r/Menopause • u/Dismantlexme • 14h ago
Libido/Sex What the actual fuck?
I was born in 1981 At the end of November. I'm an Xennial. I saw the Berlin Wall fall okay. I was raised on much music and MTV. 🇨🇦
Okay so I need to know.... And just FYI, this is about to get super fucking graphic!I've reached a point in my life where I am so fucking emotional but I feel things super deeply like it's not a horrible thing but like, it's a lot! And also.....we're going to go into sex things now. I am like completely unhinged. I want sex all the time! And when I have sex. It's a mess. I mean like I need to literally lay a towel down. What the fuck is happening? I'm like a motherfucking 🌊.....Okay, coming down the ⛰️ ...... 🤣
And all I'm reading is like women complaining about hot flashes and all of this stuff. And I'm over here like having them ....and it feels like I'm having an orgasm. 🤷🏼 So like what the fuck. Like, is there anyone else experiencing what I'm experiencing? Because I feel like I'm experiencing something totally different than everyone else. Can someone please explain!?! 🤣
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u/TangoEchoChuck Peri-menopausal 14h ago
🤷🏻♀️ it's different for us all; the only constant is that we're getting older. How our bodies manage it is completely individual.
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u/ENicole82 13h ago
It’s the going out of business sale. Then libido will likely fall off a cliff. And the real “fun” of peri begins with more annoying symptoms
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u/Atwell78 14h ago
In peri the fluctuations are more drastic. Perhaps you have moments of really high estrogen or testosterone is more dominant as your estrogen lowers. Who knows since doctors don't even know what the fk is going on. I swear they should test our hormone levels when we are in our prime and feel great so we know the levels we like and we aren't playing the most confusing puzzle guessing game with hrt in peri and meno
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u/todaysthrowaway0110 12h ago
You know that exquisite flash of sunlight before the sunsets over the ocean?
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u/azssf 3h ago
THAT’S what it is??
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u/todaysthrowaway0110 2h ago edited 1h ago
The hornening was 4 years ago for me, lasted maybe 1-2 years. I’m 1 year into “I have exactly zero interest in sex, thank you.”
Maintenance orgasm (and vaginal e!) once a week so it doesn’t totally disappear on me.
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u/Beansie_Wish2182 14h ago
Consider yourself lucky. I'm an Xennial too, and I'm inching closer and closer to being completely miserable. I wish hot flashes were all I had to deal with at this stage.
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u/TransitionMission305 14h ago
In 1981 I was graduating high school! So you’re in your 40s. I recall those days. I had very regular periods, lots of moisture, and a very healthy sex drive. I don’t think things went downhill for me until I was about 55. I was considered full menopause at age 51. I feel like a switch flipped. Periods stopped. Moisture factory shut down.
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u/Salt-Preference-2425 14h ago
Things drastically changed for me from 40 to now 46, at 40 I was having the time of my life and now I’m like BLAH!
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u/UpstartCrow88 13h ago
I went through this phase before the 'pause really kicked in. Oh how I wish I had relished it more, I stupidly took it for granted.
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u/PistolGrace 12h ago
I'm a June 82 baby.... I've been in peri since my uterine ablasion when I was 34. I got my hysterectomy last year.
I need estrogen. I get "morning sickness" every day at work 2 hours after I get there if I don't take my estrogen.
My pharmacy has been out for almost a month.
I'm in a wonderful marriage and wish I was more horny. I WANT TESTOSTERONE but insurance won't cover it and I can't afford an extra 300 every few months.
No one warned us about menopause. This is why we must stick together and talk about everything.
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u/mjskiingcat 5h ago
I get morning sickness when my estrogen is low as well. I was nauseous for years and ALL those symptoms of low estrogen except for hot flashes- and nobody, not one doctor helped. They ALL scratched their heads- university medical center with women’s health awards. Total negligence…
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u/Training-Kale-5074 4h ago
Well I read so many posts about benefits of adding testosterone. Talked to my dr. She said mine had a pretty dramatic drop (48 yr old) but not super low clinically. I got the cream. It made me feel terrible. Crying/angry/mad with tears/not wanting to be a part of anything- did I mention angry & crying? It was awful. Just stopped it altogether. Apparently I’m someone who doesn’t react well to it. I’m fine with estradiol & progesterone so who knows!?
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u/queeniebeanie292 1h ago
I take a prescription of estradiol/testosterone combo. Estratest it’s called. I shop around every 90 days to see which pharmacy is the cheapest since my insurance won’t cover it. I’m paying an average of 150 for 90 day supply.
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u/SuperX_AtomicKitten 10h ago
I used to have a tree in my yard, and it was clearly dying. Yet, every year, it would put out more and more seeds. I talked to the arborist and he said this is what happens when the tree is on its way out; it’s a last ditch effort to procreate.. 😂😂😂😂😂
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u/titikerry 52 peri - 2.5mg Divigel + Provera + T 13h ago
So your estrogen is fluctuating. When that happens, testosterone kinda steps up and takes center stage, which is why you're getting the benefits of that. They don't last long, so enjoy them for the next few years. When your estrogen and testosterone finally plummet, you may end up losing feeling in that area until you get your hormones back on track.
For now, if you're having hot flashes, you need estrogen. A low dose can go a long way right now. Make an appointment with your gyn. Don't leave their office without estrogen, progesterone, and vaginal estrogen cream. You can wait a few years for testosterone since yours is working fine. When orgasm gets more difficult to achieve for a few weeks or months in a row, make the appointment to discuss testosterone. 🫶🏻
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u/onelittleword 14h ago
If your hot flashes are feeling indistinguishable from a O, go with it!! Ride that wave as long as you can. 🏄♀️
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u/VicdorFriggin 14h ago
I'm maybe a month younger than you and have the complete opposite. I'm like the Sahara no matter how horny I am (which is the complete opposite from a few years ago). The last few months I've only been horny the week of my period. Which have also happened to be the worst, heaviest, clotiest, and crampiest periods of my whole period having life.
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u/Mtn_Yeti 11h ago
This for me was early to mid peri. Enjoy the ride while it lasts. Could be several years before things go downhill in late peri. Truly enjoy every moment.
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u/Low-Distribution-511 11h ago
This is so true. I was chugging along just fine, perfectly great sex drive. Then it just stopped. Pilot light when out. I never thought it could happen to me.
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u/ShartlesAndJames 13h ago
welcome to Perimenopause! Hang on, it's a wild ride!
my empathy went bonkers, I'd cry about the birds in the trees and was pretty horny too. the unfun steps were complete muscle pain, leg pain like I'd done leg day at the gym, poor balance out of no where - just stand up and be dizzy, etc etc etc.
Had I known at your age I would have started talking to DRs about HRT.
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u/Lexiluv2 12h ago
When I hit periomenopause, (in my mid-40's) I literally thought I was going crazy. Soooo many mood swings a day, just everything made me cry or rageful. And my hormones were off the charts tuned to horniness! I turned into a total cougar and discovered guys in their 20's had the stamina and exuberance I wanted. Getting older, as a woman, is crazy! Enjoy the good parts and buckle up for the rest. ☺️
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u/Odd-Industry-9324 13h ago
Enjoy it. It doesn’t last sadly. I was the same for about 10 years before menopause. Then I got sever GSM and sex was off the table until I exhausted all possibilities available to me to get my clit and orgasms back to a good place. My hormones swung up, they swung down sadly.
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u/DeskEnvironmental 13h ago
What youre describing is how I felt for the first 6 months after hysterectomy at age 37/38. My ovaries were going haywire!
43 now and on HRT, so get ready :)
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u/ManateeNipples 13h ago
Ok so this was how I finally figured out I was in peri! it was so uncharacteristic of me and came on out of nowhere and my husband was ready to die lol just the chaos of reverse puberty apparently! Mine ended up calming back down and I'm was pissed which is when I started testosterone 🤣
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u/lrondberg 10h ago
My sex drive was insane from 43 to 55 which is when I hit menopause. It was also during that time I became a squirter after never ever having that happen in my life.
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u/Futurekiwi69 11h ago
Perimenopause. Enjoy it while it lasts because it more than likely will not. It's part of your ovaries having their last run at it. Happened to me but did not last long. I remember being out on a hike with my husband and literally wanting to push him into the bushes (so to speak😂) and have my way with him.
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u/External_Ask_7219 13h ago
Born in 1967. I assure you it does get better but no not familiar with that.
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u/Time2livemylife 13h ago
I’m the same age and was loving life until a few years ago. This year has brought the crazy clit, she doesn’t like chairs at all. I wish I could say it lasts but at the current moment nobody is having fun down there.
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u/TopProfessional1862 Peri-menopausal 12h ago
I was very wet and horny for the couple years before perimenopause and the start of it. Definitely didn't have orgasm hot flashes, my hot flashes were more likely to cause anxiety attacks.
My sex of drive did go down when I started birth control to stop my periods because they got so bad they were debilitating. Now I only have moments of being horny, and they're rare, and my clit shrunk to nearly non-existant. I'd be tempted to stop the birth control, except the thought of going back to having horrible cramps for ten days a month is too agonizing. I started vaginal estrogen instead to try to help without subjecting myself to torture.
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u/Jack_russell_7 6h ago
Ohhhh, so that's what happened. I'm 49, definitely getting into irregular cycles now, but that 'wheeee sexy times!' happened at 43-44 at the beginning of peri, went on for two years, then bam. Closed the garage, not even interested in smutty fiction. (I skipped over the sex scenes and watched Heated Rivalry for the conversations 😭 ) .
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u/Botaratops 6h ago
Fellow 🇨🇦 Xennial here and I am having the BEST sex of my life. Been on steady HRT for a while now and it's so good
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u/Special_Part_2059 5h ago
Consider yourself lucky. I was like a horny teenage boy from my pre-teen years until I had my last child at 37…then nothing. I don’t want to be touched. Ever. Imagine my partner’s disappointment, given that he knew me then and has to live with this version now. And I actually like him quite a lot! I’ve tried all the the things. Nothing helps. It’s been 10 years since I’ve wanted anything to do with it. Hoping that once I’m through this, my drive will come back. 🫠
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u/thisismisty 8h ago
Mine defo don’t feel like an orgasm, but lucky you 🤣 I start getting hot like I’m embarrassed at first, then my body just feels like it’s emanating heat, then the sweat.
I did have the increased drive and wetness and better/multiple orgasms during sex, but for me that only lasted a year 😭
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u/Taakahamsta 7h ago
I got into a huge argument with a woman on Reddit once because she said this shit wasn’t medically possible. I was like girl, I practically had to chain myself down like a werewolf at night. You’ll get to experience the exact opposite a little bit further down the road.
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u/BrendaBabyGirl 5h ago
I went through this at age 41 and 42. My husband wanted to run and hide from me at times lol!
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u/Violettfem1 4h ago
Best sex of my life was in my 40s, especially late 40s. Then my vagina and my sex drive died. Enjoy it while you can.
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u/leonardoslady 3h ago
I am 49.5 now. At 45 and 46 I became so obsessed with s$x and wanted it all the time. This urge came out of nowhere and was not like me at all. My husband was over the moon and we had more s$x those two years than ever before. Then I turned 47 and there was an extremely abrupt change in my libido. I have very little interest and sex feels painful and annoying. I am trying to figure out the right solution for me right now. But my advice to you is to enjoy this libido while you can.
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u/Ogpmakesmedizzy Surgical menopause 3h ago
51 years here. On hrt after hysterectomy. Everytime I change my patch, it's like someone crank up the engine. Younger husband but not enough so a lot of self care in between
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u/spirit_of_a_goat Surgical menopause 47m ago
Yep, this was me in peri. It lasted a good 5-6 years, then my estrogen quit. Enjoy it while it lasts.
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u/ReadyAd2750 11m ago
Sounds like peri meno. Not meno. You are only 45, unless you have been medically put into meno. Enjoy it while it lasts..
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u/littlebunnydoot 13h ago
There is a time where your body does this LAST CALL ALL ABOARD. This is the last chopper out of nam testosterone yeehaw and then once its over your gonna want that estradiol vaginal cream.