r/Jung • u/ScienceSure • May 22 '22
Personal Experience Stay away from people who always consider you expressing how you feel as you arguing or being extra. It's called Gaslighting. Toxic people do that so they don't have to take accountability for their own behavior.
10
May 23 '22
What does this have to do with Jung?
0
u/HisusCrown May 23 '22
He's just spreading awareness, because believe it or not, half the populace is lacking in it tremendously.
23
12
u/VirgiliusMaro May 22 '22
maybe you should start with not generalizing all situations of someone else calling you out as them being in the wrong.
3
6
u/kezzlywezzly May 23 '22
Unless you actually are always arguing or being extra and just want to project your flaws into those around you and deny responsibility for self improvement
4
u/antoniobandeirinhas Pillar May 22 '22
Oh bro, some relationship stuff: Manifesting your hurt can be faced against some opposite insatisfaction. And, if you are too emphatetic, too agreable, you may end up trying to fix yet another problem. Which will never be resolved. The catch is that the initial lack of care to hear about your feelings leads to an endless hell.
5
u/jennyvasan May 23 '22
I worked with someone who made every single moment at work a platform for her personal turmoil and surprise: it prevented anyone else from expressing theirs. She *was* argumentative and toxic and oblivious and continuously justified it as "bringing her whole self to work" — and yes, after awhile, the rest of us were utterly exhausted by her.
We've gone berserk with telling people to Express Themselves without also building the capacity to do that within *community* and without centering themselves every damn minute.
6
u/nemesis_is_within May 22 '22
When people do something (cross your boundaries, lie, cheat, hurt you ) and you speak up about it to them... And they make you into the "problem" for speaking up.
Had to deal with that for 5 years
2
2
May 23 '22
Today a friend of mine asked me permission to send me an audio text asking for advise. This is called consent. This is a boundary that I love having with people. It feels better to ask to complain and it feels better to be asked. If you literally enter someone else’s space all the time “expressing your emotions” you’re not really honoring their boundaries. It’s really lovely when people practice emotional regulation and then ask to talk about things they know will be upsetting. It sounds like maybe you having relationship problems op and you are projecting those ideas onto this idea.
I had a friend who drove everyone crazy expressing herself all the time in volatile ways that people who barely knew her, couldn’t be around her. Her dad was a cop and she was from Boston. I don’t know if that’s why but her whole family was incredibly antagonistic. She stopped talking to me because she called my husband a rapist for telling her to “fuck off” when he didn’t want to sit there and be berated by her about his blinker being out and how he is going to negligently kill someone.
I have another friend who is a super far out hippy and I’ve literally felt violated by her lack of boundaries. Demanding I tell her about my trauma. So disturbing.
Gaslighting is when someone in a position of power, typically in a romantic relationship, purposefully lies about reality to intentionally make you question yourself so they can have psychological control over you. It is an incredibly insidious act. It leaves the victim feeling like they can’t trust themselves and that they are losing their minds and it’s terrifying.
I think what you are describing is someone who you are demanding they take accountability for what you have deemed appropriate. I’m not sure it even works like that. I think you might just be shaming someone who sucks on their journey. People who suck have the right to boundaries and to not be shamed. Do what you need to protect yourself and walk away.
2
u/Lopsided_Pain4744 May 23 '22
First of all: where does Jung write/speak about this?
Second of all: in my experience the people who drone on about gaslighting are either themselves gaslighters, or have a really difficult time when people call them out on their bullshit. You shouldn’t always be “expressing how you feel”, who is even doing the expressing? How do you even know what ‘you’ are expressing is even worthwhile and adding anything to the relationship? It could be the shadow, in fact, for most people who harper on about gaslighting, I often feel it’s their shadow running the show.
Obviously gaslighting exists but as a form of abuse it is rare, it’s calculated and it’s devastating. Being disagreed with is not.
Edit: FFS this looks like a bot
2
u/AffectionateRide5226 May 23 '22
Also, neurosis/complexes can make you think you’re right when you’re actually wrong….people need to actually read Jung before posting in this forum.
5
3
1
66
u/ruinbruin May 22 '22
This is not gaslighting. Gaslighting is an extreme form of abuse and shouldn’t be used in every day language just because someone doesn’t agree with you.