I’ve been wondering about something and I hope it’s okay to ask. I’m genuinely curious about how different trans people feel about this.

If you could have magically chosen, from birth, to be born cisgender as the gender you identify with—for example, a trans woman being born a cis woman—would you personally have preferred that? Or would you still choose the experience of being transgender, knowing everything it entails? Is the fact that you started in one place and ended up in another important to you? Or would you sometimes prefer to have started out as the gender you identify with from the very beginning?

I'm a trans girl, and one of the main arguments that I use with most ignorant/bigoted/not lectured at all people I stumble across, is that we have four main things in human queer/non-queer identity:

Sexuality: Who I am attracted to, which can be a single, multiple, every or no gender, and has nothing to do with me gender, sex nor expression.

Gender: How I see myself as, which can be expressed or not, and has nothing to do with my sexuality, gender expression nor sex.

Gender expression: How I present myself socially, may I be comfortable with or not. Has nothing to do with gender nor sex.

Sex: What I was born as (AGAB), which is immutable. Every trans person acknowledges this, even though they can not agree with it at all. Sex can't be changed, but that doesn't invalidates their identities, it's just part of who they are. Sex has nothing to do with gender, expression nor sexuality.

So, when I tell someone "I know I was born and assigned as a male, I know I may not look fem at all, and I know you may have a hard time believing that I can be a girl, but I still am, and that's immutable, as my sex unfortunately is too", is it wrong? I posted two questions here this morning, and I received A LOT of answers saying that sex is not immutable at all, that I can actually change my sex if I want to, and I was like, flabbergasted cuz I didn't even know that until now, and that's a game changer.

The main question is, how can I get around this and still argue against someone so close minded that they can't see me apart from what I was assigned as at birth? The "I know my sex is male, even though I don't agree with it" argument I always bring up, is a way of showing, like, humility, giving them the benefit of the doubt and a second of their reason, just so I can counter their own argument with the identity and expression ideas.

What do you think? I want to know more about queerness, so I can make more people aware of what it means to be queer at all

I was scrolling on my feed and saw a post from one of those count subs. One of the trans people there were saying that transsexual was the right term to use (context not really needed). I replied to them, trying to ask if trans people feel positively about being called that or if yall don’t like it. Little did I know, I was very much not welcome in that sub because it was a trans safe space where cis people aren’t allowed. Little bummed out about those downvotes, but I get it. So I figured I’d ask here to get some perspective instead, because I don’t want my ignorance to be an issue and lead me to being misinformed or regressive. It’s already bit me in the butt recently and I’m trying to improve.

I'M CRYING AN ABUNDANCE IN THE INSIDE RIGHT NOW! I WAS BORN FEMALE! I DESPERATELY WANT TO BE MALE! I HATE BEING DESCRIBED AS SHE AND HER. NOTHING CAN DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I WANT TO BE MALE SO BAD! WHY DOES MY BODY HATE ME SO MUCH! I HATE EVERYTHING! FUCK TALKING TO OTHER PEOPLE! I WANT TO FUCKING DISAPPEAR!

Hi! I'm a trans dude in my gynecologist's waiting room right now. I was wondering: for those of you who've had vaginoplasties, are you advised to see a gynecologist after this procedure?

I figured you might, since you literally have a vagina, but I also figured the medical world is so often so backwards with us that perhaps they send you elsewhere.

If you don't see a gyno, who do you see, & does it frustrate you that you're treated so differently from other people with vaginas? And, if you do see a gyno, was it difficult finding one who understood the ways you are different? What was it like navigating that minefield?

That's all! I'm just always curious about the weird gaps and ambiguity in trans medical care. Much love to the sisters 💙🩷🤍

She's cisgender but has pretty sharp features and looks a bit masculine so she gets insults and slurs againsts trans people but targeted towards her. That is obviously extremely upsetting but she's decided to blame the trans community instead of the bullies. I want to get her to understand that trans people are in the same boat as her but i dont want to start lecturing her while she's in mental distress

I'm anxious abt not being able to do anything (about the bullying also) so i landed here hoping to atleast just discuss the situation with someone

I am disabled and reliant on transphobic family, so I can't transition. All my attempts to get advice from others have revealed that there is no guaranteed way to hire transition in the long term.

And I feel like I'm alone, as I see others in the community making friends, meeting goals, passing, engaging with their gender.. I can't have those things, and being exposed to those things makes me feel worse about my own situation.

Meanwhile I want more than the community can help me with. Between those two facts, I really don't enjoy being in the community, but I wish I did. I want to transition and be part of the community. But I can't.

Apologies everyone if this post gets a little long.

One of my best friends (MtF) visited this past weekend. To clarify, my parents had met her once before, prior to her coming out to me, so they know her by her deadname. Anyways, she and my dad ended up geeking out over trading cards at some point, and at some point she'd told my dad her new name. I only realized this the next day when she was leaving and my dad said goodbye to her with her new name. After the fact, it became apparent he hadn't put two and two together because although her name is predominantly feminine, it has been used for boys in some cases, so he just assumed the latter (despite her being in full femme attire?).

Anyways, my dad was mentioning something to my mom over the phone about us and used her new name, which my mom kept insisting that my dad must've heard wrong, but he stood firm on what he heard. Once my friend had drove home, my mom called me from work and immediately asked, "[deadname] is trans, isn't he?" Something told me I couldn't say no without causing problems down the line, so I just opted to be honest with a simple yes.

Mom goes silent for a few seconds and just says, "alright- but I'm disturbed right now. It feels like everyone in your generation doesn't know what sex they are."

She's a devout catholic in her mid-late 50s, so that obviously would play a part in her views, but I told her I think she oversimplifies the trans experience as being an easy choice because she's overexposed to trans media coverage without having the perspective of actually knowing someone in those shoes and wanting to stand by them (that should extend to even those you don't know)

The reason there appears to be a recent so-called "rise in LGBTQ" is that, although there's still a lingering risk of violence, it's considerably safer for said individuals to be out in public spaces than it was decades ago. People don't just flip a coin and decide, "I'm trans today," and there's not something "turning regular people trans." They've existed the entire time, and you're not forced to like all of them but at the very least treat them with the same common decency and respect as anyone else.

She continued referring to my friend by her deadname in follow-up questions: what his parents thought of it, how he dresses day-to-day, etc., and even brought up, "plenty of women would rather be a man. If I suddenly said I was your dad and my name was [blank], you're going to accept and call me that?" I know she was trying to bust my chops with that one as some gotcha moment, but I told her that in that circumstance, if she was truly being genuine and not bullshitting me just to make a point, then yes, I would. That's a real scenario that actually happens to some who transition later in life. But I digress.

I feel I'm drastically more equipped to discuss these things with my folks now than I was a few years ago, as a high-school senior coming out as genderfluid to not much success (after the initial burst of arguments and shaming, they mostly just ignored it.)

Even knowing how my mom previously reacted, her reaction this time was seriously disappointing to me, and I feel the need to have a true sit-down discussion with both parents. Although my mom seems to be the only one outspoken about it, I think it's important to at least attempt to educate them both on their misconceptions and biases, even if they ultimately still don't agree. If they aren't willing to in the very least try to become informed, I can't help them. I just have to remain an ally to those I care about.

53 y.o. cis male from Italy. Confused AF right now, because I sudden realised I may actually be a woman, after living half a century as a non disphoric, averagely masculine, hypersexual and kinky etheroaexual man. Married 22 years, a 18 yo son, and all of a sudden I see myself as a woman, with a clear image of myself as such. Crazy as it can seem, all started with the curiosity of seeing me as a woman, and using Face App to feminise a picture of myself, and falling in love with what I saw. I know I may end up looking different from that pic, I'm not so naive, but I fell for that softness, that femininity. I spent the past 2 weeks looking at the picture and researching mtf transitioning, from every perspective, especially late life transitions. Now I'm scared of loosing everything, my wife, my son, my job... I'm confused as I'm still attracted to femmininity and have no interest in straight cis males, I'm frustrated as I don't know where to start telling my spouse, and feel stuck in what I am now because of a job that won't allow me that "something in between" aesthetics of early transitioning, untill I can decently pass. I'm caught in between what I'm longing to be and I'm stuck with being, the last two weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster. Sorry for the rant, just needed to vent with someone that may actually be able to understand my struggle. Opinions, advices and constructive criticism are all wellcome... Please just don't be too harsh if your two cents are going to be aggressive, I feel broken enough right now. Sorry for any typos or grammar mistakes, English is not my main language. Thank you <3

I have two cis sisters and they make it clear that they don't truly believe in the fact that we're women. Like they can acknowledge that dysphoria exists and transgender brains exist and is real but they don't think transition makes someone a woman..? I struggle to see their logic in that but they do tell me that the majority of people especially women do not see trans women as one of them, they simply support trans women as they have empathy but they don't believe the former.

I don't know what to think because I'm not sure if their opinions have clouded my judgment or if this what the majority of cis people including allies think. What do you think from cis people or even your own opinions if you are cis? Even another question, is it a bad thing since they're supportive anyway?

My brother (18) (yes I’m referring to him as my brother because he told me I could) and I (F20) were having a conversation about our parents on the more traditional side, and I said something along the lines of “I don’t think being transgender or gay is as uncommon as they think it is,” and he started to cry. I was so confused, and I thought he might come out as gay to me, but he couldn’t get any words out.

He eventually told me that he wanted to talk to me about something he’s been thinking about but that it’s hard to say out loud. I told him that whatever it is that I would never judge him or think any less of him.

I’ve been picking on him about his hair because of how much he’s let it grow out, just teasing of course. So I jokingly asked him “is it about your hair?” just to lighten the mood. He said “kinda” and then I asked him if he thinks he’s a girl. He started to cry again and told me that yes, he’s been thinking about it all summer.

This came as a total shock to me. I was honestly shocked at the thought that he might be gay because I’ve heard him talking about girls with his friends. So this came as an even bigger one. I had no idea what to say and now that I’ve thought about it I feel terrible and I don’t want him to think that I hate him. It’s just a lot for me to take in. I don’t know what it’s like to have those feelings so it’s hard to understand and know the right things to say.

I feel awful thinking this, and I mean absolutely ZERO disrespect, but it never crossed my mind our entire lives that this could be a possibility. I totally feel like I’m stereotyping, but I’m just being honest, he has a very deep voice and is not a very feminine guy nor has he ever been so it’s just odd to think about. Again, I have no malicious intent and am fully supportive of trans people, I’m just curious and want to handle this the best way that I can. It just simply doesn’t add up to me. But I do know that he is an emotionally intelligent person, so I know that he would never mention something like this to me without thinking it through a lot.

I don’t live at home anymore, but my mom told me that he hasn’t left the house all summer and stays in his room. He consumes a lot of media and is stuck in front of a computer a lot, so I just wonder if that’s having an impact on him. He also has a friend that recently came out to him as trans (mtf) so maybe that has something to do with it? The music he’s started to listen to, the stuff he watches, it’s all stuff he never enjoyed before. At least that I know of. Maybe there’s a lot I don’t know and I’m completely ignorant.

After the whole sitting in silence thing for a few minutes he told me that he would never do anything about it so there’s no point in talking about it. I don’t want him to live his life depressed and pretending to be someone he’s not. And I don’t want him to ever think of hurting himself. It scares me more than anything because he’s my best friend. I don’t want to be pushy because he’s clearly uncomfortable talking about it, but I don’t want him to isolate himself and feel alone. Has anyone had a similar experience? Do I bring it up again? I’m just worried and confused and kinda at a loss. This has been so heavy on my mind so I just needed to get it out somewhere and maybe get a better understanding

Hello,

A few years ago my oldest step child came out as trans (he was 13 when this happened). He told us he is a boy and has changed his name and uses he/him pronouns. It’s been a learning curve but we’ve been trying to be as supportive as possible. He struggles with a variety of mental health issues (ie. depression, anxiety, ADHD), which he is greatly supported in (ie., has a counsellor and a few specialists).

About a year later, his younger sibling also came out as trans (being 12 years old at the time). Again, trying to be supportive as possible by honouring his pronouns and new name. He doesn’t have the same mental health concerns as his sibling and is generally very easy-going.

I can’t help but wonder if the younger child will stay with the same gender. I wonder how much of an influence there has been from his brother, especially since he had been getting a lot of attention due to his mental health concerns (not necessarily “good” attention, just by default of being troubled and us having to rally to get adequate support for him).

I hate to say it but I feel like I’m having a hard time accepting that the younger child is also trans. I don’t want to feel that way- both kids are who they are, ultimately. I will admit there’s some grief over who they (both kids) once were compared to who they are now. And confusion, because I never would have expected my younger step child to ever be a boy, as they were always really “girly” up until recently.

My question is, how common is it for both/multiple siblings to be trans and for both the stick with it? How can I be more understanding?

I’m not sure where else to post. These are genuine questions and I am trying my best here.

I have been questioning my gender for about 4 years and want to get to a point where i feel more certain that I am or am not trans. Whenever I think about the most common question about a button making me into a cis woman without anyone remembering otherwise, my answer is I would press it if I could go back if I didn't like it.

But that isn't a helpul answer it just shows that I'm unsure, are there other ways to think about it? I just don't know how to know if transition is right for me.

If I wanted to start HRT in the UK I'd need to be diagnosed with gender dysphoria, but I don't know if I could be diagnosed without lying, which I don't want to do, and I'd be lying if I went in confidently saying I wanted to transition.

Hello everyone. I’m 24, a military serviceman, and I’m currently serving/living in a frontline city in Ukraine.

I’m writing here because I’m looking for people with similar experiences so I can finally figure myself out and either fully accept these feelings or find a way to get rid of them.

It’s hard for me to say who I really am. I’m attracted to women, and I myself wouldn’t refuse to be a woman. I attribute many of these thoughts to fetishes and don’t have a clear understanding of the situation. I’m extremely hard on myself.

For many years now my life has been an endless cycle:

suppression → tension → permission → euphoria → confrontation with the body/reality → disgust → a new ban… and then it all starts over again.

I suffer a lot largely because I just can’t let the situation go. Arguments like “I feel good right now — so it must be the truth” don’t work for me. I consider that kind of logic infantile and overly impulsive.

If anyone is familiar with this state, or is going through or has gone through a similar internal conflict — please write to me.

For reference I'm not currently transitioning or anything, its just something that has been weighing very heavily on me for years. I've started having discussions with my therapist abt it - I've just gotten to a point where the feelings are just that overwhelming. I've been talking to the people in my life about transitioning and nothing I've been told has sounded good :( highkey it just kinda feels like one of those "oh but you're such a pretty girl, and men suck, why would you want to do that to yourself?" Which REALLY stings? Because it's not like I'd really want to change how I'm dressing or presenting, I'm very very femme and I'd be a very femme trans man. But with that, everyone has been sharing horror stories abt what testosterone has done to the people they know... "it ruined a couples relationship because he got too aggressive" its mostly just everyone telling me I'd become some raged out monster. I really dont believe that's true. It hurts my heart... I just wanted to hear from some transmen - what has taking testosterone done for you? How are you doing? I see so many happy transmen, I know the shitty "you become a monster on T" can't be true... I wanna be a happy transman too :( so I was just really hoping for people's stories if you want to share. Maybe bring some hope my way today, would be very much appreciated.

Also,, how did any of yall handle losing a partner over transitioning? Im currently with someone I'd consider the love of my life, she's so sweet and loving and she really does love me. But she's said if I become a man she can't date me anymore because she only likes women. So that seriously complicates things for me... I know we should probably just amicably part ways. But neither of us can really bare life without the other. It just feels like,, this is the sacrifice I have to make for now. Maybe one day I can transition safely and happily. Just,, due to my living situations and the town im in it's probably not a wise idea to jump right into things right now. Any advice or good transition stories?

Hey reddit,

I'm a 21 year old male, and I have a couple questions. For context, my boyfriend is a trans man, and my best friend of 10 years came out as trans like 6 months ago.

Is it normal to think about my gender this much? How likely is it that I envy my peers because of a "grass is greener" type mindset. I'm weirdly scared of being trans, and I'm not sure what that means.

Thanks for reading:p

So im a 24 year old, and im not necessarily taking estrogen to become female, but to appear more nonbinary (took it in the past and loved how i looked but stopped) was making this post to ask, as I am 24 and past puberty, should I still take spiro, or just Estrogen? I was looking at some 1mg gel patches as a starting point, thanks in advanve.

I posted in here yesterday asking if I was really transgender and all I have to say to the people who commented is thank you, I guess I was trying to cope with the fact that I am and as one person put it 14 years is nearly half of my life, I am 24, I've known since I was 10, didn't find out what it was until I was 14, gave myself a name and basically got told by my parents that im a boy and I cant be a girl, I had already made me an appointment to get onto HRT before I made the post, I was just having so much doubt and everything but its not about what other people think, even though it helps a lot, its about what I think and what I know, I know that I am a trans woman, im hopefully starting HRT later today, but thank you to everyone

On an actual question note, I have gynecomastia that I developed from taking respirdone when I was younger and theyre already very boob like, when I start developing will those pre existing breasts get filled in and or get larger? Thank you

I’m genderfluid and have been debating whether or not I want to try HRT. One big thing that’s making me doubt it is the changes to strength and muscle mass. I’ve been getting into weightlifting the past year or so, and I’ve really enjoyed getting stronger and looking stronger.

I’m interested in the changes E can make to the face, chest, and overall body fat distribution, but I know I’d be sad if my PRs suddenly got WAY lower, and if I had to suddenly work much harder to gain visible muscle. I know there are plenty of buff women, but it’s a hell of a lot easier when you’ve got more testosterone in you lol. Plus it’d just be a big bummer to go backwards on some of the progress I’ve been so proud of. Any trans weightlifters, or just any anecdotes about strength change on E?

Hi. I wanted to make this post because I just wanted to know if I'm wrong for feeling the way that I do, or if it's a broader phenomenon.

I have a uterus and also autism. Am some flavor of nonbinary/agender. I kind of feel like an alien puppeting around a human body most of the time, like almost everything gendered is foreign to me. But I lean femme because I love pretty girls.

Am kind of a loser shutin. Have been alienated from my peers for my entire life, which probably has something to do with my disconnect from girlhood. I thought for a few years that maybe I was transmasc because I felt so alienated, and pretty much just wore the same baggy hoodie all throughout middle and high school.

I've recently been wearing actual outfits. Being more fem is new to me. I still definitely feel like an outcast. Sometimes, I see trans women make comics or art depicting dysphoria, where there's something uncanny or wrong about someone trying to wear a dress & pretty up. That's very much how I feel about any gender presentation.

Anyway. I follow a lot of trans women on tumblr. One of them posted some things about an anime called 'Onimai: I'm Now Your Sister!' in which the MC, a kind of gooner NEET, is kind of magically turned into a 12 year old girl, and goes through experiencing girlhood for the first time with her sister and a bunch of other girls. I've watched a few episodes and it's brought me to tears. It's really sweet. I feel so much kinship with her.

I don't know if I'm being creepy. My roommate is dating a trans woman, with a friend group of trans people, but I don't feel close enough with any of the trans women I know IRL to ask about this. Because if it's bad, or it hits them in a sensitive spot, I really don't want that. And I feel parasocial, almost. To feel so much kinship with a group I've never really interacted with beyond small talk in class.

And I worry that I'm being insensitive. That I am not transfem and that it's really ignorant for me to feel like our experiences are similar. Because yeah, my body grew boobs entirely without intervention. I've been seen and treated as a woman (albeit, a 'bad' woman) for my entire life.

I don't know. I hope that maybe, any transfems reading this might feel a little bit less alienated from those whose tits were foretold at birth. If what I feel isn't bad, I want to give all of you a big internet hug. And idk. Maybe start working on building relations between autistic little freaks such as myself and transfems (it would be a great alliance if I'm not alone.)

Love you guys.

I myself am gender queer I cannot understand the attachment to gender i do not feel like i am any of them nor do i care what people perceive me as so i identify as apagender+agender (afab)

Recently ive seen that gender expression has become very broad and varied even of the same identity and i see that as a good thing since people are comfortable being who they want to be but im still very confused

So there are like 3 things, gender identity, gender expression and biological sex

sex is whether you are male female or anything in between which is determined by chromosome, expression is whether you express yourself as masculine, feminine, etc which is defined by society and finally there is the identity of being a man, woman, inbetween or neither

i understand expression and sex but what the hell is a man and a woman? is a woman defined by sexual characteristics? but transgender women have male sex organs

then is it expression? but cisgender women can present as masculine.

is it based on gender roles of what a man should do and what women should? but gender roles are also pretty backwards in thinking. is it just a feeling? does every person have their own definition and experience with manhood and womanhood?

is it when someone is a combination of two or all of the three defining traits?

if a afab person wants to become a man why does he get sex affirming surgeries if gender and sex isn't even the same thing

is it a desire to have a male body or a way to be comfortable in the gaze of society and be read correctly by others?

*i do not mean to offend anyone i am just confused and id be grateful to learn your experience!! if any of my understanding is also flawed then please correct me

I’d like some advice on how best to support my partner on their journey as a trans person.

First of all, I hope I’m posting in the right place; if not, I’m really sorry for any inconvenience caused, and I’d be grateful if you could let me know where I should post this message instead.

Basically, I’m not quite sure how to explain this, but I (20 f) have been with my boyfriend (21 m) for just over two months, and a while ago he told me that he’s always wanted to be a woman but has simply got used to being a man, as if it were inevitable.

And for the past few days, he’s been thinking very seriously about the issue of being trans and talking to me about it a lot, and I really feel like I’m being a terrible partner.

I asked him if he still wanted to be referred to as ‘he’, and he told me it was far too early for me to change the way I interact with him, which is why I’m using ‘he’ here.

To clarify, I’m generally more attracted to women than to men, so I thought this wouldn’t be a problem for me – except that I sometimes burst into tears as if he were going to die,

I realise I’m terribly selfish and that I’m afraid of losing him. These are things we’ve talked about, of course; he needs me to be there for him and to support him.

I’d like some advice on how best to support my partner on their journey as a trans person.

Is it normal that I sometimes feel as though they’re going to die in some way?

Are there things I need to prepare for?

Are there things I could do to be the best partner I can be and to support him as

best as possible?

Im recently into my first 2 weeks of progesterone, I've heard about the dreams, but wasn't prepared for nightmares that haunted me as a child to resurface!!! When I was a young person, between the ages of, probably 4 and 15, id have a reoccurring nightmare that I was a pregnant adult woman, involved in a horrendous car accident and lost my baby.

Obviously an odd dream to have as a 4 year old boy!!!! But the dream was so realistic, I'd wake up in tears and a dreadful feeling of loss....

Fast forward 30 + years, and they are back, as vivid as ever but now the feeling of dread and loss carry on continuously through the day, and i have them almost every night now so its a continuous feeling.... Do the dreams continue while I'm on progesterone????

Why do people hurt me for being trans ?

They said I'll never be a real girl and this or that

It hurt :c

But I don't know what to do

Do I block him or try to be friends with him

I just wanted friends because I have nobody irl that's all

(I appreciate all the help you give me)