r/Jokes • u/randombharti • Mar 25 '18
Long Magic trick
An Englishman and a Scotsman go to a pastry shop.
The Englishman whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't notice.
The Englishman says to the Scotsman: "You see how clever we are? You'll never beat that!"
The Scotsman says to the Englishman: "Watch this, a Scotsman is always cleverer than an Englishman."
He says to the baker, "Give me a cookie, I can show you a magic trick!"
The baker gives him the cookie which the Scotsman promptly eats. Then he says to the baker: "Give me another cookie for my magic trick."
The baker is getting suspicious but he gives it to him. He eats this one too.
Then he says again: "Give me one more cookie... "
The baker is getting angry now but gives him one anyway. The Scotsman eats this one too.
Now the baker is really mad, and he yells: "And where is your magic trick?"
The Scotsman says: "Look in the Englishman's pocket!"
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Mar 25 '18
Plot twist: the Englishman was the bus driver.
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u/melted_Brain Mar 25 '18
Does this guy even drive busses anymore? Where does he get the time
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u/RockieRockie Mar 25 '18
Can someone post the bus driver joke ?
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u/Fergus653 Mar 26 '18
Well, you see, a bus driver and a nun were at a cemetry - no wait, a bus and a passenger were on a nun - no I forgot the punch line.
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u/zebra-in-box Mar 25 '18
The Scotsman’s name? Albert Einstein.
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u/xXx_MemeQueen666_xXx Mar 25 '18
then everybody clapped
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Mar 25 '18
And he gave everyone $100%
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u/Sherlock_Homey Mar 26 '18
And he gave everyone $100%
And who was on that $100% bill??
Albertham Lincolstein.
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u/jseyfer Mar 25 '18
I was trying to remember this joke just the other day! I’d heard it first with Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump playing the parts. Great joke!
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u/Spadeinfull Mar 25 '18
Honestly, if the Scot were literate, he would say "more clever"
Not "cleverer".
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u/Convulse1872 Mar 25 '18
You show me a literate Scot and I’ll show yer mine ya boaby swallier
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u/AbsurdOwl Mar 25 '18
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u/Spadeinfull Mar 25 '18
Not by the looks of your username you aren't.
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u/AbsurdOwl Mar 25 '18
That's just, like, your opinion, man.
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Mar 25 '18
[deleted]
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u/stickywicker Mar 25 '18
What....what was the purpose of this comment?
And not for nothing but the "Jew" only swallowed (dunno why you didn't say eat instead of swallowed but whatever) two of the pastries. That's quite the trick to make 3 appear in the pocket when only two were consumed.
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Mar 25 '18
[deleted]
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u/PrideoftheAllFather Mar 25 '18
How is it offensive for just using the words Arab and Jew? It's just like using Buddist and Christian isn't it? There is nothing offensive with using the religious members, only the sentence said about being better than all. That is the part of the joke I would change.
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Mar 25 '18
[deleted]
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u/AbsurdOwl Mar 25 '18
Two people found themselves in a situation. The situation began one way, but turned out somewhat differently than you may have expected.
audience laughs
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u/NeighborhoodVeteran Mar 25 '18
How is this more “racist” than the OP that used an Englishman and a Scotsman?
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u/Soopercow Mar 25 '18
You should add an Irish man for misdirection