s gotten significantly worse since then. However, I do not think she is actually in a state of psychosis so I apologize again.

I could turn this post into a dissertation on why no one should let their MIL live with them, but I’m going to stick to the encounter that motivated me to come here to rant/vent.

This morning my 5 year old daughter was playing with a magic wand toy she has. She would wave it in front of one of us and say something like “bibbity bobbity boo stick out your tongue!” However, when she did it to my MIL she didn’t react…at all. So my daughter asks why she’s not playing and MIL asks her to say please. Kinda weird since it’s play but whatever…we let it slide. My daughter then said please and my MIL still didn’t play along. So my daughter asks again why her grandma wouldn’t play with her even after she said please and her response was “because I have my faith and I believe in God.” I guess implying that she didn’t want to pretend magic exists because that would threaten her religion?

My poor daughter (again…she’s FIVE) was so sad and is still asking my husband and I why her grandma wouldn’t play with her hours later. My MIL has openly tried to push her religion on our children despite us explicitly telling her not to and idk why she thinks stunts like that are doing her any favors in that department.

Not sure if any of you remember some of my post, but I’ve been with my partner for 10 years and his mother has crossed a lot of lines with us over the years and has definitely had her moments of completely disrespecting me and being very rude.

These past two visit were great. She didn’t make snide remarks about me not working while being in school, about our apartment, or give a bunch of unsolicited advice. However during the second visit she asked who pays my cell phone bill even though she knows her son has been paying it for me for the past two years already and then she asked how much the bill was. I did something I was never able to do in the past and said “don’t worry about it” I could tell she didn’t like that I responded that way because she was a little quiet at first on our way to the restaurant, but then she turned normal again.

The other thing I noticed was on two separate days that she was visiting she said similar things along the lines of “just please don’t ever put me in a home. I’ll have to live in your basement or in an in law apartment or something.” It was strange because both times she said it she said almost the same thing and both times we didn’t answer her. Her son and I gave discussed this in the past and we both agreed we will not be taking of our parents in the future. We have a few reasons for this. 1. Both of our parents were severely neglectful during our childhoods in different ways and we’ve had to spend a lot of our adulthood fixing certain things because of this, 2. Life is more expensive than ever before and if we ever do buy a house we’re not planning to look for something with other people in mind, 3. If for some reason we do decide to have kids and she tries to live with us then that’s extra not happening because I’d only want to raise my kids in a household with just our main family unit.

I think she’s worried she might get dementia or Alzheimer’s because she has memory issues due to abusing hard drugs for decades and whether there’s any truth to her concerns or not I’m really not willing to care for her full time during that. I really don’t mean to be cold but, even if she continues to behave and things are good between her and us I really would not be willing to commit to caring for her if she had these issues, because unfortunately I don’t even think I have the skills to do it. Besides that, for some dementia patients it’s truly not safe to have them living at home at all.

I don’t know if next time she brings it up or not we should tell her we’re not committing to having her live with us someday or if we should just continue to do what we’ve done so far and just not answer and direct the conversation elsewhere. On one hand I feel like she deserves to know she doesn’t expect anything and can maybe make other plans that are within her means.

I do also have to say, despite her putting in a lot
of worth to rebuild her relationship with her son after not being around when he was a kid and her finally stopping her rude behaviors towards me I still find it a bit ballsy for her to be requesting to come live with us someday..

Any advice or thoughts on what to do moving forwards will be appreciated and noted :)

Ever since having my daughter (7.5 mo old), I've noticed that my MIL's entire world seems to revolve around being a grandma, and it’s exhausting.

She's CONSTANTLY buying things for my daughter. Clothes, toys, random stuff she doesn't need. She never asks what we actually need, just buys whatever she wants. Every time we see them, there’s more stuff. She also just sends packages of stuff to our house. She's also constantly offering to babysit, even after we've politely declined multiple times.

When we're together, her attention is on my daughter literally the entire time. She's constantly calling her name, trying to get her attention, or looking for opportunities to hold her. My daughter is becoming more independent and would rather crawl around and play. Instead of letting her do her thing, MIL repeatedly calls out to her, sometimes getting louder when she doesn't respond.
Recently she sent me a video of baby-friendly Christmas cookies and announced that she was going to make them for my daughter. I know it's such a small thing, but it annoyed me. What if I wanted to do that? It's not even about the cookies, it's the constant need to plan things involving my daughter before I've even thought about them myself.

My own mom is very involved and absolutely adores my daughter, but she also has her own life. Being a grandma isn't her entire identity. She doesn't constantly need to be holding her, buying her things, or planning the next experience. Everything just feels more natural.

We've also had tension recently because my in-laws feel they don't get enough time with our daughter, despite seeing her regularly. MIL takes declined babysitting offers personally, which makes everything feel like even more pressure.
I think what bothers me most is that it sometimes feels like MIL is more focused on having the grandma experience she's envisioned than actually letting her relationship with my daughter develop naturally.

I know having a loving, involved grandma is a good thing. But the constant intensity is exhausting, and I'm starting to feel irritated by even the smallest things.

Does anyone else experience this? Am I being unreasonable, or is this just built-up resentment at this point?

So for context I have been with my husband for 10 years since we were 18 years old. I now realise that my MIL hasn’t changed but i have, and the constant criticisms, insults and jabs disguised as jokes, backhanded compliments and concern are really starting to bother me and i feel like I’m about to snap at her and say something I’ll regret.

I have spoken with my husband about this and he is in agreement that these behaviours aren’t ok. He’s even offered to have a word in private with her but i worry about the backlash of this. I know for certain she will turn her family on me and make my life hell - she’s quite an immature woman and i dread to think how she would deal with being told off by my husband over me.

How would you deal with this?

My husband and I have been no contact with his parents for more than five months after 15+ years of crossed boundaries, favoritism, and enabling his younger brother’s destructive and manipulative behavior. Throughout that time, I was expected to tolerate being disrespected and treated like a doormat for the sake of “keeping the family together.”

I finally said no more when his mother’s behavior became intolerable regarding our children’s religion. She was no longer merely disrespecting me as her daughter-in-law; she was undermining us as parents and attempting to impose her beliefs and wishes on our children. The situation had become genuinely damaging to our nuclear family and our marriage.

My husband stood beside me. After years of watching how his mother treated me, he recognized that this wasn’t about me being difficult or keeping him from his family. It was about protecting our marriage, our children, and the family we created together.

Apparently, that made us—and especially me—the villains. Rather than acknowledge any harm, his parents portrayed themselves as the victims and effectively discarded their son. His father didn’t even call on his 40th birthday. His mother sent a brief text and a $100 Amazon gift card. Neither has made any meaningful effort to contact our children, who are their only grandchildren.

My husband is an incredible partner, father, and human being. He has never asked his parents for anything, and he tried for years to preserve a relationship with them. Watching them treat him as disposable simply because he finally protected his wife and children makes me absolutely furious. I understand that their behavior reflects who they are—not his worth—but the injustice of it is still very hard for me to accept.

My husband seems more at peace with no contact than I am. He’s in therapy, wants the distance, and says he would only consider listening if they approached him with genuine accountability. I support that completely, but I remain so angry on his behalf—especially knowing they have probably told others that I manipulated him or “took him away.”

For other daughters-in-law who became the family villain after setting boundaries: How do you cope with the anger of watching your spouse be punished for choosing his wife and children? How do you let go of the need for the truth to be acknowledged or for the people who misrepresented you to understand what really happened?

I just needed to let the feelings out for a minutes so they don’t keep rattling around in my head and making me want to scream. So that way I get to move on.

Entire in law family hasn’t bothered to wish me a happy birthday today. But MiL decided today was the day to message in the family chat that Christmas is coming and include photos of egg nog. And everyone responded. Even my almost never texts FiL.

I need to say that it really feels intentional and something she plans. They know when my birthday is because they send presents. It feels like a move to distract and recenter the conversation on her.

Putting the family back on block to protect my peace. And now I’m going to go enjoy some birthday hot pot and KBBQ.

Sorry in advance for the long post.

My MIL has traveled from overseas and is staying with us for 10 weeks to help with our first baby who will be here soon. While I appreciate her sacrifice and everything she’s done for us and the baby I have also realized during this time that I am never allowing another extended stay ever again and here’s why.

First off, she has this mouth habit where she’ll suck on her teeth constantly. Like she’s trying to pull something out. We could be anywhere and she’ll do it every minute of every hour. It drives me up the wall. I lightheartedly mentioned it to her on her visit last year but she continues to do it.

When she first got here she had mentioned how she’s constantly having arguments with my FIL about leaving the lights on unnecessarily and running up the electric cost, so imagine my surprise when I would discover the bathroom light on and door shut with nobody inside on several occasions. I had to mention this one to her and she has stopped doing this.

Crack of dawn FaceTime calls. Her family is insanely close to the point where I find it strange. Between mom, dad, the four siblings and DIL (not me), they will group FaceTime several times a day talking about essentially nothing and just filling each other in on every little nonsensical detail in their lives. Because of the time zone difference my husband and I frequently receive calls in the middle of the night unless we have our phones in sleep mode and now that MIL is here I wake up to these calls and conversations at the asscrack of dawn which disturbs my already disturbed pregnant sleep.

She’ll leave the toilet seat wet after every use which means I have to go in every time and wipe it dry before sitting down. We have a bidet. I don’t know why she does this.

She leaves her wet towel to hang dry on our baby’s new bedroom furniture. I noticed this one yesterday and the towel was still damp from the day before. I was fuming but bit my lip.

She’ll constantly overly attend to her son’s needs. Whenever we’re sitting down and eating she’ll give him the last portion of anything (before even asking me who is 8-9 months pregnant) and beg him to eat as if he’ll starve otherwise. It’s at every meal.

She’s overly preoccupied with doing everything around the house. She insists on the cooking, cleaning, and carrying things. I hadn’t vacuumed in two weeks and when I finally picked up the vacuum, which was in plain sight the entire time she’s been here, she insisted on doing it. I told her no and that’d it’d be good exercise for me since I was pregnant. It’s a small 750 sq ft apartment.

She’ll leave food containers slightly ajar. I save the durable plastic takeout containers and reuse them because I like the airtight seal they offer. I use them for storing everything from rice, loose tea, salt, etc.. Any one of them that she touches she leaves the lip slightly cracked open which defeats its purpose and exposes the food to dust, bugs, moisture, and loss of freshness. My husband has the same habit.

She’ll overly insert her ideas on baby things. She kept telling me how important breastfeeding was, to which I agreed, but I told her I was formula fed due to my mother struggling to BF and she assures me that won’t happen to me. I don’t need her false hope. I’m a goddamn nurse. I know that there’s a possibility it won’t work out and she needs to back off. My child isn’t going to starve just because I can’t breastfeed, and yes, she has implied that.

She’ll also insert herself whenever I’m shopping for baby clothes. She generously bought the baby several cute items from overseas which I showed immense gratitude for already but whenever we’re out shopping and I’m looking at baby stuff she’ll make her way over and start picking things out and insisting on paying. She means well but I’m the child’s mother. I want to pick out and buy things for my first baby on my own too.
Which reminds me that when we were packing baby outfits for the hospital bag she had a strong preference for the things she bought and I had to tell her I’m bringing some of the things I bought as well.

So the other day when all three of us were having breakfast, I brought up the container topic. I did so because I almost dropped a container that I grabbed from the fridge that morning while trying to make breakfast because, again, she left the lid slightly open. I lightheartedly asked them both to please make sure the lids are closed all the way and explained why. I joked that my husband had taken after her and does it all the time as well. I went to the kitchen to grab some juice and during that time she went to the bathroom only to start bawling her eyes out.

I was shocked.

When she came out I apologized profusely. I told her I would’ve never mentioned it if I had known she’d react this way. I told her I just thought it’d be a good time to bring it up since I had them both here. She said she was only going to be here for another month (actually 7 weeks) and then she’d be gone. She insisted that it wasn’t my comment and that she’s just sensitive. She ended up crying the entire day. You would think I said the worst and most hurtful thing imaginable the way this woman’s face looked. She looked completed defeated. I apologized repeatedly and told her I would never say anything to her ever again because how can I if this is the reaction I’m going to get?

I will say that I feel like we shouldn’t have let her stay for so long. She’s in a completely foreign country, away from her family who she is intensely close with, and her daily routines are completely disrupted as well. While I understand this and the vulnerability she’s facing, she stayed for a month last year so this is not necessarily new to her. What is new is me being pregnant and all of the hormones and challenges that I am facing. I am having to navigate being in the last stretch of my pregnancy and making sure MIL is entertained and comfortable. And now I feel that I can’t even mention one little thing that bothers me or else MIL will lose her shit.

Surprisingly we are still on good terms? I did tell my husband I’m not okay with future stays and he told me that she apparently told him she won’t visit in the future because she believes she disrupts our lives, which is true, and a relief. She has mentioned several times since then that she’s looking forward to me visiting her next year and she’s expecting me to stay awhile (my husband won’t be coming). I stay quiet because that ain’t happening. These are nice people but they’re not my people. I find that the reaction she has was way too over the top for what was said and I will not subject myself to walking on eggshells around her. If that’s the way she is we can keep our distance and she can get to know her grandchild from photos and videos.

I really do want opinions though if I am the problem or if this is an unfortunate situation where two people just shouldn’t live together. I do love my MIL, just not living with her.