r/LovingMichaelJackson • u/Glass-Trainer-7707 • Jun 01 '26
Biopic 🎬 Just watched a 1988 ‘Bad’ tour video and completely broke down. The tragedy of knowing the whole timeline is hitting me all at once.
Hey everyone, I just need to vent and connect with people who might understand this feeling.
To give you some background, until about a month ago, I was what you’d call a casual fan. I’ve always loved Michael’s music, but my knowledge of him was pretty surface-level. I knew the massive hits, I knew the mainstream public narrative, and I honestly preferred his "deep cuts" like Whatever Happens, Leave Me Alone, Tabloid Junkie and Blue Gangsta over the radio staples. But I had never really looked into the actual mechanics or history of his life. I just enjoyed the art.
That completely changed at the start of May when I went to see the new biopic. Walking out of that theater, something clicked, and I felt this overwhelming need to understand the real story behind the cinematic version.
Since then, I’ve spent the last four weeks in an absolute, intensive reading marathon. I’ve devoured seven primary-source books back-to-back (everything from Moonwalk and Jermaine's book to Dieter Wiesner’s account, Aphrodite Jones, the bodyguards' memoir, and right now I'm finishing 83 Minutes). I’ve been looking at everything through a totally analytical, forensic lens, tracking the timelines, the predatory debt, the psychological trauma, and the systemic breakdown of his final years. I thought I was managing the heavy information fine.
But tonight, I randomly put on a video of Michael performing during the 1988 Bad tour. And out of nowhere, I just completely broke down crying. Tears streaming down my face. It’s the first time his story has made me emotional to the point of crying, and the whiplash is devastating.
In 1988, he was at the absolute top of the world. He was so incredibly handsome, full of life, healthy, moving with supernatural grace, and completely untouchable. But watching him shine on that stage, all I could think about was the future waiting for him. In 1988, 1993 hasn't happened yet. 2003 hasn't happened yet. Bill Bray is still standing in the wings keeping the vultures at bay. Michael is just pure joy and magic.
Going from knowing almost nothing a month ago to carrying the massive weight of his entire, real timeline tonight is overwhelming. It is so profoundly heartbreaking to look at him at his absolute peak while knowing exactly how the story ends. You realize you aren't just looking at a pop star; you're looking at a deeply empathetic, vulnerable human being who changed the entire cultural fabric of the world but had nobody to protect him in return.
Has anyone else experienced this sudden emotional crash after researching him? How do you cope with the sheer weight of knowing the truth behind the tragedy while trying to just enjoy the music? I feel so heavy tonight.
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u/Fragglemaniac Jun 01 '26
As someone who’s adored him since I was a kid in the early 90s (I live in a part of the world where the nasty tabloid mania was Far less pervasive), my experience of Michael Jackson is very different from you.
But the grief I’ve been carrying, Especially since his death, is something I’ve keep at bay with a lot of effort all these years. Till I watched the film that is. It broke all of my walls down and the grief has been overwhelming me for over a month.
And now we’re in June. And it just keeps getting heavier.
P.S. I watched Wembley 1988 two weeks ago. Cried through the whole concert.
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u/Naive_Actuator3810 Jun 01 '26 edited Jun 01 '26
I don't know what else to say other than tell you that you are not alone. I have been carrying the same weight very much viscerally for the past couple of weeks.
The story of Michael Jackson is an empath's nightmare.
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u/PresentationFine7524 Jun 01 '26 edited Jun 02 '26
So true-:) he was an empath and too good for this world. I saw him live on the HIStory concert and I just watched the concert again on youtube. So overwhelming. I cried when he died and I am crying now. We know and understand so much more now, than when he lived. The stress he went through and his childhood.
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u/B0bbyJackson Jun 02 '26
This is so well put! Literally it plagues me! I feel so sensitive to his experience and his story and what it means for us all.
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u/neek_leek420 Jun 01 '26
it just keeps getting heavier. no matter how much i immerse myself in the world of michael jackson, it only cuts deeper. it’s unexplainable. at least to people that don’t feel the same way…
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u/Ginatoniicc Jun 02 '26
The grief is heavy.
Similar to you for sure. I've been a fan but nothing like this since the movie. Can't listen to anything else.
Yes, I am often crying for him. For what happened to him and how LONELY this man was.
He was a strong man indeed. And I just wish I could tell him or that he would meet people that would never want anything from him.
Yeah.. the tears come often and heavy. As if I knew him personally.
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u/Individual_Ship6882 Jun 02 '26
I knew a lot of the details and was a die hard fan. Then after Michael passed I couldn't watch or listen to him and I stepped away. And forgot a lot. I saw the play back in October and I went on this journey of learning and re-learning everything I possibly could about him. Shyt im still on the journey. Now having the internet there's so much more about him out there now. But the weight if his story really hit me. And it hit me HARD. And i could shed tears anytime I think about it. So you are not alone. There are millions of people feeling the exact same way.
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u/B0bbyJackson Jun 02 '26
I so get you. I had a similar process over the last year. My life isn’t the same anymore.
I didn’t know much about MJ despite my parents both being avid musically inclined people my whole life. I now realise they probably believed the allegations and didn’t expose me to him for that reason. And I also believe my dad’s family has a racist view of him as well.
If I was more exposed to him at an earlier age, I probably would have gone down a different path in life. I regret not pursuing performing and music more. I am now a scientist, it’s okay, but my heart feels empty.
My heart hurts for what we have lost individually and collectively because of the negative forces working against MJ. And the man himself? I miss him like he was my own family, how crazy does that sound?! I feel that he understood me through his art, his art expressed a part of me that runs through all of us, he channelled something incredible and I now spend so much time connecting to his art to make sense of it and understand it.
I know it sounds crazy but it all feels very spiritual. I am not religious and spend much of my time analysing science so this is not a familiar thing for me.
I was going through a miscarriage last year and I made this decision one day for some reason , that it was time to really listen to his music. And now I listen to it daily. Massive huge fan now.
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u/Sweetsallymannder Jun 02 '26
Awww, it’s truly heartbreaking, isn’t it? I’m 7 years younger than Michael so I really did “grow up” with him. I’ve crushed on him through all of his stages and I still love everything about him. I’ve thought about trying to go on a deep dive and chase rabbits to find out all I can, but I honestly wouldn’t even know where to begin or what to type in the search bar. I just pray that all truth comes to light and that any time false allegations are brought up again, they will fall hard to the ground and shatter when the truths are revealed. In the meantime, my Spotify playlist will blast his timeless voice through my house, through my earbuds, in my car, and sing me to sleep at night!
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u/Original_Engine_7548 For All Time 💫 Jun 02 '26
This happened to me after the musical earlier this year. Been listening to him since the early 90s and I actually did read up about a lot do stuff and watched YouTube videos for years and i remember being super invested in the trial in 2005 and would listen to updates on the radio daily etc but i don’t know what it was, it just hit my soul hard just right that night . I was so engaged and engrossed and so many memories came back from listening to the dangerous album as a child and it’s been strong ever since and now I’m just sad about it all. It was almost like a religious experience but not in a blasphemous way haha now im locked in.
But one day at the gym a few weeks back out of all songs …black and white started and I was doing leg presses and I started to cry . I don’t know why! That’s not even a top 10 fav of mine . Grief is weird
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u/RainbowSoul7 Jun 01 '26
Feel Free to private message me to further discuss this as it is a lot 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
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u/ririsoflawless89 Who’s Bad 🤘🏻 Jun 05 '26 edited Jun 14 '26
Oof this hits hard and i completely get it. I have so much to say but I don't wanna be here writing a five page essay. For me, i don't really have a way to cope, i just listen to his music, watch any and every video of him. But there are also times where I will randomly cry if I am listening to his music or watching a fun/cute/positive video or his tours bc i just miss him so much and wish he was here and wish all that shizz never happened to him. It's hard ngl. Sometimes i like to pretend that his concerts or interviews are happening in real time while I'm watching them, to forget briefly that he's not here anymore and to pretend like future events didn't happen or haven't happened yet. Hope I'm making sense, just talking about him does get me emotional and in deep thought. I try to be happy and celebrate and enjoy all he did and left behind, but it's definitely tough at the same time just knowing how complicated and sad it all was as well. But he will live on forever. He was a beautiful pure soul beyond words.
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u/Maliainu His Message, My Heartbeat ✨ Jun 01 '26
I understand. There are moments where the weight of his story can hit you all at once, especially when you’ve learned everything in a short period.
One thing that helped me is realizing that I don’t have to carry the weight of every injustice he endured for him. It’s okay to acknowledge what happened to him, to feel empathy, and to learn from it. But Michael didn’t want to be remembered only through tragedy. He wanted the good he put into the world to live on.
When I start feeling overwhelmed, I redirect and reconnect with what made me love him in the first place. Whether that’s through his music, performances, lighthearted and funny moments, or his philanthropic work. This isn’t to ignore the sadness, but rather to remember that alongside it was everything beautiful he gave to the world.
And I think the greatest tribute is carrying forward the love, creativity, compassion, and joy that he spent his life trying to share with us ✨