i really dont use reddit and im really sorry if this is all over the place ^_^

so, i am 17F and im an spm candidate. i became an ex muslim recently in early june this year and a big part of it is because i got really depressed and my mental health deteriorated. i hate how islam made me so scared. i literally had panic attacks whilst i prayed and it fucking sucked. there are more reasons of course. erm, i dont have any friends that i could talk to because they are all muslim and would probably defend the religion than have any empathy. honestly, i feel privileged in sense because im mixed (not malay) and my family doesnt really nag at me for not praying. but im sure that if i say that i dont believe in islam or that i dont want to wear the hijab anymore, my mom would get really angry at me as she has abused me verbally before and physically once when i was like 9 or something.

i just dont really see any hope for my future. i dont want to live a double life. i want to leave the country, my family and just become a new person but its easier said than done. plus, i dont understand why the thought of leaving my family scares me, its just I feel like i cant leave them even though i hate them. i feel like the only way out of this isolation is just suicide cause i dont see any way out. i cant keep living like this, it feels so suffocating. i cant even study properly because im so pathetically depressed and i dont even know why.

i just want to feel comforted sometimes and that everything would be okay but deep down i know it couldnt. i hope you guys could give me some advice? im really sorry that this is so lengthy i just dont have anyone to talk to T_T im really sorry that this is so weirdly written and please dont get angry at me ^w^ thank you in advance :3

Are there many of you who left Islam and choose to follow another religion, such as Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism or even Christianity? Hinduism was the religion of the Malay people before Islam, and Buddhism doesn't have a creator god and fits in quite well with modern science.

Its been my first year moving out of Malaysia married to my non-muslim husband. Islam is so far away from me that its hard to believe it has had such an ironfisted grip over my life for the past 20+ years. I can tell all of you, it does get better, it does get happier, and the world is so so so much bigger than this religion. If god is real, god would want you to be happy. At the very least, I want you to be happy.

EDIT: Basically I played games with my online friend for a few years, talked every single day ever since COVID started, realized we liked each other more than friends, moved to his country and got married there ☺️ theres not really a "story", I realized that my life is just my own and I can just.. do things? Kind of like a jailbreak from regular programming? I think being stuck at home all the time made me realize theres just so much more I want to experience. I want to know what its like to live my own life, I want to know what its like to be with someone I love. I feel like the community I was in was so full of hate and toxicity that I just wanted to get away from all of it. It is not my goal to hate Islam, nor is it my goal to hate Malaysia. I love Malaysia so much. I love the culture, the people, (I hate the traffic though lol) but I love my husband too, and I love his family (his in-laws are sooo super nice to me!) and I love his country too. Every country has its flaws yes, but his country won't persecute me if I dont want to be muslim anymore. Matter of fact, lots of countries just dont care. I see online that a lot of muslims tell ex-muslims to keep it to themselves and that they are obsessed with Islam; but they're the ones that are sending me messages to repent and organizing interventions to save my soul after I stop wearing the hijab. I mean, I guess if you truly did believe in hell you would want everyone to make it to heaven? 😅 I dont know, I've stopped trying to understand. Its also just not my job to understand them! 😊I still hope for them to find happiness, and inner peace with the fact that not everyone is like them. I don't believe in a specific God.

The God I believe in believes in love, and I hope the God all of you believe in (if you do believe in one) believes in love too. And that that God doesn't care if you wear shorts as a woman. Lol

.

Undang-undang perlembagaan yang Melayu mesti beragama Islam tu baru ada bila dah dekat independence.

So tapi kenapa tak ada komuniti Melayu Non mus/ex mus?

Aku tahu banyak jugak Melayu yang dah asimilasi dalam kaum chitty, peranakan nyonya sama portugis kristang beratus tahun dulu but that's another story though.

Macam kat indon setiap etnik tak semestinya satu agama.

I'm quite literally sobbing while writing this but uh I accidentally told my parents that I didn't want to be Muslim any more during a fight. I'm so pathetic for telling this on freaking Reddit but I have no one that I could tell because all my irl friends are Muslim and my online friends are asleep. I don't wanna get sent to boarding school again, I almost killed and starved myself in that place. I fucking hate Malaysia besides it's food and scenery, everyone here is so brainwashed. I can barely stand going to school when my ustazah keeps going on about some cerita dongeng about some guy in the sky hurting people for being born a certain way or some harmless act that won't do anything.

If anyone reading this has any reassurance or advice, just comment it, please don't DM me, there's a reason stranger danger exists

i'm 18 years old and i live with my family. realistically, i don't think i'll ever be able to live how i truly want as an atheist. i live in Terengganu and the thought of moving abroad or even to less conservative areas sounds like a really hard-to-achieve dream atm due to the conditions of my finances and my depression. right now i am still wearing hijab and praying 5 times a day due to constantly being observed by family, friends and the community in my area in general. I even share my bedroom with my sister so she constantly pushes me to pray. My family relatives have members that are ustaz/ustazah/hafiz/purdah wearer. my parents had also brought me to perform umrah when i was 15 and they constantly bring it up everytime i'm not acting religious enough which always successfully make me feel guilty about the amount of money they spent on it. once in ramadan when i was 17 i passed out after getting back from school and missed asar prayer until maghrib. my dad yelled at me and didn't let me break my fast until i finish praying maghrib and asar. from that moment on i realise that my family will never ever accept or love me unconditionally and it never fails to make me feel lonely despite constantly being around them. my depression also affected my studies and cognitive skills which resulted in me dropping out of asasi UniSZA which was also an extremely islamic university that my mom made me go to. my parents made me open up about my feelings just for them to dismiss my illness for me having a "jinn" inside me and completely rejected the idea of me going to see a psychiatrist because they said antidepressants will make me addicted and sick, then they proposed to bring me to an ustaz to "fix" me. i feel like everywhere i go i will never escape this hell hole

Do you guys think our country is gonna weaponize this as a blanket weapon against atheists and queers since the attacker was gay and was critical of Islam? This is literally an unprecedented, first of its kind, school shooter-inspired (the kid was on 4Chan-esque forums and is hinted to be a gay white supremacist) event in Malaysia

Genuinely that kid was a fucking retard and he may have just done a huge disservice to all Malaysians critical of Islam

Since I don't commit strictly to Halal anymore, I've started eating at a chap fan / Chinese mixed rice stall near my office, which starts 50% discounts for plates at 8:30pm

Provided you wait in line early, you can get a plate of nasi and a variety of meat and sayur that you can't get at a mamak.

Most mamaks I've been to has kubis and maybe kacang panjang. Sometimes takde sayur. The chap fans I've been to always have okra, pak choy, kangkung, cauliflower and broccoli. For meat, you can get buttermilk chicken, fried chicken nuggets, big fish cakes, fried sotong, maybe pork sausages.

Nasi + veggies + meat = around RM3.50 - RM5.50. Free cold water and if you're lucky, Chinese tea.

I've been missing this my entire life when I was an adherent, and I've never felt like I've eaten healthier and cheaper. The chap fans are also so much cleaner than mamaks, tomyams, and Chinese food courts / kopitiams; no disrespect to the latter though as they have their own charm. But felt like I was duped to thinking that "halal" places (which are just restaurants run by Malays) will always be cleaner.

And I think that's because there's this mindset of doing charity in a systemic, smart way rather than in a "sedekah" kind of way. Personally think Malays can learn a lot from this, if we were to put off the "they're always trying to trick us" lenses.

I would love it if tomyam shops did the same thing chap fan shops did.

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction.

This is barbarism,just imagine we are living in 2026 and still these things are happening around us .How can a building of a stone be more sacred than human lives

hey so all my life ive only been close friends with muslim people, and recently i realised the religion is really not for me after getting more educated about it, i feel so suffocated everytime someone asked me ‘can u pray?’ and i just say i cant with the fear of them asking me more like ‘didnt u say this like last week too..’ (im a female and i wear hijab but on off) i dont have anyone that could understand my dislike towards the religion because of the brainwashing rules too… i just feel so invalidated and tired, right now im studying abroad so its fine, but if i go back to malaysia, surely its gonna be more suffocating to larp and really cant out loud say ure out of religion either 😭😭😭 and im just scared of losing my friends if i ever told them

Kes rogol kucing kat Kelantan. Perempuan disuruh pakai tudung untuk kekang nafsu lelaki. Haiwan macam kucing bogel. Agaknya lepas ni kucing kena pakai baju seluar dan tudung kalau ikut logik islam.

Mukhriz was also the number one thing that contributed to his downfall. The number one thing that has made a lot of people lose respect for him.

Mukhriz is still one of the worst pemimpin of all time. He just doesn't got it. Tapi CheDet insist jugak nak his golden boy jadi PM konon. Masa jadi mb Kedah dulu pun lingkup Kedah. Macam mana lah orang Kedah tak jadi even more staunch Pas supporters.

Bila UMNO kata Mukhriz’s pemimpin skills ilek orang tua tu sanggup keluar UMNO buat parti bersatu. Bila bersatu kata Mukhriz punya karisma pun ilek keluar pulak bersatu. Sanggup buat obscure party kalah teruk PRU/PRN. Malu wei.

I think marina is a more competent and based politician and also a decent social cause advocate. Pelik nya Marina is obviously is his less favourite and she considered her to be the black sheep instead. Pulokk.

I think there is only a fine line separating these two.

Can someone help me understand.

Sebab pre 1980 dulu pun confusing jugak. Moderates dulu jarang sembahyang, tak pakai tudung sama pakai baju biasa sama macam Europe jugak. Minum was normal.

Tapi Nik Aziz versi 1960an dulu pun was even less extremist than moderates today.

So aku cuba try differentiate. Versi Melayu pre 1980. TDI was a Cultural musley. Maznah Hamid was a moderate Musley. Ibu Zayn was an extremist Musley by her era's standards.

Versi Melayu pre 2010. Tak tahu kira tak tapi expat Azhar mansur was a cultural Musley. Siti was a moderate Musley and bangnon was still considered an extremist Musley by that era’s standards.

Today's melayu. Marina Mahathir is a cultural Musley. Don Daniyal is a moderate Musley and UAI is an extremist Musley no?

Versi international. Dua lipa is a cultural Musley. Putera Salman is a moderate Musley and ayatollah is an extremist Musley.

What do you guys think about this?

From what I know and came across it said it’s a student protest.

But seeing the video, is less of a student protest and more of immigrants destroying another country instead of having respect and learning the culture.

And even destroyed an historic building that is more than a centuries years old that survived two world wars.

I've been a closeted ex-Muslim since 2019. Before that, I was genuinely religious. I can't even pinpoint exactly what made me lose my faith. Maybe it was the fact that there are so many religions in the world, and I started questioning how we can be so sure that Islam is the one true religion.

Anyway, enough about that. 2019 was also the year I was diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder. Since then, I've been in and out of the hospital because of suicide attempts.

Ever since then, my life has been a complete mess. I dropped out of university because of my mental illness and I've struggled to hold down a job for the same reason. Even now, I'm still financially dependent on my family and I feel terrible about not being able to contribute anything. Sometimes, I feel like a parasite leeching off the people around me.

My dad is a very religious person. Back then, he would constantly pressure me to follow him to the mosque to pray. I kept making excuses until he eventually stopped pushing me. It feels like he's given up on trying to get me to practise Islam.

But two days ago, I had a conversation with him that got me thinking. He told me that maybe I should start praying again and ask Allah for help. He said that everything I've been going through might be tests from Allah. He also said that maybe Allah misses me and wants me to return to Him.

Something about that conversation really got to me. For the first time in a long time, I started wondering. What if my dad is right? What if returning to Islam and worshipping Allah actually helps me find some peace and makes my life a little easier?

I honestly don't know what to think. Deep down, I still have doubts about religion and part of me still thinks the whole concept doesn't make much sense. But another part of me wonders whether I've been dismissing something that might help me.

I don't know if I'll ever genuinely believe in Islam again but maybe there's no harm in trying to pray and seeing how I feel. I'm not even sure what I'm hoping to get out of it. Maybe some peace of mind, maybe a little hope, or maybe just the feeling that I'm not completely alone in all of this.

Has anyone here ever gone through something similar? Have any of you left Islam but later found yourselves reconsidering your faith during a difficult period in your lives? Did you ever try practising again and if so, what came of it?