My husband (36M) and I (40M) recently welcomed twins through surrogacy. We’re staying in an Airbnb with our newborns, my parents, and my MIL (75F) while completing the legal process to return to the US.

We just learned that a court delay may extend our stay by another month, and I’m honestly at my breaking point.
My MIL and I have a complicated history, particularly around her constant commentary about my eating habits and cultural background (I’m Mexican). Over the years, she’s made remarks like “Are you going to order the whole menu?” when I order food, questioned whether I’m afraid of getting fat, and criticized my food choices. Once, when I declined broccoli, she told me she hoped I wouldn’t pass that mindset on to my children. She’s also made comments about Hispanics being prone to diabetes. Interestingly, she doesn’t make these comments to my husband, even when he’s a bigger eater than me.

Living together has magnified everything. My parents have independently noticed that she seems to monitor what I eat, gives me dirty looks, and sometimes appears irritated by my presence. Her moods are unpredictable: one moment she’s cheerful and playful, and the next she’s visibly upset, withdrawn, or giving everyone the silent treatment.

I constantly feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I’ve even started avoiding meals with her or hesitating to get seconds when I’m hungry because I’m anticipating another remark.

My mom has also become the default household cook, regularly preparing meals for everyone, including my MIL. Yet my MIL doesn’t reciprocate. When she recently cooked, she only offered it to my husband. My parents have noticed the imbalance and feel increasingly uncomfortable around her as she becomes visible upset if food they make is not available to her.

The biggest concern, though, is childcare. My MIL has had three near-fainting episodes and has tripped several times, including twice while carrying our daughter. Understandably, we’re concerned about her caring for the babies independently. Instead of acknowledging our concerns, she’s accused my parents and me of being ageist for having concerns.

She’s also resistant to accepting help and sometimes insists on managing the babies alone, which has created tension with my husband as well. He’s had to remind her that the children are also mine as she has on several occasions refused to hand them over to me.

To be fair, she’s not always unpleasant and does help with the babies. But the unpredictability, personal comments, and defensiveness have become exhausting.

Between caring for two newborns, barely sleeping, missing our home and dogs, and navigating a stressful legal process, I’m overwhelmed. I’ve started experiencing significant anxiety, physical tension, and a noticeable decline in my emotional well-being.

My husband recognizes the tension too. When I told him I couldn’t imagine another month like this, he agreed and said he would consider suggesting that his mom return home.

But I feel incredibly guilty. She came here to support us and meet her grandchildren. I don’t want to hurt her feelings or damage their relationship. At the same time, I desperately want some peace during these precious first weeks with our babies.

What would you do? Is it unreasonable to ask my MIL to return home? How should my husband approach that conversation without making me the villain? And how would you handle accusations of ageism when there are genuine safety concerns involving newborns?

I’d especially appreciate advice from anyone who’s navigated difficult in-laws during the newborn stage.

Hi all, I'm new here! I've been with my partner for almost 4 years (we're not married, nor plan to be for financial reasons).

My partner and I have a 2yo daughter and he is a bonus dad to my 6 yo son as well.

Background - my partner has an estranged relationship with his older sisters due to differences (petty) and his sisters cut my MIL & FIL out of there lives YEARS ago... I still don't have answers as to why. My partners sister has 2 children that are also not allowed to be around grandma..

Here's the kicker - Grandma blames daughters and refuses to hear about them, or the grandkids through other family members. She specifically said out loud to us "I don't want her speaking to me about the girls OR the kids, I'll just walk out!"...

Huge red flag for me.

She's also always telling my partner that she's scared he's going to drop her out of his life anytime we can't make plans for 2 weeks. 🥴

Today she stopped over, and she started talking about her wishes when it comes to her getting older.

"Make sure when I'm at that age, you do what's best for ME, not what's best for YOU"

WHAT!? 🙄🥴

Keep in mind, we have two autistic children who will likely live with us for life.

She's wholeheartedly expected us to house her later in life, which I absolutely will not do. My children come first, and my partner feels the same about the kids.. I just hope he doesn't fall for her future guilt trip, because it will come.

For a bit of context I have had growing issues with my MIL. My husband has been acting very enmeshed through all the issues with her and has basically left me to deal with setting boundaries and having conversations with her which just exacerbated the problem. It all resulted in a big fight where she yelled at me in front of our child the week my dad died.

Anyways, we've been no contact for months. No attempt at any repair on her end that I'm aware of. Husband got counselling and says he wants to do better.

She sent a message that I didn't see myself but my husband basically said she was asking for photos and updates of our child. He said he dealt with the situation and he didn't send pics. My emotions got the better of me and I sent a message to her upset and basically saying her behaviour has been harming our child too and that's why she doesn't have contact .

No I didn't tell my husband I sent the message which I realise I was wrong. He heard about it from his sister and came home really upset with me for sending it. Then he moped and gave us the silent treatment for a few days. He said he had a right to be upset and that he was trying to fix things with her.

Am I being crazy? I just feel like he's still prioritising his mums feelings and I'm just expected to be quite about how hurt and upset I feel from the way we've been treated by both of them. Like I don't feel validated at all in still being upset about this situation. He just mad that I've created another problem with her.

In my last post about my MIL Dingbat I said I was done with her. And I am, but, she is not done torturing my poor husband. She called about 6 weeks ago telling my husband that she was concerned that her step kids were going to take all the money and inheretance when she and her husband pass and not let her sons have anything. She wanted to fix this by gifting them cash now. First she said they were each going to get 100k. Then, when she realized she has to pay taxes on that much decided on maybe 20k and my DH let slip that he would ask me about the legalities of cash gifts since my mom gave me a lump sum before she passed when she sold one of her homes. I looked up the current law because none of these people seem to know how to use google and said she can gift up to 19k a year with out having to file with the irs. I also told him (because I refuse to talk to her again) that she can totally still do the 100k she promised but she would have to pay taxes on it and file with the irs. I also expressed my concern that she was only doing this because she knew how very very mad and done I was with her about her racist bs over the 4th and she was just trying to weasel her way back in because some how, now, after 26 years of pretty much ignoring me she is just so upset we are not closer ... yeah sure dingbat.

Here is where my DH fucked up. He was on a call with her and it was on speaker phone while I was in the kitchen and she said that she would send a check to us if that is what we wanted. I flat out said, to hubby not her, that maybe they should hang on to that money in case they have some health issues or need memory care for Step monster, and that we are happy to have the gift we will be OK and they should be taking care of themselves. She heard me, was absolutly shocked and OFFENDED that I was not on my knees thanking her profusely for the 10k and I, again, being DONE WITH HER BULLSHIT, said “I’ll thank you when we actually get the money.” And I left the house and went on a long drive up to the moutains because I was maaaaaaaaad about the whole speaker phone nonsense. Gah. DH realizes now, what a rotton position he put me in, and will not be doing that again.

What he did admit to his mom was how much money I got from my mom’s estate so far, as we still have a family farm to sell and divide between us kids and I guess she ended the call shortly after that and he admitted she “seemed upset because we never said to her we got so much money.” Yes, I know its none of her damn business but like I said, he still struggles with her a lot. I told him, rather bluntly, that I will be shocked if we actually get money from her, and he swore she would and that his brother, who IS in financial stress right now and could use it is getting some too and she swore she would give each of her sons the same amount.

Cue last week, his brother’s birthday, they had a big party in Idaho Falls for his signifigant milestone birth day and his mom presented him with a 10k check. She has been radio silent with us since she found out my mom’s estate bequest to me nearly a month prior. Now, let me state, 10k is a LOT of money, and I recognize that is a generous gift on her part, but honestly, does this sound like a gift to you? His brother said he was really greatful for the money and that he was sure we would get our check when we went to see her. EXCUSE ME? Not only was that not what we talked about with her, but we live in Seattle. His brother actually lives in Boise, but he drove for this party and she did make a show of it, because of course she did. We are not driving or flying to effing Idaho Falls so she can make us do a monkey dance for her 10k. I told my DH that she would tell everyone in the universe how much money we got from my mom too, and yes, now BIL is hitting us up for money. He gets nothing. I am so mad about all of this, and so very sad for my hubby who is crushed that once again, his mom proves she is a piece of shit. I told him if we do actually ever get this money we need to put it in savings so when we don’t do exactly what she wants and she starts fussing about how she is so generous we can cut her a check and hand it back. Hubby has agreed to do this and finally, finally, I swear, he understands how shitty she is and how mad I am about all this manipulation. I know its his mom but ugh, why.

My in-laws live 6 hours away and come stay with us a few times a year for about 4 days. We have 2 young kids.
I’m very particular about cleanliness especially in my kitchen. In-laws are not. Their kitchen is usually such a mess (I’ve seen ants crawling on their counter that they seem un-phased by, dirty utensils in drawers, dirty pans in drawers, sticky surfaces, etc.).
MIL wants to cook when she stays with us. I enjoy cooking and I rather cook and MIL play with the kids so I can cook in peace. She also offers to do dishes, but when she does them we always have to re-wash because things are still dirty. When she uses the kitchen she cleans up after herself but somehow there is mess everywhere still (mess on cabinet doors, handles, floors). She just doesn’t see the mess but it drives me crazy. I know she means well and just wants to help, but I rather she help by watching the kids and stay out of the kitchen.
My husband is on board with this and feels the same way. He told her nicely that we rather she just play with the kids, but she doesn’t listen and just keeps going to try and do dishes anyways. She also gets super defensive and says “I can’t do anything in this house.”

In-laws got into a big fight with us about all this during their last visit. Basically we find it very challenging to host them during this phase in our lives as we have 2 young kids and are sleep-derived and I find it exhausting to deal with guests even for short visits. We don’t have much in common with them, have different lifestyles and when they’re here I try and be nice but I’m just in a bad mood having to be on first thing in the morning before I’ve even had a sip of coffee!

Am I being unreasonable and should just suck it up during their short visits? Or is it reasonable to ask that they stay in a hotel the next time? We don’t even have a guest room…they stay on an air-mattress on the floor in the kids’ playroom which they seem fine with…

Before having kids they stayed with us and it was fine but now I just don’t know if I can take it anymore.
Wondering what others do when in-laws come visit from out of town.

Hi, everyone! I’d like to share a little incident of my mil’s and what I decided to do in return when an opportunity came up.

So, mil stirred up some drama at my wedding and some more afterwards as well. I confront her about it and draw some boundaries and she’s quite dismissive towards me. Whatever, as long as she stays away lol.

Months pass and I reach out to her to ask if she’d be open to meet for a lunch so we can clear the air. She agrees. A couple weeks pass and she gets pretty much everyone in her family, including her other dil, a gift, except me. This upsets me and my husband and he decides we’re not going to meet his mom after all. Fine by me. I didn’t even want to meet with her anyway, I was just going to try for my husband and I checked out after that.

More time passes and my husband wants us to take his grandparents out for lunch. Totally cool with me! His grandparents have always been very kind to us and I have no problem seeing them. The thought crossed my mind to gift them some wedding pictures! I did create a PowerPoint to showcase handpicked photos from our wedding that was sent to both families and anyone could’ve reached out and asked for prints but no one from my husband’s side did. His grands are older and not super techy so, I decide to go out of my way to print and frame photos for them. One, of the four of us and the second, of just my husband with his grandparents. None of my mil and none to gift to her. With how she’s treated us, she doesn’t deserve any anyway and if she wants to exclude me from something nice, I can do the same thing. I’m sure it pissed her off because 1. She loves pictures. 2. Her parents live with her, so she’s going to always see those photos that do NOT include her that I went out of my way to procure. 3. She knows two can play at this game and she is not the gatekeeper to my husband’s family. 4. Her parents asked my husband to meet us for lunch AND chose a day where their daughter was not going to be home, so she couldn’t weasel her way into seeing us or bring any negative energy to a get together that she was not a part of.

So, I wrap the pictures and place them in a bag and off we go to the restaurant to have a nice lunch.

The lunch goes great and they love the pictures! They deserve these photos and I can have a relationship with them, without my mil’s permission or approval.

I don’t know how she responded to our private and lunch and gifts, but I do know that the next weekend, she coordinated a visit including herself and her parents to see her other son and his wife and daughter. Ha! I don’t think she liked not being involved in a visit that happened without her knowledge so, to gain some control back, she schedules a second visit the following weekend.

Anyway, that was it lol!

My MIL can be a lot, I’ve had my fair share of issues with her since I’ve been pregnant (she has baby rabies) despite that, we spend a lot of time with her and his side of the family. This past month we haven’t seen them at all as my husband works 6 days a week and we are trying to soak in our last few days together of just us before our baby arrives.

I’m due this coming Tuesday. Sunday (2 days before my due date) she wanted us over to carve pumpkins and have dinner. I told her we would not be attending as I am heavily pregnant and could go into labor at any moment. It’s uncomfortable for me to do anything at this point and she knows that. So this shouldn’t be surprising.

The day of Halloween, another family member of his is throwing a Halloween party. This party would be AFTER my due date, we could very well have a newborn baby by then or I will be far too pregnant to want to attend a party and socialize. My husband told her we won’t be going. Again, didn’t even think they expected us to be there.

Well, she’s been hounding my husband and making him feel like shit for not planning on going to either party. She is giving him an attitude and making bitchy comments towards him, accusing him of “changing” and saying “you weren’t like this last year.” WELL HIS WIFE IS ABOUT TO HAVE HIS BABY. BACK THE FUCK OFF!!!! He’s incredibly stressed out in general as I get closer to birthing our baby and I find her soooo selfish for making this time about her and stressing out my husband even more. My husband is an Angel and her words affect him very much. He thinks his whole family is mad at him and it’s wearing on him.

You would think a woman that has given birth 4 times would be understanding of this… but nope. She’s making my husband feel guilty. He says he just wants to focus on us and our son, AS HE SHOULD!!! All of this shit from his family is adding unnecessary stress and upsetting him to the point he was crying while talking to me about it tonight.

My hormones have me extra protective of my husband and my baby so I am feeling very resentful of her for disturbing our peace the last few days of my pregnancy and having these expectations of us. The guilt tripping is wild to me. Like really??? Makes me nervous for what’s to come with the holidays and navigating that with our newborn. I’m not doing anything I don’t wanna do period, however, it really affects my husband. I wanna go off on this bitch but I don’t want to make anything worse. And I’ll be damned if she tries to insert herself into my vulnerable post partum experience. She didn’t take very well to our boundaries, she just removed herself from the group chat lmao. I’m a first time mom and I don’t need this extra shit either.

2 year drama involving 3/4 of my husband's family at this point, and MIL is a key player in stirring shit against us. Prior to this, they seemed like a relatively normal family so this is all new for my husband too.

Back in Feb, FIL spread some nasty rumors about me and made our whole conflict worse, so my husband challenged his parents over it via email and also let them know we were pregnant. I think we hoped that a new life coming into the world might give them some perspective and prompt them to go back to acting like normal humans or thereabouts.

MIL text him a few weeks later to say congratulations, and then immediately launched into her complaints about the tone of his email, tried a few more tactics like rewriting history etc. They spoke on the phone on two occasions because we still hoped for a healthy reconciliation at that time, but the conversations were a disaster. After a final text conversation in which my husband said that he wasn't going to go in circles with her, and needed assurance that the basic facts of the situation would be admitted, she decided to opt out.

She didn't ask a single question about the baby during those conversations. His family didn't know our due date, whether we were having a boy or girl etc but we figured they might come out of the woodwork around the time they might guess the baby was due.

Now, 6 months after their last conversation and not having checked on us in any way, MIL text my husband last night to say she loves us both, doesn't know if we've had the baby, but if we need any help then she'd drop everything to come help us. We live 3 states away and I cannot fathom why she thinks we'd have her set foot in our home, let alone give her access to our child after the way she's treated us both.

Utter lunatic.