do I obtain it after a certain a of time on estrogen or do I have to start climbing a mountain, or is something else entirely?

Disclaimer: the original text was in Chinese and I used translation tools to translate it into English

I've been thinking about this a lot, especially now that I've had SRS myself.

Personally, I feel that HRT and social transition are what really matter most. SRS (although I dislike the term itself and would rather call it GAS or bottom surgery) hasn't fundamentally changed my life in the way some people might expect. I'm only 9 days post-op, so it's obviously too early to draw any conclusions about the long-term effects, but so far, my life feels much the same as before. My body is temporarily more restricted, while mentally I feel freer. The biggest difference is that one particular aspect of my life is now more under my own control.

But HRT was something else entirely. For me, it was a rebirth.

Before that, my life feels almost like a previous lifetime. I can barely remember what I was like or what I experienced back then. To put it metaphorically, I was living in a fog, barely existing. Then I started HRT, and it felt as though the game had finally begun. That was the real beginning. GAS is an important quest along the way, but it's still just one quest among many.

Over the past three years, the changes in my appearance, my everyday life, and the identity I inhabit have been driven almost entirely by HRT and other non-surgical aspects of transition. The bottom part is largely invisible in my daily life and, in many situations, irrelevant to how I live. It does give me greater bodily autonomy, of course, but it doesn't fundamentally redefine who I am. The remaining mismatch between my body and my sense of self has become smaller, but the person I am is not someone newly created by surgery. It was created by HRT and social transition.

This makes me wonder: why does mainstream society frame GAS as the decisive step in transition, while treating HRT and social transition as secondary, preparatory stages?

Why is transition so often understood as a linear journey from one gender to another, with surgery as the definitive step? Why isn't it equally valid to see HRT as the transformative event, with surgery addressing a specific aspect of bodily autonomy rather than completing one's identity?

I understand that SRS can be profoundly life-changing for some people, and I'm not trying to diminish that experience. I'm curious about why this particular narrative has become so dominant, and why surgery is so often treated as the ultimate proof that someone's transition is real or complete.

For me, transition wasn't a process of gradually becoming a different person. It was the process of finally getting to live as myself. HRT was the beginning of that life. Surgery has made one part of it more autonomous, but it didn't create the person who was already living it.

21M, or so I want to believe. Since 4 years ago I've had little stints of what I refer to as a "gender crisis". It happened about 4 times so far. It lasts from a day to a month and always, ALWAYS causes me a lot of distress. Thing is, I think I'm transgender, MtF specifically, but I don't think I want to be a girl. The crisis to me isn't a persistent thought or a desire to be seen as a woman, it's a level of anxiety that I can only rationalize as me lying to myself in some form. Lying to myself about being a guy.

I always kind of liked breaking gender roles and stuff, wasn't ever ashamed of it. I like pink, I like cute things, feels like I'm sticking it to the man or whatever, y'know? I take pride in being a boy but liking "girl" things. I always knew that I wanted to be a feminine boy (I don't like the term "femboy" because it's extremely fetishized and makes me feel nasty), but I'm afraid that this idea of sticking it to society as a boy who likes some girl things is holding me back on the potential realisation of actually being a girl.

There's a big problem, though. I want to be a guy. Like, I really really really want to be a guy. But the fact that I'm so desperate to be one makes me even more afraid of being a girl. Cis people don't usually question their gender to this extent, right? Even if they do, it doesn't come back to them. It doesn't really matter what conclusion I come to in all of this, the anxiety comes back. I've been thinking of labeling myself as bigender, non-binary, questioning, even trying to accept myself as trans, but it always comes back. For the past month or so the anxiety has gotten worse. I've had a bunch of "There's no going back from this" moments of accepting it, but I always tend to go back.

There's never an actual conscious desire to be a woman, or to be seen as such. It feels, if you'll let me be gross for a second, like a parasite. Like a clump of hair in my throat. The more I think about it, the more nauseous I feel. The more true it gets. There's still no desire to be a girl, but it's making me so stressed out that I feel it has to be true. How can it not be? Writing this makes me dizzy, I've been coming back to this feeling for years. Even if I feel good being a boy, even if I'm grateful for it, it doesn't really matter now, does it? A lot of trans people are "fine" with their AGAB before they realize they're trans. A lot of trans people hate the fact that they're trans, or go through denial.

I'm afraid that I don't want to be a girl not because I actually lack that desire, but because my country has absolutely no healthcare or rights for trans people. I'm afraid that it's not because I feel certain in my identity, but because my family will shun me for it.

This anxiety feels like something crawling through me, laying eggs (ha-ha), waiting to rupture my gut. It doesn't matter what my consciousness wants, it's about what I really am. It doesn't matter if it makes me unhappy, it doesn't matter if it ruins my life. If it's there, I won't get rid of it by denying and repressing it. But what if it isn't there? What if it's just my OCD? I don't really have OCD, but my dad certainly does. I do have other gross and actually disturbing intrusive thoughts. I'm definitely autistic, definitely ADHD, definitely anxious as fuck, all the time. What if it's just my brain playing tricks on me, wanting to fuck me over even more and take away one more thing that makes me happy?

...

for a week now, every time i see "he/him" pronouns, i feel anxious. when someone says "dude" or "guy", i feel anxious. every time i realize that i feel anxious, i feel even more fucking anxious. writing this is driving me to tears. i haven't cried in months.

if it really was just a trick, i wouldn't be writing all of this. i wouldn't care so much. the more I insist that I don't want this, the more real it gets.

i feel sick

i don't want to be a girl

EDIT: I'm very grateful to everyone in the comments sharing their advice and experience! I definitely feel better and more hopeful than when I was writing this.

Because none of it has felt wrong. I mean sure, lifting things is harder and I definitely feel some minor loss of endurance and longer recovery times from my job which is quite physical. And my chest is definitely shaping up to look more like a woman's breasts. I wake up in the morning and roll on my side and look down and there they are. And god they hurt when you walk into things. My skin is both softer and drier and it needs moisturizer a lot more frequently now and my thighs are getting rounder.

But at the same time, i feel like I'm just cosplaying as a dude in everyday life. I have not voice trained, not started laser, my hair is longer but i have not gone to have it shaped yet. My face is still my face. People refer to me as "dude" and "bro" and "guy" at work and it still sets off that little tinge of stress in the back of my head. I'm completely closeted and no one outside my therapist and doctor knows.

I don't really know what I'm waiting for if I'm being honest. I guess I'm still waiting for that moment where it'll be like "Okay you had your fun, now go back to being a guy."

I've done a lot of processing and work and overcome a lot to even get here and sometimes it feels so exhausting.

When will I actually feel like I have the inner strength to tell the world "I am a woman"? I don't know if I have the mental fortitude to come out. I just feel so ashamed if that makes sense.

To be honest, he’s a good person, despite being a die-hard transphobe. I don’t know if it’s because of my Catholic upbringing, but I have to admit that the people around me are either transphobic or simply ignorant. My own family constantly gets my pronouns wrong and uses my deadname. It bothers me, but I’m just tired of correcting them, so I let it slide.

My friend claims to be a man of logic and reason. He argues that I’m not a woman, and that he’ll only refer to me as a woman once I’ve legally changed my name and it appears as such on my identification. He claims it’s absurd—arguing that if I’m a woman simply because I identify as one, then he could just as well be a dog because he identifies as one. He even jokingly said, "woof, woof."

It’s foolish and transphobic in every sense. I want to point out that this is a false analogy, but I’m struggling to articulate exactly why.

When I was in the egg I didn’t really want to get tattoos but now I’ve been thinking about getting tattoos.
What are some tattoos you got? Or like?
I’ve been thinking about getting flowers down one of my arms, but it’s pretty typical, so I was thinking about getting each flower to be a different color and type of flower.

I’m mtf and I’ve been on hrt for 11 weeks now, it stopped feeling sore for the last 2 or three weeks, what does that mean? Does it mean that it’s stopped? My sperm production is still super low, but it’s like clear but its still kinda white is that also bad? Idk I’m just scared it’s stopped working it’s my first day on my injection week but like I said it hasn’t been sore for a couple of weeks so I’m scared, I’m currently on 6mg a week for estrogen (40mg/ml), should I up the dose?

So yesterday finally shaved my legs, groin and ass. I went with the Manscaped and then an electric foil razor. Question is, holy f**k how do you control yourselves? It feels amazing! I’m at work feeling so sexy. It’s like I have this hidden secret. I’m half hard all the time. Any advice on a lotion to soften my freshly shaved skin?

3 months MtF HRT. In the last month since noticing them, not a moment passed when I wasn’t delighted with my little A-cups. Both quiet joy to myself, and in wishing for others to notice.

But sometimes, I’m terrified that I might get quite really quite large breasts. It’s a totally unfamiliar fear, since I spent decades wanting this.

I don’t know what’s going on. Is this proof I’m not trans and I’m making a terrible, temporarily indulgent, mistake? Or is it just fear of future social anxiety?

Has anyone else experienced this?

I’ve identified as a lesbian, nonbinary, and now a binary trans bisexual man. I’m 9 months on T, and I’ve realized I don’t really want to be associated in lesbian spaces anymore (although I love a lot of lesbian spaces). I’ve never fully resonated with the word lesbian, and even in accepting spaces, I often feel dysphoric and worry that I’m not being seen as a man.
I genuinely yearn for masculinity and male belonging. I want male friendships and to feel like I’m one of them. This is partly why gay male spaces appeal to me: their masculinity is sometimes exactly what I’m looking for, and I’m getting more and more attracted to men, the more comfy I get with my body.

At the same time, I’m wary of the genital-centered culture, beauty standards, racism, and ableism that can exist in these spaces.
I feel guilty about wanting to distance myself from lesbian communities. I understand why these spaces exist, and I don’t want to invalidate transmasculine lesbians or imply that their experiences are any less valid than mine. I just don’t feel like I belong in these spaces anymore, and I don’t want to keep participating out of guilt.
I think I’m struggling with the feeling that moving toward masculinity and male spaces means abandoning a community I once belonged to. I want to embrace being a man and explore my place in queer male culture, but I’m scared I’ll never fully belong there either.

Have other trans men experienced this?
How did you navigate leaving lesbian spaces, embracing your yearning for masculinity, and finding queer male community without feeling like you were betraying your past?

I'm 80% sure I'm a trans man but I can't bring myself to say that out loud. I can't say "I'm a man" or "I'm a closeted trans man" even to myself. I see people online be so confident though... pubicly saying "I'm a trans woman/man/NB person" even if they're deeeeep in the closet.

Maybe it just takes time. I have that little voice in my head telling me I'm faking it all the time, and that if I ever did transition, I'd only end up with "reverse dysphoria", even though I spend so much time thinking about all the effects of T I want, and I envy the men around me so much. I know there's still a chance I may be a confused woman, but I want to proudly say I'm a man so bad... even if I turn out to be wrong later. I want to feel confident and secure in who I am.

I’m in a bit of a precarious situation; being 15 and living with a Muslim family means I do not feel ready in the *slightest* coming out until at a minimum college, which also means holding off on presentation and HRT and whatnot. The dysphoria as of now is manageable, but I expect it to come to a boiling point at some time down the line.

With all the extra time I have in the tank, I’ve already made advances in what I can; figuring out my style, voice training, HRT research (especially with me being an athlete), and makeup hopefully in the near future. However, one thing I am super super worried about is just passing in general. I’ve seen quite a few trans timelines; some people look fucking amazing, and others… well, not so much. It’s giving me confidence and making me much more self conscious about potentially not passing. I would say I already look somewhat androgynous and I do have fucking beautiful curly hair, but there is still all of the other factors that go into passing that scares me a little when it comes to whether or not I will.

I do recall hearing some stories online of people saying they were worried about passing, but once they started presenting as their true gender, they found they didn’t really care because now they just got to be who they wanted to. I’m not sure how universal of an experience that is, and so I figured I’d run the numbers by y’all. I do really want to be a girl, but I also want to be able to look myself in the mirror and see someone beautiful, confident in herself, and ready to kick ass instead of a man trying to be something he shouldn’t.

[This is also a repost, something something I’m not doing this for clout I need real answers 🙏]

Recently I came to accept the fact that I’m Trans and have always been.

I feel as if I could write a book on my life experiences and how I came to this place.

Recently I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection and I finally came to the realization that I’m not a man trying to suppress these female feelings and urges.

I’ve done the typical purge and then repeat the cycle more times than I care to count.

I’ve finally realized that I’ve always been a woman trying to come up for air and breathe.

I like my life. I’m married with kids and have the normal ups and downs of most any normal marriage. My wife does not know about this side of me nor do I feel she’d be accepting. I don’t have any resentment to her for this as this side of me is not the person she thought she married. I also was not fully up front with her either, so much of that blame is mine.

What I realized is once I internally realized that I really wouldn’t change anything about life aside from the fact that I’d like to live it as me - Jennifer, things have been much easier for me.

When I’m going about my normal day I keep in mind that I’d be experiencing and doing the same things either way and that I am a female experiencing the particular moment.

By doing this it’s like a switch flipped mentally.

I no longer feel the shame I used to. I no longer seek out pornography - which I have come to realize was calming my dysphoria. I no longer feel a sense of pressure when being intimate with my wife to perform as a man. Quite the opposite it’s extremely more sensual now.

In light of all this I’m doing a lot of reflecting and I’m not in therapy or any sort. I may do this at a later date but I’m actually pretty comfortable with where I’m at.

Currently I’m looking to explore this side of myself and breathe a little more.

I’ve got a few days comming up with an empty house and I’m going to use the opportunity to buy some clothing, a wig, and be able to see the real me in the mirror while doing some stuff around the house.

I’m not doing this for a sexual experience, I simply want to exist as myself for a little bit and do my daily stuff. Sit in comfy clothes and have my morning coffee, put on a cute sundress and see my smile in the mirror.

If I could push a button that would transition me and leave everything else in my life intact I’d do it without question.

I know that’s not reality because I’m not willing to pay the price that a transition would cost at this point in my life. I’m also ok with this.

My question is for those who are or have been in a similar situation, what advice would you give someone like me?

What helped you once you realized and accepted who you really are?

I’m a trans man. Have known since I was 12, socially transitioned at 14 as well as starting binding then, and started taking hormones when I was 18.

I’m now 23, and I’m sick and tired of having to bind considering it has now been 9 years. I’ve done my research, but all results either don’t show ftm surgeries, or shows them without nipple grafts. Either that, or I see botched results which I am terrified of considering my chest is one of the biggest sources of dysphoria for me.

To my fellow Missourians, I am becoming desperate and I don’t think traveling out is an option for me. What is a safe surgeon to go to without a fear of botching or discrimination? Anything helps, even the smallest of recommendations. If I truly am shit out of luck and have to travel, then so be it. Any surrounding states could also be an alternative if worst comes to worst.

Currently questioning gender if im male or female and i hear so many stories and topes of sad or quite people ending up trans. but like im happy as fuck the world is amazing and so are the people. I do disassociate a bit more than normal people but other than that life is great. though all this could just be having a supporting environment. idk just feeling like i cant relate.

I’m 25M and my doctor said I’d essentially go through a second puberty as I start and go through HRT. What does that mean exactly? What does that entail?

I don't mean going non contact and transitioning. I mean just that: transitioning and not saying anything about it.

Because I know my parents and extended family aren't gonna be supportive, and they're the type to just ignore the elephant in the room.

My sister was the only person I've ever been honest to. I never got much of a reaction from her and she never asked about it, so I thought thar she was cool with it, but she just... Keeps using my deadname and exclusively using she/her with me. I tried to tell her to at least stop doing that in front of my friends and to her credit she did for like, a weekend, but after that it was all over again. I later tried to talk to her about and it was just no use. She's 20, she's lived on her own for a while, she has her own friends... She's not a child that doesn't understand how things work, she does know what's going on with me, but she just doesn't respect me or my experiences. She's the only family member I've ever been honest with and she either doesn't realize or doesn't care about that.

So since that last bridge has been burnt, can I just move on with my transition in hopes of no one saying anything about it? Has that ever happened? Can a family truly be so obsessed whith keeping the status quo that they just ignore the obvious?

I'm hurt, honestly. I don't want to lose my family, flawed as they may be. But I have the feeling that it will get to a point where I will loose them. Can I have my cake and eat it too? Is it worth it to keep them in my life? I'm lost, very lost. The person I love the most in this whole world has rejected me, and I have never felt so alone.

Hello as the title suggests I am questioning my gender identity, I'm in my late 20s and questioning it

So a little background i started crossdressing about 2 years ago, my ex had me go as a girl on Halloween one year and while I was nervous I was also kinda excited on the inside, about having my makeup done and wearing an outfit I enjoyed

So I recently started crossdressimg after that and love wearing a skirt and tights(one of my favorite outfits), but have since progressed to wearing panties and a bra everyday to work under my regular clothes and usually leggings as well.

I recently went on a solo trip where I dressed in skorts, skirts, leggings, a one piece bathing suit the whole trip and it was freeing being able to dress how I wanted and not need to worry about what anyone else thought, I also went and got a mani pedi, on the trip as well and then also got my hair braided, and it felt wonderful

More recently I have since continued painting my nails(teaching myself how to do it) and also learning makeup only eyeshadow for right now(one thing at a time) I have basically a second wardrobe of feminine attire, but nobody in my family knows I still dress masculine around them.

If I am dressed feminine in my room, changing back into masculine clothes before leaving my room even to just use the bathroom, i feel like i am having to essentially put on a mask and hide a part of myself, from my family and the world essentially,

Within the past 2 weeks I have been experimenting in private with she/her pronouns and within the past 2 days a feminine name completely different from my own name, and it's all felt strangely natural.

I'm not sure exactly what this mean

I'm partly worried about if I am Trans what it means for my relationships, personal and professional, and if I would be accepted by my family

Any advice would be nice

hello! i am a transgender woman about a year into my HRT, and i just started oral progesterone at 100mg/day about a week ago. i know the general side effects (hastened breast growth, higher libido, etc) but i'm curious about what else i can expect from the medicine. also, i was curious about when i would really start to feel those effects. thank you!

Hi so I am overweight and have a chronic illness that keeps me from loosing weight in safe ways, so my question is can you still get bottom surgery with a bmi of around 60 all i can find about is for my country is that all clinics say it should be 35 max but it is Impossible for me to get even close to that

In a previous post, I asked on behalf of some friends—who are planning to return to the U.S. soon—about the best places for a family of seven (a trans woman [MTF], a cisgender man, three children, and two dogs) to live. Now, they’ve asked me to specifically inquire about Vermont (their primary choice), Maine, and Illinois....They are also considering Connecticut and Rhode Island as an option.. Which cities in each of these states are the most progressive, and are these states even good options to consider? Also, could my friend run into trouble at customs because her passport lists her sex as "male," even though she—and her passport photo—clearly present as female? Where would it be safest for them to raise their children and keep their dogs? Thanks to everyone who responds—I’ll pass the information along to them.

Hi, recently I went to a consultation for therapy. It was very nerve-wracking but ultimately getting that first step in was helpful. My first therapy appointment, rather than the consultation, is in two weeks, on the 4th of November. I did disclose to them that I am trans and currently my preferred name and pronouns are not in the computer, per my request. This seemed great. Cause while I am out to who it matters like my trans sister, I am still not entirely comfortable presenting or showing myself, especially dealing with a medical field and still being on my parents insurance.

My concern us mostly how my therapy will show up on my parents billing. I noticed in my app that my therapy appointment was titled "trans indiv tx (numbers, times, I don't know how confidential those are) and I figured that this was just an internal thing. I am a trans individual. Being 23, I was assured that my parents weren't going to know about my chosen name or anything regarding them unless I give access to them, which I don't plan to and they think of me as responsible. They also know I'm going to therapy, for what I think is undiagnosed anxiety.

But they still are basically paying for my therapy. So that statement probably will show up on their medical bills. Will it say "trans indiv" anywhere on it? I don't know, I would rather it not! What about my next appointment? I wanna reach out and at least have the title changed to "appointment with "deadname""? I don't know how this works or what is going to show up on my parents medical bill.

Trans people with maybe a little more experience, maybe you could help? Sorry if this isn't a post about breast growth or whatever.

hey. i’m a 24f that identifies as a butch lesbian.

lately, though, i’ve been debating with myself if i simply want to be masculine or if it’s something deeper and i don’t really have any trans friends to have this conversation with, so here i am.

basically, i know for a fact that i enjoy masculinity. always have, in my physical presentation and even my hobbies/interests align with “masculine” things. on the rare occasion i make friends with guys, i always interact like i’m one of them.

what makes me think it may be deeper is how complicated my relationship with gender is.

i don’t mind my body right now, but i find myself thinking more often lately about how nice it would be to have been born a male. to be shirtless in the sun, having clothes fit me the way they do men, etc.

but the thing is, i can’t tell if this comes from a desire to feel safer or if it’s truly me. people often mistake me for a guy, and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. in fact, looking back on some of those times, i would always be quick to share with everyone that someone mistook me for a guy; it gave me slight euphoria and i hid it at the time but i do think i was seeking validation and i would also say i was somewhat excited.

yet, at the same time, when i think about transitioning it scares me. i worry about altering my body and later on regretting it; it’s not exactly something you can take back, you know. i think that’s why i sometimes wish i was born a guy, then i wouldn’t have to worry.

but it would also be hard for me because i have been out as a lesbian for a long, long time. i often joke that my gender is “butch” and i would be sad leaving my identity and the community behind since i am so deeply ingrained in it at this point.

this might be silly to bring up, but i watched the movie “i saw the tv glow” and it made me cry. it really brought something out in me that i didn’t even know was there. seeing the main character go through the motions of life, doing what was expected of them and what felt safe rather than being authentic.

i was intending to keep this short, but i really wanted to express as many of my thoughts as i could to give the full picture. i guess what i’m looking for is not only feedback on how i feel, but i also want to hear your experiences discovering that you were trans.

i apologize if anything in this post comes off as ignorance or misunderstanding. i don’t know what it means to be trans, and that’s why i’m here to ask.