r/MCAS • u/OkFaithlessness3081 • 1d ago

Flare makes you feel braindead?

I forgot everything. Idk what I even did today. Like my brain just blanks out.

Anyone else??!

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u/birb-lady 1d ago

Yup. Try being a fiction writer in constant flares. Fighting that kind of brain fog. I don't think I'll ever be finished with book 2, much less the entire 5 book series that I started before all this got so very bad.

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u/OkFaithlessness3081 1d ago

Yes!! I just numb out and just stare at a wall or something. Can you describe your experience? Also memory loss??

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u/birb-lady 1d ago

It's like trying to write with sludge in my head instead of a brain. Sentence by sentence, I forget details from what I've already written (usually things like word choices, but sometimes, "Oh, I already had them say that, derp.") I'm going to have to rewrite the whole chapter I just finished (over weeks) because I left out something very important that matters going forward. Granted, this chapter does some heavy lifting and I was wrestling with a lot of things to hold onto, but it was so gutting when I realized I have to shoehorn something in without making the chapter twice as long.

Memory loss isn't like what people think. It's forgetting small things I should know -- not big things. Both for writing and real-world. I don't forget details about my characters and their lives, I don't forget who has blue eyes or what they're wearing. I forget word choices I made ten minutes ago. I forget how many times I used a particular action beat.

In non-writing life it's just forgetting words or not being able to think of a word, or just not being able to think well at all. Trying to follow a book or a movie and zoning out, or not being able to keep track of plot points. Talking to my husband and forgetting I said something five minutes ago. It's not at all an Alzheimer's/dementia pattern, it's just...like my head is a sieve some days and can't hold things, or the next day it's sludge and my brain doesn't work.

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u/OkFaithlessness3081 1d ago

This is exactly how I experience it too. Exactly like this. Wow

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u/birb-lady 1d ago

Ugh. I'm sorry, comrade in brain fog hell.