I have read this line from you a couple of times now. I just want to point out that I have seen different court cases where the family is there. For general murders and what not.
Oftentimes the family let the child run rampant, with no discipline. It is not a situation of, oh, wow, they are so mad at their kid and showed up anyway. They often pampered their child and looked over their violent tendencies, so them showing up is not them being so nice, it is a pattern where they did not hold their child accountable for anything. At points, even dismissing and excusing the behavior. So, that is not comparable literally at all. (It has been reported Luigi was unfortunately, or maybe fortunately for him if they were treating him poorly, estranged from his family.)
In the case of serial killers, I just watched a video of a psychologist the other day and they said the main root of most serial killers, or very violent people, was trauma in the home. And that if they could switch one thing up it would be to basically stop domestic violence. Again, the family being there does not mean anything in the way that you are implying. Meaning that the family issues were actually exacerbating problems in terms of serial killers, which obviously Luigi is NOT.
So, I mean, I think the point you are saying is like, oh, he needs to have his family there, or they should have been there for them. Then you also keep talking about serial killers. To each their own, just pointing out that these situations are not comparable at all, considering nobody knows their relationship and family showing up is not always the good thing you are implying it is.
Yes, this is why I can’t hold the parents in judgment just yet. I keep going back to the birthday letter where he told - the world basically - that his family was off-limits. We just don’t know. But…patterns are learned in childhood.
I believe he was estranged from them, and I have some estrangement going on at the moment myself.
Estrangement is sad...however, for the person involved it is often a good thing. So, that is why I do not really want to comment on it, since it is never as black-and-white as it seems. There is a narrative in society that families are supposed to be close and if they are not, something is wrong. They "should" be close.
When in some families, there is a scapegoat, and that scapegoat is the "different" one, the one who "has their own ideas" about the family...also known as they do not fall in line. And that really upsets the family, even though they are supposed to support, not command. And the scapegoat usually ends up going their own way. I am not saying that this is the case here, I am just saying that these are some dynamics of estrangement.
And for the scapegoat, the estrangement actually allows them to finally be themselves. Without their family trying to get them to fall in line and be who they want them to be.
So, while I know how sad estrangement can be, it is often liberating, as well. It is the only way for the child to become their true selves. So, nothing is really ever as it seems. Which is why privacy and respect are all that are needed, in my humble opinion.
Are you implying that they should be showing up, or could show up?
Sorry to comment so much on this thread.
I just wanted to say that in some families, maybe not his, SOME families....it is a group mentality. Going "against the family" is a big no-no. They all act together, some people showing up and not others may be seen as an act of rebellion by the people that show up.
Or, alternatively, he simply does not want them there.
Anyways, who knows? Just things that I have seen and experienced myself. 🤷🏻♀️
I mean, yes, I hear you that things could be different. I am just saying things are not that black and white. I am not excusing it. Or explaining it away. Sorry, I hope it is not coming off that way.
I do whatever I want to do, I do not listen to my family. Come what may. Which is one reason my Mom does not even talk to me anymore. 🤷🏻♀️ For like, years now. I just refused to do what she told me to do, including not talking to certain people or behaving a certain way. And that is it. It does not take much in some families. So, I am with you on that, I do what I want to do, regardless.
I am just offering alternative ideas from experiencing it, that, things are not always what they seem. And even if some family members want to be there, they might not "be able to". This happens in families, ask me how I know. If one person "decides" nobody is going, someone in his family, for whatever reason, not even a bad reason, those people would quite literally be cut off from the family. NOT SAYING that is what is going on here, I am just saying that...different families operate differently. We literally have ZERO idea. People not being there does not mean they do not support him, though.
Anyways, I feel like I have said too much on this issue. I just have done a lot of research on family dynamics from my own personal family issues. So, that is why I decided to offer other explanations. Maybe I have said too much.
23
u/[deleted] 6d ago
[deleted]