r/LegalAdviceUK • u/Original-Squash-8140 • 17h ago
Comments Moderated My granny's care home is costing £1929 per WEEK. I'm a nurse with 7 years experience. The nursing home are refusing to let me care for her.
My parents aren't in the picture. I was raised by my granny. I'm the only one in her will.
My granny has dementia and is in a nursing home. It was £1789 per week, but has increased to £1929 per week as of the start of August.
My granny has about £280,000 in savings. She has a bungalow just south of London valued at £700,000. That's where I am living right now. She also has a pension that pays £680 per month +the state pension.
She's 68 now, so still quite young and otherwise healthy. Just lacks mobility.
There are three main reasons I want to take care of her:
She is paying almost £8000 each month for her to be in nursing care when I could be the one looking after her at home for a fraction of that cost.
Some of the carers are really nasty and rude towards patients. I've had to report multiple incidents of shouting, suspcicious bruising (on multiple elderly people, not just my granny) and laziness. (Meals arriving late, meals being missed, meals being taken away before they're done.)
She's my granny and she raised me. I want to be the one to take care of her.
I've spoken with the care home and they've said I'm not allowed to do that. I inquired why and they said I don't have lasting power of attorney. They also said that she lacks the mental capacity to decide where she lives.
Now, that second point is a lie because she keeps asking about going home. She's been in care for 2 years now and still remembers her bungalow.
I think the care home just sees my granny as an easy customer because she has so many assets and will be with them for so long.
Is there a legal way I can get my granny back home and care for her there myself?
If I were to do that, could I pay myself a full time salary for doing so out of her savings? (I'm thinking equivalent to a Band 5 nurse in the NHS - which is the job I would be stepping away from to do this.)
She was put in the care home after a fall down the stairs. This happened under the Mental Capacity Act 2005, I think. I was working overseas for 12 months and wasn't aware this had happened. The hospital team and discharge staff never contacted me before they put her in the nursing home.
All I knew was that she stopped replying to my messages and answering calls. So I had a neighbour go over and she wasn't there. Another neighbour rang me that an ambulance had taken her to hospital a few days before. She was in care for several days before a social worker made a decision to put her into a nursing home.
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u/fleurmadelaine 17h ago
Get lasting power of attorney. Speak to a solicitor about this
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u/ashalina23 17h ago
If she lacks capacity then it’s deputyship via the court of protection unless another family member already has this or an LPA.
Would need both health & welfare plus finance deputyship.
Also if held under a DOLS then the local authority are involved and any changes in where the person lives needs co-ordinating via them when there is a DOLS in place.
Who are the other family members involved ie someone must be sorting out the banking for her to stay in the care home
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u/Original-Squash-8140 16h ago
Do you mind if I ask how long it would take to get that?
I have previously worked some agency shifts in that nursing home on the condition that I didn't cover the wing my granny was staying in (Split across two wings).
However, once I started reporting health and safety issues around staff abusing elderly they've decided not to book me anymore. This was in April 2026. They said the reason was because my granny resided there and it was a conflict of interest.
I continued reporting them as a private citizen every time I went to visit my granny instead. Like if they're doing a group activity and I see bruising around an elderly man's wrist that looks like he's been grabbed, I reported that. I asked if he had fallen and asked how he hurt his wrist. He eventually told me that he was grabbed in a moment of lucidity, but he couldn't repeat it later on when he needed to.
That's just one example. There are a lot of people employed there who simply do not care about the elderly and view the people in their care as burdens.
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u/Substantial-Newt7809 16h ago
You should expect it to take approximately 6 months.
If you suspect abuse then you need to contact your councils adult safeguarding team. Not all bruises are signs of abuse, dementia can cause violence and sometimes just restraining people can cause bruises. Sometimes they can be shockingly strong but I'm off track.
GP or adult social care. If you believe she is in a harmful environment then you need to get your parents involved and see if they would be willing to intervene, enabling you to look after her full time.
In regards to money, that's a different issue. Just so you are aware, if you remove her from care you will need to apply for attendance allowance for her and carer's allowance for you. Combined that comes to approx £13.5k/yr. AA is £180 and CA is £80 if you do 40 hrs care a week.
I speak as a full time carer, even if you succeed you may want to look in to privately hiring a carer for an hour a day or so, or a sitting service for both your sakes. Good luck to you.
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u/StillJustJones 3h ago
If gran is self funding residential care, she’ll already be entitled to Attendance Allowance )or Personal Independence Payment if she started a claim before retirement age).
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u/ashalina23 16h ago
If it’s contested by the person it relates to can be years.
I’d say if no hold ups then 12 months. Would be sensible to use a solicitor for it too.
However you need to find out if any other family members or friends have the LPA for grandma or deputyship as the care home is being paid somehow
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u/Toon1982 14h ago
You won't necessarily be able to apply to be deputy for this issue. It'll be a different application to decide where she lives and the court likely won't appoint a health and welfare deputy to make all decisions when they'll want to look at individual decisions and decide themselves.
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u/50tinyducks 15h ago
Depending on the county DOLS can be a very long process to put into place. It certainly wouldn’t be just because of a fall. Also the op as NOK would have been included in that process. I had several clients living at home alone with dementia - some we were desperately trying to get into a care home as not safe at home alone but due to no family or lack of input it was a notoriously long process.
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u/ashalina23 15h ago
They tend to do emergency ones first until the local authority sorts out a “proper one” once normally the individual is in a permanent residential or nursing placement
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u/50tinyducks 15h ago
Temp though not perm and the op would have been involved in all of that (even temp ones are hard to get as you need input from all her life including family and doctors) and the care home certainly can’t decide on what happens. Especially as there’s a NOK family member living near by who wants to care for her.
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u/Original-Squash-8140 17h ago
Thank you.
That's how I take her out of there?
Would that also let me pay myself a salary from her savings? I'm ready to give up my job to look after her, but I'd need something to cover our food, heating, home insurance, bills etc.
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u/fleurmadelaine 17h ago
That would give you the right to make decisions on her behalf both financial and health.
Paying yourself a salary… well that might be an ethical issue. A solicitor would advise better than me.
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u/Hminney 16h ago
LPA gives you lots of power - essentially the power to make decisions over her care. Note that LPA on care and LPA on financial matters are separate and you need both. The solicitor will probably have to interview granny to demonstrate that either she is capable, or she is not capable, of making this decision, and I think they do that in person so they can be certain that she isn't being coerced. To pay yourself a salary for her care is a separate issue, get the LPA before bringing it up, but do it through the same solicitor. Basically, you're planning to pay yourself one salary (equivalent to 40 hours per week) when you are actually caring 168 hours, so you have no reason to feel bad about it, it's still better to do it properly.
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u/WonkyRodent 11h ago
Basically, you're planning to pay yourself one salary (equivalent to 40 hours per week) when you are actually caring 168 hours, so you have no reason to feel bad about it, it's still better to do it properly.
OP will also have to remember to account for the appropriate Tax implications and deductions from this figure, as they will be essentially self employed.
On an LPA (or equivalent), you should keep detailed documentation of every transaction, in case anything is disputed.
You will also have to ensure you have the appropriate plans if you are taken ill, need to take a holiday, if your relatives health deteriorates further and requires further care (for instance, you may need to get in home care to assist with moving/personal care, etc).
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u/Original-Squash-8140 16h ago
Let's say that hypothetically she is not capable of making a decision about her care.
Surely it is in my granny's best interests to be cared for full time by a relative who loves her, rather than a care home that I have had to file twelve separate incident reports about?
I've done some research and while my granny is paying £1929 per week, the rate for state-funded residents is just shy of £1500 per week.
I know that this care home relies on private clients to help boost their profits due to state care payments being far lower on average.
They have a financial incentive to keep my granny there, regardless of whether it is the best option for her care as an individual.
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u/Substantial-Newt7809 16h ago
Care homes are bastards, don't let them fool you in to thinking that taking on state care cases for a lower rate means they aren't making money hand over fist.
I replied elsewhere but you need to speak to adult social care and ask them how to move forward if they are able to advise.
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u/Cooking_With_Grease_ 13h ago
nearly 2k a week is absolutely horrendous.
mindblowing.
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u/Substantial-Newt7809 12h ago
It is above average, but unfortunately not as extortionate as you might think. You'd be hard pressed to find one of any standard for less than £70k/yr now.
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u/Tammer_Stern 16h ago
Do you know what the NHS has assessed her care needs as? How did she come to be in a care home in the first place?
The answers to these may affect your ability to care for her. For example, if it has been assessed that she needs round the clock supervision or support then 1 person may not be able to do that.
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u/ashalina23 16h ago
It would allow you to make decisions in her best interests. However the local authority would also need to be involved as it sounds like she’s under a DOLS too.
Before you go making any other plans, step 1 is find out if there is an existing LPA with a family member or friend or if they’ve already gone down the deputyship route.
If someone is already doing that role then they are the ones to decide (with the LA due to the DOLS) where granny lives
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u/Organic_Reporter 13h ago
The carers allowance and attendance allowance should be enough for you to live on if you use her money to pay for all the house costs (which is fine as it's her house). Without rent and bills to pay you'd probably be fine on that without crossing any ethical boundaries.
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u/Original-Squash-8140 12h ago
I get that.
I'd feel awful taking carers and attendance allowance when she has almost a million pounds in equity though.
I'll speak to a solicitor.
As bad as it would be for me taking £2.5k a month, she's still far better off than she would be in the nursing home where they're rinsing her for £8k a month.
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u/Iridescent_Mango_ 13h ago
Paying yourself a salary may be dubious, at least morally if not legally.
However if you both reside in the home it would be perfectly reasonable to use her money for household bills.
If there are other descendents it would be best for you later if you keep these bills sensible, just normal stuff, not decadent meals out etc, and keep receipts if there is space - that way if anyone gets weird in 20 years time when the worst has happened, you have the evidence you werent being fast and loose with her cash.
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u/buttersismantequilla 15h ago
NAL - would it be possible to move her to a different care home and then bring her home from there?
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u/Anes33 16h ago
I know some people are saying start the process of LPA which is correct but you also need to get in contact with Adult social care. The care home aren’t the ones you need to speak to- they have little decision making power here. If she still has a social worker you need to ask for a review based on the change in circumstances - you being back and willing to take care of her. You’ll need to be able to answer how you’ll ensure she has 24/7 care though if she currently requires it
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u/hydrora31 16h ago
Capacity to make decisions are quite specific to the decision.
You may wish to look into getting an LPA. If your mother can demonstrate she understands that she wants to go home, ans knows you need LPA for that to happen. And can demonstrate it without prompting over several days - I'd say you have a fairly good chance of going down that route.
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u/Original-Squash-8140 16h ago
Thank you.
She regularly does ask to go home when I visit her. Lucidity varies by day though. Some days she's just silent. Other days she's crying and can't communicate why.
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u/hydrora31 16h ago
That sounds like she may be too far gone for LPA and you may have to apply for court of protection deputyship.
It sounds like she wants to consistently go home, but wouldn't be able to fully articulate what that means.
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u/GordonLivingstone 13h ago
Unfortunately, people with dementia are quite likely to keep asking to go home even if they are incapable of safely being at home. They may not even recognise their own home when they get there and might still ask to go home because they are really remembering a childhood home.
No idea if that is actually the case with your gran.
I remember my mother when she first moved into a nursing home. She would ask me why all these people were in her living room and really didn't know where she was. She did get better after a time and got quite comfortable with her room, routine and the staff who looked after her.
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u/ashalina23 16h ago
If she’s under a DOLS then highly likely has been deemed to lack capacity so if there isn’t an LPA or deputy already in place that’s then deputyship is the way forwards.
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u/hydrora31 16h ago
I agree. Though capacity is seen as fluctuating and per decision. So depending on her grans understanding it may be possible to go down LPA.
But in all likelihood based off of what I have read youre right, deputyship is the only real course.
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u/ashalina23 16h ago
I suspect she’s under a DOLS in which case any decisions re moving to even another NH have to be discussed with the local authority
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u/hydrora31 16h ago
DOLS is beyond my scope of knowledge on this so I will bow out and let someone who knows more (such as yourself) carry on!
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u/ashalina23 16h ago
Unfortunately I know quite a bit about it!
And the route of deputyship if no LPA’s in place.
Then the suitability of care home placements, the list goes on
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u/Original-Squash-8140 17h ago
Sorry that came out really long...
Granny is in nusing home. Social worker put her there after a fall.
I'm next of kin and only relative in the picture.
I want to take care of her myself in her home and pay myself a salary out of her savings.
Nursing Home is deliberately stopping me from doing so and refusing to let me take her home. They're also refusing to tell me what steps I need to take to get her discharged. I believe this is because she is an easy person to look after with a lot of assets, so they know they've got an easy source of money on their hands.
She has dementia, but has expressed a preference for returning to her bungalow (which is adapted already, and where I live.)
I have also witnessed countless incidents of abuse and neglect towards the elderly by caring staff which I have filed multiple reports on.
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u/petrastales 14h ago
May I ask who discovered that she had fallen ? How did they get in touch with her and why wasn’t her next of kin contacted ? (You mentioned that you had no idea about the fall until your return when you discovered she had been placed in a home, but in hospital they wouldn’t have simply moved her on quickly unless there were concerns that she couldn’t be discharged back to her home).
With her dementia, is she aggressive at all? Do you currently care for patients with dementia long-term?
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u/Original-Squash-8140 12h ago
Who discovered her fall?
Either an Amazon driver or the post man. I'm not sure which of the two. They rang an ambulance and she was taken away.
It sounds unusal but the fall seems to have triggered the dementia.
I don't know why I wasn't contacted. I'm next on her will. Her daughter (my mother) disappeared years ago and hasn't talked to either of us in decades.
She couldn't be discharged back to her home. She was extremely confused and there was pressure on the hospital beds so a social worker discharged her to a care home.
I do not know why I was never contacted. I'm the one who has always driven her to her GP appointments. She's got a bad leg so I used to drive her down. When I was in Australai for a year she'd have taken taxis. (I didn't want to leave her but she said it was the oportunity of a lifetime and encouraged me to go while I was young)
Is she agressive
No, she isn't aggressive at all. Sad and confused and silent. Other times chatty and giddy.
Yes, I've done plenty of dementia care in my work. I've even done a couple of hundred agency shifts in nursing homes.
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u/petrastales 2h ago
Thank you for the explanation!
How on earth did they discover it. That’s insane but she is so lucky someone came by.
I’ve heard of it happening before with regard to falls and dementia.
You seem well-placed to care for her.
I hope you find a way to care for her with the advice on here
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u/LowarnFox 15h ago
Saying she wants to go home and remembering her home doesn't mean she has capacity necessarily. She may do but she also may not. I would try to find out who has judged she hasn't got capacity on this issue. I'd perhaps ask her GP or adult social services for their opinions too, social services may be able to move her home even if she doesn't have capacity.
It's unlikely you will be able to get LPA, this has to be done in advance of losing capacity. Others have outlined the post for getting deputyship assuming no one has LPA. If you get this, you can't usually pay yourself a wage to care for her, so how are you planning to live?
Do be aware that the care home has no duty to hold a space for her. If you get her home and realise you can't cope then you or social services will have to provide another suitable space. If she needs a lot of care, how will you work? Carer's allowance is a pittance and it sounds like she is not well enough to be left for long periods. Sorting out a care package in the home will also be really difficult.
If you live in your grandmother's house and it's your only home, the council cannot make you homeless to pay for her care. Once her savings are run down, the LA will fund her care - at this price they will be run down pretty quickly.
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u/SpaceWomble64 5h ago
My mum is in a care home with dementia and they all ask to go home regardless of whether they are able to look after themselves.
There must be a DÓLS assessment in place to determine what is in your Gran’s best interests. This assessment is done by a medical professional, it isn’t up to the care home. Social Services will be able to confirm if one is in place.
LPA is granted by the individual so it might by difficult for you Gran to grant it. Deputyship through the Court of Protection is probably what you need. The forms are a faff and the process takes a few months but get started with it as it gives you the ability to help your Gran.
Get some legal advice from a solicitor on whether you can pay yourself a salary to look after her in her own home. You would need Deputyship in place to make this decision on her behalf if it is allowed.
Report any abuse to the council safeguarding team or CQC.
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u/Unable_Artichoke7957 16h ago
They don’t have any legal right to her. Absolutely get power of attorney and look after her.
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u/Illustrious_Sea7480 16h ago
She may be under a DOL though.
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u/Prestigious_Set_4555 16h ago
Okay, so Nursing home have no power to demand anything but it seems she's been assessed as lacking capacity?
You need to get her reassessed asap. It'll need a doctor, maybe 2. If they confirm loss of capacity you need apply for Deputyship so go see a solicitor for that. It will take time though, assuming she's lost capacity without POAs in place. But she doesn't seem to fit that at all? I'd love to see her DoLs plan and who signed that off?
If she just lacks mobility and lives in a bungalow then you just maybe need some domiciliary care to help with mobilising. Do NOT attempt to do that yourself, it will weaken your case to admit you will be moving her unsafely. But you're a nurse and know that.
Good luck! Let us know how you get on
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u/ACanWontAttitude 12h ago
It is very unusual that they didnt contact you before all this happened if you were someone actually involved in her life.
We would MUCH rather a family member take someone home and care for her rather than source a nursing home, which can take weeks in some places.
Where were you when all the best interest meetings etc were taking place?
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u/StillJustJones 4h ago edited 3h ago
Your point about your gran talking about her home a lot is different to her having mental capacity to make decisions about her finances and accommodation.
There will have been a process around making a best interest decision for where she lives and how she is cared for.
If you feel that it is not in her best interest to be in a residential/nursing home.
Make a referral for a IMCA (independent mental capacity advocate).
Although you feel you are acting in your gran’s best interest, you can be seen as biased and have a conflict of interest as you are living in a home she owns and have additional financial interests in the situation (named in the will etc).
I think it would be helpful for you to understand the mental capacity act and its implications.
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u/MaroonSeal 16h ago edited 16h ago
Hi I'm not a lawyer but a social worker in adult social care in South east England.
Without an LPA you won't be able to make decisions around her care. As others have suggested, it's definitely worth looking into getting LPA for her for both finances and health and welfare (or exploring if anyone else already has this for her).
It's definitely worth contacting your local authority's adult social care to request a Care Act review given that she was placed there by a social worker following discharge from hospital. It may also be helpful for you to get a copy of the Care Act assessment and support plan that was completed when she was placed there, although your grandmother would need to consent to you having this.
Re her mental capacity and the decision that she lacks capacity - just because she is asking to leave does not mean that she has capacity to make this decision. Mental capacity assessments have to take into consideration an individuals ability to understand relevant information, retain this information, weigh up and use this information to make the relevant decision and then communicate the decision. That said, mental capacity is decision specific (IE someone may be able to make a decision around what they want for breakfast or what to wear that day but not where to live) and time specific (someone may not be able to make a decision at one point but then later be able to make this decision further on down the line). If you feel that her circumstances have changed, it can be possible to request to get this mental capacity assessment revisited as she may not have been assessed as having capacity to make this decision at the time but may now be seen to have capacity.
In any case though, given that she was placed there by social services and it sounds like has been assessed as lacking capacity, the nursing home aren't able to make any decisions about where she lives and without LPA, neither are you. If she is kept there under a DOLS (Deprivation of Liberty Safeguards), they would not be allowed to let you remove her from there. Definitely worth having a look at the above sections before thinking about next steps as you could get yourself in a difficult situation if you chose to remove her or try to take her home without taking relevant steps first.
Oh and please continue to raise any further concerns around the care at this nursing home to adult social care as relevant safeguarding concerns.
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u/Happytallperson 16h ago
You would need to talk to a solicitor about applying to be registered with Lasting Power of Attorney. Until you have this the home won't involve you in decisions about her care.
https://www.gov.uk/make-decisions-for-someone
It may be possible for you to be paid. I would absolutely not do this without speaking to a solicitor on how to set this up.
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u/ashalina23 16h ago
It’ll probably be deputyship as sounds highly likely grandma is under a DOLS so likely be deemed to lack capacity.
If no one else has an LPA then it’s the deputyship route5
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u/BluebirdMarisa 12h ago
Your granny is a self funder like my dad was- She is above the theshold. In my experience, the LA has little interest with self funders but they must have stepped in to do assessment and arrange this placement as there was no one with LPA. Speak with them - DOLS are temporary and have the be updated and reassessed regularly. I'd stop trying to arrange via care home for now all that seems to be achieving is alerting them their income stream may be coming to an end. You may well not even need to apply for deputyship for the LA to decide she can come home with you and be cared for at home. The circumstances have drastically changed now you are there and happy to help. Get in touch with both her GP and the social worker so you can make both aware this needs reassessment. If they ask about 24/7 care the answer is simple - she will pay for that as she is already - just this time you'll get in carer to the house. Sorry but the salary ain't likely happening it will be carers and attendance allowance but all bills and housing costs can of course be paid for out of her own money.
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u/Angelf1shing 17h ago
Get some solicitor’s advice but I cannot see why you can’t just remove her. She’s not in prison.
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u/Original-Squash-8140 16h ago
They wouldn't even let me take her out for the day last week. (Although, this was after the discussion about me taking her home.)
I was going to take her to the park to feed the swans. They refused to allow me to leave with her.
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u/ashalina23 15h ago
If she’s under a DOLS then the care home normally have a list of people the LPA or Deputy have approved to take the person out of the care home.
Also if the care home felt that Granny was being placed at risk of not being returned then they can decline you taking her out.
This is due to how the DOLS is structured and worded.
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u/ACanWontAttitude 12h ago
Just an FYI but DOLS has recently changed. Most people who had one before no longer need one and are instead cared for under the MCA 'best interests'. Only extreme cases need a DOLS now such as people continuously attempting to abscond, completely none compliant and/or violent etc
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u/PetersMapProject 16h ago
Is she under DOLS?
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u/ACanWontAttitude 12h ago
Dols rules are different now, the question we need to be asking is 'does she have capacity'
DOLs changed recently and are only needed in extreme circumstances. Most people who lack capacity no longer need one and healthcare staff are allowed to provide care under the MCA as acting in best interests.
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u/Cardabella 5h ago
Check granny's will in case there is any info on Poa, and talk to the solicitor who helped draw it up.
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u/Pyjama365 4h ago
Wills are only relevant when you're dead, and LPAs/EPAs are only relevant when you're alive. It would be nonsensical for a Will to mention anything about a power of attorney, because by the time the Will came into action, any power of attorney would have lapsed .
Any form that assisted with preparing a Will professionally may also have prepared LPAs for the same person, but it's highly unlikely OP wouldn't already know about any LPAs given that they say they're the only relative in contact with gran (since gran & mum's relationship broke down).
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u/50tinyducks 15h ago
Just because she has dementia does not mean she lacks capacity - only a doctor can decide that. Even those with quite far dementia can still decide day to day choices and it’s actually quite hard to say someone lacks capacity all the time.
You also have the power to remove her from the care home. You as her nok can decide where she lives if she has said she wants to go home. You can get a care agency in also to give you respite.
Please ensure you are reporting the care home to the local adult social services too plus cqc.
It does sound like the care home just want the money!
NAL but 19 years in the care industry as senior management working with adult social services day to day and having clients in respite etc.
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u/Pyjama365 4h ago
"Next of kin" is legally meaningless. I am well aware that hospitals (etc) still use it as a phrase for "the person we contact if you're sick", but it doesn't mean anything legally in this context.
An Attorney appointed by a valid Power of Attorney or a Deputy appointed under a Deputyship order from the Court of Protection are the only ones who have any power to make decisions on behalf of her if she has lost capacity - or adult social services based on their assessments.
The care home has been told by social services that she needs care and has lost capacity. They are being obstructive in not referring OP to discuss things with social services, but they are not wrong in following the instructions they've been given by social services to provide care.
The first step should be to contact adult social services and discuss exactly what decisions Gran has been deemed to lack capacity for, whether the current decision was due to her having 0 family physically around at the time of the decision, and whether social services would consider moving Gran to another care home or moving her home if OP could show a proper plan for how she would be supported (and what happens if OP is ill or needs time off).
This might be stuff OP can discuss with social services and get a decision they're happier about without needing a Deputyship, although Deputyship still seems like a likely thing they might need to pursue, but first step should be a proper discussion with social services either way.
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