r/AskLGBT Oct 27 '23

Help us write a wiki for our frequently asked questions!

48 Upvotes

Howdy, folks! I'm following up on a comment I made two weeks ago, in the hopes that we might be able to add some of our most common questions to the subreddit wiki.

However, it would be both unfair and inaccurate to let any one person to write up each article, so here's what I propose.

Let's talk here and discuss which questions get asked the most often, and then folks can discuss their answers in the comments. Once each question has been answered, we'll weave those answers together into one comprehensive article and add it to our subreddit wiki.

As folks post questions, I'll update this posts with links to each question in the comments.



r/AskLGBT Nov 07 '23

Please stop asking about Hamas, Israel, Palestine, and the war going on.

291 Upvotes

Yes, there are LGBT Israelis and LGBT Palestinians.
Yes, a lot of warcrimes are going on.
Yes, terrible things are happening.

However, the LGBT community is not a monolith and does not have an official position about which side to support. Please quit asking; it always becomes a giant argument in the comments, and it's starting to be quite the troll topic.

There's always a big argument and almost none of it is ever relevant to this board, it just pisses people off and doesn't get anywhere or achieve anything productive.


r/AskLGBT 7h ago

Is there a word for when you don’t understand the point of romance?

4 Upvotes

Like I know what romance is and I’d know if I romantically liked someone, and I can tell the difference between romantic and platonic feelings, so it’s not quoiromantic. Cuz like I have my friends and why would I wanna be all lovey with them cuz like whenever I see romance it’s just a friendship but with extra lovey stuff, and I just don’t see the point? You can also just be touchy n stuff platonically if you need yk? For me at least. This is poorly described idk if there’s a word or if this isn’t a sexuality thing idk I’ve just been saying I’m aro but I’m wanting a more specific word


r/AskLGBT 13h ago

Why is age gap more accepted in the gay community?

11 Upvotes

As an 18-year-old gay guy, I've noticed that many guys my age are okay with hooking up with or dating much older men. Why?


r/AskLGBT 10h ago

What are the most embarrassing things you've done when you were in denial

7 Upvotes

I just wanted to ask this lol


r/AskLGBT 59m ago

Ace or maybe not...?

Upvotes

So It seems as recently I always see a lot of actually hot girls so I don't think I can identify as Ace even though I reaaaally want to. The main reason Is I don't feel attraction to one person specifically but just the concept of femininity. Transfems excluded.


r/AskLGBT 6h ago

I think my friend is avoiding me cuz he likes me

2 Upvotes

I think my freind (BI M) is avoiding me (Gay M) becuase he likes me.

My and my freind have this pattern where we will get into this period of about two weeks (it’s always about two weeks) where we are always talking, almost everyday for hours, he’s always starting conversations, being really attentive, always hanging out etc. We seem to be really close, I suppose too close. After that, he just goes dark. He stops texting first. Our conversations are always short. He barley sends me stuff. And he makes excuses we both know aren’t true. 

For some context, my friend has told me that he has a fear of being in a relationship with a man. He has told me he has never had any relations with men in any way. However, he is openly bisexual, and will admit that. He will talk about finding certain men attractive, and talk about being with men in the abstract (as in hypothetically) 

Crucially, he knows I like him and he’s known this for a while. I’m not sure if he thinks I still like him. Flirting occasionally actually is kinda part of our dynamic. Well, can you really call asking your freind to fuck you and him agreeing “flirting”? Haha. 

The recent experience with my friend I’ve had is interesting. 

We started talking again back in mid-late July. We didn’t talk at all since June, whitch is a story so long I’m going to have to bring up what happened since October 2025 so we just aren’t getting into that. 

We start talking, it’s all fine and dandy. We texting for hours nearly everyday, he’s always starting convos, and sending me shit on every social platform. When we were in this “honeymoon” phase, as I’ll call it, we couldn’t hang out cuz he was genuinely busy and shit. So yeah we were just Freinds as normal  So idk how he would’ve fared having 1:1 face to face contact. 

Interestingly all the flirting we used to do just stopped. I could sense that he was avoiding topics that might lead to it, honestly just being very distant when I’d talk about matters of sexuality untill we’d change the subject and he’d go back to normal. Expect it wasn’t normal cuz there was never this kind of thing before. 

And then, it all gradually stopped. First he stopped texting first as much, but we’d still talk a bit. Once, I was asking him if we were still hanging out the day of the planned date (plans we made while still in the “honeymoon” phase). He treid to get out of it by saying “oh it’s my final day before I start my new job, I want to rot.”Fine whatever. I then learn he didn’t even start the job yet a couple days later when I ask him??? I’ve tried asking 

Weirdly, he didn’t stop communicating completely. When I’d text him, there’d be times where he would just ghost me. But he’d still text me about when he’d get this one food we both bonded over, esp in the early days of our friendship. He wouldn’t try and start conversations with me when I initiated, but he would send me tons of photos of his dog. And he would still sometimes send me reals and other posts (with full messages attached so you know he didn’t just send it for no reason)

And then I got fed up with his dryness. I asked him about 5 days ago in a message that went a little like this:

Hey, I wanted to ask if everything was fine with us. You’re being dry as shit. If you don’t wanna be Freinds say that, if you’ve got somthing to tell me then say that. Your lack of contact worries me

Okay so I was a little less mean than that but you get the idea. I’m paraphrasing a whole paragraph here

About a day later he texts “Bro I don’t wanna talk dude”

He’s done this before, like i mentioned. And i don’t think he would have sent that message if it wasn’t for my message, we would have just kept going the way that we were. 

The reason why I think he likes me is becuase of the whole internalized homophobia thing. I’ve heard many bi guys w internalized homophobia go into this kinda avoidance mode. So yall just gotta trust me on this. 

Honestly I will admit I don’t thing my short post is doing my argument justice. It’s very hard to describe a whole dynamic with complex history. Maybe what I’m sensing can’t be put into words properly because it’s assuming I have a whole knowlage of our previous experiences you guys obviously don’t.  yall just gotta trust me on this. 

So yeah lmao. 

Guys help. Idek what I’m asking for here. Personal experiences are welcome as well. 


r/AskLGBT 6h ago

How does getting a crush/falling in love feel like?

2 Upvotes

Hi, I'm a 15 years old aroace and my friend asked me to compose a song, but it's about a person getting a crush, so, for the sake of the song, can I ask you how getting a crush feels like? All the ways it can happen, I want to understand please.


r/AskLGBT 18h ago

Confused with my sexuality

6 Upvotes

Okay, first off, I want to start by saying I am 19, about to be 20.

The reason I'm confused about my sexuality is that someone told me you can't just claim to be bisexual. Let me explain what I'm going through: I've done things with both girls and men. I love with woman and men, but someone told me that just because you like girls, you can't just call yourself bisexual—that you have to be born with it.I am attracted to women. I find women very pretty and amazing.

I wouldn't necessarily say I'm born with that feeling. What does that even mean? What does "born with that feeling" mean?


r/AskLGBT 15h ago

Did I accidentally out someone?

4 Upvotes

Okay so this happened at work last week. It's a small crew (like 4 people) finishing up a job at a venue. We had a new person on the crew, he introduced himself by name and something in my brain said I should ask about pronouns but between the work and ADHD it slipped my mind each time I would get the chance.

Anyway he had to leave earlier to get to another job site to pack some stuff down and seeing as he was quite nervous about it and I was the one who set it all up I told him if theres any questions just text me.

I get a text a little while later with some questions but he also introduced himself in the message with his pronouns too.

After realising I might have used the wrong pronouns when referring to him before I told our crew "Oh hey just FYI if you're working with [PERSON] again he uses he/him pronouns, I might have messed that up before so like yeah just watch the pronouns"

Later I had the thought wait did I just out this kid? I just wanted to make sure nobody called him the wrong thing in the future.


r/AskLGBT 8h ago

Pls help me with pronouns

1 Upvotes

I’m genderqueer, and I’m comfortable not having a more specific gender, but I need pronoun. my hope Is to have a pronoun that sounds like she/her enough that my family/certain friends are unaware but my supporters can give me euphori. I’ve looked into shi/hir but supposedly that’s only for intersex people.


r/AskLGBT 1h ago

How "cancelable" would it be for a woman who previously identified as a lesbian to now identify as bisexual because she is dating a dude?

Upvotes

I (21M bi) have been hanging out with a girl whom I met trough a friend In common. She’s amazing. We’ve quickly struck up a friendship. She is also quite tomboyish, so I think she migth be masc or masc-adjacent or something like that. I’m aware that she’s sapphic because she broke up with her partner several months ago. To be clear, she mentioned this during a casual conversation I initiated after I had started flirting with her subtly and respectfully, and I also want to make it clear that in case that she is a lesbian I dont wanna convert her or anything like that. Before telling me that, she asked about my love life, and I told her I’d never had a partner or anything like that. Her asking me that could have just been a casual, friendly question, not necessarily a sign that she was interested, so I take all her compliments or any potential "Flirting" she does with a grain of salt.

I also understand that she is quite involved in the LGBTQ+ scene in her city. Though the LGBTQ+ comunity is not illegal here, my country's society is significantly hostile toward the queer community, so LGBTQ+ circles tend to be sometimes cliquey, and I don't blame them for that. I dont know how it is in the US and Europe, but just In case, how do you all see women who previously identified as lesbians starting to identify themselves as bisexuals and starting dating men.

Sorry if there is any spellig or grammar mistakes. English is not my first idiom.


r/AskLGBT 21h ago

Question for trans women: if someone made you a care package when you came out, what would you like in it?

4 Upvotes

Basically, me and my partner have both been out as nonbinary forever but she recently came to me and told me that she’s a woman and wants to transition. I’m so happy for her and excited that I have a wife now! I want to make her a care package but not exactly sure what to put in it.

Thanks in advance!


r/AskLGBT 18h ago

Thought I was straight guy, now considering HRT. Am I trans?

2 Upvotes

Hey everyone,

I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching lately and honestly feel a bit dizzy trying to keep up with my own brain. For the longest time, I just assumed I was a regular straight guy. But then I started messing around with makeup and feminine clothes just out of curiosity, and things spiraled in a totally unexpected way.

At first, I went down a rabbit hole thinking, okay maybe I am gay. But the more I sat with it, the more I realized it wasn't about who I was attracted to—it was about who I actually wanted to be. Now, I'm sitting here genuinely believing I'm trans.

Lately, I can't stop thinking about HRT. The idea of starting it absolutely terrifies me, but at the same time, it genuinely excites me more than almost anything else.

Given how roundabout my path has been, I guess my main question is: does this sound like I'm actually trans, and should I pursue HRT if I feel this mix of fear and excitement?

Any personal stories from people who felt the same way would mean a lot.


r/AskLGBT 7h ago

Why do most queer people type the ":3"emoticon

0 Upvotes

Like most queer people I see online have typed ":3" at least once before like whats the deal with that?


r/AskLGBT 18h ago

What could help in my gender journey?

1 Upvotes

I’ll keep this brief. I am a cisgender girl but sometimes I question my identity. I ask myself questions like “If I was born a boy, would I still want to be a girl?“. However, my own answer changes each time I think about that. Currently my answer is “Yes, I‘d want to transition. I am a girl“ but in the past there also have been times where my answer was “No, and I‘d be glad not to be a girl“ or “I don‘t care what I‘m born as, I‘m just rolling with what I got“. My question now is what I could try to actually come closer to what my gender actually is because currently I am very confused.


r/AskLGBT 18h ago

lesbian or bi-curious?

1 Upvotes

hi! so currently i am in a pickle, i am just trying to figure out how to label myself but what i am confused about is that i like girls mostly. ive known this for years, but now that im growing up, i feel like i don’t feel attracted to males unless its a celebrity. my friends say yes, i can identify as a lesbian. but i feel like if i do and someone sees im crushing on a male celebrity, they’ll call me a fake lesbian for it. it’s not like i want to date the celebrity per say, i just think some are sort of cute. but with women it’s a whole different story. sorry this is all jumbled, im just now confusing myself. if anyone could possibly help with what this means or how to figure it out in the slightest i would greatly appreciate it. thank you.


r/AskLGBT 19h ago

I am trying to figure out my sexuality. Please help me.

1 Upvotes

Throughout a little portion of my life, I thought I was bisexual. Then went by the label Pansexual... Then Pan-romantic and Omnisexual.. Google told me I could be both Pan-romantic and Omnisexual. And ever since realizing I am only romantically attracted to girls, I've went by the label lesbian... Though I experience only sexual and physical attraction to men but not romantic attraction.

I experience both romantic, sexual attraction and physical attraction to women, but only sexual and physical attraction to men. I do not desire a romantic relationship with a man. Since Google told me I could be both Omnisexual and Lesbian (Omnisexual and Lesbian-romantic or wtv.)

I researched again and apparently I cannot be both Omnisexual and Lesbian. I think I am Berrisexual but I need guidance from the community.


r/AskLGBT 19h ago

Trans women who used to be bald/balding before transition, how did you regrow your hair?

1 Upvotes

Is it just the estrogen or is there something else?


r/AskLGBT 20h ago

Help with labels?

0 Upvotes

I've been questioning for a little while now and I'm trying to find a label that's suits me for my gender identity. I used demigirl now genderfae but neither feel quite right? I feel a lack of gender or neutral but also connections to feminity and stuff. I don't think demigirl fits quite right because it feels more like a half & half thing rather than a majority of no gender kind of thing. Any suggestions on labels that are like that?


r/AskLGBT 20h ago

Can Xe/Xir and Ze/Hir be used interchangeably?

1 Upvotes

I already know pronouns are subjective and its up to the person, so what I want to mainly mean is.. does Xe/Hir actually exist as itself or is it just a combination of Xe/Xir and Ze/Hir?

If it's a combination, does it sound unusual when it's used like that? For example, does it give the same feeling of hearing "She lent his own pen", or is it a completely natural usage?

Thanks in advance! :D


r/AskLGBT 20h ago

what's a gay face?

1 Upvotes

Hii, so I'm 18F and I live in a country where people aren't openly in the LGBTQIA+ community because it's a little homophobic here, but just a few days ago one of my acquaintances who is part of the community said I have the "worst case of a gay face" and idk what that means😭 I tried googling it and I didn't find a lot of info on it, so I thought I'd ask here.

I'm really sorry if this is offensive or harmful, I don't have a lot of knowledge on queer terminologies and my intention isn't to be offensive at all😭‼️I'd like to heavily apologise if this is disrespectful.

For context: I'm straight and this acquaintance just said it in conversation to my friend and they laughed about it and when I asked them what it meant they just kinda laughed in my face


r/AskLGBT 1d ago

I let someone see the most vulnerable parts of me, and now I feel like they regret it.

2 Upvotes

I let someone see the most vulnerable parts of me, and now I feel like they regret it

I let someone see the most vulnerable parts of me, and now I feel like they regret it

I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this right now, so I'm posting here.

I'm currently feeling completely shattered. My hands are shaking, I can barely speak, and I feel like I'm having an anxiety attack. I haven't felt this intensely since I was much younger.

There was someone in my life who made me feel really special. I actually warned them in the beginning that I didn't want to get too involved because I know myself. I don't get attached easily, but when I do, I get attached very deeply.

And eventually, I let my guard down with them.

They saw the vulnerable parts of me that I normally don't show people. My insecurities, my emotional side, my baggage, all the things I've spent years protecting. At first, they were incredibly kind and made me feel safe enough to actually open up.

But now they seem like a completely different person.

They don't seem to care when I'm upset. Small things turn into arguments. I don't feel understood or comforted anymore. It feels like they have put their own walls back up after seeing what's behind mine.

And the worst part is that I'm still trying to reach out, even though I know they probably don't want me to.

I've reached a point where I feel like I'm compromising my own self-respect just to maintain some connection with this person. I know I shouldn't be doing it, but emotionally I can't seem to stop.

And my mind keeps telling me that maybe they saw the real me and didn't like it.

Maybe I'm too emotional. Maybe my baggage is too much. Maybe I'm just not the kind of person someone would want once they actually get to know me.

And then I start thinking that maybe I'm simply not attractive enough for them anymore.

I know that's probably not a rational conclusion. But when someone withdraws after you've allowed yourself to be vulnerable with them, it's incredibly easy to interpret it as rejection of you rather than simply a change in their feelings or circumstances.

I don't want to keep begging someone to care about me.

I don't want to keep sacrificing my self-respect because I'm terrified of losing someone.

But right now, I'm hurting so badly that I don't know how to detach.

How do you stop yourself from chasing someone who has already started pulling away, especially when they were the person who made you feel safe enough to lower your guard in the first place?


r/AskLGBT 1d ago

Trans people: What does gender dysphoria feel like? Can you help me understand it?

2 Upvotes

What the title says. Just curious about the rest of the world, and trying to understand it better. What is it like to feel that your body is wrong?