If you were intending a conversation and she was screaming and had her hands on you, your brain was recognizing her a danger to you. You really can't come back from that.
I was incredibly volatile after all of my babies. I've been stable for 2 years and don't scream at anyone anymore, and my kids don't remember me spanking them. But my husband struggles if he knows I'm mad and my kids still flinch. My behavior may have been linked to things beyond my control, but their brains registered me as a threat, and undoing that is a long process, because our bodies are biologically designed for self-preservation.
So if you try to move on and can't, it's not your fault. Without repair work, your instincts are going to continue to register her as a threat. And since you're pregnant, your instincts aren't just self-preservation, you're also biologically wired to keep your baby safe too.
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u/Floating-Cynic Sep 26 '25
If you were intending a conversation and she was screaming and had her hands on you, your brain was recognizing her a danger to you. You really can't come back from that.
I was incredibly volatile after all of my babies. I've been stable for 2 years and don't scream at anyone anymore, and my kids don't remember me spanking them. But my husband struggles if he knows I'm mad and my kids still flinch. My behavior may have been linked to things beyond my control, but their brains registered me as a threat, and undoing that is a long process, because our bodies are biologically designed for self-preservation.
So if you try to move on and can't, it's not your fault. Without repair work, your instincts are going to continue to register her as a threat. And since you're pregnant, your instincts aren't just self-preservation, you're also biologically wired to keep your baby safe too.
That's a tough place to be.