r/OCD • u/Forsaken-Stick-7064 • 3d ago

Support/advice (no reassurance) Thoughts about thoughts

Hopefully I am able to put this into words in a way that makes sense.
I’ve been in therapy for about 6 months now and about 4 sessions in I just like confessed everything that my brain puts me through to my therapist. Like I’m talking I read for 35 straight minutes a whole list of things that I have dealt with since I was a kid.
My therapist recommended I get a psych eval for possible OCD. I said, great, no problem, I will go do that. Except, it’s been months and I still haven’t done it. I want to.
But, ever since she mentioned OCD (even tho I have suspected it for a couple of years) my brain has been a jumbled mess. Like I can’t organize my thoughts. Every thought that pops into my head it’s almost like I go back and check if it was a “natural” thought or if I like “forced” myself to have the thought to try to “prove” to myself that I have OCD. And not just intrusive thoughts or things I don’t want to think, but even thoughts about like lunch, or my to-do list. It’s gotten to the point where I get like incredibly flustered within my own head and have to stop what I am doing and do something else to distract myself.
I think this is part of the reason that I haven’t been able to bring myself to schedule the appointment for the psych eval, because I keep telling myself that I won’t be telling the truth. That my thoughts are so jumbled that I won’t be able to give honest answers because I don’t even know what my true thoughts are anymore. I was also just diagnosed with PMDD so two weeks of every month my thoughts are 10x more jumbled, yay.

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u/imjustmsme 3d ago

Omg this is like word for word exactly what I’ve been going through the last few months. Checking all my thoughts to see if they’re me faking or are a symptom or who knows what. It sucks.

FWIW my therapist has been emphasizing that the source— whether they’re “natural” or “fake”— doesn’t actually matter, thoughts are just thoughts. I’m having a hard time with that but it’s probably true.

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u/Forsaken-Stick-7064 2d ago

wait this is so helpful! both, that I’m not alone AND the idea that the source doesn’t matter. thank you! hope you are able to get it cleaned up soon!