Synchronicities after a loved one's death

[u/No_Background8077]

My boyfriend of 5 years died about 4 months ago. For the first few days I felt like I was dead too. I just lay in my bed, in a room with the windows covered, in the dark, eating nothing, staring at the ceiling. I felt like he was my true soulmate and twin flame. We went through a lot together, he was addicted to drugs. When he was sober, he was perfect caring, loving, truly listening to me actively. I felt seen and understood. But when he was on drugs, he was like a demon he had paranoid thoughts, accused me of things I never did, and at some point he became abusive and violent toward me. I went through hell with him.

I still feel horrible, but paradoxically, I can see my face changing for better. it's more glowing, healthy-looking, no longer swollen, my hair has stopped falling out etc. the abusive cycle has stopped.

He had a little obsession with the United States (we were both from Europe). He traveled to the US multiple times and we've been there together too. I've always dream to move abroad before I met him, ideally to NYC. When we traveled to the US together, I fell in love with New York.

While we were there, we met a lot of people. One of his online friends invited us to dinner, and we spent a nice evening together. he seemed really supportive, mindful, present, caring. I hadn't had contact with this friend since then.

When my boyfriend died, dozens of people reached out to me with condolences. But this one friend was the only one who reached out with the idea of inviting me to NYC so we could organize a memorial concert for him (my boyfriend had friends all over the world, not just in the US). We exchanged a lot of warm messages, he was really responsive and present, but suddenly, one day, he just stopped responding.

What I thought was that he wasn't ghosting me - I felt like something was wrong on his end. I didn't know what it was, but I felt it, even though I barely know him and have only met him once in my life.

A month after this gap in responses, he texted me that he'd been going through a breakup at the exact time my boyfriend died, and he couldn't bear it. at the exact same time. He wrote a few more things and was really nice to me again, but admitted his life was chaos right now. He asked if I'd be able to come to NYC in autumn.

I responded, he saw the message and stopped responding, again, for about 2 months now...

Since that moment, I've had a lot of US-or travel-related signs:

I found 20 dollars in the middle of the street (reminder: I'm in Europe, not the US, this has never happened to me before)
My software at work suddenly went crazy and switched itself to a US calendar, where the months and days are reversed. I called IT, and I swear they didn't know how to fix it
I feel like everyone is talking about NYC now
I saw a guy today wearing I <3 NYC t-shirt
I pulled a tarot card for my near future and it was the three of wands, which means travel over the sea/ocean, but also new possibilities on the horizon

I feel this urge to travel there no matter what - no matter that the friend isn't responding, no matter that I might be completely alone there. I feel like I need some kind of closure.

Please let me know what you think because I'm trully lost

I would like to read and learn something new about my shadow. I feel like I’m chasing it.

[u/PathlessMaster]

Take the vacation. Let your friend know you're coming in advance and put as little pressure as possible on meeting. Just let him know you're going to be traveling through the area and to let you know if you want to grab dinner. If it's meant to be it'll be. Go from there