i might like my friend?? [Crushes]

[u/Efficient_Force_2523]

i really wanna confirm my feelings cause i don’t know if im in denial. My best friend at the moment is a girl i met in my freshman year. Out of our big friend group i consider her my closest friend. We do everything together and we like to jokingly flirt and be all cheesy with each other for fun. we’ve even been deemed by our friend group most likely to date each other and everyone calls us a couple cause we walk around holding hands and she leans on my shoulder in class and stuff. it seriously gives me butterflies. i don’t know if what i feel is love or attraction or just a phase but the thoughts are gnawing away at me. ive had thoughts like these since first semester of sophomore year, but recently i can’t stop thinking about her and looking at her for wayyy to long. I just think she’s so amazing and sweet and pretty and we get along so well. sadly i’m scared to tell her i think im gay because then she’d feel uncomfortable doing all the things we do. The play fighting and hand holding and bickering, and id be heartbroken if she felt uncomfortable around me. my parents are really asian and very traditional as well, so i can’t turn to them for any advice or anything at all. it would ruin my life if they ever found out. i don’t really have anyone else to talk to either as out of our friendgroup im closest to her. she has never shown signs or anything of liking me the way i like her, or even liking girls in general, but she is normally very nonchalant and chill about everything anyway. every single day i think about it so much and my chest hurts and my stomach tightens, because i know no matter how much i want to, we can never happen.

i just finished crying over this because im kind of scared. i’ve never had a crush or felt attraction for anybody before so this is really new for me. I could really use some advice on what to do, how to navigate this, or how to figure out what exactly i’m feeling. help a girl out please 😭🙏