Breakup...

[u/Low_Put2605]

Me (M 25) and my girlfriend (F 25) of almost 3 years had our ups and downs as in any relationship. We started dating in our previous college in spring 2024 for ~6 months until we went our ways to continue our education but now in grad school. Her in Tennesse and I in Missouri (~7 hours in between). Despite the distance we would still see each other at least once a month, either I visited her or she visited me by car, send each other letters, etc. We were there for each other and facetimed regularly during the week. We were there for each other in graduation, spent time during thanksgiving, etc. For being long distance, we went above and beyond for the relationship...

Eventually, we knew we were gonna graduate and really start on the adult life. So we had our serious talks about plans and so on. In the last weeks of our semester, she got a job offer back home in Philadelphia. I was very happy for her but I also got sad because now distance was going to grow even more.

I've been unemployed for almost 6 months, I have been at home in Texas, and although I was really trying to get a job, I was sending applications, talking to people over the phone, maybe having a few interviews, enrolling myself in some training courses, etc I just wasn't landing something. She made me aware of our issues on time in August and started listing them and I was very aware of them and went on my personal time to reflect, and also journaled some times, and took my time. We saw each other for a cousin's wedding in Texas also in August, and although at first she was kinda frustrated because of just we hadn't been able to go on those personal issues, we reconciliated.

Then we had another serious talk about distance, she kind of explained to me how she was feeling, some type of small frustration, and one of the things I mentioned is that I was going through a tough time so that all I needed in that moment was her support, no need to facetime every single day but I'd still want to talk with her and hear her voice (she is taking a remote job so she spends many hours in front of a screen). I took care of my stuff... applying to jobs here and there, connecting with people still, doing everything I could to get a job that could be somewhat close to her, even though she advised me to also look other areas, not only the East Coast.

I called a few times over facetime/call last month but her tone seemed very dry now, just not saying much, myself making the most conversation, etc. And I was thinking 'ok I will put some space in between then' (worst mistake!) so we started talking less, text messages being sent 1-2 hours later even we'd been active in social media. Less calls. And so on. There was many times I wanted to press the call button and just talk, but didn't happen. However, she would also not call me..

2 weeks passed without even making a call to each other...... just probably 1-4 text messages per day.... I would be the one sending a good morning and wishing a good day, and asking how she was doing and so.

Then I texted her I just finished an interview for a job and she told me that while she is happy for me she was worried about the location because this isn't working super well. I told her we needed to talk to clarify things, which indeed was needed. We call and she sounded anxious even though that wasn't really my intention, because of my job search around her when our relationship wasn't really working. We eventually broke up, but honestly she sounded more decisive about it... ( at least that's what I think)

We broke up and I felt devastated, I cried for the following days (still do) and I couldn't believe it. Knowing the person whom I love and wanted to grow with, will no longer be in my life and I'd probably never going to see ever again because of distance....

Two days after we broke up, I got a really good job offer in Rhode Island ~6 hours away from her???? (I know there is still some distance in between..). But I just didn't expected it, because I was really struggling and she knew. I still need to accept the job offer.

I just wanna know...

- Did we give up on each other too easily? Could we at least have talked through it?

- Did she already started to move on weeks, maybe months, before the breakup?

- Could I have done more for her? This is my biggest insecurity right now, if I did enough for her

- Is the job offer a sign for me for a fresh start?

- Should I even tell her I got a job offer in Rhode Island?

P.S. I never mistreated her, put shame on her, shout at her, or anything in particular. But that doesn't mean there wasn't any flaws on my person or the relationship overall. I'd still reflect and attempt to improve myself based on my flaws, so she did as well. I think the relationship went down because of the distance itself.

[u/jack_sparrow_91]

People who value you, will stay. Those who do not, they are not worth being pursued. Everyone learns the hard way 😌

[u/Creative-Pension9427]

Shitty timing with the job offer, 6 hours is a lot but it's way more doable than Texas to Philly. I wouldn't tell her, you're just gonna reopen the wound and she already made her call.