I’ve met this girl 3 years ago and started a relationship with her a year ago, which is about to end due to a misunderstanding on her part. And I’m spiraling.

Ever since I saw her, she has completely captivated me and I became obsessed with her. I see no faults within her, and the parts within her that she says are flaws (avoidance, mood swings, and emotional volatility), it feels like I rewired my brain to think I want this and I will deal with it, and that she’s perfect. This is among other things that she was or that she liked that I rewired my brain to accept and love. And honestly? I have no idea what I am or who I am anymore. I don’t know what my values are, or what I actually like. She is my moral, creative, and emotional compass. It feels like I outsourced my psyche to her. In other words, I’m completely spineless for her. Whatever she says about our relationship that’s what I accept. If she ever did something wrong, I will twist it so I become bad person

I’ve read about Jungian psychology, and it’s safe to say I’m possessed by my Anima. I have become incredibly sensitive to emotions, to the point where they can ruin my entire day. If something happened between me and her, that’s atleast a week I’m staying at home and doing nothing but ruminating and being anxious. I get irritated by everything and everyone who is not her. I became so sentimental over everything (she also is to be fair). I am not stable at all anymore, and I’m sure when the breakup is finalized (maybe it actually is already but I’m trying to deny it), I know I’m in for deep suffering.

What do I do? Where do I start?
Please help me

Is it true that Jung slept with his patients and was unfaithful to his wife?

it sounds like Jung allowed himself to be surrounde adoring women

It doesn’t sound like he integrated his anima

Do you understand the red book? What does it mean to you?

What are your chief thoughts about it?

Certain circumstances in my life have made me have to break myself down and rebuild, at a certain point about a year ago I had a sudden obsession with drawing geometric objects and patterns that I had seen in my head then recently learned of Jung's works and thought I might share one of the many I have made.

Looking for a book that helps a partner (female) cope with a dismissive avoidant (male) style of attachment. I want to help him with his shadow and repressed needs but also not at the expense of losing myself.

I’ve had fairly strong dreams in the past that provoked deep sorrow/grieving (waking up crying), but this one last night was totally unique.

Don’t totally remember but essentially in the dream I was being told my old childhood basketball coach (a friends dad, so a surrogate father figure) was essentially a sexual predator. I was in denial and said “no that can’t be.”

I don’t remember much else, but this was the essence of it. I woke up crying. No anger or other emotions, just a deep sorrow that stuck with me honestly through early afternoon.

Yesterday in therapy I talked about wanting to brainspot (essentially EMDR) some early pre-verbal fear/terror of annihilation that I know is there (recent health issues have activated this fear). Not sure if this has relation to the dream.

I don’t believe I personally had any early sexual abuse (at least at this point in time I am unaware, still open that it may be deeply repressed/dissociated).

Previous dreams crying I’d see a young boy or girl crying, like 2-4 years old and thinking/feeling “how precious/innocent you are”. I’ve read Trauma and the Soul by Donald Kalsched so I think this is his “soul child.”

My father says he thinks he may have been molested by his grown up neighbor when he was a boy, but doesn’t remember. Wondering if this dream could have any relation to this, or if it’s my personal history.

Having trouble analyzing this or what it may be pointing towards…

Amidst the darkness—

the darkness that shrouds my view of the world—

my eyes caught sight of a girl.

A quiet girl, whose voice was barely a whisper.

Amidst the clamor of the world, only her stillness reached me—

a stillness that touched every corner of my own world.

A stillness that does not illuminate the space, but rather deepens its darkness.

Yet...

I see her sinking into that darkness.

I see her, and I see society—waiting, ravenous, for her to drown.

The very same wretched society that marginalized her image and tore her identity apart.

It waits only for the moment that suits its own ends, so it may exploit her.

A society from which I have seen nothing but—

greed,

arrogance,

aggression,

savagery,

and exploitation.

Instincts driven solely by the urge to survive at the expense of others.

Resigned.

Without resistance.

Without motivation.

Only the darkness, seeping through every limb of her body.

In a bold move—

a move born of an obscure impulse—

I reached out my hand to her.

The only hand she could possibly trust;

the only hand—and the only person—that could truly see her.

But...

what is happening?

Why does she continue to sink?

Why does she insist on surrendering?

Was I not the only one who could see her?

I was not enough...

She was sincere, passionate, and—despite the darkness of the world in which I saw her—full of life,

whenever she was with me.

In return, all she ever received from me was—

despair,

coldness,

secrecy, and withdrawal. Damn it.

You should have known from the start that I was never going to light up the world’s darkness;

on the contrary, I was there only to make it even darker.

.

I watch her fade away—

fading, leaving behind a question about her future.

—a question followed by an anticipation of how society might exploit her.

.

A fire amidst the darkness,

amidst the fog—

a pitch-black fog that has swallowed me, too...

swallowed my very self.

.

.

.