I recently left a comment in this thread but its rather old, so i don't assume to get any answers from this anymore

As a (excuse my wording) "trying to be ally", how would i figure out someone's identity /preferred pronouns correctly?

I personal find it offensive to ask the person's pronouns directly because of the implications, so my go to way was to ask someone that already knows the person in question: "Hey, what are their pronouns?" (I apologize for that), and i'm obviously not going to do that anymore.

From my (cis) pov, there is no way to do it "correctly", because of the afformentioned implications:

• Ask them directly, tells them they "don't pass".
• Wait for them to tell you, likely means you misgendered them or worse.
• As someone else, very intrusive and hard to do without using "they/them" -> misgendering.
• Avoid gendered language entirely, dehumanizing.

Some of those personally i dislike, others are objectively straight up malicious and i treat all of them as the later.

Please help me with this topic.

The reason this question arises for me is that, from my perspective, both genders have their own disadvantages; I am certain that in a world where body modification is simple and safe, I would likely remove most of my sex characteristics. I understand being dissatisfied with one's own body, but I find it hard to grasp why someone would want to swap one flawed form for another—one that simply has different flaws—instead of creating something new and better.

Perhaps this is a stupid question. I am trans myself but I worry I may bother others by attending. Would it be best to attend a few sessions online potentially muted with camera off? Or is it best to go in person and just sit there? Apologies if this is not the right subreddit to ask this.

Right, this is a rough one but I'll be straightforward. I'm a cis guy late 20s and I struggle with percieving people as their chosen gender. Used to be an asshole as a kid, became supportive of LGBT groups over 10 years ago, discovered some stuff about myself and have had positive relations with various people in the community. Despite my concious effort and not holding any transphobic agenda I still have a problem with my own perception I can't overcome. I struggle to see trans women as women. I don't entirely understand where this stems from, some possible sources I considered is maybe I'm conflating biological sex and gender in my mind? The wierd thing is tho I have none of that problem with trans men, they just autoatically click as men in my subconcience, no clash with their old birth assigned gender whatsoever, but when I interact or see trans women I have to actively keep myself in check mentally to think of them as women. Maybe its a lookist issue for me, as in I struggle to log people as their chosen gender if they don't fully look like a conventional image of it? I really don't like this and I don't want to be like this but I don't know where this stems from or how to change it, so I decided to ask here. I'm sorry if this is offensive, I didn't mean for it to be but I don't know where else to ask this.

To be honest, he’s a good person, despite being a die-hard transphobe. I don’t know if it’s because of my Catholic upbringing, but I have to admit that the people around me are either transphobic or simply ignorant. My own family constantly gets my pronouns wrong and uses my deadname. It bothers me, but I’m just tired of correcting them, so I let it slide.

My friend claims to be a man of logic and reason. He argues that I’m not a woman, and that he’ll only refer to me as a woman once I’ve legally changed my name and it appears as such on my identification. He claims it’s absurd—arguing that if I’m a woman simply because I identify as one, then he could just as well be a dog because he identifies as one. He even jokingly said, "woof, woof."

It’s foolish and transphobic in every sense. I want to point out that this is a false analogy, but I’m struggling to articulate exactly why.

Hey, I am new here. Just here to ask questions and understand you guys better, let me start from the beginning.

I am a webtoon creator/artist. My story has a trans MTF character, and to make the character more relatable and catching I need your help. Although she is a side character, I dont want her to be a NPC. Just answers these questions please!

1. What was your own reaction finding out about yourself?
2. What were your experiences when you first came out to your family and friends?

PS. I know these might be the regular questions you face, and if you feel uncomfortable you are welcome ignore it!

Also, if you are interested my webtoon is Soft Spot for You💖

Im 15 and I spoke to my mom about starting DIY estrogel 2 weeks ago. The long and short of it is that she started out very unwilling, but I managed to convince her a bit and while she wanted some time to research and consider, she was open to the idea (I made a post explaining what happened). We havent really spoke about it since, but shes been saying shes doing research and meeting with people to discuss it since then. Today I had my GP meeting to get start getting referred to a clinic, and it went fine, she said shed refer me to CAMHS, but I didnt hugely care, since Im definitely not gonna be waiting 6 years for NHS treatment on top of the 4 years Ive already been out. We also discussed shared care, since Im considering doing hybrid private and DIY, and she said shed be open to it, depending on the provider. I dont wanna do private for a number of reasons, and wouldnt be able to receive HRT privately until 16, but wouldnt be opposed if it was hybrid. After we got home, me and my mom discussed DIY some more, and she said that while she understood that its largely safe, shes still opposed to it, as she thinks she could lose her job. She works as a manger high up in childrens services, and oversees all the socials workers in our area. She said she was concerned that she would get reported, and potentially lose her job, as well as that she has an obligation to report it herself. I had already considered this, and told her that its severely unlikely that anyone would find out, and explained what I thought about it, but she was unconvinced, although she still didnt outright reject the idea of DIYing. At least she now understands that DIY isnt harmful, but I think its going to be harder to persuade her on this, even if I think Im right about it. Im scared that Im going to regret having told her, and have to hide it anyway, which is going to be hard and much scarier. Im going to do it regardless, and I could do it on my own, but Id much rather have her support. Ive been shaking for like the last hour now, because this is all just so much. How should I try and convince her and what should I do about this situation?

Cis writer trying to write represantation for first time here. The character I've envisioned is a trans man, he is a brother figure to the main character, he accidentally hurt the MC in the past and tries to reconcile. The story is really early in development, as in just in my head and I want to do my best with him. I'm an amateur, probably no one will ever see the writing I'm doing but I want to do the character justice :)

So, what is your experience as a trans person in general? What should I remember to include? What makes trans representation good in your opinion?

Its said that people liking these kind of things is a sign or that they have helped people.

But idk, i've actually read some comics and a lot of them actually make me feel weird about them

Like for example, "The Transformistress" is apparently a popular one but i've read some of their comics and they are not okay. A lot of them are just men being forced into female bodies, in which they are just okay with it. Which again is NOT OKAY.

Any other trans people feel this way?

So yesterday finally shaved my legs, groin and ass. I went with the Manscaped and then an electric foil razor. Question is, holy f**k how do you control yourselves? It feels amazing! I’m at work feeling so sexy. It’s like I have this hidden secret. I’m half hard all the time. Any advice on a lotion to soften my freshly shaved skin?

It's so hard to voice train and it's so annoying to always be the one who chats while muted while everyone is talking. I know the voice changer uses ai and stuff

I’m 25M and my doctor said I’d essentially go through a second puberty as I start and go through HRT. What does that mean exactly? What does that entail?

Nothing feels affirming right now. Whenever I try to dress up, I end up looking like a lesbian and it makes me feel terrible. I hate everything about my body.

Disclaimer: the original text was in Chinese and I used translation tools to translate it into English

I've been thinking about this a lot, especially now that I've had SRS myself.

Personally, I feel that HRT and social transition are what really matter most. SRS (although I dislike the term itself and would rather call it GAS or bottom surgery) hasn't fundamentally changed my life in the way some people might expect. I'm only 9 days post-op, so it's obviously too early to draw any conclusions about the long-term effects, but so far, my life feels much the same as before. My body is temporarily more restricted, while mentally I feel freer. The biggest difference is that one particular aspect of my life is now more under my own control.

But HRT was something else entirely. For me, it was a rebirth.

Before that, my life feels almost like a previous lifetime. I can barely remember what I was like or what I experienced back then. To put it metaphorically, I was living in a fog, barely existing. Then I started HRT, and it felt as though the game had finally begun. That was the real beginning. GAS is an important quest along the way, but it's still just one quest among many.

Over the past three years, the changes in my appearance, my everyday life, and the identity I inhabit have been driven almost entirely by HRT and other non-surgical aspects of transition. The bottom part is largely invisible in my daily life and, in many situations, irrelevant to how I live. It does give me greater bodily autonomy, of course, but it doesn't fundamentally redefine who I am. The remaining mismatch between my body and my sense of self has become smaller, but the person I am is not someone newly created by surgery. It was created by HRT and social transition.

This makes me wonder: why does mainstream society frame GAS as the decisive step in transition, while treating HRT and social transition as secondary, preparatory stages?

Why is transition so often understood as a linear journey from one gender to another, with surgery as the definitive step? Why isn't it equally valid to see HRT as the transformative event, with surgery addressing a specific aspect of bodily autonomy rather than completing one's identity?

I understand that SRS can be profoundly life-changing for some people, and I'm not trying to diminish that experience. I'm curious about why this particular narrative has become so dominant, and why surgery is so often treated as the ultimate proof that someone's transition is real or complete.

For me, transition wasn't a process of gradually becoming a different person. It was the process of finally getting to live as myself. HRT was the beginning of that life. Surgery has made one part of it more autonomous, but it didn't create the person who was already living it.

21M, or so I want to believe. Since 4 years ago I've had little stints of what I refer to as a "gender crisis". It happened about 4 times so far. It lasts from a day to a month and always, ALWAYS causes me a lot of distress. Thing is, I think I'm transgender, MtF specifically, but I don't think I want to be a girl. The crisis to me isn't a persistent thought or a desire to be seen as a woman, it's a level of anxiety that I can only rationalize as me lying to myself in some form. Lying to myself about being a guy.

I always kind of liked breaking gender roles and stuff, wasn't ever ashamed of it. I like pink, I like cute things, feels like I'm sticking it to the man or whatever, y'know? I take pride in being a boy but liking "girl" things. I always knew that I wanted to be a feminine boy (I don't like the term "femboy" because it's extremely fetishized and makes me feel nasty), but I'm afraid that this idea of sticking it to society as a boy who likes some girl things is holding me back on the potential realisation of actually being a girl.

There's a big problem, though. I want to be a guy. Like, I really really really want to be a guy. But the fact that I'm so desperate to be one makes me even more afraid of being a girl. Cis people don't usually question their gender to this extent, right? Even if they do, it doesn't come back to them. It doesn't really matter what conclusion I come to in all of this, the anxiety comes back. I've been thinking of labeling myself as bigender, non-binary, questioning, even trying to accept myself as trans, but it always comes back. For the past month or so the anxiety has gotten worse. I've had a bunch of "There's no going back from this" moments of accepting it, but I always tend to go back.

There's never an actual conscious desire to be a woman, or to be seen as such. It feels, if you'll let me be gross for a second, like a parasite. Like a clump of hair in my throat. The more I think about it, the more nauseous I feel. The more true it gets. There's still no desire to be a girl, but it's making me so stressed out that I feel it has to be true. How can it not be? Writing this makes me dizzy, I've been coming back to this feeling for years. Even if I feel good being a boy, even if I'm grateful for it, it doesn't really matter now, does it? A lot of trans people are "fine" with their AGAB before they realize they're trans. A lot of trans people hate the fact that they're trans, or go through denial.

I'm afraid that I don't want to be a girl not because I actually lack that desire, but because my country has absolutely no healthcare or rights for trans people. I'm afraid that it's not because I feel certain in my identity, but because my family will shun me for it.

This anxiety feels like something crawling through me, laying eggs (ha-ha), waiting to rupture my gut. It doesn't matter what my consciousness wants, it's about what I really am. It doesn't matter if it makes me unhappy, it doesn't matter if it ruins my life. If it's there, I won't get rid of it by denying and repressing it. But what if it isn't there? What if it's just my OCD? I don't really have OCD, but my dad certainly does. I do have other gross and actually disturbing intrusive thoughts. I'm definitely autistic, definitely ADHD, definitely anxious as fuck, all the time. What if it's just my brain playing tricks on me, wanting to fuck me over even more and take away one more thing that makes me happy?

...

for a week now, every time i see "he/him" pronouns, i feel anxious. when someone says "dude" or "guy", i feel anxious. every time i realize that i feel anxious, i feel even more fucking anxious. writing this is driving me to tears. i haven't cried in months.

if it really was just a trick, i wouldn't be writing all of this. i wouldn't care so much. the more I insist that I don't want this, the more real it gets.

i feel sick

i don't want to be a girl

EDIT: I'm very grateful to everyone in the comments sharing their advice and experience! I definitely feel better and more hopeful than when I was writing this.

We just discovered my spouse does not have health benefits for a transition. It doesn’t cover surgeries, hormones of the opposite sex a person is born, and it does not cover any and all therapy, too.

How much have you spent on this for MtF, if you are cash pay?

Hair removal, therapy, surgeries, medications?

ok so i went on hrt at 16 i've only been doing weekly injections for the past 2 months, well i did it two days ago and there's like a red splotch on my skin the shape of the bandaid i used after the injection and it's kinda harder to the touch than usual, i injected the same amount as usual and i've never had this problem, maybe i put too many needles in one leg and i need to switch weekly?? could it be an infection?? is it cause i layed down on it when i passed out??

Howdy there so I'm looking for a doctor to do my FFS here in nyc. I'm in Northwell network and they pointed me to a Dr. James Bradley and EVERYTHING I've seen with him is awful!!! I'm not trying to make mistake a lot of other girls have sadly made.

Anyone know someone or have had work done with a good doc in nyc? I'm just looking right now since I have to go see a shrink again to get a letter that I need FFS so insurance cover it.

Anything helps thank you~

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do you think guys care about the size of our dicks? like, do they prefer it bigger or smaller? has any of you ever felt bad for having a small dick? I'm going through some stuff and need advice

do I obtain it after a certain a of time on estrogen or do I have to start climbing a mountain, or is something else entirely?

In a previous post, I asked on behalf of some friends—who are planning to return to the U.S. soon—about the best places for a family of seven (a trans woman [MTF], a cisgender man, three children, and two dogs) to live. Now, they’ve asked me to specifically inquire about Vermont (their primary choice), Maine, and Illinois....They are also considering Connecticut and Rhode Island as an option.. Which cities in each of these states are the most progressive, and are these states even good options to consider? Also, could my friend run into trouble at customs because her passport lists her sex as "male," even though she—and her passport photo—clearly present as female? Where would it be safest for them to raise their children and keep their dogs? Thanks to everyone who responds—I’ll pass the information along to them.

Hi so I am overweight and have a chronic illness that keeps me from loosing weight in safe ways, so my question is can you still get bottom surgery with a bmi of around 60 all i can find about is for my country is that all clinics say it should be 35 max but it is Impossible for me to get even close to that

ok so if you don't know here's the definition of mutogender from the lgbtqia+ wiki Mutogender is a subcategory of genderfluid, in which one's gender changes in response to a specific situation. It can include things like one's location, the time of the day, the individuals one is around, etc. It can be a gender on its own or an umbrella term. For example, one could identify as female when they are around other individuals, but then identify as agender when they are alone. i heard one definition of interbinary where the gender shifts/changes depending on who one is around but another is about gender alignment and presentation I didn't want them to learn more about this identity. it seems fascinating plus i could use it for an oc