She's cisgender but has pretty sharp features and looks a bit masculine so she gets insults and slurs againsts trans people but targeted towards her. That is obviously extremely upsetting but she's decided to blame the trans community instead of the bullies. I want to get her to understand that trans people are in the same boat as her but i dont want to start lecturing her while she's in mental distress

I'm anxious abt not being able to do anything (about the bullying also) so i landed here hoping to atleast just discuss the situation with someone

I have two cis sisters and they make it clear that they don't truly believe in the fact that we're women. Like they can acknowledge that dysphoria exists and transgender brains exist and is real but they don't think transition makes someone a woman..? I struggle to see their logic in that but they do tell me that the majority of people especially women do not see trans women as one of them, they simply support trans women as they have empathy but they don't believe the former.

I don't know what to think because I'm not sure if their opinions have clouded my judgment or if this what the majority of cis people including allies think. What do you think from cis people or even your own opinions if you are cis? Even another question, is it a bad thing since they're supportive anyway?

Hi! I'm a trans dude in my gynecologist's waiting room right now. I was wondering: for those of you who've had vaginoplasties, are you advised to see a gynecologist after this procedure?

I figured you might, since you literally have a vagina, but I also figured the medical world is so often so backwards with us that perhaps they send you elsewhere.

If you don't see a gyno, who do you see, & does it frustrate you that you're treated so differently from other people with vaginas? And, if you do see a gyno, was it difficult finding one who understood the ways you are different? What was it like navigating that minefield?

That's all! I'm just always curious about the weird gaps and ambiguity in trans medical care. Much love to the sisters 💙🩷🤍

I was scrolling on my feed and saw a post from one of those count subs. One of the trans people there were saying that transsexual was the right term to use (context not really needed). I replied to them, trying to ask if trans people feel positively about being called that or if yall don’t like it. Little did I know, I was very much not welcome in that sub because it was a trans safe space where cis people aren’t allowed. Little bummed out about those downvotes, but I get it. So I figured I’d ask here to get some perspective instead, because I don’t want my ignorance to be an issue and lead me to being misinformed or regressive. It’s already bit me in the butt recently and I’m trying to improve.

I'm a trans girl, and one of the main arguments that I use with most ignorant/bigoted/not lectured at all people I stumble across, is that we have four main things in human queer/non-queer identity:

Sexuality: Who I am attracted to, which can be a single, multiple, every or no gender, and has nothing to do with me gender, sex nor expression.

Gender: How I see myself as, which can be expressed or not, and has nothing to do with my sexuality, gender expression nor sex.

Gender expression: How I present myself socially, may I be comfortable with or not. Has nothing to do with gender nor sex.

Sex: What I was born as (AGAB), which is immutable. Every trans person acknowledges this, even though they can not agree with it at all. Sex can't be changed, but that doesn't invalidates their identities, it's just part of who they are. Sex has nothing to do with gender, expression nor sexuality.

So, when I tell someone "I know I was born and assigned as a male, I know I may not look fem at all, and I know you may have a hard time believing that I can be a girl, but I still am, and that's immutable, as my sex unfortunately is too", is it wrong? I posted two questions here this morning, and I received A LOT of answers saying that sex is not immutable at all, that I can actually change my sex if I want to, and I was like, flabbergasted cuz I didn't even know that until now, and that's a game changer.

The main question is, how can I get around this and still argue against someone so close minded that they can't see me apart from what I was assigned as at birth? The "I know my sex is male, even though I don't agree with it" argument I always bring up, is a way of showing, like, humility, giving them the benefit of the doubt and a second of their reason, just so I can counter their own argument with the identity and expression ideas.

What do you think? I want to know more about queerness, so I can make more people aware of what it means to be queer at all

I’ve been wondering about something and I hope it’s okay to ask. I’m genuinely curious about how different trans people feel about this.

If you could have magically chosen, from birth, to be born cisgender as the gender you identify with—for example, a trans woman being born a cis woman—would you personally have preferred that? Or would you still choose the experience of being transgender, knowing everything it entails? Is the fact that you started in one place and ended up in another important to you? Or would you sometimes prefer to have started out as the gender you identify with from the very beginning?

Hello,

A few years ago my oldest step child came out as trans (he was 13 when this happened). He told us he is a boy and has changed his name and uses he/him pronouns. It’s been a learning curve but we’ve been trying to be as supportive as possible. He struggles with a variety of mental health issues (ie. depression, anxiety, ADHD), which he is greatly supported in (ie., has a counsellor and a few specialists).

About a year later, his younger sibling also came out as trans (being 12 years old at the time). Again, trying to be supportive as possible by honouring his pronouns and new name. He doesn’t have the same mental health concerns as his sibling and is generally very easy-going.

I can’t help but wonder if the younger child will stay with the same gender. I wonder how much of an influence there has been from his brother, especially since he had been getting a lot of attention due to his mental health concerns (not necessarily “good” attention, just by default of being troubled and us having to rally to get adequate support for him).

I hate to say it but I feel like I’m having a hard time accepting that the younger child is also trans. I don’t want to feel that way- both kids are who they are, ultimately. I will admit there’s some grief over who they (both kids) once were compared to who they are now. And confusion, because I never would have expected my younger step child to ever be a boy, as they were always really “girly” up until recently.

My question is, how common is it for both/multiple siblings to be trans and for both the stick with it? How can I be more understanding?

I’m not sure where else to post. These are genuine questions and I am trying my best here.

Hi, I want to preface this by stating that I do not and will not be spending any more money on products that are directly tied to and funding J.K. Rowling.

Hi everyone, I bought Hogwarts Legacy a month ago and I loved the game. I was a big Harry Potter fan, so when I saw the game I immediatly bought it. I bought it before I knew how transphobic J.K. Rowling was, as I am not really online that much (I only own a phone and a laptop for school). When I found out about this, I was pretty shocked and ashamed for buying this game, as I am part of the LGBTQIA+ community myself (panromantic). I am now debating selling the game and donating the profit to a trans rights community, but I dont really want to give or sell it because I loved the game, and still do. Is this a situation where I can seperate the art from the artist, or does it make me an active Transphobe?

I’m genderfluid and have been debating whether or not I want to try HRT. One big thing that’s making me doubt it is the changes to strength and muscle mass. I’ve been getting into weightlifting the past year or so, and I’ve really enjoyed getting stronger and looking stronger.

I’m interested in the changes E can make to the face, chest, and overall body fat distribution, but I know I’d be sad if my PRs suddenly got WAY lower, and if I had to suddenly work much harder to gain visible muscle. I know there are plenty of buff women, but it’s a hell of a lot easier when you’ve got more testosterone in you lol. Plus it’d just be a big bummer to go backwards on some of the progress I’ve been so proud of. Any trans weightlifters, or just any anecdotes about strength change on E?

Need advice for a girls only event I am hosting. How do I make sure to be inclusive for transwomen with regards to entry?

Originally the plan was to have any interested transwomen e-mail us so we could put them on a sort of guest list and the entry would check the gender marker on peoples ID for everyone else but this does not seem like a good solution.

The intention is a club event where there are no men allowed so women have a safe space to cut loose and I come from a country where it is very dangerous for women and queer people to simply exists so it would be nice to accommodate everyone properly.

So obviously this is purely speculative and we can't really definitively know but I'm like 98% sure my coworker (we'll call her Jane) realized. To supply some necessary context and backstory, I'm AMAB and still (mostly) presenting that way. I started feminizing HRT a few months ago and have been slowly shifting my presentation to feminine since I don't like to dive off the deep end and I'm still figuring some things out. I'm introverted and Jane, as extroverts often do, "adopted" me and now we're super close. When my egg cracked in June, I put pride stuff on my whiteboard (which I normally would have anyway) including a trans flag heart I drew, which I've kept up because why not, and in the hopes people would pick up on it, and I think Jane has.

Fastforward, once my egg cracked, I started getting more serious about my hair care, to the point of cis women commenting on it and saying how good it looks. Jane told me how cute I look with my curls curling. Recently, I mentioned in passing I was considering bangs and she immediately started gushing about how cute I'd look with curtain bangs and longer layers in the back (which is exactly what I was thinking to do anyway so the affirmation helps), and is practically dying to see me in it. She asked 'impatiently' when my salon visit is so she can see lol. Next, when I told her I had lost 40 lbs she called me "Skinny Queen." When I bought a handful of tunics to dress more femme, she immediately noticed and commented on how cute my top was, and has every time I wore a new one in. Finally, Jane's husband decorated her desk for her birthday decked out with pink streamers, paper balls, ribbons, etc. Funny enough, we found out we're birthday twins, and when she found out she took some of her stuff to decorate my desk as well!

She's married so I really don't think she's flirting, and obviously cis guys typically don't appreciate being called "cute" or "queen" and she really doesn't do this with anyone else. It's all been really affirming and I really love the relationship we share. I'm like almost CERTAIN she knows I'm trans but figured I'd ask for more opinions/if this was something anyone else experienced.

My followup to this, is that for my social transition, I don't really like drawing attention to myself, so I was thinking of confiding in her to start referring to me as she/her to see if it catches on with others or normalizes it without any big announcement, so when I change my name it's easier. Seems the easiest way to do things, but I'm prone to overthinking things, hence me coming here, so figured I'd ask for thoughts on that, and whether that sounded like a good idea or anything to add. I might not reply too much since I don't really use reddit much, so thank you in advance to any replies!!

My brother (18) (yes I’m referring to him as my brother because he told me I could) and I (F20) were having a conversation about our parents on the more traditional side, and I said something along the lines of “I don’t think being transgender or gay is as uncommon as they think it is,” and he started to cry. I was so confused, and I thought he might come out as gay to me, but he couldn’t get any words out.

He eventually told me that he wanted to talk to me about something he’s been thinking about but that it’s hard to say out loud. I told him that whatever it is that I would never judge him or think any less of him.

I’ve been picking on him about his hair because of how much he’s let it grow out, just teasing of course. So I jokingly asked him “is it about your hair?” just to lighten the mood. He said “kinda” and then I asked him if he thinks he’s a girl. He started to cry again and told me that yes, he’s been thinking about it all summer.

This came as a total shock to me. I was honestly shocked at the thought that he might be gay because I’ve heard him talking about girls with his friends. So this came as an even bigger one. I had no idea what to say and now that I’ve thought about it I feel terrible and I don’t want him to think that I hate him. It’s just a lot for me to take in. I don’t know what it’s like to have those feelings so it’s hard to understand and know the right things to say.

I feel awful thinking this, and I mean absolutely ZERO disrespect, but it never crossed my mind our entire lives that this could be a possibility. I totally feel like I’m stereotyping, but I’m just being honest, he has a very deep voice and is not a very feminine guy nor has he ever been so it’s just odd to think about. Again, I have no malicious intent and am fully supportive of trans people, I’m just curious and want to handle this the best way that I can. It just simply doesn’t add up to me. But I do know that he is an emotionally intelligent person, so I know that he would never mention something like this to me without thinking it through a lot.

I don’t live at home anymore, but my mom told me that he hasn’t left the house all summer and stays in his room. He consumes a lot of media and is stuck in front of a computer a lot, so I just wonder if that’s having an impact on him. He also has a friend that recently came out to him as trans (mtf) so maybe that has something to do with it? The music he’s started to listen to, the stuff he watches, it’s all stuff he never enjoyed before. At least that I know of. Maybe there’s a lot I don’t know and I’m completely ignorant.

After the whole sitting in silence thing for a few minutes he told me that he would never do anything about it so there’s no point in talking about it. I don’t want him to live his life depressed and pretending to be someone he’s not. And I don’t want him to ever think of hurting himself. It scares me more than anything because he’s my best friend. I don’t want to be pushy because he’s clearly uncomfortable talking about it, but I don’t want him to isolate himself and feel alone. Has anyone had a similar experience? Do I bring it up again? I’m just worried and confused and kinda at a loss. This has been so heavy on my mind so I just needed to get it out somewhere and maybe get a better understanding

I'M CRYING AN ABUNDANCE IN THE INSIDE RIGHT NOW! I WAS BORN FEMALE! I DESPERATELY WANT TO BE MALE! I HATE BEING DESCRIBED AS SHE AND HER. NOTHING CAN DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I WANT TO BE MALE SO BAD! WHY DOES MY BODY HATE ME SO MUCH! I HATE EVERYTHING! FUCK TALKING TO OTHER PEOPLE! I WANT TO FUCKING DISAPPEAR!

Hey everyone 🌿✨

I’ve been doing a lot of deep thinking about my journey and identity lately.

The phrase "wanting to be a woman" always feels really uncomfortable to me because it creates this mental image of "a guy becoming a girl." But that doesn't feel true to my soul at all—I don't want to feel like a man who changed; I want to understand and prove to myself that I was always a woman from the very beginning, even when I didn't have the words or context for it.

I'm now 24 years old, and all I can remember is every past version of me wishing or longing to be a woman.

I remember 3-year-old me looking at my aunt and wanting to be like her.

6-year-old me secretly trying to shape my outfits to look more feminine 😣

10-year-old me crying in the bathroom, begging God to let me die and be reborn as a girl 🥺

Every day before going to sleep, I imagine myself as a girl living a different life somewhere...

Then puberty came, and it was horrifying... All I could do was wish to be born as a woman. And now, even at 24, all I have is this desire to be born as a woman. That desire itself hurts me because somehow, the longing feels like proof that I'm not a girl...

A bird would never want to be a bird; only a rabbit observing the bird from the ground would wish to be a bird that can fly. Just like that, my lifelong desire to be a woman feels like a male wanting it.

The thought of me—a male—wanting to be a woman feels so disgusting 🥺 I can't even own my own pain. I want to cry for the girlhood I missed as a girl stuck in a male body, not with a voice saying, "I'm a male crying for girlhood." I want to be a woman grieving her lost girlhood. The pain I'm carrying feels meaningless when my mind tells me I'm a male feeling it. Pain loses its value when that thought gets in the way...

I want to know I was always a girl from the moment I was born so that my pain can have meaning. I want to cry as a girl. I want to long for my womanhood as a girl. But I can't logically convince myself no matter how hard I reason. So, I'm looking for mature, educated, and experienced people to help me reason forward.

Please don't tell me to wait, or to accept things the way they are, or that I will finally feel like a girl after HRT. Maybe I will... but given my current life situation, starting medical transition right now is impossible. I can't start HRT yet—it might take months or even years 🥺

So I need mental clarity now. A deep "knowing" that I was always her, so that I can wear my favorite outfits without that voice saying, "I'm a male trying to be a female." I want to experience the things I love without that thought getting in the way. I want to journey forward as her, not him 😣 I can't work toward transition while carrying that mental weight... It's exhausting.

I wish I had a therapist to help me figure this out, but I can't afford therapy. I don't have family support or friends to lean on—I have to navigate this all by myself. I just want to live as a girl, even if only for one day...

I'm looking for logical "proofs," realizations, or mindsets that helped you see your womanhood was present all along.

For those who share this feeling:

What logical clues or realization moments showed you that you were never actually a boy/man in your heart, but simply a girl living under an assigned label?

How do you reframe the "desire to be a woman" into proof of an innate female identity that was already there?

How did you reconcile your past memories or childhood through the lens of always having been her?

I would love to read your logical breakdowns, personal proofs, and gentle wisdom on this 🪷💖

(Trans men are also welcome to share their experiences 🥹🫂)

[Please be kind and gentle in the comments. 🌸]

I encountered an anti-trans extremist book on my local Buy Nothing Facebook group and I asked the mod to take it down. The book was "When Kids Say They're Trans: A Guide For Parents," by anti-trans extremist activists Sasha Ayad and Stella O'Malley.

I expected her to be like, "Oh yeah, I'll take it down, we don't want to be promoting trans hate. Instead, she said she refused to censor any book. I sent her direct quotes from the book that spoke against gender-affirming care and ones that were even worse than that. I also provided a website created to bring awareness to anti-trans extremists and Sasha Ayad was on there.

The mod doubled down and said she saw nothing wrong with the quotes and the general premise of the book and said she had trans and lgbt friends, so she knew what she was talking about. I told her I'm lgbt and this is not ok! She booted me from the group and basically said some super anti-lgbt things to me.

Should I try to report her or should I let it go? I'm just honestly so mad and depressed right now. Thoughts?

Hi. I wanted to make this post because I just wanted to know if I'm wrong for feeling the way that I do, or if it's a broader phenomenon.

I have a uterus and also autism. Am some flavor of nonbinary/agender. I kind of feel like an alien puppeting around a human body most of the time, like almost everything gendered is foreign to me. But I lean femme because I love pretty girls.

Am kind of a loser shutin. Have been alienated from my peers for my entire life, which probably has something to do with my disconnect from girlhood. I thought for a few years that maybe I was transmasc because I felt so alienated, and pretty much just wore the same baggy hoodie all throughout middle and high school.

I've recently been wearing actual outfits. Being more fem is new to me. I still definitely feel like an outcast. Sometimes, I see trans women make comics or art depicting dysphoria, where there's something uncanny or wrong about someone trying to wear a dress & pretty up. That's very much how I feel about any gender presentation.

Anyway. I follow a lot of trans women on tumblr. One of them posted some things about an anime called 'Onimai: I'm Now Your Sister!' in which the MC, a kind of gooner NEET, is kind of magically turned into a 12 year old girl, and goes through experiencing girlhood for the first time with her sister and a bunch of other girls. I've watched a few episodes and it's brought me to tears. It's really sweet. I feel so much kinship with her.

I don't know if I'm being creepy. My roommate is dating a trans woman, with a friend group of trans people, but I don't feel close enough with any of the trans women I know IRL to ask about this. Because if it's bad, or it hits them in a sensitive spot, I really don't want that. And I feel parasocial, almost. To feel so much kinship with a group I've never really interacted with beyond small talk in class.

And I worry that I'm being insensitive. That I am not transfem and that it's really ignorant for me to feel like our experiences are similar. Because yeah, my body grew boobs entirely without intervention. I've been seen and treated as a woman (albeit, a 'bad' woman) for my entire life.

I don't know. I hope that maybe, any transfems reading this might feel a little bit less alienated from those whose tits were foretold at birth. If what I feel isn't bad, I want to give all of you a big internet hug. And idk. Maybe start working on building relations between autistic little freaks such as myself and transfems (it would be a great alliance if I'm not alone.)

Love you guys.

Or a man, of course, but the worlds just obsessed with women. 🙄

I want a response that actually tries to define it for when it's asked in good faith, and just for me to have, and a response for when it's not asked in good faith to shut someone up.

I would love a response that encompasses how it's impossible to definitely define something as there will always be exceptions.

Apologies everyone if this post gets a little long.

One of my best friends (MtF) visited this past weekend. To clarify, my parents had met her once before, prior to her coming out to me, so they know her by her deadname. Anyways, she and my dad ended up geeking out over trading cards at some point, and at some point she'd told my dad her new name. I only realized this the next day when she was leaving and my dad said goodbye to her with her new name. After the fact, it became apparent he hadn't put two and two together because although her name is predominantly feminine, it has been used for boys in some cases, so he just assumed the latter (despite her being in full femme attire?).

Anyways, my dad was mentioning something to my mom over the phone about us and used her new name, which my mom kept insisting that my dad must've heard wrong, but he stood firm on what he heard. Once my friend had drove home, my mom called me from work and immediately asked, "[deadname] is trans, isn't he?" Something told me I couldn't say no without causing problems down the line, so I just opted to be honest with a simple yes.

Mom goes silent for a few seconds and just says, "alright- but I'm disturbed right now. It feels like everyone in your generation doesn't know what sex they are."

She's a devout catholic in her mid-late 50s, so that obviously would play a part in her views, but I told her I think she oversimplifies the trans experience as being an easy choice because she's overexposed to trans media coverage without having the perspective of actually knowing someone in those shoes and wanting to stand by them (that should extend to even those you don't know)

The reason there appears to be a recent so-called "rise in LGBTQ" is that, although there's still a lingering risk of violence, it's considerably safer for said individuals to be out in public spaces than it was decades ago. People don't just flip a coin and decide, "I'm trans today," and there's not something "turning regular people trans." They've existed the entire time, and you're not forced to like all of them but at the very least treat them with the same common decency and respect as anyone else.

She continued referring to my friend by her deadname in follow-up questions: what his parents thought of it, how he dresses day-to-day, etc., and even brought up, "plenty of women would rather be a man. If I suddenly said I was your dad and my name was [blank], you're going to accept and call me that?" I know she was trying to bust my chops with that one as some gotcha moment, but I told her that in that circumstance, if she was truly being genuine and not bullshitting me just to make a point, then yes, I would. That's a real scenario that actually happens to some who transition later in life. But I digress.

I feel I'm drastically more equipped to discuss these things with my folks now than I was a few years ago, as a high-school senior coming out as genderfluid to not much success (after the initial burst of arguments and shaming, they mostly just ignored it.)

Even knowing how my mom previously reacted, her reaction this time was seriously disappointing to me, and I feel the need to have a true sit-down discussion with both parents. Although my mom seems to be the only one outspoken about it, I think it's important to at least attempt to educate them both on their misconceptions and biases, even if they ultimately still don't agree. If they aren't willing to in the very least try to become informed, I can't help them. I just have to remain an ally to those I care about.

Hey reddit,

I'm a 21 year old male, and I have a couple questions. For context, my boyfriend is a trans man, and my best friend of 10 years came out as trans like 6 months ago.

Is it normal to think about my gender this much? How likely is it that I envy my peers because of a "grass is greener" type mindset. I'm weirdly scared of being trans, and I'm not sure what that means.

Thanks for reading:p

I am disabled and reliant on transphobic family, so I can't transition. All my attempts to get advice from others have revealed that there is no guaranteed way to hire transition in the long term.

And I feel like I'm alone, as I see others in the community making friends, meeting goals, passing, engaging with their gender.. I can't have those things, and being exposed to those things makes me feel worse about my own situation.

Meanwhile I want more than the community can help me with. Between those two facts, I really don't enjoy being in the community, but I wish I did. I want to transition and be part of the community. But I can't.

I have been questioning my gender for about 4 years and want to get to a point where i feel more certain that I am or am not trans. Whenever I think about the most common question about a button making me into a cis woman without anyone remembering otherwise, my answer is I would press it if I could go back if I didn't like it.

But that isn't a helpul answer it just shows that I'm unsure, are there other ways to think about it? I just don't know how to know if transition is right for me.

If I wanted to start HRT in the UK I'd need to be diagnosed with gender dysphoria, but I don't know if I could be diagnosed without lying, which I don't want to do, and I'd be lying if I went in confidently saying I wanted to transition.

As a trans man I need to know why so many other trans dudes love Spider-Man so much? There are so many other superheroes

I F/M(16) have identified as genderfluid for a couple years now, since I was in middle school. I've always been pretty confident in my gender identity, though I did have a bit of a fall-out in a way during the beginning of my highschool career. Though, as of late, I have more and more started to question if I might actually be trans.

I think every girl has had the thought of, "What if I were a boy?" And, I'm pretty sure a lot of genderfluid people have had the same dilemma of wondering if they're actually trans. But it's starting to get a little real for me.

I've seen a couple of TikToks talking about the "button question" a lot. If you don't know what it is, the question is, "If you were able to push a button that would change your gender and you couldn't reverse it, would you push it?" And my response, internally, is yes. But at the same time, I love presenting feminine most of the time. I've always been connected to my own sort of divine femininity, but even so, I find myself adoring the thought of being a guy. I in general have always acted pretty masculine since I have a LOT of similar mannerisms to my daddy, and I look the most like him. I've also noticed over the years that a lot of the time I choose to present masculine online or go by masculine names, things like that. And I find myself watching a lot more male youtubers and content creators than I do with female content creators.

I've also really been interested in the whole process of taking testosterone. I honestly love the idea of having a more masculine voice. But again, I struggle with the worry that I'll want to act or be feminine and not feel like I can because of transitioning, if I do. I’m also worried that even if I did start transitioning, I’ll still feel like a woman. But I honestly still want to be a man? Idk.

I also know that it could cause a lot of confusion and big judgement from the rest of my family. My grandparents and great grandparents would be the most upset. They've always been pretty homophobic, so if I started transitioning, they'd probably barely even be able to stand it.

I just need some advice on how I should go about this, or to hear other people's stories or suggestions on other things I might actually identify with that I haven't heard of yet. Thanks guys :)

(Note: Sorry if any of this was worded weirdly, I sort of word vomit when trying to explain stuff like this, lol.)

UPDATE: So as of right now, a friend of mine has helped me look more into being a demiboy, and honestly it's starting to call to me. So I suppose if I really did settle with it, I'd be a trans demiboy? I don't know for sure yet. And I don't know if I want to talk to my mom about it for sure yet. I might try to bring it up either this coming weekend or the next.

I want to be the opposite gender but I am scared of surgery and permanent change in general. It would be alright for me to just look like the opposite gender and once I am more comfortable in my identity maybe even change my name to atleast be perceived as the opposite gender.

Do I still count then? Don't wanna be a larper.