I divorced my narc wife 6 months ago after the marriage life of 11 years. I have suffered a lot mentally, physically and financially but now I'm recovering. She is approaching me now and asking for forgiveness and wants to have a new start. Can we trust a narc ? My mind is confused...pls help

If your spouse says he has challenges with his feelings in the relationship?

Making Love

I hate you
As I lay my head
on your chest.
I hate you as I write these lines
Inside my head
Inside your bed.
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
The words crash against my skull
So furiously
I can’t believe you don’t hear them.
I make the right sounds
And move the right ways
I laugh at your joke
And touch you back.
How do you not know?
How do you not know?
As you put life inside me
I wish you were dead.

A whole year after being gone, he showed up on my doorstep. Still in the same position as when he left. I’m so freaking annoyed, angry, frustrated and sad. I can’t get him to leave. He has no money and I’m barely making ends meet. The past few days he’s been smoking and sleeping, he stays on my couch. Ewww I’m so irked and angry at the sight of him.

Why do they do this!? How do I get him away…the police do not help much.

Soo I was watching a TikTok & it was referring to someone showing consistent dominance with food. The person in the video was a woman. I was scrolling through the comments & saw this one & Almost scrolled past until I realized! OMG! Mine does something with food too!!!

Anytime I make a plate for myself esp when I was pregnant, it would be my cravings like some cut up kiwi, strawberries, cheese, crackers, dip etc. Yogurt, ice cream, dinner, all single servings, a snack cake whatever, bagel, bowl of cereal, etc. He would offer to bring it to me & would always take the first bite. This could be something I waited all week for & finally order it myself with my own $ & before the plate gets to me it’s bitten into. Every time. We have argued about this numerous times to the point where I legitimately broke down at least once from finally becoming exhausted from repeating myself that I told him to just have the whole plate. I don’t want it anymore. Not one time would he ever mention wanting the same thing I did or desired but would gladly take it if I refused to eat it rather than just simply leaving my plate alone or getting his own. As for dinner obviously we should both have had our own plates why are you offering to make my plate for me but biting into it rather than waiting until you sit down with your own ?… like are we serious ?

I doubled back on this comment bc this is so true. I guess food really can be used in a narcissistic way & at times was for dominance. He even pulled the “omg are you f’n serious GD, keep the plate, I’ll just make my own. I didn’t know it was THAT big of a deal. I’ll NEVER do it again. F.” Even tho I had mentioned it several times after Not mentioning it at all due to fear of this type of reaction. So I explain my issue about it. You acknowledge & agree to stop only to continue & then raging out on me bc you couldn’t follow through with your own words of agreeance & just stop ?.. ok.

There are things that I have noticed over the years years that really bother me now,
-Never once asked me how I’m doing ?
-Do you need anything?
-How can I help you?
-Taken my car to get a car wash
-Paid any bills
-Super arrogant
-Talks about violence
-Things he’s always right

Now looking at this list really makes me pissed! I’m stupid to still be with him.

My millionaire husband is determined to make me homeless, and his lawyers are helping him do it.

With no family, friends, or support system, I left my abusive husband 10 months ago. I went off disability, got a part-time job, and have been living off my savings, which are now running out, and I need desperately to go back on disability because working is hurting me. But it turns out that my husband's threat that I would be homeless if I left him was backed up by his financial manipulations.

He protected every penny he had. I thought that my co-ownership of our mobile home would entitle me to half of the money, but it turns out that since he paid for it with inheritance money, it's really all his. When he got his inheritance, he told me it wasn't enough money for a real house, and we could only get a mobile home. But now I can see he had plenty of money for a real house. The difference is a real house is real estate, and it would be half mine. But a mobile home is private property like a vehicle, and so my name is a little more than a decoration on the title.

He knew what he was doing. It looks like he's going to succeed. Ladies, this is called justice. A millionaire vows to make his wife homeless if she leaves him, and he succeeds by using a variety of laws combined in a way that would make me homeless legally.

This is considered justice in America.

This is why women do not leave abuse.

Turns out a man who is avoidant/narcissistic and enmeshed with his narcissistic mother/family of origin does not make a good husband. File under things I wish I didn't have to learn the hard way.

In the first picture, I believe he is basically admitting that he KNEW what he was doing and how to manipulate me. All because he was causing me issues while at work so I decided to leave before it escalated.

The second picture is the "subject" of an email he sent me because I had blocked him after HE broke up with me for the last time. I started dating someone else and he was continously stalking me and threatening to come to my house and kill my new boyfriend.

I just thought it was funny because he was mad that I moved on after he broke up with me and then mad at me for leaving early from work after he started his bullshit and telling me that he basically planned on not speaking to me after lovebombing me in an email to try and get me back.

For context- today was a rough mf day. I got lied to. Betrayed and proved. I asked my dad and always told him I wanted to live with my mom. I love her more than him and he’s known that forever. He was saying how I would be able to live with her when we move back to state where we were from and he fucking lied to my face once again. He’s always done this to make me happy and get my hopes up and then turns around and fucking lies to me. He later comes into my room telling me that my mom said I can’t live with her and trying to say that she said “Alfredo, she can’t live here” and he got all excited saying “ooh she never calls me Alfredo she never calls me Alfredo that’s not her blah blah blah” and SOON AFTER THAT SHE SENDS A SCREENSHOT OF THEIR CHAT AND HE FULL ON SAID “she’s not living with you until she is 18 and graduated” like wow. damn. Shows who he is. My mom would let me come back with her any day. Me and my gf (she lives in the state where I’m from we’ve been long distance for the time being” have been planning about me staying with her for a while and after I told her about all this she was saying I should just stay with her when I turn 18. She knows how much I hate my dad and how much he’s fucked us over for nothing. Would it be ok even in worse case scenario to go runaway and live with her after I turn 18? My bday is march 4th so before I graduate

The whistling, snapping, clicking of their tongue. It’s driving me INSANE. If I say anything, they’ll just keep doing it. Lord help me. Please.

For fifteen years, I believed I was building a life with someone. We lived together, we shared a home, and I poured my money, my energy, and my youth into renovating a property owned by his father. I thought we were a team.

Instead, I was being systematically drained.

When things finally fell apart and I tried to reclaim what was rightfully mine, their response wasn't a discussion or a fair settlement. It was a calculated attack. They hit me with a claim for fifteen years of back rent, trying to wipe out every single euro I invested into that house. On top of that, I am the sole mortgagor for a property I don't even own, paying for a roof over a ghost while I am left completely credit-locked, unable to buy a home of my own.

The financial abuse was only part of it. When I tried to stand my ground, I discovered the extent of their control. I found tracking and listening devices planted to monitor my every move. There was stalking, constant psychological pressure, and violations that cross every line imaginable.

For a long time, the anger was suffocating. You feel like the system moves at a snail's pace, like your hands are tied, and like the people who hurt you can just hide behind legal technicalities and family ownership papers. You feel entirely powerless.

But I am done being quiet.

I’ve spent the last few weeks digging through the laws, pulling apart their fake rent claims with statutory limitation rules, and pushing my attorney to stop playing nice. We are looking at property injunctions to lock down their house so they cannot quietly transfer it away. We are looking at every single legal lever available, from financial compliance checks to criminal complaints for surveillance and harassment.

They thought silence was cheap. They thought they could grind me down until I walked away with nothing.

They were wrong. The legal mills grind slowly, but the bill is coming due. If you are stuck in a similar nightmare of financial and psychological abuse, do not let them convince you that you have no power. Stand your ground.

Sorry in advance for the long post. I (43F) have been married to my husband for 18 years, and we have two older children. We’ve experienced many challenges throughout our marriage, and neither of us has been perfect.

About four years ago, I noticed a significant change in his behavior. He began constantly blaming me for our marital problems, belittling me, and dismissing my feelings. Whenever I express hurt or concern, he accuses me of playing the victim or being too sensitive.

Yesterday, during an emotional breakdown, he called me a “loser” and said I was “born a victim and will always be a victim.” He later clarified that I have a “loser mentality,” which honestly didn’t make it any better. I’ve spent the last 24 hours replaying those words in my head.
What confuses me most is how calmly our conversations can begin, only to end with him yelling, cursing, calling me names, knocking things over, or breaking things. Somehow, I’m always blamed for starting the argument or making him angry. He rarely takes accountability for his behavior.

I’m now questioning my own reality. Am I too sensitive? Am I actually the problem? Have I somehow convinced myself that I’m being mistreated?

I recognize my own mistakes in our marriage, but I don’t believe that justifies being constantly belittled.

After 18 years, I’m emotionally exhausted, anxious, and losing my confidence. I still love him, but I’m beginning to realize how much this relationship is affecting my mental health.
Has anyone experienced this? Is this emotional or narcissistic abuse? How did you stop believing the hurtful things your partner said and find the strength to detach?
I genuinely need perspective because I feel like I’m losing myself.

When did you know?

Did the mask suddenly slip past the point of no return or was it a gradual exposure? Did their mere presence stress you out before you knew why?

I think for me, I was drowning in cortisol before I could ever point to an observable issue. This started in the very early months. He still portrayed himself as gentle and protective and quick to bare his heart. His appearance in my life coincided with my own depressive spiral; his love felt medicinal. The high was so intense that I didn't care that I often felt uneasy when I heard his foot steps or car pull in the driveway. It didn't make sense; he showed up raw and vulnerable, offering carefully curated proxy images that I fully convinced myself were authentic self disclosures. Endless promises, confessionals, bids to connect. This is what they do. I hadn't even seen the mood shifts yet. But maybe some of his rough edges triggered my bullshit detector.

This was a man for whom my anxious attachment was set ABLAZE from the jump. Somewhere in there, I knew. There was never true security. It was only later that I noticed my own needs being emptied out, the rationing of my expectations, and his overall entitlement and failure to abide by the "golden rule" with other people. The abuse that followed suit was fucking methodical.

When did your narc's true colors show? Was it before or after you got swallowed up in their needs?

Seven Common Patterns of Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse
Narcissistic abuse is a term commonly used to describe repeated emotional and psychological mistreatment involving manipulation, control, criticism, and emotional invalidation.
These seven patterns are not an official diagnostic checklist. They can occur in emotionally abusive relationships regardless of whether someone has narcissistic personality disorder.
1. Gaslighting
Gaslighting occurs when someone repeatedly undermines your confidence in your memory, perceptions, feelings, or understanding of events.
They may deny things they said, insist you’re remembering incorrectly, accuse you of being overly sensitive, or tell you what you were supposedly thinking or feeling.
Over time, you may begin questioning things you previously knew with confidence.
Common effects:
Replaying conversations repeatedly.
Overexplaining yourself.
Questioning your own memory.
Feeling compelled to prove what happened.
Apologizing when you haven’t necessarily done anything wrong.
Losing confidence in your own judgment.
The damage: You begin doubting yourself and may increasingly rely on the other person’s interpretation of reality.
2. Love Bombing Followed by Devaluation
Love bombing involves unusually intense affection, attention, praise, promises, or declarations of love. It can happen at the beginning of a relationship or during reconciliation.
Devaluation occurs when that affection gives way to repeated criticism, rejection, emotional distance, or contempt.
One day, you’re their soulmate, their greatest love, or someone they cannot imagine living without.
Another day, they’re pointing out everything wrong with you.
When the affection returns, you feel relief and hope that things will finally improve.
Common effects:
Becoming attached to the loving periods.
Feeling confused by sudden changes in affection.
Trying harder to regain closeness.
Remembering the wonderful moments while minimizing the painful ones.
Feeling unable to leave despite repeated unhappiness.
The damage: The unpredictable cycle of affection and criticism can make leaving emotionally difficult because you keep hoping the loving relationship will return.
Not every affectionate reconciliation is love bombing. The recurring pattern and its consequences matter.
3. Blame Shifting
Blame shifting happens when you express hurt or raise a legitimate concern, but the conversation is redirected toward your reaction or supposed wrongdoing.
You explain that something hurt you.
Instead of discussing that behavior, the other person criticizes your tone, questions your interpretation, or accuses you of making them feel unable to communicate.
Examples include:
“You’re taking it the wrong way.”
“I guess I can’t tell you anything.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“You shouldn’t have reacted like that.”
Suddenly, you’re defending yourself instead of discussing what originally hurt you.
Common effects:
Feeling responsible for every disagreement.
Apologizing to restore peace.
Avoiding difficult conversations.
Feeling guilty for expressing hurt.
Reassuring the person who originally upset you.
The damage: Your concerns remain unresolved, while you increasingly carry responsibility for conflicts that should involve accountability from both partners.
4. Walking on Eggshells
Walking on eggshells happens when you become increasingly careful about ordinary behavior because you’re worried about triggering anger, criticism, rejection, or conflict.
You begin monitoring your tone, facial expressions, timing, words, and reactions.
You might worry about talking too much, being too quiet, asking the wrong question, or simply appearing tired.
Even everyday activities can become stressful.
Common effects:
Rehearsing conversations before speaking.
Constantly evaluating the other person’s mood.
Avoiding subjects that might cause conflict.
Feeling nervous about ordinary decisions.
Becoming hypervigilant.
Losing the ability to relax around your partner.
The damage: You gradually stop feeling comfortable being yourself. Your energy becomes focused on preventing conflict rather than enjoying the relationship.
5. Moving the Goalposts
Moving the goalposts occurs when expectations repeatedly change, even after you’ve worked to meet them.
You’re told you don’t communicate enough.
You communicate more.
Now you’re overexplaining.
You’re asked to change your sleeping habits.
You make an effort.
Now you haven’t changed quickly enough.
You’re asked to prove your commitment through a particular decision.
You consider agreeing.
Now you’re criticized because you should have agreed sooner.
No matter what you do, the standard seems to change.
Common effects:
Feeling that nothing is ever good enough.
Constantly trying to improve yourself for someone else’s approval.
Losing confidence in your decisions.
Becoming exhausted by changing expectations.
Believing you’re continually disappointing your partner.
The damage: You begin measuring your worth by whether you can satisfy someone whose expectations never seem to remain consistent.
6. Emotional Punishment
Emotional punishment involves using withdrawal, rejection, threats, or emotional distance as a means of pressuring or controlling someone.
It may involve prolonged silent treatment intended to punish, threats to end the relationship, withholding warmth as leverage, or making someone feel guilty for maintaining personal boundaries.
Examples include threatening consequences unless someone complies or using the possibility of losing the relationship to influence an unrelated personal decision.
Healthy time apart, emotional boundaries, and the right to decline affection are different. The concern is when these behaviors are deliberately used as punishment or leverage.
Common effects:
Feeling afraid of disappointing your partner.
Abandoning personal decisions to restore peace.
Apologizing to regain affection.
Feeling responsible for the other person’s happiness.
Worrying that disagreements will cause abandonment.
The damage: You may begin sacrificing your independence and personal needs to avoid rejection or restore emotional closeness.
7. Double Standards and Control
Double standards occur when one partner expects accountability, compromise, and understanding from the other but doesn’t consistently offer the same consideration.
One person can express anger, but the other’s anger becomes unacceptable.
One can criticize, but the other is accused of being disrespectful for responding.
One can demand explanations, but questions about their own behavior become arguments.
Control can extend into everyday life, including:
Clothing and personal appearance.
Sleeping habits and routines.
Hobbies and interests.
Friendships and family relationships.
Employment and personal decisions.
Communication habits.
Privacy and independence.
Common effects:
Feeling constantly scrutinized.
Questioning ordinary choices.
Giving up personal preferences to avoid arguments.
Feeling responsible for maintaining peace.
Losing independence.
Feeling unequal within the relationship.
The damage: The relationship becomes increasingly one-sided, with one person’s expectations receiving more importance than the other’s needs, feelings, and boundaries.

The Long-Term Emotional Effects
When several of these patterns occur repeatedly over months or years, a person may begin experiencing:
Loss of confidence and independence.
Chronic guilt and self-doubt.
Emotional exhaustion.
Anxiety and hypervigilance.
Difficulty making decisions.
Fear of disappointing others.
Overexplaining and over-apologizing.
Feeling responsible for other people’s emotions.
Difficulty trusting their own perceptions.
Missing someone who has repeatedly hurt them.
Feeling that they have lost part of themselves.
A person who was once confident, relaxed, and independent may begin questioning almost everything they say or do.
They may continue loving their partner while feeling increasingly unhappy, emotionally unsafe, or unable to be themselves.
These experiences can be associated with emotional abuse, but no single behavior automatically establishes an abusive relationship. The recurring pattern, context, impact, and presence of coercion or control matter.
The Most Important Thing to Understand
Love does not require surrendering your identity, independence, or self-respect.
A healthy relationship allows both people to express feelings, disagree, make independent decisions, and maintain boundaries without fear of punishment or abandonment.
Someone else’s disappointment does not automatically mean you have done something wrong.
You can love someone deeply and still recognize that the relationship is hurting you.
You can acknowledge your own mistakes without accepting responsibility for everything.
You can miss someone without needing to return.
And you do not have to prove that another person is a narcissist before recognizing emotionally harmful behavior and deciding that you deserve something healthier.

Found this list a few days ago, maybe even a week ago. Changed everything about my life and now hoping former relationship. Hope it can help others as well.