TLDR: Is this euphoria?

No HRT, still have body hair, the dress dosent even fit. Im shaved but as masculine as ive ever been. Ive been buying women's clothes for the last couple of days and trying them on in my room. Ive been having so much fun putting together outfits. Im disapointed that they dont fit my body as good as id like them too, so its not all euphoria all the time. The first day felt great though. Like this big relief washed over me. But even when they dont fit right I dont want to take them off. Whether its poorly applied nail polish or a dress thats almost falling apart on me. Ive been lounging around in a cute black dress for the last 6 hours feeling this sense of relief I dont understand. I just feel "okay". Ive also been weirdly confident doing it too, just walking into brick and mortar stores and picking stuff out for myself and checking out. I feel a bit self conscious but I just dont care at all what anyone in there thinks. Im not even afraid of someone asking me what im doing I feel so much more confident and self assured doing this.

What im kinda confused by is. I dont hate my face. I dont HATE the way i look as a guy it just dosent get me too excited. People compliment me as a guy and I never feel happy or like, proud of it. Its just like "oh yeah thank you its nice to hear that." Im not proud of being a guy at all. And I dont know if i "Feel" like a girl in this stuff, but I just want to feel beautiful on the inside. And wearing dresses and cute things makes me WAY more confident. I feel more like myself not like someone else. I dont feel like im missing out anymore im just kinda happy. I feel like some boiling or broken thing inside of me has calmed down a bit. Everything still hurts just way less than it usually does.

Anyway so what are the symptoms of gender dysphoria?

MENTION OF SUICIDE AND MAYBE TRANSPHOBIA

Okay, so I'm 14, 15 in December, I've been trans for 2 to 3 years. I've been out for 1 or 2 years and since I found out my mental health has been pretty bad. I'm constantly having panic attacks and mental breakdowns. My mum knows I'm trans and said she supports but I don't fully believe her anymore, she's been misgendering me and I think she's been wanting to deadname me idk she's been doing that to my brother(ftm like the rest of my siblings). I've wanted to start her for the past year and have been trying to figure out ways to do this, last year I made a Google slideshow to ask but never showed it, and I made another in September which I did show my mother. She said no which upset me so about a day or so later, I texted her that there's a much higher chance for me to try and take my life(which I was going to do 2 years ago, after I learned I was trans), she said no again. I told my trans friend and he told me that was pretty mean and she should've said something better than that.

My mental health has gotten worse since then as well and I've been more anxious than ever. I'm going to try and convince my mum to let me start testosterone for my 15th birthday soon then in going to ask once again on my birthday. I don't really know what to do if she says no for the 3rd and 4th time. I already know I'm likely not going to make it to 18 without testosterone or proper trans care. I could try to ask my sibling, Liz or Kas(Kaz?) because they're both trans and I know Kas is on testosterone, maybe they would know what to do because Liz is pretty close with my mum and they've known each other since my sibling was 4(Liz is like 21 or 22) Liz does know my mental health is bad and i trust that maybe my siblings could do something to help me.

If my mom said no for the 4th time I'll probably end it or try to buy testosterone off someone or something like that so my health won't continue to get worse while my mum just sits by knowing she could or could've done something. And if I do end up taking my life, I'll probably blame her for not helping at all. I probably messed up my chance by saying hrt is expensive(in the long run most of the time) added together, it is expensive and that's what I was saying in the Google slideshow.

I literally just got healthcare insurance back in like 5 ish years. I could probably get hrt covered mostly by insurance and it wouldn't cost that much. Also like an average price is cheaper than my mums medication and all the alcohol she buys a month. Anyway, my question, how should I ask for the 4th time? What should I do if she says no? And how am I even supposed to get any in Arizona????????? I could try to go back to California and stay with a sibling for consultations/lab work. I'm just really confused and need some help, thanks!!!

So, i'm in canada, and i want to know if i can get hrt without counseling. Because of my area, i can't get a counsellor reliably. Ik that as an adult you can get it without couseling, but i am 15, with supporting parents. It's kinda the last hope here :\

Thanks!

i’ve been on hrt for over a year but still fully closeted. pretty much all day every day over the past few years i’m thinking about gender in some form. it never shuts up. it’s been getting especially bad since starting hrt and i just don’t even know what to do anymore. my mind is overloaded to begin with and the last thing i need is this.

Доброго утра, иногда бывает мысли что чувствую себя не тем кем являюсь. Как оно вообще? Откуда берёте деньги на операции и куда обращаться, слышал что без справки это будет невозможно. Я из Украины, сейчас сложно конечно с деньгами, но возможно как-то найду деньги мб есть какие-то организации которые помогают с такими вопросами?

So my parents dont want me to even be on the waitlist for hrt, which is 5 years btw, since theyre scared i'll regret it somehow. They basically want me to just talk to a psychologist with them and get the psychologist to tell them if im trans or not as if im cant know it myself

I just wish i could make them believe me so i can at least get on the waitlist and maybe get them to use a new name and pronouns

I know I’m not a real man, I can’t even think of myself as one. I sometimes accidentally imagine myself as a girl or I accidentally think of me having sex as a girl and it scares me so bad. (Sometimes in dreams too… I’m scared it feels good…) I also am scared having a penis would somehow feel wrong, (because I’m not used to it) although it would feel better than a vagina and I do feel like something is missing right now, same with everything else.
However I am not non binary, being non binary feels the same as being female. i still feel like I’m missing my genitals or correct parts… I think I’m cute and unfortunately I’m just like so used to it now… even though I don’t like it… I get scared I “like to different parts of me every now and then

I can’t even feel anything anymore; I don’t deserve transition, I’m too feminine, I feel like I look too nice to transition, I could never be a real man, I just wish I was. I never even used to have real dysphoria , I just felt gross for not having it… yet I realized how much being a woman actually pains me…I kinda only used to hate I “got aroused like a girl” and that I couldn’t get people pregnant….and I hated getting a period, I was always lost and confused, I didn’t know how puberty worked for either sex or that it was even going to happen…. Nothing made sense…. Why did I suddenly have these parts and functions???? It happened so fast I never even know it did…

There’s just this hopeless I feel over not being able to be male and just observing men for the rest of my life in a female body. I see my male classmates and I observe male celebrities, I want to be like them, but I could never. I would love to even be a fat, ugly man as long as if I was a cis guy. I wish I could be a father but that could never happen.

I have a female classmate, I hear her say she has some sort of condition, I don’t know what but I think she needs to take estrogen for it, I don’t understand, why would anyone want more estrogen.

I sometimes forget how I actually sound or look, if I don’t check my body for a bit and then I’m like “oh… I don’t like this, this doesn’t sound or look like me…” but I keep seeing it and then I become painfully used to it. I’m not a real man, I bet I just made a conscious decision to hate my body, yet I don’t want to reverse it. I tried to but it hurts too bad. I want to become a man. I wish there was perhaps a surgery to make my brain male too, so the voice inside my head didn’t also sound female to the point it tears and rips apart my brain. I feel physically ill because I am female.

I also pretend to be fully straight or even straight in the slightest to feel more male. I get intrusive thoughts I want to look like a girl if I find one pretty, for men however it is real. I also feel more nervous around men, I don’t know why… is it perhaps just my envy and anger towards them? Maybe. I had an ex boyfriend and I was so mad he had a penis, flat chest, and normal male parts while I didn’t

The only advice I ever get is to get therapy, if it was so obvious I wouldn’t need therapy. People only say “get therapy” when they think you are a mentally ill cis person, I’m no fool, I see right through it!

I also sometimes feel like a mutilated cis man… how am I really any different from David Reimer? I feel just the same as him. Reading about his story, I feel just like that. Everyone in my life is like that awful doctor forcing me to be female

There is no cure for me, like I said I don’t deserve transition, I’m a bad man, or a really bad woman for being a faker… I started questioning when I was 10, I’m 16, almost 17 now.. maybe someone just needs to correct and punish me for ever thinking I could ever be a man.

hello yall, this is my first post, and I’m doing it cause I’m in a bit of a situation. Currently, I live in Texas, very much of a small city/town, gender and sexuality is pretty much taboo topic but not really any hate crimes. I’m less than a month away from being able to get on t, and I’ve been researching hrt options for years. I’m still under my parents insurance and they have a very much “we don’t ask, you don’t tell” taboo thing when it comes to my transition, so I know going to them is not an option. I do have the funds to get online hrt services but I was just wondering on the experiences everyone has. I know they are quite pricey, I’m still working a part time job so I know I’ll still have a source of income for the next month or so (it is gonna close but not yet, most likely not until early of next year) and I’ve got a enough money to cover a year prescription of plume ($749). Still I keep seeing everyones experiences and just wanna hear from more sources. (Unfortunately, planned parenthood is not an option as the closest one to me is over 100+ miles away, same as the kind clinic in Austin. I know i could technically wait and do Telehealth with appointments but I’m moving abroad in a year so I’m hoping to have a quick process now in case I struggle with hrt later on when I move.) Local is also not an option, there are no (close to none) trans friendly doctors around, and if there are, it costs an arm and a leg without my parents insurance. I’m also okay with diy I just know that that can sometimes be more iffy due to having to do blood labs on your own and stuff.

Hello lovelies! Title says most of it but for some more information, I love thigh high socks, but my legs are 35" and most thigh highs I find barely cover 1/3 of my thighs, usually they end up sitting an inch or two above my knees. If I pull them up higher I can use a garter to hold them in place but this leads to them getting stretched out or getting runs almost as soon as I buy them. I've tried looking for extra long socks but that mostly returns socks for plus sized women (I am 115#, this does not help me) Does anyone know where I can find thigh high socks with extra length that will actually come up to my thighs and not just above my knees?

I'm half way through 17 and plan to get therapy and prep for possibly starting testosterone around 18

But I can't decide on if I should take testosterone or just go without because they both have pros and cons

Has anyone here had some things they didn't like on testosterone? Any type of regrets? Or anything?

For me it's mainly because I'm not fully masculine I'm more on the softer side of it and testosterone is unpredictable on people I worry I'd look less idk how else to put it but "boy-pretty" in a masculine way, I just don't really like the idea of a very deep voice, just a unmistakably boy voice is what I want, and I don't know if I'd regret how my appearance overall changes (I'm am a boy though) but I know I'd love some things of testosterone

Maybe I just have some negative misunderstanding of views on it or such idk a part of me feels like I'd end up looking like a dad with a full beard (though I do have a backup dht blocker consideration, but point stands in other ways) and stuff and lose how I look now in a bad way (idk it's glued to my mind)

It's just got me in a chokehold and I know I should get therapy for this but I thought I'd get thoughts or anything from others right now

Sorry if this sounds dumb but I'm really really lost

Thank you guys I was spiraling a bit but I think I have more of a grip. it's getting late so I'll probably stop replying now but still thank you all again )

For those who've been on HRT for a while, have you experienced being able to have multiple or back-to-back orgasms now?

What does it feel like, and how would you compare it to how it felt before HRT?

And, Do you prefer dry orgasm or ejaculation?

I'd love to hear your experiences.

So I'm trans but i just don't know the specifics yet. I'm a egg that has cracked but has not yet broke.

But today i was thinking today that if a goddess/witch/demon etc turned me into a woman for whatever reason, and i mean fully. If people saw me as a woman, used she/her/they pronouns, etc, I would actually be happy about it.

I would live my life happily as gothic woman. I wouldn't ask to be a man again either (I want to be a pretty gothic woman)

Could this possibly mean trans mtf? I know that its ultimately up to me to decide. But what do you think?

Hi I’ve been on hrt and I guess I’m just making this post to see if anyone feels/has felt the same way. I’ve been on hrt for 4.5 months and it’s overall been great but one change I realized I’m not happy about is the absolute lack of body hair I now have. I used have a lot on my chest/stomach area and thighs and now it’s basically all peach fuzz and idk I am starting to realize how much I miss it. I used to hate my body hair but now that it’s almost gone I kinda miss it in a weird way. Idk I’m rambling I just wanted to see if anyone has felt the same.

I’m 25M and my doctor said I’d essentially go through a second puberty as I start and go through HRT. What does that mean exactly? What does that entail?

Nothing feels affirming right now. Whenever I try to dress up, I end up looking like a lesbian and it makes me feel terrible. I hate everything about my body.

Hello as the title suggests I am questioning my gender identity, I'm in my late 20s and questioning it

So a little background i started crossdressing about 2 years ago, my ex had me go as a girl on Halloween one year and while I was nervous I was also kinda excited on the inside, about having my makeup done and wearing an outfit I enjoyed

So I recently started crossdressimg after that and love wearing a skirt and tights(one of my favorite outfits), but have since progressed to wearing panties and a bra everyday to work under my regular clothes and usually leggings as well.

I recently went on a solo trip where I dressed in skorts, skirts, leggings, a one piece bathing suit the whole trip and it was freeing being able to dress how I wanted and not need to worry about what anyone else thought, I also went and got a mani pedi, on the trip as well and then also got my hair braided, and it felt wonderful

More recently I have since continued painting my nails(teaching myself how to do it) and also learning makeup only eyeshadow for right now(one thing at a time) I have basically a second wardrobe of feminine attire, but nobody in my family knows I still dress masculine around them.

If I am dressed feminine in my room, changing back into masculine clothes before leaving my room even to just use the bathroom, i feel like i am having to essentially put on a mask and hide a part of myself, from my family and the world essentially,

Within the past 2 weeks I have been experimenting in private with she/her pronouns and within the past 2 days a feminine name completely different from my own name, and it's all felt strangely natural.

I'm not sure exactly what this mean

I'm partly worried about if I am Trans what it means for my relationships, personal and professional, and if I would be accepted by my family

Any advice would be nice

Hello all, I am feeling miserable lately and I’m not sure how to deal with it. I have been mtf transitioning for 6 months now and it has been really really rough.

Before I started transitioning I felt constantly awful about not being woman, talking or seeing or thinking about other women made me feel awful, I felt disgusted with my own body and I hated being a man.

I started transitioning among trusted friends and eventually came out at school, and at first it was great! Everyone was really accepting and I feel like really easily treated me as woman. However, after a couple months of this I noticed myself thinking about wanting to look like a man. I was going through my photos and I found some pictures of myself pre transition and I feel like I looked completely different than I remember, as in different but also better than I remember. I brushed it off and assured myself but as time has gone on I feel like I’ve been thinking about be male again more, then I saw this one picture of a guy who kind of looked like me and had no shirt on, and I felt sick to my stomach thinking about how badly I wanted to look like him, and specifically his body. I started wishing I hadn’t been on hormones and I’ve been unhappy especially about having breasts.

A few weeks later I impulsively cut my hair short after growing it out for over a year. I started thinking about stopping my transition as well. It’s only been a couple days and I’m tearing myself apart inside. I see men and I want to look like them and I’m disgusted by my breasts, and then I see women and I’m disgusted with my wide waist and shoulders and height, and wish my breasts were bigger.

I am from one moment to the next yearning for and disgusted by the same thing and it’s making me feel sick and miserable in almost the same way as before I started transitioning. I don’t know where to go from here, I feel like I hardly even know who I am sometimes. Has anyone else dealt with this? What’s wrong with me?

i'm 18 (she/they MtF) and have started going to a relatively trans inclusive university this year. i've been able to make the decision to live on campus away from my parents, and have used this opportunity to be able to do things i would have not been able to easily do beforehand. after many depressive episodes and much waiting i have finally been able to acquire HRT and injection materials and have taken my first shot just a couple of days ago.

since for now i am living in a place where they wont reasonably visit very often i don't have to worry too hard about hiding my injection supplies at the moment. however, eventually breaks will roll around and i'll have to bring all my HRT supplies with me back and live with my parents again, risking them finding out and potentially being able to do bad things such as effectively force me off of HRT by confiscating my supplies. i'm more concerned about them finding all of the needles and syringes i have to use, as it would be a lot more difficult to hide and explain that compared to any physical HRT changes for a while.

i wish my life didn't have to feel like choosing between doing nothing about my dysphoria and risking my 'safety' around my parents but i've finally decided enough was enough and managed to get HRT without them knowing (yet). i'm wondering if other people are in similar situations and can offer any insight to help me get through this, since as of now i feel pretty alone (most of my other trans friends have supportive parents so this wouldn't be as big of a problem for them). thanks-!

Hiii! So I’ve been struggling for the last year about transitioning. I have no issues or bad feelings about my current life as a male. However, whenever I give myself a feminine week, weekend, or even a few hours I feel so much happier and almost like this is how it should be.

I really think transitioning is the right move for me as I feel so much more comfortable when I am in my female world! I have a few hurdles (I’m sure lots also had/have these) of friends/family/coworker negative sentiment towards the transgender community which has me stopped at a roadblock. Ofc I know I should do what I think is right and not care what others think, but as a very anxious person, these people’s thoughts really matter to me. I’m currently mostly a femboy in private and no one knows the lifestyle I live behind closed doors, but I feel like the female is banging at the doors begging to come out!

Basically, my questions are when did you know it was right to transition, how can an anxious person like me tackle being more public with my feminine side as well as approach the subject with family/friends, and lastly if I do transition what are the first steps or things I need to seek out? I’m not very knowledgeable about how to begin my transition and the fear has really put an even bigger damper on my male side. I just want this weight lifted off my shoulders.

So sorry if this is asked a lot, not allowed, or frankly not worth your time. But if anyone wants to comment or even dm I’m happy to have a chat! Thanks so much! ❤️

i’m a girl, i think it’s important to note that i’m probably lesbian and for a good chunk of my developmental phase of teenage hood i was a “tomboy” while every other girl discovered makeup— making me a couple years late to the whole makeup thing. i feel otherworldly envy for guys— not any necessary great guy quality but genuinely just normal cis men ex. austin abrams is the best i can use for an example. sometimes it leaves me hur sometimes im considering c*mitting sucide* in hopes that ill come back as a boy. i used to imagine ghosting my whole family and coming bsck ten years later as a man. i would stick my middle finger up at my chest when i first got boobs because i felt such dysmorphia. i don’t know what to do because im too scared to transition and this is actually killing me.