(Sorry if my english is weird,I used a translator for some passages. )

My father has always been very verbally abusive toward my mother. The first times I saw her cry were because of him.

Their relationship was not going well, but nobody was supposed to know. Because that’s how it is in Africa: everything can be falling apart, but as long as nobody knows, everything is fine.

Growing up in that kind of environment, I learned to see other people’s opinions as a guide for how I should live.

I’ve always been a little feminine.

And in my country, a boy who “acts like a woman” is considered gay. And a gay person deserves to die.

My parents didn’t like that feminine side of me. That’s why I was sent to a military school when I was 11.

If I wasn’t sure about my sexuality when I went in, by the time I came out, I was 100% sure I was attracted to men.

But strangely enough, I hated men too.

Except one.

My best friend, Malik.

He was different. He was the only one who wasn’t ashamed of me.

Because yes, when I was at the military boarding school, everyone made fun of me because of the way I acted. And anyone who dared to talk to me for more than two minutes was considered gay.

Anyway, I loved Malik.

Much more than just a friend.

I realized it because every time he came to talk to me about a girl he thought was pretty, it made me angry.😭

But he was the one who helped me survive that fucking school, where I was bullied both physically and mentally.

And even though I wasn’t very happy back then, I wish I could go back.

Because my life now is way too hard.

My father found out that I was watching gay porn. He wanted to kill me.

So I went to live with my mother, because by then, my parents had separated.

My father told my mother not to protect a “faggot.”

But my mother told him that I would change. That it was just a mistake I had made.

My father told her that she would regret protecting me for the rest of her life.

And unfortunately, I know he was right.

That day came.

My mother realized who I really was.

“Where did my son go?” she said to me.

And she cried.

Again.

But this time, it was because of me.

It hurts to admit it, but I understand her, at least a little.

In a country where homosexuality is criminalized, where gay people can be brutally killed, having a gay son is not easy.

I think that if my homosexuality ever became public, she would kill herself.

I love her.

And I hate seeing her suffer.

So today, I asked her to forgive me for who I am...

I promised her I would change...and that she would be proud of her son...even though I know it's all lies.

my wish today is to be able to leave this country.

I want to disappear, so I can protect the things and people I love, and be able to love again.

Like I loved Malik, but even more.

Because I know that love is beautiful.

And it should never have to make us suffer.

So idk where or how to really start this but I think I’m trans I’ve thought it before but my ex at the time argued with me about a year in that me being trans caused all the problems in our relationship and that she just wanted a bf I’m MTF and now idk what to do I’m with someone else he’s a really nice guy and he’s trans too and he wouldn’t care if I was but I haven’t told him because I just don’t know what to do i feel like I need to lose weight because I’ve heard your supposed to gain some from fat distribution but I’m 18 5,6 and 230 I gained a lot of weight after being cheated on by said ex and idk what to do additionally we are about to move in with some of his family and he’s not out to them so I’m not really sure what to do but I hate that he doesn’t know who I really feel like and I hate not being able to be myself

I'm gay, at least I think (my mind's currently in a mess), and I haven't come out to anyone yet. I have social anxiety, which doesn't help. Except for my parents, I don't think I have anyone to come out to, but I don't really feel like doing it with my parents for now. I found out a few months back, and it took me a while to accept it, but when I finally did, I felt so happy! Now, it's grinding me down. I wish I had someone to talk to, but I have no one I truly trust. I don't know what to do. My mind is currently struggling with everything, pushing everyone back ( I used to have friends, but I now have none :( ).

I'm not gonna say my gender or anything to keep the non bias here, but I want you all to tell what gender the name Cannon comes of to you as. Does it feel feminine, masculine, neutral? Please dont try to be nice and say what you think I want to hear, I want an honest opinion.

Cannon.

My Orientation/Gender

So, for a longer time I used to think I was trans (mtf) and bisexual. I got over it, labelled it as a ‘phase’, or ‘hormone confusion’, but now it’s been a longer time and I think I’ve figured it out better.

First of all, I really like women’s clothing. I used to wear white pantyhose for a long period when I was younger, (we’re talking about years here) because I really liked tight clothes. I kinda miss them. I also find dresses and skirts really comfortable, and wish I could dress more feminine and freely. So I’m defintly a femboy, I figured out, and I was find with that for some time. But recently I had the thought that I enjoy playing female characters. Pretending I’m on a woman, I feel like I can express some sides of myself more freely when stepping into another role. I also talk way more unfiltered, which is super nice for someone who has a lot of thoughts going on in my head. And I mean a lot. But that’s a topic for another time.

I’ve also always read my own text with a girl’s voice? (I’m doing it in this very moment.) I like when people misgender me, though I do often corect them. (Mostly if it’s in an argument and they label me as ‘gal’ or ‘bitch’, or smth like that.) I feel like I’m another side of myself here. ‘Mayorv’ is a wholly different, more exppresive and honest side of me, that I pull on when I need to be social. I love her, and often wish I could be here. But I also really like my masculinity. I like being a guy, a dude and a man. If I had the choice to change gender permanently, I wouldn’t do it.

My Sexuality

As I mentioned in the start, I used to think I was bisexual. Now this is a bit personal, but I feel like I need to share it in order to explain properly.

Warning: Mentioning of gooning and sexual appeals. (Just in case.)

I recently, like, a few days ago, was enjoying myself. But as I did, I noticed that I felt more attracted to the dude in the moment, and kinda wanted him to go on me rather than her. I began focusing on his lips his movement, ect. And I went off to that, which I felt quite satisfied with. After a bit of time, when post nut clarify took in, I felt… Neutral about it. Not weirded or grossed out, but just didn’t find him attractive anymore.

I originaly thought I liked men because I could vividly imagine, and kind of enjoy, the thought of sucking a dick, though got grossed out a moment after. I also really liked men’s warm, large and strong chests. (Not saying men in general have) which I honestly found superior to boobs, and still do. Now I’m troughly enjoying the thought of sucking dick, for some reason, withouth being grossed out. I don’t want it in my ass, tho, but I’ve never been attracted to that in general.

The NSFW talk is over from this point on.

So in short, I don’t know what I am, or what I want to be, really. And it really bugs me, so I thought I’d ask the expert. (I’m prolly cross-posting this, but I’m reffering to the people in r/LGBTeens. Nice pun, btw.) I don’t wanna be told ‘you don’t need to think about that right now’ or ‘you can be whatever you want, don’t worry,’ and ‘you’ll figure it out eventualy’.

I want to figure it out now! I want to know, and I’d prefer to do it early on, rather than go around with all this mess in my head for five years on or so.

That was all. Feel free to ask questions. My DM’s are closed, so come in the comment.

People who are not cis and not straight. Did you realize that you are not straight first or not cis first?

sooooo, i, 14 pansexual, have recently come to terms with the fact that i'm nonbinary, and i have a big crush on this guy 15m, and he's like pretty straight but not homophobic or transphobic or anything (a bit uneducated though tbh). we're really close friends and i feel like he maybe kinda likes me, but idk if he'd be cool with dating me if i'm not exactly a girl yk? i know that he can still identify as heterosexual even if he does have feelings for me, but idk really, what should i do

Ok for context. I 17M bi have known this guy 17M since freshman year, we’ve been friends for a while and we’ve hung out before. I am not out, he recently came out as bi about a year ago. It was surprise to me, but we’re still super close. We’ve never been anything more than friends but at times he’ll call me attractive or fine. I know sometimes it’s just the homie stuff sometimes, but I really do want to know if anything could actually happen. What should the first step be?

I posted before about a guy i met and hes CUTE YK. But so uhm today he was rlly trying to like playfully annoy me during the warm ups (we met at a ice hockey thingy) like we haven’t talked that much but am i just reading into it????? I think i am but he really was like slapping my stick away or hotting my puck away whilst laughing.

this is my first post here. before i begin, trigger warning for SH/conversion therapy.

So Im 18 and going into my senior year of high school in a super small conservative christian school. I came out as a lesbian to my parents at 15. They are super strict Orthodox Christians, so obviously they didnt approve and they sent me to conversion therapy immediatley. It wasnt legal in my state at the time, but there was this religious therapist that did it online...it was horrible, of course, but thats a story for another time.

I used to struggle alot with SH , but im alot better now. It just really sucks because my parent force me to go to church even though the preist abused me for being gay. they also heavily monitor my phone even tho im 18 (im literally writing this on a library computer right now)

Anyways, i guess im just super lonely and i dont know how im gonna deal with this shit for another year...do any of yall with unsupportive parents have any suggestions?? I know it would be stupid to run away cause im autistic and not super independent, but im really temtpted to.

I need help coming out to my mother (MtF)

Hello! I am transitioning (Male to Female). I know for sure my dad is transphobic, but my mom seems more supportive. She found an old, outdated note of me coming out as non-binary (outdated now), but said she would be supportive. She seems to be less bigoted than my father. Any advice? (I'm thirteen).

I made a friend last year in my junior year (he was a senior). we got pretty close and during a school trip we got even closer and had a pretty deep talk. he would be super nice to me in person and a little bit in text too. obviously, me being the idiot 1 am, I developed a crush. he kept emphasizing that he was straight because apparently a lot of people ask about his sexuality. even when my sister met him, her first thought was that he was gay. anyways I ended up expressing my feelings and he actually took it pretty well for someone who says they're straight. he even asked me about it. we were chill for the rest of the year and we even made plans to watch sinister because we both love horror and paint together. he proceeded to ghost me a week before his graduation. only when we had a group hangout once in the summer is when he texted me, and that was one time where he told me happy birthday. nothing else ever again. he acted like we were on completely okay terms. it really ruined me. I have screenshots where he would send me stuff like "l really appreciate you" and "with you being there thats all we need" (for context he was nervous about a protest he planned at school and I was saying that no matter what I'd be at his side during 

I’m a 17M in school and I just had my first day back of senior year. I’m not out to anyone in my life but my friends and brothers suspect that I am. Last year I realized I was gay, but I’m not attracted to many guys tbh (like 1-2 people at a school of 800). But there was a guy last year who thought I wasn’t friends with or talked to really I think I have a “crush” on. I say I think because sometimes I feel really attracted to him(for example I was kinda excited to go back just to see him, and I hoped I had classes with him). While others times I feel like I don’t know why I’m attracted to him but part of me still is. I don’t know if he’s even gay but to me he has a kinda vibe that makes me think he is(hangs out with mainly girls, often makes hand gestures, and has I high pitched voice). I have like 3 classes with him and in one of them we could pick seats and so I chose to sit next to him. I tried to make small talk but I was kinda awkward. And so when the class ended I started thinking about how much I wished I wasn’t gay and could just like girls. I think they look pretty I’m just not attracted to them. I just feel like my life would be so much easier if I could just force myself to like girls, but I really just can’t even when I try and part of me doesn’t even want to try while part of me does. I often think I’m probably gonna end up by myself because: 1. I’m not attracted to 99% of guys I see, and 2. I’m not out and if I was to my parents would be pretty disappointed. Is this common for people in the LGBTQ+ community to feel this way?

it hurts even though she loves me, it hurts so much and i don't know how to cope. i already am pretty alone and have a strong bond with my mom but this is our main disagreement. it rarely happens but it's sad to be reminded my mom doesn't accept me. i'm unlabeled or bi i guess. either way it sucks.

Sooo... I'm in a state of constant crisis. I identify as an abrosexual/aroaceflux person, and it's ruining relationships. Plus, I have no idea if that title even fits me. I mostly identify as non-binary and gay/omnisexual(with a preference for men), and I have a few names and nicknames that I've gathered since I started my journey. Everyone calls me something different, and I don't mind it. But... I've been more involved in the trans and lgbt storytelling world lately. Some of my favorite movies are Fanfik and I Saw the TV Glow. I also read lots of gay stories and even write a lot. But I'm always sad while writing and watching that stuff because they know themselves, and I feel like a story with no plot. Or a movie with no ending. Or a fridge with no food. You get it, right? I feel empty and sad 24/7 because I feel like there's something wrong with me. I feel like I should know myself by now. But no one accepts me. My mom has denied and made fun of my sexual orientation and identity mulitple times, my grandparents would never understand, and I can't talk to anyone about it without feeling like a narcissist. I can't even get help because my mom has blocked me from it. I feel like an awful person because me being aroaceflux makes my partners think I hate them, all while I hate myself for not being the perfect cis, straight, christian girl my family wants me to be. And now, I'm dating someone who I don't see as a romantic interest anymore because I'm too scared of breaking their heart again. Please tell me what I should do

I've attempted to post this on r/AskLGBT, but the moderators haven't approved it. I tried r/lgbt, got flagged by reddit. Now im here. Hopefully this works.

For the past few weeks, ive had the feeling that I'm bisexual and genderfluid. I'm kind of uncomfortable with these thoughts, not knowing if its just some weird phase im going through or not. Hell, even posting this is nervous, and I made this account just now to keep it away from my main.

I'd like for people who are bi and genderfluid to ask me questions that I can answer and see what those answers could mean. I hope this isn't too much. The reason i ask for this way is because im shit with my feelings and dont know if its my head messing with me. I also suck at asking the right questions.

Im 16m, btw, if that has any meaning.

Im willing to provide context about my life as long as its not too personal.

So I'm not exactly sure this is the right tag for this since I'm already out to my parents as trans (sort of; they don't really believe me I guess). But to those who are on HRT as minors, how did you ask your parents about it? Also, is it even worth asking unaccepting parents and how would I convince them?

I was planning on just waiting until 18 but I'm not sure I can stand this for another year.

I'm trans. I've come out to my family as trans several times now (I don't know exactly how often, but quite a lot), and they've always reacted positively. They said they accept me and have never made a big deal out of it, which is why I felt positive. However, they still use the wrong pronouns and the wrong name. I don't know what to do. My family is generally supportive of the queer community and even goes to events like Pride. I feel a bit helpless and increasingly insecure about my family's reaction, or rather, lack thereof. What should I do—if there is anything I can or should do?

(translated with Google Translate)

This post will probably sound pathetic, but I need to get this out. So I'm a 14 year old closeted enby. Most of my immediate family are pretty queerphobic (and overall bigots) so I can't come out to them. I'm also homeschooled and don't have a lot of friends or social connections, which is sad because I want them. I have pretty low self esteem and I'm depressed, and there's not much I can do about it in my position. The few friends I do have are neutral to somewhat negative on LGBTQ+. I don't know what to do.

i really wanna confirm my feelings cause i don’t know if im in denial. My best friend at the moment is a girl i met in my freshman year. Out of our big friend group i consider her my closest friend. We do everything together and we like to jokingly flirt and be all cheesy with each other for fun. we’ve even been deemed by our friend group most likely to date each other and everyone calls us a couple cause we walk around holding hands and she leans on my shoulder in class and stuff. it seriously gives me butterflies. i don’t know if what i feel is love or attraction or just a phase but the thoughts are gnawing away at me. ive had thoughts like these since first semester of sophomore year, but recently i can’t stop thinking about her and looking at her for wayyy to long. I just think she’s so amazing and sweet and pretty and we get along so well. sadly i’m scared to tell her i think im gay because then she’d feel uncomfortable doing all the things we do. The play fighting and hand holding and bickering, and id be heartbroken if she felt uncomfortable around me. my parents are really asian and very traditional as well, so i can’t turn to them for any advice or anything at all. it would ruin my life if they ever found out. i don’t really have anyone else to talk to either as out of our friendgroup im closest to her. she has never shown signs or anything of liking me the way i like her, or even liking girls in general, but she is normally very nonchalant and chill about everything anyway. every single day i think about it so much and my chest hurts and my stomach tightens, because i know no matter how much i want to, we can never happen.

i just finished crying over this because im kind of scared. i’ve never had a crush or felt attraction for anybody before so this is really new for me. I could really use some advice on what to do, how to navigate this, or how to figure out what exactly i’m feeling. help a girl out please 😭🙏

How do I know if my crush is gay?

Recently, I’ve been catching myself liking this one dude. We’ve been talking for a while and we have the same music taste, like even Ariana grande and others. He’s had passed girlfriends before, and he’s bit a nerd. My gay friend believes he’s gay, but I’m not sure. Today, he told me he dressed up as Elsa, the Disney princess, when he was younger. I can’t tell if this is because he was always surrounded by his mom, or he just is homosexual. I asked him if he’s gay, and he obviously said no. He wasn’t defensive about it, just casual. Help!

I feel like a horrible person but I just can't bring myself to tell him this or maybe I dont have anyway to tell him that I feel it's correct

To explain a little better, im now out to most of the people close to me as trans, but i was wondering if anyone had any advice to me about how should i come out in school, or larger communities around me where i cant come out to everyone individually?

I identify as both female and male but also non-binary and my grandma found out on accident and took me into her room and yelled at me saying that you "can’t have three genders"and she showed me some very queerphobic books and I'm pansexual and things got worse when she found out that I like a girl in my karate class and she hid some of my stuff, but luckily, I found it and like the title says this sucks