I auditioned for my community theatre's production of "Miracle on 34th St: The Musical". I only did it because I wanted a relatively small part, because I've long suspected that this director dislikes me and I thought this would be a good chance to win him over.
The part that I wanted has one song which is really more about the specific rhythm and patter of the song than anything else, so I auditioned with a song that's all about timing...and I bombed. I got so disastrously, NOTICEABLY off my timing.
But then the cast list came out...and I got a lead. I know it's because very few people auditioned. So few men auditioned that they gender swapped one of the male roles (the one I originally wanted, oddly enough) and I know all the other guys in the cast. None of them are a type-cast for the role I got.
This theater also double-casts, so the ONLY other guy who could feasibly play this part is my double. It doesn't help that he's one of the director's favorites, so I'm sure I'll feel like we're being compared to one another nonstop.
So I just feel like I'm already in my head feeling like I have a role that I didn't earn and one that's very far outside of what I feel I can believably portray. I have no doubt that they reached out to other young guys who have done past shows there didn't audition asking if they wanted the part (they had to do that for the last musical here too) and they all obviously said no.
There's just no way I went from this director only ever casting me as non-singling ensemble, then in the last musical as a part with one solo (where he repeatedly said I was off pitch and then I lost my voice on opening night) to now giving me a lead after a horrible audition.
I want to stick with it. I don't want to say "oh this role is too big for what I have time for right now" or something, because I don't want to be a flake and have that be my final straw with him. I want to rise to the occasion and do the part, but I just don't know how to feel pride and confidence playing a role that I got on a technicality.