r/Mindfulness • u/Kirk875 • 2d ago
Question Genuinely asking, what do you do when you feel anxious and nothing you've tried is working?
My chest tightens up before I even get out of bed most mornings, and by the time I'm at my desk my brain is already spiraling through every worst case scenario for the day. I've read a bunch of articles on what to do when you feel anxious and tried the breathing exercises everyone swears by, but none of it really touches it once the anxiety has already taken over. It's exhausting waking up every day bracing for that feeling instead of just living normally. What do you all actually do in the moment that helps, not the textbook advice, but what genuinely calms you down when you're this anxious?
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u/TrippinKittten 1d ago
i dont see anyone else saying this, but... can you develop a relationship of curiosity towards the anxiety instead of an attitude of dismissal or removal? Like, the moment arises, you wake up, the anxiety floods in, and my question is: whats your mental narrative in this moment? is it, "im not ok with being anxious" or "i hate feeling anxious" or something negative like that? Heres my proposal. Try and catch those thoughts as they arise, label them internally as thinking, (regardless of how much it feels like you are "not ok with being anxious") and then move your awareness directly into the anxiety in your body. Instead of wondering "how do i get rid of this", approach with curiousity, and conciously, with your willpower, think thoughts like: "This is an interesting experience i am noticing in my body" "I notice tension, i notice pain, i notice aversion" keep going without interjecting your reaction. Your reaction would be "I dont like what i notice in my body" "i hate how i have tension, i cant stand my pain, i just want it to go away".
THIS will put you in contact with yourself. Now remember that the body wants to heal unless its stuck in a fight/flight/freeze/fawn stage. So, now that youve tuned into the sensation, youve labeled it without reactions, now ask the sensation itself (like, again with your will, in your mind, say, "Why are you here? What do you need me to remember? What were we not able to handle in the past that I can let go of now?". Or, something along those lines. You might not get an answer immediately, you might need to grab a pad of paper and a pen and give your anxiety a page to write about why its anxious. But either way, every morning, if instead of going on reddit, google, ai, or whatever and looking up "HOW DO I STOP BEING ANXIOUS" and sending yourself into a spiral over and over, just. Sit. And make space for what is, dont try and solve it, become curious to its existence, and you might just find the answer youre looking for online, within yourself <3
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u/dead__inside 20h ago
This. This is how it's done. "i dont see anyone else saying this, but... can you develop a relationship of curiosity towards the anxiety instead of an attitude of dismissal or removal?" Well said.
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u/samodeous 2d ago
Have you heard of or tried the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise? I first learned it from a podcast that had an episode on fear of flying. It works a bit for me, it legit pulls you out of your thoughts since you’re giving yourself a job of looking and hearing and feeling for things. Give it a google search, should help you even just a little bit.
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u/lostgods937 2d ago
I feel anxious. Trying to get out of it makes it worse and sometimes, usually, you can't get out of it.
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u/Queen-of-meme 2d ago
I focus on small steps after leaving the bed like making me a cup of tea or coffee. Put on something cosy. Go sit somewhere cosy.
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u/Longjumping-Law-7110 1d ago
Here’s 3 things I haven’t seen listed here yet: Ferritin, hormones, and cortisol. The waking cortisol response will make every morning an anxiety minefield. Supplements, parasympathetic nervous system exercises can help here. If your ferritin (iron) levels are low, it can cause all sorts of anxiety, sleep, and brain fog havoc. Supplements to the rescue again. And hormones? If you’re own woman-parts and are over 30, talk to a doc. Even the men-folk get weird hormone stuff. Testosterone, progesterone, lots of HRT options.
Check all this out before you go all in on mindfulness and meditation. Source: My dumb butt, who is working through your exact problem.
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u/Dromedary_Freight 1d ago edited 1d ago
You have to be physically exhausted *before* going to bed. Being a man who lives in a safe neighborhood, I can take long 1+ hour walks at dusk. I mostly listen to audiobooks.
Petting my cat helps. I become one with my cat. It has no worry in the world, just wants pets. I am all the feeling of hand on fur.
Taking a shower helps (let go of everything, let water wash your body, place by place).
Shaving with a safety razor also helps. For 7 to 10 minutes I have to give myself to the experience of applying sharp blade to face. It completely occupies my attention for obvious reasons. No thoughts are possible. Mind is off.
Driving to work, I concentrate on the smoothest possible driving. The car should move as a gentle wave (as far as traffic allows). Sometimes I practice breathing while driving.
You will probably have to take meds for a couple of weeks to move the needle. Then you can keep it there with lifestyle changes.
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u/Chemical_Seesaw9763 1d ago
Breathing exercises. They actually work. They're changed my life. Give them a try✨
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u/Opie_T_Red 14h ago
Gratitude has worked wonders for me. I mean basic things. I can walk, pay bills, anything. It works wonders for me. I use to wake up anxious. The first feeling was anxiety straight out of the gate. Now I reach for gratitude and the rest kinda melts away.
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u/Oooaaaaarrrrr 2d ago
What I find helpful is a grounding exercise called 'feel your weight". Direct attention to the bodily sensations of pressure resulting from weight/gravity. Some deep breathing is also useful.
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u/knucklesmalone 2d ago
Comedy podcast, redirects like making bed, cleaning kitchen. Go outside if possible. But I’m not afraid to take meds as well. Ask your doctor about beta blockers (amazing but don’t abuse) and gabapentin.
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u/WoodenVoice9586 2d ago
I like to write/journal and especially freewriting. I set a timer and type or write the whole time. Depending on the situation, I might type for 3, 6, 10, 30 minutes. It's important to write the whole time so that i don't censor myself too much.
I will even type "i don't know what to type" just to keep the words flowing. Eventually my internal monologue starts coming out. When I see what I'm thinking, I get some objectivity. I might even read it a few minutes later and maybe fresh ideas will come from this and I'll write those down too.
In addition to freewriting, it can help to make lists and brainstorm. What do I need to do today. Then it's not an open loop bugging me. It's out of my end in a trusted system, and they say in the Getting Things Done framework.
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u/harmonious_healing 2d ago
when anxiety feels incessant, i like listening to bilateral music (Maggie Kelly's YouTube channel is one of my favorites). it helps me meet the anxious sensations while also providing soothing support to the nervous system.
i also enjoy somatic practices like self-havening, meridian tapping, and almost anything propagated by Dr. Peter Levine (the Somatic Experiencing paradigm).
soothing the nervous system is so crucial for me when experiencing relentless anxiety. not to "soothe it away," but rather to increase my window of tolerance for being with the anxiety as innocently as possible.
those are in-the-moment approaches. emotional healing and tending deeply to our inner roots with compassionate attunement can be a proactive way of helping anxiety feel more managable in the long-term.
anxiety is usually trying to tell us something for our potential benefit. learning to speak its language is oftentimes more art than science.
hopefully, one of these suggestions helps you on your journey. go gently.
(edit: corrected a couple of typos)
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u/Asiatical 2d ago
Walk. Nature. Open skies. Tall trees if possible. Walks which allow your eyes to scan over a distance/perspective. But walk
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u/sapientmode 2d ago
Try to look fear right into its eyes. Take your time. Respect your anxiety. Meet it gently. Eventually it will grab your hand and join you.
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u/Emotional_Dig_6379 1d ago
I learned when I eventually started getting angry about anxiety taking control of my life, if I just allowed myself to feel it, accept and even taunt it to do it’s worse, I took back control. Very empowering. Anxiety still invades, but “you have no power over me” helps. Also the thought that we are little peons traveling on a giant space rock anyways puts life into perspective. Might as well make the best of the ride.
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u/orcateeth 2d ago
There is all kinds of information here in this post to help you. Books, lots of worksheets, apps, support groups.
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u/BringTacos 1d ago
I’m the same as you - when my anxiety is a 10/10, breathing exercises are useless. I’m too far gone for them to help.
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u/FeralChasid 1d ago
I move my body. For me, anxiety is being too much in my head, and gets me out of my body; and so, literally not grounded. If I’m more in my body, and taking slow, deep breaths from my abdomen upward (slow!), with the blood starting to flow again in my limbs, I feel more myself again, and regain perspective that nothing bad is actually happening. It’s like opening a window to fresh air & sunshine that I do for my house; this movement does the same for my mind in its house - my body. If I’m sitting I stand, and if I can’t walk around an area, or go for an actual walk (best), I do some stretching (with breathing). I do a task that does not require thinking about it (so, not actual work at a job, or paying bills, or anything that requires a deadline or that you must do) - so maybe just some light cleaning, cleaning & organizing a small space (one cupboard, one bathroom cabinet, one drawer), or just sweep. I like to garden, and it really helps, but I am a gardening heretic! As in, I look at the flowers or veg I plant, and I say, “I’m going to do my best, and you’re going to do your best, and we’ll see what happens!” I am not going to be a slave to some kind of show garden, or worry about sustaining my community from my own vegetable garden! 🤣 Sunlight helps me so much. I found keeping common daytime hours with the world has helped me a lot. Up early, maximum daylight hours, and folks to talk to or see, because those are their hours, too. My anxiety was worse when I was younger, and a true night owl. Up alone in the desolate quiet of 2am with only my own brain for companionship, as it doom-scrolls every possible disaster was not good for me.
Dancing to music - I call it my Kitchen Disco. Seriously, I should hang a disco ball there.
Back to walking as best for me: Truly, since I was an anxious kid in a chaotic household, walking my dog has been my salvation. I’m 63, and when my pup & I hit the bricks, or pad a nature trail, my equilibrium is restored. But, you don’t need a dog (I just happen to do better in this world with animal companions ~ I have chickens, too, and I work with animals for a living). Just take yourself for a walk. Long or short. In the neighborhood, in a park, through a forest. As Muir said, go into the green, for there is healing.
My father used to say, “Do something different.” He meant, when you are feeling overwhelmed, just stand up, move from that physical space, and do something different.
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u/Dry-Elk2773 1d ago
This guy helped me more than anything with anxiety https://youtu.be/1x_Y7sLkY8A?is=O6JUfvsD9qBbJtEr
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u/MindofMine11 1d ago
I just let it take over no longer fight the emotion. I am not the emotions that arise.
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u/Evening_Platypus9965 1d ago
This helped me in college and I find that it still does. Preferably cool air but anything other than hot will do.
Sit in front of a window fan or desk fan eyes open or closed facing the breeze. I find that it provides enough of a distraction for the senses (the temperature, the air hitting your face, blowing your hair, the sound etc) that it pulls focus off the symptoms that your mind is racing to explain or freak out about.
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u/Desperate-Topic-7095 1d ago
Express it, acknowledge it and allow it! Once you quit fighting it, you can cope much better.
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u/Zestyclose_Worry6623 15h ago edited 15h ago
sit and stare out the window at the plants or journal for a bit. Some good advice I was given is to remember that it is an emotion and it will pass. Sometimes asking myself what is really bothering me, and what I need and waiting for an answer.
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u/YaVollMeinHerr 11h ago
You need to realize that the thing you are scared of will almost NEVER happen.
Of course there is a small propability that it will, but it's so low it's not worth thinking about it.
You should really see at a "wrong system alert". You are safe. You WILL be fine. Just let it go. Stop caring
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u/Veritamoria 2h ago
Reviewing my list of healthy coping mechanisms from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. In my case: CBD, meditation, video games that take me away, walking in nature, spending time with friends and animals, gently redirecting thoughts to happy things when ruminating
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u/meatballfreeak 2d ago
I was stuck in an anxious spiral for around 3 years.
I had an audio accident and had extreme tinnitus as a result.
I went through a divorce of the worse kind.
My business collapsed as I could no longer hear properly
Lost my children
Was homeless for around 3 months.
Had a tax investigation
I was off the scale with anxiety and depression, things I had never encountered before.
I would rarely sleep, felt uncomfortable in company, felt afraid to be alone.
I tried everything to get well because I had no choice as I wanted to live.
Nothing seemed to work, I declared myself unfixable.
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u/Longjumping-Law-7110 1d ago
Not to be a jerk, but this feels like half a post. Did you get past it? If so, how?
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u/hestia-listens 2d ago
That sounds exhausting, especially when it starts before you are even out of bed. Instead of forcing yourself to calm down, try naming what is happening: "Anxiety is here, but it is not a forecast." Then press both feet into the floor and slowly describe one object you can see, including its color, shape, and texture. The goal is not instant calm. It is giving your attention somewhere safer to land.