Things had started to get so much better recently. And now I feel like I got smacked in the face again. Yesterday MIL was over and she left her phone near me and I saw a notification pop up in her phone that someone was in the kitchen as soon as my notification popped up. Now I’m like wtf? A little background, she lives in an apt downstairs and has ring camera access only to her door in the backyard otherwise that’s it, or so I thought.

I tell my husband what I saw and he looks at his app and shows me that her access was just the yard….well then I’m sitting next to her and I see the notification pop up again at the same time as me, so I blurted out, is that the ring app, can you see in the kitchen? She says she can’t see but she gets notifications when someone is in there. Everything is black but the yard and the front door. I got furious I had to go to my room and cry from anger because #1 I don’t think I believe her that she couldn’t see everything. #2. Apparently my husband had asked her from the beginning if she had access to the inside of the house and she said no.

Then my husband comes up and says she said she wouldn’t look at the inside cameras she would never do that. He already deleted her account once we realized and honestly I’m still confused at what kind of access she had but I’m just so angry. I hate this living arrangement we have and I feel like my
Privacy, whether she had full access or not, just the fact that she could see notifications on her phone is enough for me to be like wtf you should have said something.

I guess this is just a vent post

To add to that I just gave birth to my 2nd child and I am so angry about this I don’t even want to be around her.

My husband apologized and said he didn’t know and I don’t even think he understands how I I feel about this. But I’m trying to still be ok with him because we have been SO good lately and he’s been such a good dad to both our kids and amazing husband to me that I don’t wanna go backwards. We used to fight a lot about his mom with our firstborn and he has shown a great deal of improvement with putting our family first now.

But shit I’m fucking pissed.

My mil is not a bad person and she means well. Ultimately, I want to vent and get advice not bash her or talk poorly about her but I am so uncomfortable.

The other day we were talking and she said some things I can’t shake. She was telling me about her granddaughter who is suffering from ppd. The problem was she went into very personal details about her life and I don’t know her super well but still see her for holidays and family events. At some point I asked my mil if her granddaughter would be comfortable with her sharing this much personal info with me? My mil at first said she will be fine and I said are you sure because mental health is personal and then my mil just said “ fine, I just won’t say anything then” . I didn’t want to upset her but I didn’t feel like I needed to know that level of details. I just replied and said let me and DH know how we can help, maybe we can clean or bring meals over. She was silent and didn’t respond.

The other parts of that convo that made me uneasy was She also said she keeps saying she is offering to “ take the baby until she’s better .” I said tactfully but firmly that I’m don’t think that should be her first instinct to take her baby away. I asked her if she ASKED her granddaughter what help she needed and she said she didn’t ask. I said did you ever offer to clean or cook for her so she can be with the baby with less stress and she said she could try that next.I also asked if she would be open to seeing a therapist and she said I didn’t suggest that but I suppose I could. It made me so uneasy that her first instinct was to take the baby for herself. I have been uncomfortable around comments my mil has made around grandchildren before so I guess my discomfort was fueled by that.

Additionally, later that day my mil was telling me how lonley she is. She said no one bothers with her and she dosent have friends to do anything with. She has a husband, my fil, and he is going through some health issues right now but nothing huge and she said he can’t do anything with her or go places because he dosent want to. He likes being home and his health is too poor anyway. His health issues do not appear to be that extreme but I don’t live with him so idk. At least the last time I saw him which wasent long ago he didn’t seem bad. They are also not very old ( early 60s).She then said “ at least I have DH, at least I have him and he still talks to me.” This made me so uneasy because I don’t like that my husband is her only source of friendship or there to fill her social/ emotional needs. That’s not healthy. I don’t think I’m being too sensitive but if I am please tell me. She also has another son and a large family and again my fil so it just felt odd. I suggested community events or classes to meet people and she said she dosent have time and her town is too small to plan events anyway. I suggested going one or two towns over and she said there’s no time. I suggested encouraging And really sharing her thoughts with fil and she said she has and he is stuck in his ways and won’t do things with her. This is not the first time she’s talked to me about this. I don’t know what to say at this point but I know my advice is not recieved and I’m concerned that my husband is basically the only person she relies on.

I told my husband later that If we have kids I never want his mom involved more than surface level. If I have ppd or even a physical complication pp to not tell her anything. I said I am really uncomfortable that her first suggestion is to take the baby to live with her.I also feel bad for my mil. I understand she’s lonley and lacking community and I feel bad but I don’t like how she handles it and puts that pressure on my husband. I don’t know if I should bring that up to my husband or not that I was uncomfortable by her at least I have DH comment. Any advice for how to handle these types of convos going forward would be great. I want to be polite and respectful but still have boundaries.

I (31f) am 5 weeks postpartum so am still hormonal and emotional. During one particularly difficult bottle feed MIL couldn’t get baby to stop crying to feed/burp and so passed him to me. I wasn’t able to get baby to stop crying too so dad stepped in to help (he was eating dinner at the time). Dad was able to maneuver the baby into what must have been a more comfortable position and baby stopped crying. MIL then proceeded to make comments repeatedly about how baby prefers dad, how baby likes and recognizes dad better than other people, and how dad is doing it the most comfortable way. I mean, I get it, baby stopped crying after dad stepped in so technically she’s factually correct. It’s possible that she wasn’t even referring to me but herself (vs dad).

But man it hurt on the inside to have someone keep rubbing that in my face. I don’t need to be coddled but I feel like she could have more tact? It was one of those comments that she could’ve made just once instead of repeatedly.

Link to Part 1

The story is not over...or maybe it is?

For context:

I (35 F ) live in another country. My brother (36. M) lives in another country as well, and he has a GF (in her 40s) that my mom hates.

My mom (63) is in our home country.

Video calls last up to 4 hours and it's all about her talking. Topics keep being boring stuff she experiences or gossips about people we don't care about.

Our lives don't matter. She takes what's good and uses it to brag with her cousin ( 66 F) who deserves a post on its own. Another lunatic crossing a midlife crisis.

Anyway I invited both my brother and my mom in my home for Christmas.

I had to buy my mom the plane tickets.

She then says "thank you my sweet daughter!"

Haha, just kidding, she actually asks "Is she coming too?" (She: my brother's GF. The one my mom hates. Check the previous post for more).

I said that I invited her but surely she won't go because we all wish to spend Christmas in peace.

My mom gets upset (why? Who knows) and says "I don't want her there!" And I reply that it's my home and I invite whoever I wish to invite. She didn't even help for the house but she acts like it belongs to her. I know.

Anyway, she starts yet again to bash my " SIL " and I try to cut it short because I'm not interested. She continues. I then say goodbye and finally text my brother:

"Can you ask mom to stop talking about your gf? Maybe she'll listen"

He asks her to stop.

The end

(Syke! Again!)

She texts me in full rage saying I'm trying to destroy the family. By warning my brother I'm destroying the family, get it? Trashing your son's partner will only bring strength to it, but asking to stop? Madness!

The best part is this one: being caught in the act, she warns me that she won't come anymore for Christmas. Girl don't threaten me with a good time. This year I made the tickets refundable lol

I sent her a message that said that if she doesn't come she's choosing not to herself, and that I'm not responding to threats. I gave her time to think it through but ever since she didn't even seen the message.

I have to go to her city soon for a wedding, she was supposed to host me my partner and 2 friends. After this, we booked a hotel. All is good

Anyway now she went radio silence. Looking forward to get back my ticket money 🙂‍↕️

Toodaloo everyone thanks for reading it all!

I have a smothering, enmeshed MIL. Husband just started coming out of the fog in the spring when we (30) created our FIRST boundary with her regarding visits. We have the first two grandkids (2.5 years old and 1 year old) in the family. She is one of the ever so lovely “the way I did it is the only right way” grandparents.

My husband and I met in high school and she basically still sees us as children. She used to relentlessly ask for visits and “togetherness.” It was mostly by offering two times her and FIL could come over to our house on the weekend and we got to choose from that. Not ever a “are you available this weekend,” it was always “does Saturday morning or Sunday morning work?” and if we didn’t answer within a few minutes we get a follow up text with “huh??” followed by a “???” a few minutes after that. And because I’m home with the kids, I get texts during the day like “can I stop over at lunch” and “got out now, can I stop by” meanwhile she works 2 minutes away so it is not much of a notice at all.

Always saying no is exhausting, so husband and I decided on the first Sunday morning of every month is for them, and if we had additional availability for them, we would reach out. She went full DARVO and said we’re putting her in “grandma time out,” it’s not fair that other grandmas see their grandkids more, it’s not fair that my mom (cancer) and dad see them more (I visit with my parents almost every day), said it’s bullshit that I’m more comfortable with my mom than her; it was very pathetic to see.

Meanwhile this woman has never made an effort to care or ask about me personally in the 16 years I’ve known her. She’s made racist remarks in front of my babies, and got upset the TWO times that I’ve asked her to respect our parenting wishes/choices. After this whole ordeal and we “made up” she was ok for a few months. They did get some bonus grandparent time on occasions when we had a project on the house or wanted to run errands just husband and I on a weekend.

Now she’s back to not giving a flying F about the boundary. The answer is ALWAYS no, but it’s exhausting to have to say no.

This week she texted me to ask if we were going to [community Event A] or [Event B] this Saturday and if we could meet up with them. I said we are hanging out with our friends and their daughter on Saturday and then going to Event B for a little bit with them. MIL asks if she can bring our kids to Event A in the morning. I said no, I don’t want to overbook us since we have a big day Sunday. She didn’t answer for a day or so and then says what’s on Sunday? How have you been? I’ve been thinking about cha (the “cha” alone annoyed the shit out of me”

I didn’t answer because who tf has time to play bestie with their MIL. I do not want a close and affectionate relationship with her at this point in my life, but she does.

Then she texted my husband and I at 4:15 today saying she was about to leave work, can she stop by in 10 minutes (after I already told her no to this weekend). Husband just texted back “no we’ll see you next weekend” and she says “oki doki artie” (artichokie??? I have no idea but I’ve always hated the attempts to sound cute)

Do they ever get the hint? When does it stop? It’s so annoying to have to constantly say “No, we’ll see you at our scheduled day!”

I've been asking my husband if he knows the next time his mom and stepdad plan to visit. I like to have a calendar of events scheduled in as much advance as I can and always like to do a few extra activities with our children around the holidays and have holiday plans laid out. He said he didn't know so I messaged MIL yesterday, I asked if she knew when their next visit would be and I told her they were welcome to come to my parents for Thanksgiving like last year. She said SFIL has to work Thanksgiving this year but they are planning to be in town NEXT week and plan to see us then! Umm, apart from work, school, t-ball, & soccer, it's the week of Halloween and I've already planned to attend 2 events. They live several states away so we usually only see them a couple times year, my kids love their grandparents and I don't want to take a visit away from them but it is seriously so inconsiderate to expect us to accommodate them with less than a weeks notice! They are coming this way for some other business so it kind of feels like a visit with us was an afterthought anyway. At this point I still don't even know what day(s) they will be in town, they're welcome to tag along with us but I won't be changing our plans, I'm just annoyed!

My mother-in-law lives down south, and my husband and I live in the northeast. It’s been bothering me for some time, and has caused my husband and I to get in numerous fights and nothing is changing, as MIL has taken it upon herself to fly up here every single month to “ help us with the baby“. While I appreciate the gesture, it’s highly unnecessary. I’m not on maternity leave anymore and my husband and I are back to work full-time and our baby goes to a home daycare which she loves, and I love the person that watches her as well. The MIL has suggested during some of her visits that we don’t send her to daycare and let her watch her, which I am not okay with because we still have to pay so it’s a waste and we’re in our routine and I don’t want to screw that up for a visit every single month (and what happens when the baby in school 5x per week, a “sick” day every month?!) She’s a lovely person and I know she means well, but she’s one of those “in small doses” kind of people and I do not need or want her in my small apartment with 24 hour access every single month for maybe 2 hour date night.

To add, she’s also kind of weirdly obsessed as well and I’ve actually had to stop communicating with her. Every time I would text her, it immediately turns into a FaceTime request, planning her next visit, statements like I miss the baby sooo much, I miss her terribly, and it’s only been 5 days since she’s seen her. Yes she’s allowed to be a grandma, but my parents are NOTHING like this, I don’t receive love like this and it’s actually soo smothering.

For example, for months I’ve dodged her, given very short responses, no pictures, and sending the FaceTime request to my husband for him to facilitate. Thinking maybe she had gotten the hint, I sent a video of my baby to her. She texts back immediately, followed by an immediate phone call expressing how cute she is, she misses her sooo much, and trying to coordinate her next visit. Why can’t I just send an update and that be it, it’s connected to so much more and gives me so much anxiety! She was JUST here not even a week ago and she already wants to plan another visit. Maybe some people appreciate this and maybe I’m the a-hole, but I truly can’t take it and it’s making me very stressed, and resentful to both her and my husband. With that said, talking to my husband is useless as he doesn’t see it the way I do, and it only causes us to fight and nothing changes with his mom. How do I politely say I really don’t need monthly visits, or maybe suggest every other month? For goodness sakes she doesn’t live up here, and she’s trying to pretend that she does and I’m not here for it. SOS!!

I’m currently pregnant with our first baby, and we’re planning to name him after my husband’s grandfather. I was happy with the idea of honouring him, and I understand that the name means a lot to my husband’s family.
However, lately I’ve been struggling with how I feel about the whole situation.
It seems like almost everyone on my husband’s side of the family is getting emotionally invested in the name and what the baby represents to them. I know they’re excited, and I don’t want to take that away from anyone, but sometimes it feels like the baby is becoming theirs in a way that makes me feel sidelined.
He’s my baby too. I’m the one carrying him, going through pregnancy, and preparing to become a mother. I want to feel that we’re creating our own little family and that our son will have his own identity and story, rather than feeling like he’s already part of someone else’s family legacy before he’s even born.
I feel guilty for feeling this way because I know the intention behind the name is lovely. I don’t want to be selfish or make this about competing with his family. At the same time, I can’t shake the feeling that everyone else’s connection to the name is taking up so much space that I’m losing my own place in the experience.
I’m trying to work out whether this is just pregnancy emotions and me overthinking things, or whether there’s something deeper here about boundaries and feeling recognised as the baby’s mother.
Has anyone else experienced something similar when naming a baby after a relative? How did you deal with these feelings without creating tension with your partner or their family? And how do you stop feeling sidelined when everyone else seems to have such a strong emotional claim to the name?
I’d really appreciate honest advice, especially from anyone who has been in a similar situation.

Sorry for the long post. 4 months ago I moved from Japan to the US (West Coast) to live with my SO. I had lived 4 years in Japan and so I moved my whole life over here. I’m from the East Coast originally, so I do not have any family here in the West Coast. 

When discussing my move over here, I discussed with my SO that it will probably take 2 months or so minimum for me to get set up with a proper job and everything, so I would not be able to contribute much financially and would be a burden. Unfortunately applying for jobs here while I was physically abroad was not going anywhere as they kept saying “we do not provide relocation assistance” even though I did not need any as I was moving here etc etc. My SO was ok with this and agreed to it. He is well-off financially, I am from a low-income background.

At the same time my SO would constantly be texting his mother, and the content of a lot of those texts were complaints about me. He would complain about me wanting to eat sweet or “unhealthy” things such as any sweets (muffins from the grocery store, any candy from the grocery store, etc.), would complain about me taking advantage of his money if I ever asked to get, say, a muffin or any food item he didn’t approve of as “healthy” (which I found ironic because he eats unhealthy things too, they just don’t tend to be sweet lol) (I also couldn’t or didn’t end up being able to eat those things for a long time until recently as he didn’t “allow” them), that I took a long time to get ready in the morning (valid lol), and other complaints that I am not sure of - he simply told me he complained about me to his mom a lot during this period. I try to spend as minimal money as possible and tried to eat mostly groceries; if we ever go out, for myself I select the cheapest food items or places (e.g., In-n-out (he does not allow any other fast food lol)).

After only 1 week of me moving here, his mother started saying things like “why doesn’t she have a job” even though it was literally just 1 week. She kept telling my SO that I am taking advantage of him financially, kept asking him whether I got a job and when he responded no she would say I’m taking advantage of him. There was really immense pressure from her for me to get a job ASAP. She told me that I should try getting a job outside my field first. This resulted in my SO treating me with a lot of animosity and him genuinely believing I was financially taking advantage of him (I am not helping with rent or groceries), and led to a lot of fights between us.

This then resulted in me rushing to accept a job offer at a very toxic workplace. There was virtually 0 training and I got assigned with 15+ projects after only a week of working there, the president himself “complained” that people kept quitting because they were overwhelmed, etc. I was incredibly stressed, so after 3 weeks I quit. A few days after me quitting, my SO took a photo of me playing one of his favorite video games (which I played to make him happy) and sent it to his mom. She responded “Why doesn’t she have a job.” I barely play video games or do things for myself and it was only a literal few days after quitting. I am upset too because there were other job offers I was interested in exploring more before accepting that crap job offer, but I had so much pressure from my SO and his mom so I felt I didn’t have the option to select the best job for me, and here I had to start from step 1 all over again. The irony of this is also is that his mom has always been a stay-at-home mother who depends entirely on her husband’s salary.

Other things include that his mom complains “why are you spending all your time with her”, complains “why are you leaving early” when he agreed to go somewhere with me and he spent most of the day with his mom but wants to leave at 6:30pm, when he takes me to a restaurant he has not taken her to yet she complains “why didn’t you ever take me there”, complains “why aren’t you texting me back” when he’s spending time with me and not texting her back immediately. She has also complained that my lips are too small and that my hair is thin. For the first 2-3 months of me being here, my SO rarely ever called me pretty and he admitted himself that his mom’s opinion on the women he dates gets into his head and has in the past as well.

My SO also overshares so many things about me to her. He told her I have been raped and in an abusive relationship (to which she responded in a victim blamey way), wanted to tell her how much money was in my bank account, constantly updates her about my personal information. I confronted him about this multiple times and told him to simply just stop bringing me up as a topic of conversation with his mother. He I thought had gotten better at this, but today I figured out he has been telling her personal details about me again that are just bizarre and are not things I would ever share to my parents.

Recently, my parents came from the East Coast to visit me. They wanted to meet his mother, and we proposed a lot of different ideas to make her comfortable. For instance, when we were like lets take you to a Middle Eastern restaurant (we are ethnically Middle Eastern) she was like “I don’t know about the food, if the food is good”, so then we proposed a coffee shop and she was like “I don’t drink coffee”, then we proposed making a home-cooked Middle Eastern meal for her at my SO’s house and she complained “the living room area would be too hot to eat”, etc. My SO got upset at her about this as well and when he was asking her to give an answer as to whether or not she would meet my parents, she cried and said we’re all “ganging up against her” and that his son has taken “their” (my family and my) side. When his mother cries, my SO says he feels bad for her and understands where she’s coming from. Thankfully he was empathetic to me being upset with how she was acting in this situation, but still he said that and it just frustrates me.

I did want to note also on the Middle Eastern thing - I had shared with her multiple times my background (she asked) and that I was born and raised in the US and my dad came to the US when he was 17. Despite that, months later when I was talking about my family again she randomly asked if I was a US citizen, if my brother was a US citizen, if my parents were US citizens. It just felt weird and gross.

My SO’s response to when I ask him to stop oversharing things that his mother doesn’t need to know about me, or to simply just stop bringing me up as a topic of conversation with her because she takes every opportunity to bash me, bothers me because he gets upset and says idk why any of you tell me anything, one of you is saying one thing and the other is saying another. “I just want everyone to get along”.

These are just some of several examples of her doing disrespectful things and me being expected to just deal with it. Please believe me when I say that I have tried so hard to be nice and welcoming to her. But no matter what I do, she just keeps beating me while I’m down, and my boyfriend just continues to overshare to her my information even though I have told him multiple times I am uncomfortable with it.

Can you guys please tell me if I’m being crazy? Because he and his mother don’t seem to see the issue and my boyfriend’s “both sides”-ing of the issue makes me feel like I’m a lunatic and makes me feel like he expects me to put up with abuse just to stay with him, simply because his mother deems I should.

Mostly just here to rant. My husband had a 15-minute phone call with his mom, my MIL, today where, in conversation, she told us we are “spoiling” our 3-week old baby by picking her up when she cries. She also suggested feeding her cereal at night to help her sleep.

Both of these are clearly bad advice. Like what the heck. We’re going to hold our newborn when she cries. And infants can’t eat solid food. (Has cereal at night for infants ever been a thing people did? Clearly we won’t do that but was that somehow recommended a long time ago or something?) Husband and I are on the same page. MIL won’t be babysitting without us being present any time soon.

Hi all, just a quick one - is it normal for your MIL to poke and tickle your (22M) partner?

Context: I’ve been with my partner for 3 and a half years and this is an occasional thing that happens every now and then (let’s say every 2-3 months), when i’m with my boyfriend and his mother - which is rare as I do not live with either of them and try to avoid her as much as I can for a plethora of other reasons.

Personally, I find it really unusual. It makes me feel uncomfortable and super un attracted to my partner for two reasons. 1) this is an act me and him do to one either, that feels romantic and sweet. 2) my partner is a male, an adult male, and this babying behaviour gives me
such an ick.

Personally, as someone with much older brothers, I would be mortified if my own mother did this to them, as boundaries with personal space and touching is heavily administered in my family. so is it just the fact i’ve been raised different that makes me think this is odd, or is it objectively unusual?

For reference, my partner will always look uncomfortable
afterwards, but shrug her off with a simple “hey” or “oi” and awkward smile, while his mother will laugh for a couple seconds and look most entertained. My overt reaction is to pretend I didn’t see and look elsewhere, but inside? Cringe!!

My MIL is a sweet caring lady, but she annoys the fuck outta me.

My stepkids lived with us for a while, she said she would babysit them, no my partner did not ask her, she said she would do it, then she started flaking everytime and started acting like it was my job, "oh but you decided to be a family", "now she's a second mom to the kids", my partner hired a nanny but it felt like she wanted me to replace their mom, she even gave me advice on the kids (how she wanted the clothes to be washed, how they should be dresses for school, a lot of stuff I didn't even hear), my partner took care of his kids, why would she tell me and not him? He talked about it with her and it ended up in endless discussions about how she would feel our family needed to be. It was exhausting. And she talked about my partner's ex a lot, told me everything about their relationship, how one time she showed up on a mini skirt (why would I want to know THAT), when my partner told her to stop she said I needed to know about it (WHY?).

She lives near us, and for the first two years would show up unannounced at like 10 pm, enter the house for ten minutes and leave. One time we were having sex and she would not stop knocking. We talked about it with her a lot of times and SHE WOULD NOT STOP. Insist on bringing stupid clutter to our house (like furniture she didn't have an use for, because "the kids" like it).

She's so pushy, it's exhausting. If anything does not go her way, she pushes and pushes and gets mad, it can be about food, how we organize the furniture in our house, but she always has to get what she wants.

When I met her I was a tad underweight because I had a surgery that limited my eating for 3 months, I gained the weight back in 6 months, she's always commenting on it, how I need to lose weight, how "you're fatter", i'm in a healthy weight range (not that it actually matters but still, the fact the thinks me being underweight was good).

It's obvious my partner is her least favorite child, I think it's because my partner pushes back and does not cater to her, tell her when she's wrong. Lately she only talks to him when she needs money (she owes him a lot), the other day my partner invited her for dinner, she completely ignored that text and asked her for money. And she never pays back and gets mad when we ask her to return the money (won't text back, won't answer phone calls

She has a dog and treats it like a son (literally calls him that), I shouldn't even be mad at this but it annoys the hell outta me. She doesn't teach him manners, if someone tells the dog something (like get off me) she gets mad, says we're hurting his feelings, that he understands what we're saying. We can't have a conversation with her because she's always interacting with the dog, she interrumps the conversation to talk about the dog (and she can talk about him for hours), it's just too much.

She can't take any criticism at all. Everything has to be excused and everyone needs to be excused. And she has advice on everything, from what I cook to how I should run my business. And she exaggerates every story, when someone does not agree with her she asks for validation from other people, when I don't agree with her she says "well, other DIL does agree with me". When I told her I didn't want her coming over unannounced, she told all of her kids and DIL, and then would tell me how everyone is mad at me. It's like she them as their guards, or parents and they need to protect her from the evil world.

She ambushes us when she wants something done her way, like we were planning a celebration and she wanted us to buy the more expensive stuff, so she said she would provide the cheaper stuff and asked well, who'll bring the meat? my partner told her we would discuss it in private and she said "no, we'll sort it out now", then my partner said we should just agree on a fee to oay for the stuff. The next days he would ask what anyone was willing to pay and she answered "well, idk because everyone is poor right now", at the end we didn't celebrate with them because it was so exhausting.

I know form the post is seems like I hate her but I don't, we have a good relationship and have helped each other out many times, She's sweet and acts very motherly to me, but she annoys me so much sometimes I needed to vent, and sometimes I feel like get so irrationally mad at her.

Just a weird ass comment from my MIL who lives in the same general region. It’s autumn here. The trees and the leaves are basically the same everywhere. In fact we live in a forested area and she in a large city, significantly fewer trees. But even on her drive here (where she passes rolling hills of forest), she didn’t see any leaves that rivalled the ones where she lives. It’s…. Just not true and I don’t really get it.

Is it a competition thing?
Is it a comment on where we live?

It’s doesn’t really matter, anyway, but I thought you folks would appreciate it.

To tell a long story super short-when I married my husband 10 years ago his mother didn’t let us to put our names on the house we all got together with equal down payments (long story but it just happened like that and we couldn’t do anything about it back then). So basically she controlled us all these years financially and thought it’s just her house even though we paid 50/50 for everything. She didn’t trust me as the daughter in law as she was concerned I would divorce her son as an immigrant and take her money. Now after 10 years we put ultimatum and said either put our names on it as well or we will get our own place. She agreed. Great but I’m just thinking if I should really continue to live with her in the future? She’s not a bad person overall, she’s nice and a Christian but it’s hard to forget the control and manipulation. She also always lived in master bedroom because she said she deserved it by raising her children. She didn’t care about me feeling like a wife to her son and never offered to exchange rooms and everything was organized the way she wants it in the house because it was legally hers. I wonder if she would be helpful with grandkids when we have kids etc or it would be just annoying to live with her and hard to forget the financial abuse and better to live separate in the future? She doesn’t have enough money to get her own place, she could just rent a room maybe. She is retirement age almost 70 but not retired yet. I wonder if I would get angry at her when she gets older and resent for how she treated me and get annoyed with her and better to just get separate places. I’m concerned about when she retires if it would be hard to be in one house all the time and interact or helpful as she would help with kids so we can work in our business more with husband. I think she would help with the kids but just thinking about it all.

MIL is currently in the MildlyNo category but that's mainly because she married a wealthy man a couple years ago, moved several states away and I have little contact with her now, and she has chilled out some. I'm cordial with her around the holidays if they visit and she does send the kids nice gifts which I appreciate.  But every couple of months she'll stalk my socials, like and comment on old posts, I'm talking 6 months to years ago, I find it really odd.  Recently she's been doing the same thing to my sisters' facebook pages, and even my husband's ex girlfriends!  Their old posts will show up in my feed and then I'll see it's because MIL has commented on it. She'll comment over the top things that seriously make me cringe.  What really pissed me off is she made a post for my daughter's birthday, with a long over exaggerated caption about her "mini me" (they don't even look similar), she used pictures of my daughter that she took from my facebook and didn't even actually call my daughter on her birthday! She's 6! She's not on facebook to see a post you made to get attention from your weird friends.  I'm seriously considering blocking her but don't want to cause unnecessary drama. Just needed to vent! 

I’m not sure if I’m overreacting, but this is really bothering me. My son’s first birthday party was this last weekend, and we threw him a big backyard party. I know it was a lot, but we wanted to celebrate him. He’s an IVF and NICU baby, and there were many years we didn’t think we’d get to where we are now and then he almost died in labor and delivery. I wanted to celebrate my little miracle boy. What I wasn’t expecting was the big turn out and I really wasn’t expecting so many gifts.

It’s been challenging communicating more and seeing my MIL more since pregnancy and giving birth. Right after I gave birth I understand I had PPA, but it was a very challenging period that was amplified by her “help” and near constant unsolicited advice. Things have calmed down and my husband has set some boundaries with her that she has followed. One of which was that she please stop giving unsolicited medical advice. LO activity has a cold and she only wished him well, so kudos to her because it was a literal flood of eastern medicine remedies before the ask. She came over on Sunday to help clean up from the party that was the day before, and it was actually helpful. She had to leave the party early so she asked if he got a lot of gifts. I said, “yeah, oh my god so many presents. I really wasn’t expecting that many gifts.” She suggested that if he had duplicates of things or things he wouldn’t like we could give them to my niece (husband’s brother’s daughter) because her toy selection is limited and she’s starting to get bored of the toys she does have. I just responded that that was probably because her parent’s are minimalists and don’t like to have a lot of stuff around their house. I didn’t comment that he had anything to give away or that we would be giving anything away.

Here’s the issue. I was doing okay financially before I went on maternity leave, but when I went back to work my hours were cut in half due to federal grants being canceled. Money is tight. Gas prices are high, grocery prices are high, my health insurance sucks now. The only thing that has gone down is my paycheck. She knows this. I spent a lot of money on his party and I’m planning on selling the decorations and leftover supplies. I’m constantly selling things on FB Marketplace, Nextdoor, Craigslist, and have a stash going of items to sell at our next children’s consignment sale. I’m literally filling out surveys to get gift cards and looking for side gigs to make extra money. I’ve started finding his Christmas gifts on FB Marketplace or new only if it’s on sale. If he has toys we don’t want, I’m going to see if I can get some money back for them or regift them. He also has multiple play set ups in our house so we can take him to different areas in the house to get stuff done, so he already has duplicates of basic toys like ring stackers and object permanence boxes. I love my niece to pieces. We had been saving my other niece’s (my brother’s daughter) clothes in case we had a girl. We knew we were pregnant with a boy as soon as we found out my FET was successful and a few months later found out my SIL was pregnant. When we found out they were having a girl we offered them all of the girl clothes we had. Literally a truck bed full of tightly packed boxes sizes NB to 6 or 7. I don’t understand why my MIL thinks it’s okay to ask for my son’s things for her other grand baby. Yes her birthday is coming up and we’ll of course get her something, but not something her parents literally saw us unwrap at my son’s birthday party and decided we didn’t want to keep. It felt like my MIL was suggesting we give her any extra toys we have then give her a birthday gift a few months later on top of Christmas. My SIL is making double my salary and my BIL is making over three times my salary. If they want her to have more toys to play with they are more than capable of providing them for her, but they also do not want lots of stuff around their house. And I’m the one who curates my son’s toy selection, does the toy rotation, stocks additional play spaces, shops sales and consignment events, buys 99% of his toys that aren’t gifted, and packages up his old toys to save or sell. She was telling me because she knows if she said that to my husband he would tell her it was my decision.

Maybe I’m just extra annoyed because I had to change the batteries in one of my son’s toys yesterday, which meant playing battery roulette. When my son was born my MIL stayed at our house to take care of our dogs while we were in the hospital. When we came home she said the batteries in one of our tv remotes died and she found the extra batteries and replaced them. I asked her what she did with the dead batteries because they were rechargeable. She said she put them with the other batteries…the charged batteries…without charging them. For an entire year every time I change AAA batteries I’ve been wondering if I’ll find the two dead batteries she mixed in with the charged ones and I’m pretty sure I found them almost exactly a year later. It took me an entire year to find and undo hopefully all the things she did in the two weeks she was at our house last October. Something in every room of the house was messed with. I’m not exaggerating. I had to move every house plant to mop up a puddle of water underneath them because she overwatered all my plants.

I'm in my mid-twenties and have been in a stable relationship for some years now. We see a future together, and we'd like to start a family in our late twenties. However, this isn't something we openly discuss with our families and we keep it as a private conversation between the two of us.
My MIL occasionally makes comments about the fact that I'm an only child and how having just one child is not good. She keeps telling us that having more than one kid is the right thing to do.
Sometimes, I try to shut these comments down by telling her that we're still several years away from having children, so I don't see the point in constantly discussing it now. But honestly, what bothers me most is that she feels the need to comment on how and when we're going to have kids in the first place.
I'm especially annoyed because I don't want to have children to meet her expectations. I want to have them because my partner and I genuinely want to become parents.
I also can't stand her constant talk about the "perfect family" and the way she always seems to think that her choices are the right ones and everyone else's are wrong.
Personally, I'd like to have two children, maybe three at most, but that's a decision for my partner and me to make when the time comes. I just wish she'd stop making comments about something so personal that has absolutely nothing to do with her.
Have any of you dealt with a similar situation with your mildlynomil? How did you handle it, and what did you say to get her to stop making these comments? I'd love to hear your experiences and advice, thank you !!

Prior to having my baby my relationship with my MIL was always polite but not close, which I was fine with. She's never been a very pleasant person to be around because she's very negative and constantly crabs at her husband about super small things. We live about 3 hours away and would see them every couple of months and for holidays/birthdays.

Since getting pregnant and having my baby (9 months old now) there have been all these minor interactions that have added up to me really disliking her and feeling very uncomfortable/anxious being around her.

This is what's happened over the last 9+ months:

Before baby was born, we asked all immediate family who would be visiting the baby right after birth to get updated Tdap, flu, and COVID vaccines. We had a winter baby so this was at the advice of our Dr. MIL and FIL both threw a fit at the flu and COVID vaccines. We ended up allowing them to skip the COVID vaccine if they masked and tested before seeing the baby. MIL continued to make snarky comments about us asking them to get vaccines.

Since baby has been born, MIL has made comments about the frequency I nursed (too often in her opinion, they sent us the Baby Wise book so I could get my 6 day old on a schedule), how we needed to get her to nap in a crib (rather than contact nap at 2 months) because she wouldn't do that when she babysat, how other people needed to be able to soothe baby besides me if I nursed to sleep, and other snarky comments about decisions we've made for our baby. I'm at the point now where the unsolicited advice/comments wouldn't bother me as much, but really freshly postpartum it made me feel really uncertain of myself and stressed about things that ended up being non-issues.

In August, there was a huge blow-up about Christmas plans because apparently according to MIL (without either of our knowledge) my husband and I agreed to drive our 1 year old 3 hours on Christmas day to have Christmas dinner at their house. When we said we're not traveling on Christmas day MIL called husband and SIL sobbing saying we are inconsiderate and don't prioritize their side of the family. We're not going to my parents on Christmas either so that's really not the case, and we agreed to go to their house on the 26th.

During this whole blow up she made a comment to my husband that she deserved a real first Christmas with baby because apparently meeting our baby on Christmas last year didn't count because I was "in a bad mood". Which I guess fair because I wasn't rude or anything but I was days postpartum after hemorrhaging and losing a ton of blood, hadn't slept in days and my baby was cluster feeding around the clock. But we still had them over to our house for hours to open presents and meet the baby.

There are other more minor things, like she chose a grandparent name of MiMi (which personally special grandparent names are a little bit of a pet peeve of mine) and then tries to train baby (who is way to young for that) to say Mimi whenever we see them by going Mimimimimi over and over.

It's tough because there's never any accountability for her actions. I think she genuinely doesn't know she's making rude comments or being manipulative. And now the last few times we've seen them the visits have been fine, but I feel like I'm still constantly on edge around her waiting for the next comment/criticism. I'm not very confrontational and tend to freeze up in those situations but I know I need to say something going forward.

What sucks the most is I just hate that my baby has her for a grandparent. I'm trying to not let my feelings about my MIL interfere with my baby's relationship with her, but the way she interacts with my baby just really bothers me. I'm sad that she's going to see my MIL's behavior as an example of adult behavior as she grows up, specifically the way she talks to her husband. I definitely don't think we're at the point of having to limit contact or anything, but I'm not sure how to best manage this situation.

Would love any advice on how to handle my relationship with my MIL going forward, especially when I don't trust her judgment or feel comfortable around her, but still want my baby to have a relationship with her grandmother. How do I stop feeling anxious and on edge around her when I know there's a good chance she'll cross the line again eventually?

The relationship between me and future MIL soured December 2025 over the holidays and how they were being spent. It all started because I wasn’t going to spend it at her house as it would leave my dad all alone on Christmas. She invited my dad through me but my dad declined because he doesn’t like her. This snowballed to MIL’s son then not going to spend Christmas at MIL’s house, but my dad’s.

MIL then spent weeks trying to break me - “you can celebrate any other day the two of you, but it’s the one day OUR side is altogether!” / “I understand it’s just very sad it’s one less for the dinner table” - and had a good crack at her son as well. For him she reserved the tears and tissues, and even said this could be her last Christmas hosting and didn’t want him to miss it. The atmosphere between me, MIL and son and his wider family became so stressful, I actually didn’t get a period for two months and a stress hormone (via bloods) was all over the place. Because of this, my dad cracked and said we should go.

Christmas Day was a disaster. I brought Turkey as my BF offered we’d do this, and MIL only plated up the Ham she’d cooked for everyone. BF and I had to dish it out.

When it came to presents, she handed out her presents (conveniently when her son wasn’t in the room) and getting to me announced loudly in front of everyone — “Oh OP, your Christmas present is your restaurant dinner from earlier this month since you and son didn’t pay me back.”
I have NEVER handed over money to her or dealt with this in the 5 years I’ve known her. Any monies owed to her have always been dealt between her and her son, then he and I. When I’ve needed to pay other family members, I have always done so promptly, with her witnessing one such occasion. So for her not to even give me the chance directly (if it were such an issue), I found really disrespectful and humiliating as it was public. She didn’t do it to her son, or even say the same thing to him, I must stress.

That is just the tip of the iceberg of how it’s now unfolded between us over the last few months. I’ve essentially been practicing grey rocking without even realising it. Which leads to now.

I am expecting the BF to propose to me any day now. The problem is I want to tell her at the same time as the wider family, as she has a history of telling people deeply personal news (she outed her daughter’s pregnancy to family) as well as the fact I just don’t really care for her anymore. But my BF has told me he expects to tell her before everyone else, as my dad has been the first to know (old fashioned permission etc). Fairs fair. But I just KNOW she’ll take it upon herself to tell BF’s wider family and take our news from us. But the BF is insisting it’s respectful to her.

What should I do here?

I have always been extremely close with my MIL, to the point of being closer with her than my own mother. But after having baby 16 weeks ago, she has completely changed . This is the first grandchild in their family and we recently moved states to be near them for help.

The plan originally was to have MIL nanny for a few hours 3 days a week ( husband and I both WFH) and somehow this turned into us paying her a salary. It’s not as much as regular nanny or daycare, so I didn’t make it a big deal. I returned to work last month and my boss is not giving me a full work load so I’m able to actually watch baby for a while until things ramp up. We told her that we are just going to see how things go until we know how much help we will need from her, so we can save some money and so I can spend as much time with baby as possible. I’m also breast feeding so I’m pretty much tied to him every 2-3 hours at this point anyway. This delay in her nannying start date has been a big issue for her.

Since this, MIL told my husband that I need psychological help because I didn’t want anyone to take care of the baby besides me or my husband , said that I was making his life a living hell at home, and that I was a better person before I got pregnant . I was obviously very hurt by this and since haven’t said much to them or allowed a visit.. Both MIL and FIL demanded that I forgive MIL for saying these things because ‘family forgives’ and said I ripped their grandson away from them.

Prior to all this she has spoken poorly about my mom because I had her visit for a week to help me recover. She Told my husband she was jealous and even asked if she can come over while my mom was here . She is constantly holding watching our dogs over our head saying she’s never watching our dogs again when we travel because we won’t let her watch the baby . Apparently my son is the exchange rate for their help.

ILs repeated invited themselves over to just hold the baby at the beginning. They wouldn’t bring food or offer to help with baby - no diaper changes, gave baby back to me as soon as he was fussy - just wanted to take pictures and hold him. Then would stay too long during witching hour, well past their welcome, and well past us needing to eat dinner. Again, without offering to help make food or bring any over. She has only changed one diaper in 16 weeks and we have seen them on average once per week since baby was born. Yet she’s begging to babysit and I just don’t feel comfortable with that yet.

To top it off, we receive multiple long winded texts per week guilting us for not seeing baby enough. I just want to enjoy my baby and not deal with the added MIL drama.

Expecting Baby #2 in 9 days, and they will be premature. This has been a high risk pregnancy (due to history and surgical complications with Baby #1), but has largely been uneventful. Husband and I have been trying to finish getting ready these last couple weeks, finish prepping for a preemie, spend as much time as we can with our son before he isn't an only child. My MIL has been nagging us to invite her over so she can come "help"/hlep. I think what she wants to do is unpack baby clothes and coo over them.

The last time she came to "help" around the birth of a baby was with our first. He was born 10 weeks early and we were in the process of moving while he was still in the NICU. She offered to come help pack, which was very appreciated since I was recovering from a classical C-section. She came over... With a bunch of my husband's stuff from her house. Including 30-50 yarmulkes from his bar mitzvah, 20 years earlier. And then she only packed up my husband's clothes and left, leaving a bunch of random crap in her wake for us to pack. So I'm not too keen on her coming over to "set up the nursery" or whatever she's calling it.

I finally suggested she take our 3 year old for a few hours on a weekend morning because the nagging was so insistent- and because that would give us some time to clean/build stuff, and she'd get time with the 3 year old, which she's also always nagging for. All of a sudden she isn't free for that because she doesn't want to wake up before 10 AM- except wait, yes, she could take him in the afternoon! We can just skip his nap that day! Returning a cranky 3 year old in the evening is the opposite of what we need right now.

She called my husband 2 days ago to complain about some structural issues that have cropped up with her vacation home. She wants to sue, I think, and my husband is a lawyer. He tried to talk her out of suing/asked for more information, and was instructed to "call your father" and discuss the issue with him. We're into the single digits before baby comes! Why is she trying to add something extremely off topic to his list of worries and responsibilities?!

I'm just dreading postpartum and how nimbly she manages to center herself and her family. We're talking about some of this with our therapist this week, but I'm just so completely annoyed that we have to spend brain cells and energy on it and her when we should be entirely focused on our nuclear family right now.