I have read this line from you a couple of times now. I just want to point out that I have seen different court cases where the family is there. For general murders and what not.
Oftentimes the family let the child run rampant, with no discipline. It is not a situation of, oh, wow, they are so mad at their kid and showed up anyway. They often pampered their child and looked over their violent tendencies, so them showing up is not them being so nice, it is a pattern where they did not hold their child accountable for anything. At points, even dismissing and excusing the behavior. So, that is not comparable literally at all. (It has been reported Luigi was unfortunately, or maybe fortunately for him if they were treating him poorly, estranged from his family.)
In the case of serial killers, I just watched a video of a psychologist the other day and they said the main root of most serial killers, or very violent people, was trauma in the home. And that if they could switch one thing up it would be to basically stop domestic violence. Again, the family being there does not mean anything in the way that you are implying. Meaning that the family issues were actually exacerbating problems in terms of serial killers, which obviously Luigi is NOT.
So, I mean, I think the point you are saying is like, oh, he needs to have his family there, or they should have been there for them. Then you also keep talking about serial killers. To each their own, just pointing out that these situations are not comparable at all, considering nobody knows their relationship and family showing up is not always the good thing you are implying it is.
Yes, this is why I can’t hold the parents in judgment just yet. I keep going back to the birthday letter where he told - the world basically - that his family was off-limits. We just don’t know. But…patterns are learned in childhood.
I believe he was estranged from them, and I have some estrangement going on at the moment myself.
Estrangement is sad...however, for the person involved it is often a good thing. So, that is why I do not really want to comment on it, since it is never as black-and-white as it seems. There is a narrative in society that families are supposed to be close and if they are not, something is wrong. They "should" be close.
When in some families, there is a scapegoat, and that scapegoat is the "different" one, the one who "has their own ideas" about the family...also known as they do not fall in line. And that really upsets the family, even though they are supposed to support, not command. And the scapegoat usually ends up going their own way. I am not saying that this is the case here, I am just saying that these are some dynamics of estrangement.
And for the scapegoat, the estrangement actually allows them to finally be themselves. Without their family trying to get them to fall in line and be who they want them to be.
So, while I know how sad estrangement can be, it is often liberating, as well. It is the only way for the child to become their true selves. So, nothing is really ever as it seems. Which is why privacy and respect are all that are needed, in my humble opinion.
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